I Promise

by Robin Jones Gunn

  “Now, I want you to know,” Mom began, “that this is just an idea, based on what you showed me in your pictures. I don’t know if you would be interested. If you’re not, please feel free to say so, because you certainly won’t hurt my feelings.”

  Christy was beginning to feel nervous. If Mom was going to suggest Christy wear her wedding dress, Christy knew it would be a problem. Mom was shorter, for one thing. And Christy and her mom rarely shared the same taste.

  “Do you see how the bodice is cut?” Mom asked, unwrapping the dress.

  Christy nodded in surprise. It was the same style as the dress in the picture she had cut out. Not too scooped and slightly off the shoulders.

  “These could be made into three-quarter-length sleeves,” Mom said. “I know the skirt would be too short, but we could replace it with a long skirt and the wide waistband you mentioned. You could have any train length you wanted.”

  Christy examined the top of the dress. The scoop was just low enough to show the collarbones, and she loved the fabric. “What is this?”

  “The material? I don’t know. It’s a blend of some sort that was very popular in my day. I don’t know if my idea is any help . . .”

  “May I try it on?” Christy asked.

  “It will be too big on you,” Mom said. “And too short.”

  “That’s okay. I’d like to see how the top fits.”

  “All right.”

  Mom closed the bedroom door, even though they were the only ones home. Christy pulled her sweat shirt over her head and wiggled out of her jeans.

  With her mom’s help, Christy slid into the gown. As predicted, the dress was too big and too short, but the neckline was perfect.

  “I like your idea, Mom. I would love to have your wedding gown made into my wedding gown. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  Mom’s face softened in a sweet smile. “Oh, Christy, I would love nothing more. Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

  “Yes!” Christy pushed up the sleeves in an attempt to visualize them as three-quarter length. A cough welled up in her throat, and she turned her head and coughed for several seconds.

  “It would be easy to change these into three-quarter-length sleeves,” Mom said. “This will be a nice style no matter what season you finally decide on for your wedding.”

  Christy wondered if she should tell her mom about the potential May 22 wedding date. If she did, she would also have to explain about how she and Todd wanted the ceremony and reception in a meadow instead of a church. At this moment, she had neither the voice nor the energy to approach the complicated subject.

  Fortunately, her mom went on to another topic. “I don’t know if it would be hard to match the material for the skirt, but we could try. I’m sure I can buy a pattern and make the skirt. But what about the embroidered flowers? It sounded as if that was the part you liked the most about the dress you saw. I don’t think I’d want to attempt embroidery. Maybe we can find someone who does that.”

  “I could do it,” Christy said.

  Mom looked surprised.

  Christy cleared her throat and in a whisper said, “I never told you, but one of the things I learned in Switzerland was embroidery. I spent hours at the orphanage embroidering handkerchiefs and pillowcases with the older girls.”

  “You’re right, I didn’t know that.”

  “It was a skill they could use to make salable items. Some of them were really quick and good at the details. I worked on a lot of pillowcases and a couple of tablecloths. They were finished by the girls and sold, so I didn’t bring anything home that I had worked on. I think I could do it. And I think that’s why the wedding gown in the magazine caught my eye. The embroidery reminded me of that year of my life.”

  “Let’s give it a try,” Mom said. “I’ll take the dress apart and shorten the sleeves this weekend. You can take the bodice with you and work on the embroidery at school. If you want, we could run to the fabric store now to find a pattern and the material for the skirt. I’m sure they have a book of embroidery patterns, as well. Let me get a tape measure.”

  Christy stood still, with her arms outstretched. Mom measured her and estimated how much fabric they would need for the skirt.

  “One thing we should both keep in mind,” Mom said as she wrote down the measurements. “We should have enough time before the wedding for you to change your mind. It won’t hurt my feelings if we get into this and discover it’s too big of a project or if it’s not turning out the way you would like.”

