‘Well, she came and found me, actually. She was after Amma, but ended up chatting to me instead. She wanted to know who you were and what you did. She seemed to think it was significant that he went up to you to chat.’
‘I’m not surprised he’s reluctant to talk to women if his mother’s going to launch a full scale investigation every time he does. Anyway, he was drunk.’
Malini shrugged. ‘The fact remains that you two seemed to get on quite well.’
‘What’s this?’ said Amma, materialising behind Chaya.
Malini explained. Amma turned to Chaya, hope lighting up her face. ‘Really? And did you like him?’
Chaya shrugged. ‘I think you’re making a fuss about nothing. The man had too much to drink. He was probably chatting to everyone he came across.’
Amma and Malini exchanged glances. ‘He’s available,’ said Malini, meaningfully. ‘He’s been looking for a while, but hasn’t found anyone yet.’
‘Really?’ said Amma. She turned to Chaya. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about this?’
‘I didn’t think it was important,’ said Chaya, throwing up her hands. ‘He’s only looking because his mother is pressuring him. He’s not really interested himself. It’s a waste of time!’
‘I gave his mother your number,’ Malini said to Amma.
‘What?!’ said Chaya.
‘Oh good,’ said Amma. ‘Well done, Malini.’
It was like she wasn’t even there. ‘Listen to me,’ said Chaya. She couldn't tell them what she suspected ‘I think he’s got… something he’s hiding. You know, something he’s not telling his parents. Maybe he’s got… someone already that they don’t approve of?’
‘No.’ Malini shook her head. ‘I didn’t get that impression from his mother. She was genuinely concerned that he didn’t meet women in London.’
The phone rang. Amma beamed. ‘That could be them, now.’ She bustled towards the phone. ‘I’ll get it.’ Automatically, she patted her hair and checked her sari before she answered it. They’d had the phone for years, but she still couldn’t bring herself to speak to someone if she wasn’t ‘presentable’.
Chaya sighed.
Malini frowned. ‘Honestly Nangi, what is wrong with you?’
Chaya stood up. ‘I’m going to go wash my hands.’ She picked up her plate and the bowl of dirty water and went into the kitchen. As she washed her hands, she let the possibility that he might be interested creep in. He seemed nice, a little too fond of his drink, perhaps, but basically interesting. If he really was career-minded, he would appreciate her dedication to her work. He made her smile, which was something very few people managed these days. Despite his outward friendliness, he seemed to be hiding a part of himself away. That was probably the thing they recognised in each other – that sense of something hidden. Perhaps they had more in common than it seemed.
She wondered if he really was gay. There were other explanations for a good-looking man being single, but there was something in the way he’d said ‘I’d never find a woman on my own’ that had made her suspect. She thought about the way he’d assessed her trouser suit, with no interest in anything other than the suit itself. And the look he had given that group of boys on the dance floor – part sadness, part envy. But if he was gay, then why was he encouraging his mother to look for a wife for him? She understood that it wasn’t an easy thing to admit, especially in Sri Lanka, but still, it seemed a bit extreme to want to get married in order to hide it. No. It had to be something else.
Perhaps, meeting him was a good idea.
Chaya returned from the kitchen just as Amma was hanging up. She and Malini both looked quizzically at their mother.
‘That,’ said Amma, pulling up a chair, ‘was Mrs Herath.’ She smiled. ‘Gimhana’s mother.’
‘Ooh!’ Malini reached over and poked Chaya in the arm. ‘What did she want?’
‘Apparently, Gimhana would like to meet Chaya again and talk to her,’ said Amma dramatically. She looked at Chaya proudly, as though she had just produced a rabbit from a hat. ‘They’re coming to see us the day after tomorrow.’
Chaya said nothing.
‘Well…?’ said Malini. ‘Say something. That’s excellent, isn’t it?’
‘They seem a bit keen. Day after tomorrow…’
‘He’s going back to England. On the same day as you, in fact,’ said Amma. ‘We thought it was best to organise things as soon as possible.’
Amma and Malini were both still looking at her expectantly.
