It felt so good she temporarily forgot there was a man waiting for her on the other side of her door. Serenity washed quickly, then oiled her body down and dried off. After wrapping a smaller towel around her head, Serenity got out and slipped into the only pair of pajamas she had that covered her body fully.
When she left the bathroom, the sight of Keith half asleep made her smile. He opened his eyes halfway and smiled before they closed again.
“Sorry I took so long,” Serenity offered.
“It’s cool. Come lay with me.”
With no hesitation, Serenity made her way into bed. Next to his side. Onto his chest. Her hand slid up and down his six pack while his caressed her back.
“You smell so good,” Keith complimented, hand lowering to her ass. He gave it a squeeze, then let it rest there.
“Thank you. For everything. I hate to admit this, but today was really therapeutic.”
“Yea?”
“Yea.”
“How so?”
Serenity lifted herself and rested her weight on her elbow so she could look into his eyes.
“It opened my eyes to the fact that… I…” Her eyes watered as she sat up fully. Keith did the same.
“You don’t have to talk about it if it’s too hard.”
“I guess I’m just… coming to grips with this and it’s a lot harder than I expected it to be.” She took his hand into hers and swallowed. “But this was necessary, and eye opening, and life changing, and… just thank you.”
Serenity bent down and placed a quick kiss to his lips. She smiled softly at the feel of his hand cupping the back of her neck.
“I need more than that, Serenity.”
Biting down on her lip, Serenity giggled until he pulled her down and his lips covered hers. What started out as a few harmless pecks turned into slow, erotic tongue tangling that had Serenity moaning as Keith’s hand exploded her body.
Keith pulled away to say, “As much as I would love to be inside of you, I don’t want you to think that’s what today is about. I would be more than okay with holding you until you fall asleep.”
While Serenity would have been okay with things going to the next level, the fact that he wanted to wait made her want him more.
“I would love to cuddle the night away with you.”
She rested her head on his chest, memorizing the rhythmic beat of his heart, because there was something… something in the pit of her that told her this would be the last time she heard it.
4
Because sometimes, love is all you need.
Serenity had been up long enough to wash her face and brush her teeth before there was a tap on her door. Since she hadn’t ordered room service, Serenity had no clue who was on the other side of the door as she walked over to it. She looked out of the peephole, cursing under her breath at the sight of Jamere.
Jamere.
The man she was supposed to be marrying in a matter of hours.
Serenity let a few seconds pass before she opened the door. Not much time had passed since they’d been apart, but Serenity took the time to familiarize herself with every part of him. His tall, muscular build. Walnut brown skin. Low cut fade. Stubbly beard. Full skin colored lips. Piercing brown eyes. He unfolded his tattoo covered arms and took a natural step in her direction, still remaining outside of the room.
“Hey, good morning,” Jamere spoke.
“Good morning.”
“I’m sorry about the other night. I meant to be at the bar at eight as expected but Rittany called talking about her boyfriend put her and the kids out. So I had to meet her to get my daughter. I know I should have called and told you but…”
“It wasn’t a priority to you. Because when it comes down to your kids… nothing else matters. And as much as you don’t want to accept it, I don’t even matter. Not in those moments. Not even enough to warrant a phone call.”
“Baby, I’m sor-”
“Stop,” Serenity gritted, eyes sealing shut as she inhaled a deep breath. Her eyes opened as she exhaled. “Stop apologizing for loving your kids and being there for them.”
“I’m not apologizing for that. I’m apologizing for not communicating with you. But I’ll do better.”
“Ren, you good?”
At the sound of Keith’s voice Serenity’s heart dropped. She was hoping he was a heavy enough sleeper to not hear her and Jamere but that obviously wasn’t going to be the case. When he approached her at the bar, Serenity was sure it was fate. That wasn’t the first time Jamere hadn’t shown up like he said he would, but it was going to be the last time Serenity waited around for him.
“Yes,” she answered softly as Keith gathered his clothing from on top of the desk.
The entire time he dressed Jamere stared at her and Serenity avoided his gaze until Keith walked over to them.
“Who is this, Serenity?”
“Jamere, Keith. Keith, Jamere.”
Keith gave her a hug and said into her ear, “You have my number. Call me if you need me and remember what I said. Choose the path that gives you peace.”
“Thank you again. For everything.”
Keith released her and stared into her eyes for a few seconds before walking out of the room.
“You cheated on me?” Jamere asked, closing the door behind him.
“I’m single, and not that it concerns you, but I didn’t have sex with him. We only kissed.” Jamere’s head plunged as he released a hard breath. “Listen to me, Jamere.” She lifted his head with her palm. “He helped me realize that… for the bulk of our relationship, I’ve been jealous of you.”
Jamere took her hand into his as he repeated, “Jealous?”
“Yes. Of the bond that you have with your siblings. Your children. You’re living your purpose. Doing what you were called to do and what you’re passionate about and making good money while doing it. I don’t have any of that. Because I’ve been existing instead of living.”
Her eyes watered as she leaned against the wall weakly.
