by Vera Quinn
“You’re not alone and I’m family now. Besides you have my parents, grandparents, and even your mom and great aunt. They may not fully know what’s going on, but they are a great support to you.” I start crying and Mateo pulls me into his arms. “Do you want to leave?” I shake my head and whisper, “No.”
“Okay. Let’s eat this wonderful meal then dance the night away.” I smile and kiss him.
The rest of the night is filled with dancing, laughing, and forgetting all of my problems.
Chapter Seven
The doctor made a follow up appointment with me after the biopsy. Mateo and his mom are with me. My legs are bouncing up and down fast. Mateo is holding my hand. When we went to his family’s house for Sunday dinner, I decided to tell them. Mateo was right. I’m not alone.
“Hello, Ginger. How are you feeling today?” The doctor smiles at me. “Hello, Mateo. Who is this?”
“This is Paula, Mateo’s mom. I’m feeling sore in my breasts but other than that I’m good.”
“The biopsy results came in and I need to talk to you about what's going to happen from here on out. The results have shown that you do in fact have stage two breast cancer.” I break down crying and Mateo gets on the table with me and holds me. “We need to start treatment at once. Surgery is recommended.”
“Are you going to take my breasts?” I ask her.
“The two types of surgeries are lumpectomy or mastectomy—” I stop the doctor from speaking.
“If I choose to do the mastectomy, do I need to do chemo?” I ask her.
“Yes, there is a combination of radiation, chemotherapy and hormone therapy.”
“I’d like to do a mastectomy. I’ve been doing the research since I found out about the lump.”
“I want to start you on chemotherapy to see if we can shrink the tumor and go with a lumpectomy instead so we can save your breasts.” I swallow hard. I look at Paula and she’s taking notes. Mateo holds me. “Chemo will make you sick. It’s very different in every person so I can’t tell you what is going to happen. I’ll prescribe you something for the nausea.”
“Thank you. When can we start?” Mateo asks.
“Let’s get you scheduled as soon as we walk outside. Are there any other questions for me?”
“Will I be able to call and ask questions if I have any about Ginger and her treatment?” Paula asks the doctor.
“Yes, and as long as you are on the approved list, I can tell you anything and everything about Ginger.”
“Can I add her? Mateo’s the only one on my list.” The doctor nods. We leave the waiting room and my legs give out on me. Mateo catches me.
“Easy there, baby.” He kisses my forehead. We set up my first four treatments. I will do once a week for a month then the doctor will do an ultrasound to see if it’s shrinking. I want to do the mastectomy, but the doctor knows best.
Paula takes us out to lunch and tries to get my mind off things by talking about the dance studio.
“Your classes are almost filled up. When we put your bio up on the website, we had so many people calling about you.”
“What am I going to do when I’m too sick from chemo to dance?”
“I’ll back you up. I’m going to record the dance, watch your classes,” Paula tells me. I sniffle. “We’ll take it one day at a time. One class at a time. One treatment at a time. We will kick this cancer’s ass.” Mateo and I laugh because Paula has always tried to not swear in front of us.
“Thank you for being here with me, both of you. I couldn’t have done it without you,” I tell them.
“Hey, no place I’d rather be than with you.” Mateo grabs my hand and kisses the back of my hand. I smile at him. Mateo has been a great support to me over the last month. I can’t believe it’s only been a month; it seems like we’ve been together longer than that. I love this man.
Paula and I drop Mateo off at the studio since he has some work that needs to be done and we go shopping together. It’s nice to not think about, deal with, or even talk about my cancer. Paula treats me like I’m normal, and I am thankful for that.
We arrive at the dance studio so I can work the front desk for a little bit. I need to look over my class roster so I can start mapping out a dance for them. Mateo comes into the office to see how I’m doing and kisses me. The little girls are standing at the window and say gross. We break a part laughing.
Mateo and I have a new routine. He stays with me most nights and has even bought a dresser for his clothes. When we get home from the studio, I do my schoolwork and he works on dance stuff. He cooks and I clean. It’s a perfect combination for us.
My first round of chemo is here and I’m terrified. I don’t start teaching my class until next week so I can see how things are going to work for me. The nurse puts me in a nice comfortable recliner and hooks me up to the machine that will deliver the chemo. She informs me that I’ll be here for about two hours. I put in my ear buds so I can listen to some music that I want to choreograph a dance for my students. I told Mateo and Paula that I’ll text them when I’m almost done with my treatment so one of them can come see me. Mateo and I went to see my mom and Aunt Ethel to tell them about my breast cancer. My mom cried in my arms blaming herself for it. It was a rough visit. I’ll never forget what she said when I walked out of the room.
“Keep your head held high and take this on full speed ahead.” I told her that I will be doing just that.
Dance is going to give me something to look forward to besides Mateo.
Cancer isn’t going to beat me.
Epilogue
Two years later
I can’t believe it’s my wedding already. I thought this day would never come. I found my mom’s wedding dress in a trunk from the storage. I had it cleaned and fitted.