‘I guess it would be nice to meet him when he’s sober,’ she said, cautiously. Gut feeling, Malini had said. Her gut feeling was that she liked him. She didn’t fancy him, but there was something about him that chimed with her.
‘Is that a yes?’ said Malini, leaning forward.
‘I guess.’
‘Excellent.’ Amma stood up. ‘I’ll go tell Leela. We must make a special effort.’ She paused and put a hand to Chaya’s face. ‘Oh my duwa. I hope this is the man for you. I worry about you so much, you know. All alone in England.’
Chaya softened. She leaned her head into her mother’s palm. ‘I know, Amma. I know.’ She decided she would do her best to like Gimhana, whatever her reservations. ‘I hope he’s the right one too.’
Chapter Eighteen
Chaya – Oxford, 1995
Having a boyfriend was an exhilarating experience. It was as though Noah made Chaya feel even more herself than before. They talked, a lot. He challenged her assumptions and made her think about things anew. He also made her deeply, heart-spinningly, happy.
But even in this state of happiness, Chaya knew she couldn’t risk being spotted by another Sri Lankan. The diaspora was a giant network. There was always the risk of news getting back to her parents. Consequently, they rarely went out together in the daytime, and even when they did, she wouldn’t hold Noah’s hand. He humoured her, but didn’t really understand. Amma always said that relationships required give and take, so at some point, she had to compromise on her vigilance. Going for ice cream was one such compromise.
The ice cream parlour had a vaguely hippy air about it and they made their own ice cream. Every time Chaya went in there she toyed with the idea of trying a new flavour. Each time, she ended up choosing chocolate.
‘You really don’t like trying new stuff, do you?’ Noah said, handing her the tub of chocolate ice cream. He had bought himself a huge cone with two different flavours on it.
‘I panic if I have too much choice,’ she said. ‘When I panic I withdraw to what I know.’
‘And yet, you came out to study at one of the most challenging universities, on the other side of the world.’
‘That’s different. It’s a means to an end. I’m going back,’ she said.
He looked at her thoughtfully and nodded.
The shop was packed full of students and early tourists, so they headed for the University Parks. The days were warming up nicely and the flowers were out.
The parks were busy, full of joggers, dog walkers, picnickers and people out for a saunter in the sunshine. They set off across the grass, picking their way through groups of people. ‘Do you remember when we came here last?’ Noah said.
‘Of course.’ She ladled a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. She should have got chocolate sauce added on top.
Noah chuckled. ‘I can’t believe I tried to impress you by skipping stones on the ice.’
‘… Or failing to,’ she grinned.
‘I was so desperate to get to know you,’ he said, his ears going pink. ‘I was actually cycling in the opposite direction when I saw you that day. I did a u-turn to come and talk to you.’
‘Really?’ She looked sideways at him.
‘Really.’ He looked meaningfully back at her.
‘Why?’ The question escaped before she could stop it. She had often wondered. ‘I mean, why me?’
He stopped and turned to face her. ‘I can’t really describe it. That first day, on the train, I fel
t like… like something clicked into place. Like I’d been missing something all my life and then suddenly I’d found it. Just like that.’ He made a face. ‘That sounds rubbish, doesn’t it? Give me a couple of days and I’ll try and think of something more poetic for you.’ A puff of wind made his hair fall all over his eyes.
She laughed and smoothed his hair off his forehead for him.
‘Thanks,’ his eyes twinkled at her. ‘So, what do you see in me then?’
While he was waiting for her to answer, his ice cream had trickled down his wrist. He brought his wrist up to his face and removed the drip from his hand with one long lick.
‘Obviously,’ said Chaya, ‘I was bowled over by your impeccable table manners.’
‘Cheek!’ He swept at her with his free arm and grabbed her round the waist.
She instinctively wriggled to get out of his grasp. ‘Noah,’ she snapped. ‘What if someone sees?’
He let go, surprised. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I forgot.’
She knew better than to reply straight away. The intensity of her panic had surprised her too. She stomped off across the grass. He followed quietly, like a confused puppy.