“Because I’ve worked jobs that mean nothing to me and been in relationships trying to be loved by men when I’ve struggled with loving and accepting myself. Yes, your exes cause a hell of a lot of drama, but for the most part you’ve handled them well, and Haisley’s stunt was out of your hands. The truth of the matter is, I won’t be satisfied with you or any other man until I’m satisfied with me.”
Jamere’s voice was strained as he asked, “What are you saying, Serenity?”
Even though tears were streaming down her eyes she smiled because for the first time in a really long time she felt peace with what she’d decided to do.
“Yesterday, Keith did everything I asked you to do. He made me a priority, took me to the movies, crashed a family reunion. Hell, we even ran from the police. But none of those things mattered because I wasn’t doing them with the man I wanted to be doing them with. I wasn’t doing them with you.” She took Jamere’s hands into hers. “But I can’t settle for less than I deserve. I have my issues, and you have them too. You suck at communicating and prioritizing. Period.” Jamere nodded in agreement. “That doesn’t negate the fact that I know you love me, but if I settle for less now you won’t have a reason to do better by me later. So, I think we should continue on with the wedding being canceled.”
Jamere pulled his hands out of hers but she continued.
“I need time to focus on me and become a better version of myself, and whether you want to accept it or not… you do too. And you need to realize that even though I love you, you aren’t irreplaceable. As much as I love you, I have to love me more. And if you can’t give me what I need I have to leave. In no way do I expect you to be less active in your children’s lives…” They had had this conversation so many times she became drained before she could even finish it. That’s what messed with her most. Being so hurt by something that he didn’t see anything wrong with. And that disconnect… it had slowly become their bonds undoing.
“You just wa
nt me to be more active in yours too,” Jamere finished for her, for the first time.
“Yes. Exactly.”
Serenity waited with bated breath for him to reply. It didn’t really matter what he said because this was what she needed. Desperately. Before she took on any man’s last name… she had to figure out her own identity first.
“How long do you need?”
“A year.”
Jamere nodded softly. His head tilted as he looked her over.
“I can give you that.”
Serenity smiled as he closed the space between them.
“I don’t expect you to wait for me, Jamere.”
“But I will, because I want you to wait for me. You’re right, I got a hell of a lot of issues. In my past, I left women instead of seeing to them, but I can’t do that with you because I love you. And I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with you. So if that means we have to go a year without talking or a year going to counseling as friends while we work on ourselves individually… that’s what we’re going to do.”
Her eyes watered again, but not out of sadness. Out of happiness. Because although this wasn’t what she expected him to say, Lord knows it was what she wanted to hear. But was it what she needed? Because just as quickly as she was filled with happiness was as quickly as her heart dropped. And ached. And that happiness of the moment that was happening did nothing to negate the fact that she hadn’t felt joy in a while.
Jamere pulled her into his arms before her tears started to fall.
“So I was right?” He asked, smile evident in his voice. “Love is enough?”
Serenity laughed quietly as she held him tighter. “No, baby, you were wrong.” His grip around her loosened, allowing Serenity to weakly pull herself from his embrace. “Or maybe you’re right.” She chuckled as she wiped her face. “Maybe love is enough, but… I just… can’t do this, Jamere. It doesn’t feel like the love I need. What I want. What I was expecting. I can’t be with you just because you look great on paper. Because I’m knocking on thirty. I owe myself more. Yes, I’m due for love, but maybe that means I just need to love myself more. I can’t even accept the thought of us getting together in a year. If it happens, great. But right now, I just need to focus fully on me.”
He took a step away from her.
“That’s fair. You can’t stop me from waiting and working on myself to be the man you need, though.” Jamere placed a kiss on her cheek before looking her over once more with a long exhale and walking away. His hand wrapped around the doorknob as he asked, “Why did you wait so long to say something, baby? Why did you let it get to the point to where it would be this hard for me to fix?”
Serenity wiped her face as she shrugged. “Because… I would have rather been with you and your issues than be alone. But I can’t deal with that toxicity anymore. It’s not even your fault. That was my choice.”
Jamere’s head tilted as his shoulders hung. “You know what the fucked up part of it all is?” Her head shook, as if he could see her. “I love you enough to admit that I ain’t the best thing going for you, Serenity. You do deserve better. And I have been half assing with this because you let me.” Jamere turned to face her. “But I don’t want to let you go. Just let me work on me while you work on you, and if I don’t earn you… I will gladly make room for the next man to give you what I can’t.”
Serenity found herself agreeing with him yet again. Except this time, she knew that no matter what happened, she was going to put herself first.
Epilogue
Nineteen Months Later
“Even with all the children I’ve had, this still blows my mind, Serenity.”
Jamere’s hand rested on Serenity’s stomach as her baby boy kicked. “You can’t tell me there is no God. How else would you explain this shit, man?” His head shook as he dropped his hand.
“Yea.” Her smile widened as her hand replaced his. “Creation of any kind has always been proof of His existence to me. But this?” Her head shook. “A small little human being being inside of another… Jesus.”
