by Katy Kaylee
She hissed out a breath.
“Okay?”
“Yes, more.” Her hand pushed my head back to her pussy.
I smiled. “You smell like sunshine and taste like honeysuckle.” I dragged my tongue down her pussy lips, swirling just inside her entrance, but not too far. Then I licked back up to her clit. I wrapped my lips around it and sucked.
“Oh God, Rafe, that’s so good…don’t stop…right there.”
Wanting to repay her for bringing a little light into my dark life and even darker day, I fucked her with my tongue and lips until she was writhing beneath me.
Then her hips bucked up, and her sweet pussy juice coated my tongue. I gave her little kisses to bring her down, and then moved up her body and kissed her, so she could taste herself.
“See, sunshine and honeysuckle.”
She squished her nose.
“There might be a little of what I deposited there earlier as well, but not gross, right?”
“No.” She looked at me with eyes that looked a little dazed. “This isn’t a dream, is it?”
“No, my sweet Summer, it isn’t.” I cradled her to me, wishing I could bottle her goodness and light and take it with me back to Iraq. At least if I died there, I’d have that part of her with me.
“Can I make you come too?” She pushed me onto my back and sat up. My dick was already at a full salute.
“Yes.” I reached between her thighs and scooped up a little of her wetness with two fingers and then ran it over my dick. Then I took her hand, wrapped it around me, and slowly stroked it. “A little tighter.” As soon as she had the right pressure and speed, I released her hand and laid back with my eyes closed to savor her jerking me off.
“I can’t believe that was inside me.”
I smiled. “You took it all, baby.”
She giggled, which was a reminder of how young she was. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. Before I could rethink it, I felt softness on my tip. I opened my eyes to find those innocent lips wrapped around my dick’s helmet.
“Aw fuck, Summer.” I was right. Her mouth looked perfect on my cock. My hips lifted, wanting to fuck those pretty little lips.
Her hand continued to stroke down near the base, while her lips focused on the tip of my cock.
“That’s right, oh…fuck that’s good…” Electricity sizzled along my cock as she worked more and more of it into her mouth. I watched her head bob up and down, her hair brushing over my abs. I wanted to ingrain this moment into my brain. It would star in every jerkoff session I had from now on.
I wanted it to last forever, but nature had other ideas. “Summer, I’m going to come.” I pushed her head away, and put my hand over hers, increasing the speed and pressure as my hips bucked up and down, fucking her hand.
“Ah...shit, yes…there…” I shot off the first stream, nearly hitting Summer in the face before it landed on my chest. To her credit, she didn’t try to let go. The second and third shots landed on my stomach.
It took me a couple of minutes to regroup, but when I did, Summer was studying my cum.
She ran a finger through it. “It’s milky.”
“It’s messy.” I took her hand. “Let’s go for a skinny dip.”
My six weeks home were a mixture of grief at losing my grandmother and dealing with her estate, and complete bliss with my secret affair with Summer.
Then there was the sadness and feeling of helplessness about Gavin. I understood what was going on with him. I knew all about the dreams that made you not want to sleep. About the inability to hear loud noises or even helicopters without the urge to duck or run for cover. While I had all my limbs, that didn’t mean I couldn’t empathize with the life-changing impact that losing a body part would have. And so, I couldn’t blame him for drinking his pain and terror into oblivion.
But Jesus, he had the love of a good woman in Lainey, a devoted sister, and supportive father. If he couldn’t make it, what did that say about all the other vets who didn’t have any of that? What did that say about my future?
Summer asked me why I re-enlisted after my four-year term instead of taking the last four years in reserves, but what else would I do? I was an MP, so I might be able to get a job in law enforcement in the civilian world, but home felt alien to me now. Only when I was with Summer did I feel any sense of contentment and safety.
But our time together was running out. I’d be heading back to base in three days, and by next week, I’d be back in Iraq. At least I’d have my dog again.
The thought of leaving Summer twisted in my chest. It felt like I was going to leave my lungs behind and I wouldn’t be able to breathe. Did that mean I was in love with her? I pushed that thought away. I couldn’t afford to love. Even more, I couldn’t afford to let her love me. Chances were, I was going to die. She didn’t need that. I couldn’t let this weakness in my heart make me a pussy. I needed to be strong. The Marine’s required it. Not just physically, but mentally.
But Jesus, I didn’t know how I was going to be able to look into those hazel eyes and say goodbye.
“Rafe?”
I turned to where Summer lay next to me in my bed in my grandmother’s house. I hoped to hell my grandmother wasn’t watching down on me because she would have had an eyeful…and an earful. The way Summer took to sex was a joy and delight. She was curious and we did a few things I’d never thought of based on her curiosity.
But as I looked at her, I realized that saying goodbye would kill something inside us both. Something inside me said that this night would have to be the last night.
“Yes.” I rolled her underneath me, wanting to make the most of the time we had.
“You okay? You seem like you’re off in another world.”
I was. I was in Iraq when what I needed was to be here, in the moment, with Summer. “I was trying to think of some new ways to debauch you.”