By the time they got within sight of the pond, which was now free of ice and full of ducks, Chaya’s heart rate had slowed back down. They sat down in the tall grass and finished off their ice creams in silence.
‘I’m sorry,’ Noah said again. ‘I didn’t think.’
She sighed. ‘That’s okay. It must be hard for you, having to sneak around. It’s not so bad for me. I’m used to it.’
‘You are?’ He brought his knees up and rested his arms on them.
‘Oh yeah, my sister had a boyfriend once, when she was about seventeen. It was some boy from her evening A-level tuition class. They’d been smiling at each other across the classroom for months. But they never really got to talk to each other because our mother always dropped her off and came early to pick her up after class.’
She finished off the ice cream and twisted the tub, trying to get at the last drop. ‘When I started going to the same evening school, my parents decided that we could chaperone each other. I was supposed to be sensible enough to make sure we both kept out of trouble.’ That seemed like so long ago now.
‘So, some days we would tell my parents that we were going shopping after class and we’d go meet with this guy in a tea shop. I would sit and read while they talked and held hands surreptitiously under the table.’ She smiled at the memory of Malini, all starry-eyed. Chaya had rather liked Sumith, he was sweet and shy and totally besotted with Malini.
‘So what happened?’ said Noah.
‘Someone who knew one of my aunts saw us. She told my aunt. My aunt told my mother…’ She waved her hands to indicate the Colombo grape vine. ‘My parents hit the roof. We were both grounded for weeks. Malini was in trouble for seeing the boy and I was in trouble for helping her.’
Noah frowned. ‘Why were they so upset? It all sounds quite innocent.’
‘It was,’ she said. ‘It’s just that it wasn’t the done thing. Apparently Sumith was not suitable. God, the rows at home were awful. It was horrible.’ Amma had wrung her hands against her chest like a Bollywood matriarch, bemoaning how she could have given birth to such an ungrateful child. Malini had cried for days. Worse than all of that was the look on her father’s face. He hadn’t looked angry, they could have dealt with that, he just looked… hurt.
‘Wow. Seems quite… extreme.’
Chaya shrugged. ‘Not for a Sri Lankan parent,’ she said.
Noah stared into space for a moment. ‘What was wrong with him?’
‘Sumith? He was low caste, I think.’ Chaya frowned. ‘I never really understood the relevance of that in this day and age.’
‘Sounds like a Jane Austen novel,’ he said.
She gave that some thought and nodded. ‘Yes, I guess it does. In Colombo, your business is everyone else’s business, a lot like the gossipy society in Austen’s books. One important difference,’ she said. ‘Sri Lankans educate their daughters.’
‘Clearly,’ he smiled at her fondly. She smiled back.
He shifted position. ‘So, what did your sister do?’
‘She smuggled a note to him explaining why she couldn’t see him again. She was miserable for weeks.’ A sad Malini was difficult to imagine and even more difficult to watch. Chaya remembered desperately trying to cheer her up.
‘She gave him up? Just like that?’ he said. ‘She must have been really scared of your parents.’
‘Not scared, exactly.’ Although that was part of it. ‘It’s also love. I don’t think she realised that they’d react with so much feeling. They were angry, but more than that they were so…’ She cast about for the correct word – upset? Betrayed? Disappointed? Distraught? In the end she settled for, ‘…distressed.’ She shook her head, trying to dispel the images. ‘I don’t think either of us could handle hurting them like that.’
Of course, if they found out about Noah, it would be exactly the same. Or maybe worse, because they didn’t expect it from her. She felt a sudden chill and shuddered.
Beside her, Noah was thoughtful for a long while. Chaya was suddenly struck by how differently Sara and Noah reacted to the same stories about her other life. Sara always erupted in a tirade about how backward the whole thing was, whilst Noah asked questions. This was important to her. It was her family they were discussing, after all.
Eventually, he said, ‘I can’t imagine what it must be like to be part of such a loving family.’ There was real sadness in his voice.
That wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting. She looked over at him. His eyes were focused on the middle distance.
‘Why? What about your family?’
He rarely mentioned them. She had assumed that they called or wrote to him regularly like hers did.
‘My parents are in the Middle East at the moment. They’re diplomats, so we moved around a bit. I think I just got in their way. They couldn’t wait to pack me off to boarding school.’ His mouth stretched into a thin smile that didn’t make it up to his eyes.
He looked so sad, she wanted more than anything to wrap her arms around him and tell him he was loved. But since they were in public, she settled for reaching for his hand and giving it a brief squeeze.
He gave her a smile, a proper one that did reach his eyes. ‘So what happened to your sister? Did she find someone else?’
‘Oh yeah. She met Ajith a year later, while she was waiting for her A-level results.’ She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. She wanted to find out more about Noah’s family.
‘What did your parents say to that?’
‘Malini decided Ajith was The One pretty early on. So one evening, he came to visit and asked my parents if he could marry her.’ It had been a more adult courtship. She could picture him sitting in the living room, hands clasped tightly together. ‘My father nearly fainted with relief when they found out he was suitable!’
‘Do you like him?’
‘What, my brother-in-law?’ She thought about Ajith; warm, funny, Ajith, who worshipped the ground Malini walked on. ‘Yes, I like him. He’s a thoroughly nice guy. And very sensible. Just what Malini needs.’
They sat in the grass for a while longer, cocooned in their own thoughts. She tried to steer the conversation back to Noah. He didn’t talk about his life. She had already been aware of this, but now, for the first time, she could sense why. ‘Was boarding school really horrible?’ she said after a while.
Noah shrugged. ‘It was okay. I kept a low profile, not too popular, not too shy. My father thought it would make a man of me. I think he’s rather disappointed at the way I turned out.’
‘Why?’ She was genuinely baffled. As far as she was concerned, he couldn’t have turned out any better.
‘He doesn’t approve of my wanting to be a geologist.’ He pulled a blade of grass out of its sheath and started chewing on the tender base of it.
She watched the
grass end going up and down. ‘What’s wrong with geology?’
‘He wanted me to do economics or politics.’ He took the blade of grass out of his mouth, pulled his chin in and puffed out his chest. His features changed. Scowl lines appeared on his forehead, and his eyes narrowed. Did his father actually look like that – an older, angrier version of Noah?
‘A science degree is not necessarily a barrier nowadays, I suppose,’ he boomed. ‘Plenty of top businessmen have science degrees these days. No need to let your subject hold you back.’
He let out a deep whoosh of breath. His features relaxed and he was her Noah again. ‘When my finals are over, I bet he’ll line up a whole load of his contacts to offer me work experience to try and sway me over to the big bad world of business,’ he said with a trace of bitterness still in his voice.
‘When I finish my degree, my parents will try and line up people for me to get married to. Isn’t it strange how much power our parents have over us?’ She placed her hand on the grass next to his. ‘Each in their own way.’
He stretched his little finger out and hooked it around hers. ‘There’s a difference with your parents,’ he said. ‘You love them.’
She was shocked. Was he saying that he didn’t love his parents? ‘Surely, you don’t mean that.’
He thought about it, the blade of grass moved up and down. ‘No, I suppose I don’t. I just wish they’d stop trying to turn me into something I’m not.’ He sighed.
Seeing him sad made her want to cry. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like to not have your family behind you, ready to catch you if you fall. Poor Noah. ‘If it’s any consolation,’ she said. ‘I think you’ve turned out perfect.’
The smile he gave her made her feel warm from head to toe.
Chapter Nineteen
Gimhana – Colombo, 2005
‘I must say,’ Gimhana said, when they were shooed out to go for a walk around the garden, ‘this bride-hunting is a great way to see people’s gardens.’
‘You’re lucky, you get to see different gardens. The woman only gets to wander around her own garden.’ Chaya sounded prickly, just as she had done at the party. It seemed to be her manner. She seemed to always be in motion, moving positions, fiddling with things. Highly strung, running on nerves.
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