The bell atop her door chimed, gaining both of their attention. Her event planning boutique had been open for about four months, and Serenity couldn’t have been more proud of herself. Or fulfilled. Not only had she given birth to her dream career, but she was two months away from giving birth to her first child.
It may have been hard to do but taking time to herself was the best thing she’d ever done.
“What’s going on?” Keith spoke, extending his hand for Jamere to shake.
“Can’t call it. I was just dropping off the balance due for Serenity to plan my baby girl’s birthday party. You know I can’t let nobody else do it now. She got all my kids spoiled.”
Keith smiled as he wrapped his arm around Serenity’s shoulder. For her year long search of self, Keith was there at her side every step of the way. As a friend. As her support system. As the man that was slowly falling… no… growing just as deeply in love with her as she was with him. And the moment her year was up, they consummated their relationship and Keith Jr. was conceived.
Jamere had stuck around too. As he promised, he worked on becoming a better version of himself. In the process, he realized the amount of neglect he’d subjected Serenity to. It wasn’t because he didn’t love her or care for her, he simply had too many things on his plate, and love wasn’t a priority.
Not in that moment at least.
He’d realized, a lot of his issues with women stemmed from the issues he had with his own parents. And that he probably wouldn’t have a healthy relationship with any woman until he fixed the relationship he had with them and himself. As he promised, Jamere graciously stepped to the side and allowed Serenity the space she needed to develop her relationship with Keith, but he supported her business and journey in any way he possibly could.
“Don’t I know it. I let her plan my mama’s party last month and she’s still raving about it. Talking about I can’t take her out to dinner for her birthday again because that’s not good enough. She got my mama acting bougie on me, now I gotta foot the bill every year.”
“Well, you’re my baby daddy, so I’ll give you a discount,” Serenity teased, wrapping her arms around Keith.
“Baby daddy? I promised you that you would have my last name before our son got here. I meant that shit, Serenity.”
Serenity’s smile lowered as the throbbing in her chest matched the throbbing between her legs.
“I know that look. Let me get out of here.” Jamere dropped the envelope of cash onto her desk as he laughed.
“Bye, crazy. And I can tell by the thickness of that envelope that it’s more than what I told you. I’ll give you the rest at the party.”
“As many kids as I got, just put it towards the next party.” Jamere tossed her a wink and Keith a nod over his shoulder before leaving.
Serenity waited until he left to sigh and return her eyes and attention to Keith. “Hey, baby,” she purred, lifting herself on the tips of her toes to give him a proper greeting. Keith pecked her lips once, moaning into them as he kissed her again and squeezed her ass.
“How my big baby doing?”
Serenity smiled as his nose brushed against her neck.
“Good.”
He placed a kiss to her neck before asking, “And my lil’ baby?”
“Better.”
“May I take you to lunch? Or do you have someone else coming in?”
“No, I’m good for the afternoon. Brittany should be back from her lunch break soon, so if anyone comes in she can take care of it. Let me grab my coat and purse from the back and I’ll be ready to go.”
If you would have told her that close to two years after she called off her wedding with Jamere that he would be one of her best friends and best supporters as she created the life she’d always wanted for herself, she would have laughed until she cried.
But that was life. And love. Both had a funny way of showing you that you weren’t always in control. B
ut the moment you took control… you had the power to create something magical.
When Serenity walked back into the front room and saw Keith on one knee, ring box open in his hand, she gasped as her purse and coat fell from her hands.
“Wha–whachu doing?” she asked, voice trembling as she covered her mouth.
Keith grinned, covering his mouth as he chuckled. “Making a believer out of you.” He pointed in front of him as he told her, “Come here.”
Slowly, Serenity made her way over to him. Over to the man that helped her heal and become whole. The man who showed her that it was okay to love and trust the most sacred parts of herself with a man who understood their value and gave as much as she did.
He took her left hand into his and looked up into her eyes. “I wanted you to have the special proposal you deserve, but I also wanted this time to be different from the first. Because I want our engagement to end with a marriage that lasts for the rest of our lives.” Keith inhaled deeply as his head lowered briefly. He swallowed hard, giving her a brief glimpse of the not so confident side of him that he always kept hidden. “I knew I loved you when you laughed at me running from the police and crashed a family reunion with me.” They both shared a soft chuckle as Keith used her hand to pull her even closer. “And I know I’ll love you a million times, ways, and days more. Will you marry me, Serenity?”
Her head nodded with no hesitation until she managed to get out a quiet, “Yes,” before her lips trembled and snapped shut. Tears fell from her eyes as Keith slid the ring onto her finger. Once he had it on securely, he stood and took her into his arms, and Serenity’s body shivered from not being able to get into his chest fast enough.
Sometimes, love wasn’t enough.
Sometimes, love was enough.
Sometimes, love was all you had.
Sometimes, love was all you wanted.
Sometimes, love was all you needed.
All that mattered… was that above all… you loved yourself. Because if you did, everything else fell into place.
Due for Love Page 3