Six months after my breast cancer diagnosis, I had my breasts removed. The tumor wasn’t shrinking as fast as the doctor and I wanted so Mateo and I talked about it. We made the decision together. I wouldn’t be here without him.
It’s a small wedding of the Morales family, some nurses from the nursing home that my mom and Aunt Ethel are in, friends from my school, and the kids from the dance studio.
I look at myself in the mirror one last time before leaving the room. I lost my hair from chemo and radiation. I’m wearing a pink wig in honor of my fight against breast cancer. The wedding march starts to play, and I walk down to see Mateo standing there in a black tux with a pink bow tie.
The ceremony is beautiful, and we cry as we say our vows. The “in sickness and in health” part of the vows hold a very significant meaning to us.
“Mrs. Morales, are you ready to start your forever with me?” Mateo kisses me in the limo that his grandfather rented for us to head to the reception at the dance studio.
“I’ve been spending forever with you since that day at my apartment. If you would’ve asked me that night to marry you, I would’ve said yes.” I kiss him. We tell the driver to take the long way there as Mateo decides to have sex with me in the limo for the first time as husband and wife.
“Limo sex. Check.” I giggle. “One more item off my bucket list.” Mateo made me make a list of what I wanted to do in my life. We’ve been trying to combine our lists and do them together.
“I love you, Mrs. Morales,” he tells me as he kisses my naked back.
“I love you, too, Mr. Morales.”
Mystical Dancer
Miranda Shanklin
Dedication
This is dedicated to my daughter Kynzie and best friend Brandy. They are both amazing dancers. Brandy dances and continues to dance as much as her body allows. She has had to slow way down as she gets older and the stress of dancing takes its toll on her body. My daughter has watched this and as she got her first real injury and had to take three months off of dancing has backed off as well. She never wanted it to be her career, so she still dances just not six days a week anymore. The love of dance is still there. They have just learned the limitations of their bodie
s.
Chapter One
Liv stifles another yawn as she finishes up the class with the five-year-olds. She has noticed the looks she’s been getting from her assistant teachers all day but has been intentionally ignoring them. She isn’t ready for their questions, but this is the last class of the day and there will be no avoiding them now.
Just as she knew would happen as soon as the last child is out the door, Michelle spins toward her with her hands on her hips, eyes squinted, and lips pursed. She is determined to get answers. “Alright, Liv, spill it. What’s going on? You live for Mondays. It’s all the little ones. You never get worn out and you love getting them started on their dance journey. You have drilled it into our heads. We get to teach them the basics that they will use in every dance move for the rest of their lives, correctly.”
Liv sighs and drops her shoulders, letting the exhaustion she feels in her whole body take over as she says “Not to mention it’s good for all of us to review the basics. It’s good technique training for all of us to teach these classes. Why do you think I rotate the teachers through teaching this class?”
Michelle starts to respond to Liv then shakes her head and points at Liv. “Oh no you don’t. You aren’t changing the subject on me. You haven’t answered my question yet.”
Liv was hoping she wouldn’t notice that part. “I’ve just been tired the last few days. You know I’m here six days a week. That is bound to catch up to me every once in a while.”
Ashley joins in the conversation. “You know you don’t have to be here that much. You have plenty of teachers to cover the classes. You’re only here because you want to be. Michelle and I can cover tomorrow. Take tomorrow off and get some rest.”
Liv almost argues, but her body says otherwise. “I think you’re right. I could use a day off. Thank you. I think I will take tomorrow off. If you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me. I’m going home to bed.”
The teachers watch her leave. When she’s gone, Michelle turns to Ashley. “She really doesn’t look good. I think it’s more than her being up here too much. I hope she feels better after taking a day to rest.”
Ashley is still staring at the door Liv had left through. “I have a bad feeling about this. I hope if she still feels this bad tomorrow after getting some sleep, she goes to the doctor.”
The next morning Liv wakes up feeling worse than she did when she went to bed. She calls her doctor to get an appointment and they are able to get her in right away, so she throws on sweats and a t-shirt and heads over.
When the doctor comes in the room, his eyes get a little bigger when he gets a look at her. “What’s going on, Olivia?”
She shrugs her shoulders despondently. “I can’t get rid of this exhaustion. I know teaching at the dance studio six days a week takes a lot out of me, but I’m never this tired.”
“How long ago did this start?”
“Um… Saturday… I think. I’m not really sure. It was bad yesterday. I decided to take today off from the studio, so I went to bed early last night and slept in this morning. It’s worse today.”
“Well, I’m going to be honest with you. You don’t look well at all. You’re really pale and have dark circles around your eyes. You look like you haven’t slept in about a week.”
“That’s the thing. All I do is sleep and I can’t seem to get enough.”
“Well, we’re going to run some blood tests and see what turns up. You could be low on some vitamins or have a hormone imbalance or something simple like that. I don’t want you to worry. The more you worry, the worse you’ll feel. I would say stay off work for the time being. I wouldn’t want you to mess up with one of the little ones at the studio because you’re so tired.”