  Christy nodded. She had all kinds of optimistic thoughts about the dress turning out exactly as she wanted. Then she wondered if this was her mom’s way of backing out of the project gracefully.

  “Mom, if you’re thinking it’s too big of a challenge, we can stop. I’d hate for you to tear your wedding dress into a bunch of pieces, but then we didn’t end up using it.”

  “We will never know unless we try,” Mom said in her matter-of-fact way. “I think we can do this.”

  Christy gave her mom a big hug and whispered in her ear, “Thank you for sacrificing your wedding gown for me.”

  “It’s not a sacrifice, honey. It’s what I have to give. All the time you were growing up I wanted to give you so much more than we had. When Marti stepped in and treated you to so much during your teen years, I thought you would grow to resent me.”

  “No, Mom, not at all.”

  “I know my sister means well, but she called again yesterday asking if you were well enough to go up there and work on wedding plans. She reminded me that she and Bob want to pay for whatever expenses Dad and I can’t cover.”

  Christy’s heart went out to her mom, whose face had taken on a melancholy expression.

  “Please don’t take this to mean that your father and I don’t want them to help out with the wedding. It’s fine with us if she and Bob help. I know it would make them happy, and it means we can make your wedding nicer than what your father and I could afford. But I wanted to have one thing to give you that was mine.”

  “And you’re giving me your wedding gown,” Christy whispered warmly.

  “Such as it is.”

  Christy smiled. “I already know that my dress will be one of my favorite parts of the wedding.”

  “I hope it will be.” Mom’s round face had a warm glow. “Actually, sweetheart, I have a feeling the favorite part of your wedding will be your honeymoon.”

  For the next twenty minutes, Christy and her mom sat close together on the edge of the bed. Christy was still wearing her mom’s wedding dress. She sat perfectly straight, being careful not to crumple any part of it.

  It struck Christy that she wasn’t a little girl playing dress-up in her mommy’s wedding gown, as she had once attempted to do. This was real. Not pretend. She was a woman, listening to another woman talk in hushed tones about the beauty and sanctity of giving herself to her husband on their wedding night.

  Mom’s choice of words was delicate. She spoke in generalities, saying she regretted that her shyness had kept her from having such an important and intimate conversation with Christy before now. Christy said she didn’t know if she would have appreciated such a conversation with her mom before.

  “I know that Todd and you have made wise and mature choices,” Mom said. “It shows in the way you look at each other and the way you treat each other. You’ll benefit from the rewards of such deep respect.”

  More intensely than ever Christy understood the power of virginity. Not only for Todd and her but also for their children. She realized that one day she might sit on the edge of her marriage bed with her own daughter, having this same conversation. How powerful to look her daughter in the eye, as her mother was now looking at her, and to say without a speck of regret, “Your father and I both waited for each other, and it was worth it.”

  With renewed determination, Christy promised herself that no matter how many months or years she and Todd had to wait until their wedding night, she would continue to save this
priceless gift that could only be given once. This gift from God that would be given to only one man, a man who had saved himself for her, as well.

  By the time Christy slipped out of the wedding gown and left for the fabric store with her mom, she felt as if she had met her mother for the first time. She also knew that the closeness of their newly established friendship would last for the rest of their lives.

  9 Christy’s favorite part of her first day back on campus after Christmas vacation was having breakfast with Todd at “their” table by the window in the cafeteria. Her flu bug was gone. Her voice was back, and she had done a lot of planning over the weekend. She and Todd had talked on the phone several times after he returned from Mexico, but this was the first time they had been together in a week.

  Christy had her wedding notebook with her, and the first thing she said to Todd when she sat down was, “Are you ready to get organized?”

  “Organized?” Todd asked.

  “For our wedding.”

  “Sure. I see you have a list going.”

