by C A A Allen
Bars lifted above, the man opened the door. “What’s all this racket?” He looked down the stairwell at me shaking his head. “I told you not to cross the trough!”
I looked at him, then down the stairs at the hag. Was I just calling for help? This would make me look bad, I got to do something. “That’s right hag! Count straw.” I limped up the stairs as quick as I could, leaving drops of blood dripping from my calf.
The man draped a necklace with several adder stones around his neck, and then took a few steps down toward the hag. “You’re lucky to have made it on the stairwell. This old hag can’t resist counting the straws of a broom.”
I looked down at the scene from the top of the stairs and clenched my calf. “Yeah, lucky is right.”
The man pointed at me. “Hey, hey you took off the adder stone. I specifically told you not to do that. It’s going to take me a long time to get this thing back in her cage. You owe me another gold coin for the trouble.”
I made a hard right turn out of the door, limped far down the road and sat on a bench. What just happened? Was I a magic user now? I didn’t feel like a magic user. That man must have just hustled me. The whole thing had to have been staged.
A short figure draped in a black cloak knelt down in front of me. “Baby you okay?”
“Who is you?” I asked.
“It’s me, Porridge.” She lifted her hood. “Your leg looks bad, what have you been into?”
Porridge. So it wasn’t a dream. “Well I—”
She held a finger to my lips. “Shh, don’t even worry about it.” She wrapped a cloth gently around my wound and tied it. “You’re pale, it looks like you can really use a drink. I know a place, let’s go.”
Arm in arm, we walked down a dark back alley to an unassuming wooden door with no handle. Porridge knocked three times and it opened. “This is Ye Old Trip to Salutation, a pub where the more ambitious habitants of the Light Woods gather.”
This medium-sized square room had five wood-cross chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, each with several large candles lit on top. Three very different bars were on each side of the room.
The one on the right was of a tiny scale, and tended by a female pixie about the size of my hand. She wore a sparkling green outfit with a matching pointed hat topped with a bell. She danced down the bar while wiping it down with a rag. The bar in front of us was waist-high, and sat in front of the soft sandstone rock that the building is set against. A stubby gnome with a white beard and red conical hat served the two gnomes that sat there. The bar to the left was of standard proportion, and tended by a pretty blond human girl.
A short rusting iron gate mounted into sandstone wall creaked open. A gnome appeared from the cave behind it carrying a small wooden model ship. He placed it on the bar. “I give you this as payment for my tab. Hang this galleon up high above the bar. It will bring good luck to your establishment as long as you don’t clean it.”
The blond girl waved our direction. “Over here, beautiful!”
Porridge pulled me that direction. “That’s my friend. Come on Raff.”
“Wait, wait.” I tugged against her pull, but my heart wasn’t in it. I felt so…drained. “How did you get here, Porridge?”
“I have my ways.” She steered me toward a stool and I took a seat at the blonde’s bar. Porridge stood next to me and smiled. “Two honey meads Annabella. My man here turned me on to the drink.”
“Excellent choice,” she said. “Your man knows his stuff.”
Porridge removed her cloak and hung it on a nearby coat stand. She wore shapely brown leather armor, a strap with several small bottles, and a sheathed dagger hanging from it. “Now let me take a closer look at that wound.” She gently rewrapped my calf. “It’s really just a scratch, you’re going to be fine.”
I set a hand on her shoulder, thankful for her care, but still confused. “What brings you into Trosworth? I didn’t think brownies were that adventurous.”
“Raff, have you noticed that I’m not like other brownies?”
“Oh I’ve noticed all right. You are the finest brownie I have ever seen, and taller too.”
“That’s because I’m part tree sprite, what you know as a dryad.”
“Wow. Part brownie, part dryad. I really like that combination. That’s beautiful.”
“That combination really likes you too,” she said. “I’m sorry if I interrupted you and Tigress at the Inn earlier, but when I saw her enter your room with sexy attire I was worried. I wouldn’t want you to end up tongue kissing your sister…or worse, that would be just nasty.”
“Tigress isn’t my sister.”
“The woman you know as Tigress’ mother really is not. Tigress is the product of your father and an elf girl.”
First hags and now this? “How would you know that?”
“As a brownie-dryad I socialize with all the inhabitants of the Light Woods, including the always talkative elves.” She glanced up at me, blinking slow the way she did when she first came to my room. “Are you surprised about Tigress?”
“Actually no, my father does get around.” Once again, my dad’s past dealt me a blow. Tigress had always been a great friend, and this ensured it would stay that way, friends. Now I could concentrate on this sexy vision right here—a brownie-dryad, mixed just like me. “You know I recently found out I’m mixed too, with hag.”
“You’re not mixed with hag Raff, you’re mixed with succubus. I am part brownie so I can sense what you are. And what you are is good at heart, not at all hag.”
“Hag, succubus. It’s all bad isn’t it?”