“I was thinking the same thing and had already planned on that. How long will it take you to get the results of the blood tests?”
“I’m going to have them draw it as soon as we’re done. I should have them tomorrow. When you leave, schedule a time to come in tomorrow and if they give you trouble, tell them I said you have to come in.”
“Okay, at least I don’t have to wait too long.”
The nurse comes in and takes her blood. Liv makes her appointment for the next day with no problems. She makes a call to the studio to tell them she won’t be in tomorrow either, then goes home and sleeps off and on the rest of the day.
It’s a good thing Liv had set an alarm to give her enough time to shower before her appointment the next morning. When her alarm goes off, she finds she doesn’t feel worse but she doesn’t feel any better either. She carefully takes a shower and makes her way to the doctor’s office. She signs in and is immediately taken to an office instead of being told to sit and wait in the waiting room.
She looks around the office, and starts to get scared. This has never happened before, and she’s been going to this doctor for years. This has to mean that they found something bad in her blood work. If it was nothing or a vitamin deficiency, they would have told her in an exam room.
She doesn’t have time to obsess about it because the doctor walks in not even five minutes after she’s left in there. “Olivia, I know it’s scary when they bring you into the office instead of an exam room, but this is because we’re only going over the results and the exam rooms are full.”
She wants to believe him, but he won’t look at her while he’s talking. He’s looking around the room at everything but her. Her heart starts pounding as if it’s trying to escape from her chest, and her palms start sweating. She can feel a stone in her stomach even though she hasn’t eaten anything yet this morning, and she can feel her blood rushing through her veins. She knows he’s about to give her some news that will change her life forever. She really doesn’t want him to continue, but she’s incapable of speech to stop him.
He looks down at the chart in front of him. “Well, let’s get to it then. You don’t have a vitamin deficiency or hormone imbalance. We did find an issue in your blood work though. I had them run this test to rule it out because you were having a few of the symptoms. I never thought it would come back positive. I’m glad I ran it now, though. It seems we caught it early and we will be able to treat it. You have acute myeloid leukemia.”
Everything stops and goes silent. Her pounding heart stops dead, her rushing blood freezes in her veins, the sweat on her palms evaporates, and the stone in her stomach is now lodged in her throat.
He finally looks at her, but still not in the eye. He’s looking at her forehead. She sees why he couldn’t look at her before. He’s trying to hold back tears. He didn’t want to give this news any more than she wanted to hear it. “I’m so sorry.”
“Cancer. Is this some kind of cruel joke? This can’t be happening.”
“I would never joke about something like this. I have a few referrals for you. Doctors you will need to call and set appointments with to start your treatment. I understand if you need a couple days to wrap your head around this, but don’t wait too long to set these appointments up. Time is of the essence on beating this.”
She is on autopilot now. She can’t take any more information in until she can fully process the information he has already given her. She takes the papers he hands her. He realizes she isn’t really taking anything in and writes everything down for her to go through later.
She leaves his office, gets in her car, looks in her rearview mirror, and asks herself, “What now?”
Chapter Two
She walks into her parents’ house and the first thing her mother does is engulf her in a hug. Autopilot switches off and the impact of what she was told hits her. She crumples to the ground, taking her mother with her.
Her mother holds her, rocking her and rubbing her back, letting her sob while they sit just inside the front door. She could always count on her mother to be there for her, whether she knew what was going on or not.
When she is finally able to pull herself together, she pulls away from her mom and dries her eyes while her mom hands her a tissue
to blow her nose. She laughs. “How do you always know when I’m going to show up here a blubbering mess?”
She smiles. “A mother’s intuition, although this one is bigger than I can handle so I had a little help, even though I still don’t know what’s going on.”
Liv looks around and sees her mom’s suitcase sitting next to hers. The stone is back in her stomach, and her hands start shaking. “Mom, why is your suitcase packed and how the hell did mine get here?”
“I went to your apartment and packed yours and brought it here. Before we get to all of that, I need to know what’s going on.”
Liv’s eyes fill up with tears again as she replays the conversation in the doctor’s office in her head. “I have acute myeloid leukemia. I just found out. I left the doctor’s office and the next thing I knew I was here.”
Her mother’s eyes are as big as they can get and tears are streaming down her face. “Now those texts make sense. I’m glad I took them seriously. Okay, everything is ready. We have to leave in about a half hour.”
“Mom, I can’t go anywhere. I have to schedule appointments with specialists and get my treatment started. I can’t just leave the studio.”
She cups her daughter’s face in her hand. “Honey, nothing is more important to me than you. I have already talked to the girls at the studio and told them that you’re going out of town with me for a while and they’re going to have to take care of the studio while you’re gone. They said it was about time. As for your treatment, where we’re going will be the best treatment for you.”
“Della, it’s all ready. I hope we aren’t too late. Serena said first available because cheapest would be too late. Hopefully this one will be in time.”
