She stared after him, wondering what he was up to. She cursed Zack’s rotten timing, phoning just when he was about to tell her. He was talking softly in the kitchen. Chaya shook her head and finished making the bed.
Once the bed was done, she leaned against the window and surveyed the room. If you ignored the boxes and bags, it was quite homely. There was a built-in wardrobe, a sink attached to the wall and the chest of drawers that used to be in her old bedroom. After years of being rented out, the wallpaper and carpet in the flat looked faded and unloved, but the place was warm and cosy and just big enough for her.
The last time she’d rented, it had been a tiny bedsit where everything was within arm’s reach. This flat was luxurious in comparison. Apart from the bedroom, she had a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. The rent was twice as much as her bedsit, but it was worth it.
In the kitchen, she thought she heard Gimhana giving someone directions to the flat. It couldn't be Zack. He wasn’t due to arrive until the following week. Gim was still sorting out various things for her, including her telephone and internet connection, perhaps the phone call was to do with one of them. Chaya stepped into the living room.
Gimhana turned. ‘Okay,’ he said, into the phone. ‘I’ll see you in a bit.’
He hung up. ‘Is there anything else that needs to be done before I head off?’ He was trying very hard not to grin.
‘Not that I can think of,’ she said. ‘Gim, what’s going on?’
He put on his most innocent expression. ‘Nothing.’
Chaya’s mobile phone, which was sitting on top of a box in the kitchen, started to ring. Gimhana looked delighted. ‘Aren’t you going to get that?’ he said. When she picked up the phone, he said, ‘Good luck.’
She didn’t recognise the number on the display. Suspiciously, she said, ‘Hello?’
‘Chaya.’ He didn’t need to tell her who he was. She would always recognise his voice.
‘Noah?’
‘Yes. Hi.’
Her stomach flipped. She leaned against the kitchen counter, confused. ‘What…?’
‘I understand that this is a bit sudden,’ said Noah. ‘I… well, I got your message on my answer phone. I didn’t want to risk being hurt again…’
‘I remember.’ A lump was starting to form in her throat. The mere sound of Noah’s voice awakened the familiar pain inside. She had thought she would never hear it again. All her thoughts about freedom and coping on her own evaporated. Her pulse picked up pace. She had been doing so well and it was all undone in one phone call.
Noah cleared his throat. ‘Well, the thing is, I really meant it, at the time. I convinced myself that it would be a bad idea to come to the airport to see you off.’
Surely, he hadn’t phoned her just to tell her that. Her heart pumped furiously. She didn’t say anything.
‘The trouble was,’ said Noah. ‘I couldn’t bring myself to erase your message. I kept listening to it, over and over and over. I woke up at night and played it, just to hear your voice again.’
She wanted to say something, but her mouth was dry and her mind had gone blank.
‘Alex found out…’ Noah’s voice cracked. ‘He asked about what I was doing and… and why. He made me see…’ he sighed. ‘I’m an idiot, Chaya. You asked me to leave, and I loved you so much, that I did. I thought that, if you love someone, you should set them free, even if it breaks your heart to do it.’ His breath sounded ragged. ‘I was wrong.’
Oh Noah. She had been wrong too. So wrong. She’d thought that by not seeing him, she could stop loving him. But all it did was hurt, hurt, hurt. I was a fool, she wanted to say. A complete idiot. I’m sorry. But none of it came out. ‘I…’
Noah cleared his throat. ‘So,’ he said. ‘I called your work. They said you were taking some time off. And I thought I’d lost you all over again. Then, a few days ago, your husband phoned me.’
Chaya whirled round, looking for Gimhana. He had disappeared into the other room. She took a few steps into the hallway, in a feeble attempt to find him. ‘Ex husband.’
‘He explained about your arrangement We talked about a lot of things,’ Noah continued.
Her heart pounded so loudly that she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hear what Noah was saying.
‘Chaya?’
‘Yes?’
‘Chaya, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I never stopped. I spent all those years secretly dreaming about you coming back to me and when you did, I sent you away.’
Her heart beat louder and louder. Her chest constricted. It was like a panic attack, but instead of the walls closing in, they seemed to opening up, releasing her from a prison she’d built for herself.
The doorbell made her jump. She stared at the door and backed away from it. She wasn’t sure what this phone call was all about, but she knew she didn’t want it interrupted.
Gimhana appeared. Grateful, she stopped her retreat.
‘I have never been as happy as I was when I was with you, Chaya,’ Noah’s voice wavered.
Gimhana slipped outside, leaving Chaya alone with Noah’s voice. The door was left ajar. As she stepped forward to close it, someone pushed it open from the other side.
‘I would like to get to know you again…’ Noah stepped into the flat, a phone pressed to his ear. Slowly, he lowered his arm. ‘…if you’ll have me,’ he said. Behind him, the door clicked shut.
They stared at each other, both breathing hard. For a moment, the rest of the world ceased to exist. Time, the world, her heart, all stood still. All she could see was Noah. Only a few feet of carpet, a mere stride, separated them. But in it lay seventeen lost years. They had loved each other as teenagers and lost. Now, in middle age, she was being offered a second chance.
She couldn’t believe that he was standing there, in her new hallway. His hair was windblown and falling into his eyes. Any moment now, he would push it back with that impatient flick. She knew without looking that there would be freckles on his arms, that he wore a t-shirt under his shirt, that his hair would feel soft under her fingers. All this time had passed and still she carried all these pieces of information inside. Pieces of dreams she’d tried not to have. Memories she’d tried not to relive. How foolish she had been to think that she could erase him from her life. To her surprise, tears rolled down her face.