  “Yes, I do.” Christy turned to the first page and dived in. “We should set a time to look at rings this week. I have my wedding dress pretty well figured out, but you don’t get to know anything about it or see it, so that point doesn’t include you. We need to start looking at wedding invitations and to decide on the number of guests before we make a decision on the food. As soon as we have a date, we need to make airline reservations because my aunt said yesterday that some flights to Maui fill up quickly. Have you talked to the associate pastor yet about setting up our premarital counseling sessions?”

  Todd leaned back and grinned broadly. “I love you.”

  “Don’t get mushy on me.” Christy pulled a pen from her backpack. “We have work to do.”

  Todd laughed. “Don’t you think we should go to the administration office first? Then we’ll know if May twenty-second is okay for us to hold the ceremony in the meadow. We can work back from there.”

  “Okay, but we can talk about a few things while we eat. For instance, how many attendants do you want to have? I’ve asked Katie to be my maid of honor, but I’m not sure who else to ask. Tracy, of course. That’s assuming we get married in May. Their baby is due in July, right?”

  Todd stopped eating his scrambled eggs and suspended his fork in midair. “What do you think about naming our first daughter Juliet? She could go by Julie so she wouldn’t get slaughtered with Romeo jokes.”

  “Todd, you’re getting mushy again,” Christy said with half a grin. She knew Doug had discussed baby names with Todd while they were in Mexico. Todd had told her on the phone a few nights ago that Doug and he had come up with the name Daniel for the baby, if it was a boy. Christy hadn’t talked to Tracy yet to find out how she felt about that name. The guys hadn’t suggested a girl’s name.

  “I looked it up in a book Doug had,” Todd continued. “Juliet means ‘youthful one.’ I like that. Although I’ve always liked Hawaiian names because of the way they sound like a little song when you say them. Maybe we could give our kids Hawaiian middle names. What do you think?”

  Christy put down the pen and gave Todd a stern look. Inside, her heart was dancing. He was thinking about their children’s middle names, just as she had been when she wrote him the letter last week. Maybe they weren’t so opposite in their thinking after all.

  With a forced expression of firm seriousness, Christy said, “Do you want to talk mushy or business? Make up your mind.”

  Todd laughed. “Okay, okay. Mushy later. Business now.”

  A grin escaped as Christy lowered her voice. “And when we do talk mushy later, you can talk as mushy as you want for as long as you want. I love it when you dream aloud.”

  “Dream aloud,” Todd repeated. “That’s what it is, isn’t it? I like that, Kilikina. For so many years you and I didn’t know what the future held for us so we had to keep all our dreams to ourselves. I’m glad we did that. It would have been unfair to both of us if we had started to dream aloud before we were engaged.”

  “I agree, Todd. You have no idea how deeply I take dreams into my heart, and how tightly I hold on to them.”

  “It’s the same for me,” Todd said. “I would have to say that we managed to do a couple of things right. Like the piggy bank. That was a good idea.”

  Christy knew Todd was referring to something they had discussed months ago. Because it had been difficult for them to hold back when they wanted to physically express their affection for each other, they had come up with the image of each of them having a piggy bank. Whenever they wanted to give the other a kiss, they could stop and evaluate if they truly wanted to spend that kiss at that moment or to save it in the piggy bank. They knew that if they saved most of their physical expressions and spent only a tiny portion now, they both would enter their marriage wealthy in saved-up physical expressions.

  “And that night after we went caroling, and you said we were at a red light—that helped me a lot,” Christy said.

  “It’s getting more difficult, though, isn’t it?” Todd asked.

  Christy had a pretty good idea she knew what he was talking about, but she felt too shy to actually say it.

  Todd leaned across the small corner table where they sat by the window. “It’s getting more difficult, but we have to wait another 135 days.”

  Christy felt little bubbles of anticipation rise in her heart. “Is that how long until May twenty-second? Only 135 more days?” She sat up straighter. “Well, then, we better get going on this list. We have a lot to do in the next 135 days.”