She grinned. “We should get that Kama Sutra book. I bet it would take years to get through that.”
There she went again, talking like we had a future. She knew our time was limited, but I think it made her feel better to act like we had more time than this moment. I liked it too, I supposed, because I never countered it.
“No upside-down poses though.” I sucked on her nipple, wondering what she’d think if I’d suggested my fucking her tits. Just the thought of my dick sliding between those two fantastic globes made my cock go harder.
“I agree.” She sighed as I moved to her other breast. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”
I stilled, hating that I was prolonging a difficult goodbye. I was going to leave, and even if I didn’t die, I wouldn’t likely come back the same man I was today. I was already vastly different from the boy who left six years ago. Chances were, if I lived, I’d be like Gavin, and Summer didn’t need that.
No, she needed to find a good man who’d love her and make beautiful babies with her, and support her goals to help children. My stomach turned to acid thinking about another man touching her, but there was no other option if I wanted her to be happy.
But I could try to give her a memory of me. One that she could take with her. Maybe she’d use it to pleasure herself while I was gone. And maybe someday, if her husband had trouble satisfying her, she could use the memory to get off.
I kissed her, with passion and tenderness. Tonight, I was going to give her every piece of me. All the good and light that was left in my darkening heart.
“Rafe,” she sighed into my mouth. My hands roamed over her body, worshiping every inch of her. My lips caressed her skin, tasting her goodness. I focused on her, wanting to ingrain this moment so deep in my brain that even if I ended up with amnesia, this one memory would last.
Her body hummed beneath mine. Her voice moaned and keened as I built her pleasure by slow degrees. Her face had a beautiful sheen of perspiration that made her glow.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Summer.” I rammed into her, unable to hold back my need to be a part of this human
miracle. The fact that she let me inside her was amazing.
She cried out, and her legs wrapped around my hips as she moved in sync with me. I took her hands, clasping them in mine and holding them over her head as I thrust, and thrust and thrust like my very soul needed this to live.
“Summer. Look at me.”
She opened her eyes. They were so fucking beautiful, and my heart did somersaults in my chest. Jesus, fucking Christ, I was in love with her.
She watched me and then bit her lip as if she was holding back saying something. I knew then, she loved me too. If this were a romance book, I’d tell her how I felt and we’d live happily ever after. But this was life and life wasn’t fair.
There weren’t words, but the love hung in the air, wrapping around us as I pumped into her, again and again, until she arched her head back, and cried out my name.
Her body clamped hard, like a vise around my cock, and shot me to heaven for one single perfect moment that I’d cherish forever as I headed back to hell.
I was a total asshole, and Summer deserved better. I was a U.S. Marine whose job was to search locations for explosives in the middle of a war. But I wasn’t brave enough to tell the woman I loved how I felt, or to say goodbye. Instead, I’d spent all night writing after I walked her home; I set the letter on the mantle of the fireplace.
Dear Summer,
I hate myself for hurting you, but there’s no other way. I’m a coward and a bastard because I can’t bring myself to say goodbye. You brought me a little bit of sunshine where none had been for a long time, and for that, I’ll always be grateful to you.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know that for you, it will be filled with success in your career, happiness with your family, and someday, a husband and children of your own.
Promise me that you won’t wait for me or try to contact me. You must live your life to the fullest, and you can’t do that with me. Don’t think about me or what may become of me, except to know that I will forever hold you in my heart.
~ Rafe
I considered rewriting it, but to what end? There was no better way to say that she needed to know to move on without me.
With one final glance at the letter, I picked up my duffle bag and hiked the strap over my shoulder. I walked out of my grandmother’s house for the last time and got into the cab I’d called to take me to the airport.
The good news was that I wasn’t afraid to die anymore because I was pretty sure it couldn’t be any worse than the pain of leaving Summer.
1
Summer
Don’t think about me or what may become of me, except to know that I will forever hold you in my heart.
Even after five years, reading Rafe’s letter still broke my heart. Not just because I loved and lost him, but because I could read in it his belief he wouldn’t survive and if he did, he wouldn’t be the man he felt he should be.
I was young then, but not so young to know that nothing I could have said would have changed his mind. So, I had to respect his wishes, which was impossible to do. I would have never, ever forgotten those six weeks no matter what. They were as precious to me as the reminder of our time together that lay sleeping next to me.
At four years old, Emmaline, Emma for short, took after her father with those large round dark eyes, thick dark hair, and olive skin. She often woke in the night and would come into my room to sleep, as she was now, all snuggled against me.
I pushed a tendril of her long dark hair from her face, wondering what happened to Rafe and if he’d have changed his mind, not for me, but for our child.
That first night that he’d taken my virginity, I’d known I was playing with fire to have sex with him. All I knew is I wanted him, and when it was over, I wanted him more. So, the next day, I drove up to Richmond, telling my father it was for grad school paperwork, and instead visited a clinic to get the fastest working most powerful birth control pills available. Turns out I could lie after all.