A small frown of worry appeared on Noah’s forehead. ‘Say something,’ he said.
Her chest felt like it was about to burst. She opened her fingers and her phone dropped to the ground.
The movement seemed to break the spell. They both moved forward at the same time. Noah pulled her close, an arm around her waist, a hand caressing her hair. She slid her arms around him, a movement so familiar she didn’t even realise she was doing it. Her head rested in the space between his shoulder and chin and she breathed him in.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he whispered, his breath tickling her neck. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ He hugged her so tightly that the air squeezed out of her lungs, making her gasp.
He released her and took her face in his hands. His thumbs gently wiped away the tears. ‘You were crying when I met you,’ he said, softly, echoing what he’d said when they’d parted all those years ago.
She leaned her cheek against his palm, just as she had done the last time. Noah smiled and leaned in, slowly, with the tiniest hesitation, as though he expected her to disappear any second.
Chaya rose on her tiptoes to meet him. When their lips met, she could feel the smile on his.
The last time she’d kissed him, it had been a kiss goodbye. This one was a whole new beginning.
On the floor, where she’d dropped it, Chaya’s phone beeped. The next day she would find a text message from Gimhana saying:
Welcome to plan B.
A LETTER FROM JEEVANI
Thank you for reading A Convenient Marriage. I really hope you enjoyed the story!
If you enjoyed the story, please leave a review. It doesn’t have to be l
ong, just a sentence or two will do. Quite apart from making my day (thank you!), your review will help other readers work out whether this is the sort of book they’d like to read. If you know anyone who might like it, please tell them about it.
This was the first novel I wrote. I started sending it off to agents back in 2007 (by post, because this was the olden days!). You know how this goes - the rejections came in and some of them had notes written on the rejection slip. I was close, but not quite there yet.
In an attempt to work out how to make the book better, I joined the Romantic Novelists Association’s NWS scheme. It’s the best decision I ever made. My NWS report was detailed and told me where my book was weak. It also told me to try writing something funny, if only for fun. That’s how I came to write as Rhoda Baxter. I found publishers for those books and kept on writing them, but in the background, there was always this book. The first book. I edited it. Then edited it again. And again. I think I’ve written about 300000 words in order to find the right ones to make this story work. I think (hope!) it’s finally there now.
This book was inspired by ‘what if’s. My cultural upbringing was similar to Chaya’s and Gimhana’s. When I fell in love with a non-Sri Lankan, I was lucky enough that my family understood. But what if someone hadn’t been so lucky? What if the person they loved was the same sex as them - something rarely discussed in Sri Lankan families? Gimhana remains one of my favourite characters. He first appeared in a fragment I wrote in creative writing class - he was hiding behind a pillar at a party. I think I was supposed to be focusing on setting, but he came along and stole the scene. He makes me smile whenever he shows up on the page.
Chaya is my answer to ‘what if someone had a nervous breakdown and tried to carry on without help’? She changed a little with each rewrite of the book as I worked out why she was like she was. The more I learned about mental illness, the more she came into focus. With each iteration, her interactions with Noah changed too. It became more and more a story about the one that got away. The one thing that didn’t change was Chaya’s friendship with Gimhana. It was always the core of the story.
I would really love to hear what you think of the story, especially if it touched your life in any way. So, apart from writing a review (hint, hint!), if you want to talk to me, I’m usually hanging around on Twitter as @rhodabaxter (less frequently as @jeevanicharika) . Come say hello.
If you want to know what happened next to Chaya and Gimhana, I have a ‘two years later’ epilogue that you can get by joining my newsletter group at https://subscribe.jeevanicharika.com/Chaya
If you’re reading it as part of a book club, then drop by my website where there’s a list of questions for book clubs.
Happy reading
Jeevani
Website: www.jeevanicharika.com
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First of all, thanks to Jen Hicks and Joelle Tunning, without their ~~nagging~~ constant encouragement, this book wouldn’t have got past chapter 3. A special nod to Jen who had read more than one version of it and given me feedback.
Thank you to the Romantic Novelists Association. This book was my first submission to the New Writers Scheme. My reader, it turned out, was Sue Moorcroft. Thank you for your invaluable input, Sue. I took your advice and thirteen years later, here it is!
Thank you to Federica Leonardis for helping me pummel the story into shape. Special thanks to Liam Livings, who beta read an earlier version and gave me lots of useful feedback about gay culture in the 90s. Thanks especially for giving me an excuse to talk about Jem and the Holograms.
Thank you to the fabulous ladies of the Naughty Kitchen for support and cheerleading and being a shoulder to cry on when things get too frustrating. Writer brain is very frustrating. You guys are the best.
Thank you also to Keshini and Lindsey at Hera for believing in this book and helping me polish it until it shone!
As always, thank you to my little family for putting up with me muttering bits of dialogue while I cook dinner and my total lack of a sense of humour after 8pm when it’s my ‘writing time’. Thank you to my big family for being supportive. It means a lot.
Last of all, thank you to you, the reader, for reading my books. Until the story goes from my head to yours via a book, it hasn’t completed its journey. I literally couldn’t do this without you.
First published in the United Kingdom in 2019 by Hera
Hera Books
28b Cricketfield Road
London, E5 8NS
United Kingdom
Copyright © Jeevani Charika, 2019
The moral right of Jeevani Charika to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781912973187
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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