  Todd reached across the table and grasped Christy’s hand before she could pick up the pen. “Come on, Kilikina, stop with the list for just a moment. Tell me, haven’t you thought about it? Us becoming one? Giving ourselves to each other?”

  As Christy looked into Todd’s wide eyes, she was surprised she didn’t feel herself blushing. This was the man she was going to marry. In 135 days, she would give herself completely to him. And they would enjoy each other for the rest of their lives. She wasn’t embarrassed to think about that or to talk about it with him. It made her think of the account in Genesis that said Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed.

  Moving her chair next to Todd’s, leaning close and choosing her words carefully, Christy said, “Todd, with all my heart I long to be yours. I know that I’m going to love you so completely and with so much passion that I promise you, Todd Spencer, you’re going to be the happiest man who ever lived.”

  Todd appeared surprised and delighted with her words. Tears glistened in the corners of his eyes. He wrapped both his arms around Christy and pulled her close. Burying his face in her neck, Todd whispered into her long hair, “And I will make you the happiest woman who ever lived, my Kilikina. I promise.”

  As they drew apart, Christy’s heart pounded so hard it seemed to reverberate in her throat and in her ears.

  “You know what? I don’t think we should dream aloud about that part of our future again,” Todd said in a husky voice.

  Christy nodded.

  “Or at least not until after we stand under our trellis in the meadow 135 days from now,” Todd said firmly. He pulled back and looked at his unfinished breakfast as if he had forgotten what scrambled eggs looked like.

  Christy scooted her chair back to her side of the table and took a sip of her orange juice. She doodled a flower-laced trellis at the top of the list. Their wedding arch was becoming a symbol of the passing from one stage of life into another for Todd and her.

  Both of them had held on to the symbolism of a certain bridge in Hawaii that had represented life passages for them. She wondered if their wedding arch could be covered with vines and tropical flowers the way the bridge at Kipahulu had been. Todd would like that.

  “Hi, kids, am I interrupting anything here?” Katie pulled up a chair to their small table. “I’ll leave if you two want to be alone.”

  “Yeah, we want to be alone more than you can guess,” Todd said. “B
ut we’ll wait 135 more days for that.”

  “Oh-kay.” Katie glanced at Christy. “I don’t think I want to know what you two were just talking about, but I have a pretty good idea.”

  “Have you been to our room yet?” Christy asked.

  “No, I just got back on campus. I have a class in twenty minutes. I told my new boss I’d come to work early, so you probably won’t see me again until after eleven tonight.”

  “Is today your first day at The Dove’s Nest?” Todd asked.

  “Yep.” Katie reached for half a bagel on the corner of Todd’s plate. “Are you going to eat that?”

  “Help yourself. You want me to get you some eggs?” Todd offered.

  Katie grinned. “Would you? You are such a sweetheart, Todd. You should have seen him in Mexico, Chris. He was Mr. Servant of All.”

  “Rick and you were the real heroes,” Todd said, rising from his chair. “We couldn’t have pulled it off if it weren’t for the way you two ran the kitchen.”

  He walked away, and Katie turned to Christy. “What he’s really saying is that it took two of us to do your job, Christy. We all missed you so much. You should have heard your honey. He talked about you constantly. All the girls in the youth group wanted to know if you were going to invite them to your wedding.”

  Then, glancing over her shoulder as if to make sure they were alone, Katie lowered her voice. “I have to talk to you.”

  Christy waited.

  “Not here. Not now. Do you have any time open today before I go to work?”

  “I only have two classes this morning, and I don’t have to be at work in the bookstore until two.”

  Katie twisted her mouth in a perplexed expression. “I don’t think it’s going to work with my schedule. I’ll just talk to you when I get back to our room tonight.” Todd returned with eggs for Katie and another bagel for himself. They chatted about how great the Mexico trip was and all the people they had met at the orphanage. Christy wished she could have gone, but she was glad for the time she had with her mom and all the planning she had done.