Either it was too little too late, or the pills didn’t work. Either way, I discovered I was pregnant the day Rafe left. I was late on my period, which I initially didn’t notice because I was living in a love-filled bliss. But when I did, I rushed two towns over to buy a pregnancy test. I didn’t need people in Hope knowing I’d bought that.
When it came up positive, I was scared, and yet happy too. I knew Rafe was pessimistic about life. His time with Gavin didn’t help much with that. He’d tried to help Gavin pull his life together. They’d gone fishing, as they had when they were boys. Rafe tried to find athletic activities Gavin could do, but Gavin told him he was an insensitive ass.
So, instead of Rafe being able to encourage Gavin to get help, Gavin ended up representing what Rafe thought he’d become. I’d hoped that a baby would show Rafe the goodness in him and give him a reason to strive to live, as he wanted me to do.
But when I got to his grandma’s house that night, all I found was the letter. I cried like a baby. And then I planned to burn the letter, I was so angry. Finally, I tucked the letter away, along with my precious memories, and did what Rafe asked. I lived my life to the fullest.
It hadn’t been easy. Because of Gavin’s situation, I didn’t want to burden my father with my pregnancy, so I put off saying anything as long as I could. By the end of the summer, I was only a few months pregnant. Being a big girl already, a little extra weight around the middle wasn’t going to make people talk.
I went to graduate school as planned and considered moving to Richmond to shield my family from town gossip. After all, my mother had run off, my brother was a drunk, and now I was knocked up. But with a baby coming and tuition to pay, I knew I couldn’t afford it. And quitting wasn’t an option because I knew I’d need the degree to support my child, and fulfill Rafe’s one request of me; to live my life to the fullest.
So, in October, when I was five months pregnant, and my father was already reeling from the DUI Gavin got, I told him about the baby. Not wanting to lie, I told him the father was in the military and back in the middle east. I didn’t correct his assumption that the father was someone I met in Richmond.
God, I loved my father. He was disappointed, but he also loved his kids, and he continued to let me live at home and offered me emotional support.
In February the next year, Emma was born, and she was a true miracle. Gavin took one look at her and something in him changed. He started going to AA meetings and counseling through the Veterans Administration. He groveled and begged for a second chance with Lainey, which she finally gave him and eventually they married. The two of them, along with my father, helped me with Emma while I worked to finish school. Today, Gavin was four years sober. He owned a popular local restaurant, and he and Lainey were expecting their first child.
Emma had her grandpa wrapped around her finger too. A part of me wondered if it was because of all the ladies that would stop to talk to him when he took her to the park. It didn’t matter. He let us live with him for the two years I was in graduate school, and one more year as I got my first real year of work under my belt. Last year, I rented a little townhouse in a newer section of town for Emma and me.
Today, life was good. I completed my licensing requirements and passed the test so that I was now a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but instead of working with children, I was working as a counselor at the Veterans Administration in Richmond.
The only sad bit was that Rafe wasn’t here to see this little miracle he made with me. If she could inspire Gavin to get his shit together, certainly she could help Rafe see his worth. After all, he created her.
Shaking my head of the melancholy, I put the letter back in my side table drawer, and rolled over to pull my daughter close.
“Hey, sleepy head. Time to get up.”
“Mommy.” She rolled away from me, pulling the covers up nearly over her head. She wasn’t a morning person.
“Come on, pumpkin.” I gave her a raspberry on her cheek.
She giggled. “Ew
w.”
Our mornings were routine; getting up, dressed and ready for the day. I’d read a study that said kids who had meals with their families did better in school, so I always had breakfast and dinner with her, unless she was a sleepover with one of her little friends from daycare.
We sat at the table eating our cereal when Emma pointed her finger at me. “Pull my finger, mommy.”
I lifted my brows. “Who taught you that?”
“Paw Paw. Pull it.”
“I’m not going to pull your finger at the table. That’s gross.” I squished my nose and reminded myself to have a talk with my father about what not to teach my child.
“Paw Paw’s farts are really loud. And smelly.”
I rolled my eyes but smiled. It was surprising how funny she thought bodily function humor was. I could say the word ‘butt’ and she’d keel over laughing.
“Can we go to the river again?” She was off on a new topic.
“Soon, baby.” Apparently, Rafe had taken my advice and rented his grandmother’s property as a vacation rental. I thought he set up the short-term rentals instead of long-term in case he’d want to come home sometimes to visit. But in the last five years, no one had seen nor heard from him.
I had an agreement with Lainey to let me know when the property was empty, and sometimes Emma and I would go there to have a picnic on the river. She couldn’t know her father, but she could learn about her grandmother. I didn’t tell her Emmaline had been her great-grandmother. I was afraid she might say something to my father or Gavin, or someone who knew them and then my secret would be out. But I did tell her about Emmaline and her grandson, Rafe, who was a brave soldier that worked with dogs.
It had been nearly a month since we’d been there, but the last I’d checked with Lainey, the house was occupied.
We were out the door on time, walking three doors up to my friend Jess’ house. She was a stay-at-home mom who ran a daycare from her home. She had a daughter, Chloe, who was Emma’s age and two other children who were in school during the day. The situation worked perfectly for me.