“Annabella here is a succubus. She has been my friend for a long time, and she’s all-good. I know hag, they are a problem.”
Annabella smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile back. She didn’t seem too bad, especially if she really was a succubus.
“My problem with hags is they’re buying all the huo-yao out from under me. What problem do you have with them?”
Porridge returned to bandaging my wound. “There’s constant fighting between the habitants of the Light Woods and the hags. Those barbaric bitches capture pixies, and then give them to Talhoffer, who compresses the poor things into a liquid.”
“Yuck, what does he do, drink it?”
“When the liquid is mixed with huo-yao it creates a toxic smoke he exposes to fleas. His plan is to infect black rats with the fleas, and release them into the Kingdom of Evonland. The rats will go mad with the toxin and bite the Evons, infecting them. The result will be a sweeping death across their territory.”
“Well I for one hope Talhoffer whips those biting disease-rats on them quick! It would be nice to avoid war with the Evons. If they’re all wiped out, we’re all good.”
“You don’t understand what the disease does, and how contagious it is. The pestilence will spread into Broxington and wipe us all out. Talhoffer will be the only one with the cure, and he will only make it available to his hag, orc, and freakish cohorts. The man wants the whole island to himself, from Evonland to Broxington.”
Talhoffer was out to eradicate everyone on the island? There went my future as a quester. “I guess if Talhoffer succeeds he will finally have that seclusion he desires.”
“If Talhoffer succeeds we will all be dead.” She tied the ends of my bandage into a knot. “Which brings me to the favor I was trying to ask of you at Tigress’ house. I am part of an alliance that is dedicated to protecting the small community of pixies that still exists. I need you to join us in helping to save them. Saving the pixies will also stop Talhoffer from producing the toxin, for now.”
This sounded like a tall order. How did a run for tuition gold turn into this?
Porridge took my hand. “There is a bonus to my favor Raff. Members of the alliance gain access to an underground tavern called The Victoria Inn. It’s so exciting there. They have melodious music, savory cuisine, complex wines, and some really exotic accommodations. It would be a nice place for a first date.”
“We can make that happen Raff, but you need to be a member of the alliance to gain entrance. Are you okay with joining us?”
“I am more than willing to do anything for the fine young lady who just saved my leg.”
“Thank you Raff!” She wrapped her arms around my neck. “I feel you can make a difference. It’s also how I know there is not a drop of hag in you.”
“So what exactly is it I can do to help?”
She looked at Annabella and smiled. “My succubus connection passed word that Talhoffer has several pixies caged in a room in the Maze. This room is said to be somewhere in the vicinity of a long rumored service entrance. If you find this room, it would mean a lot if you could set them free.”
“We have a very specific plan for our run in the Maze. I will keep an eye out, but I can’t promise we will find this room.”
Annabella put both elbows on the bar, clasp her hands, and rested her chin on top. “I got more information for you. Where you find the pixies, you will find Talhoffer’s amassment of huo-yao.”
“This task just got better,” I say. “I need huo-yao.”
“Free the pixies and collect the huo-yao,” Porridge said. “You will be on your way to legendary questing captain status.”
“Why don’t you join my team Porridge? We will have to upgrade your armor. Yours leaves some areas unprotected.”
She lifted her corset. “I’m a child of the trees Raff, and would not be much good to you underground. My roll with the alliance is like a spy.”
“A spy makes sense, being part dryad you can probably hide in a tree if you need to.”
“I love the trees, but I can’t step into them like full blood dryads do. My father says I have more brownie traits than dryad. He taught me how to blend into just about anything quickly though. Since I am half brownie, I am invisible to several demonic beings, like the undead and cockatrice. Hags can’t even see me, although they can smell my presence. What I can do is teleport to various trees around Broxington. That’s how I got here. All I have to do is drink from one of these.”
She unhooked a bottle from her strap. “Each one takes me to a different tree, in a different place. I currently have connections from Rettingham to Tickhill. I hope to soon form a bond with an old cypress in Woodthorpe, it would be my first oversea connection.”
“That’s a great way to get around. Where does the one in your hand take you?”
“A sip from this bottle will have me step out of a young sapling near the Entry Cave to the Maze.”
The Maze. I dropped a gold coin down on the bar. “I need to sleep off this drink, and this injury. Annabella you’re amazing.”
I got off my stool, stumbled and grabbed my calf. “Ahh!” Porridge came in quick and close to stop me from falling. I took her in my arms and looked into her eyes. “And once again you save me.”
She looked up at me low through her long lashes. “I did kind of save you again.”
“Annabella, I need a bottle of that mead to go. Porridge, this injury is starting to hinder my ability to walk. I can really use your help to get up to my room.”
Porridge locked arms with me and took the bottle from Annabella. “I got you baby.”
As I opened the pub door the bar pixie zipped to Porridge’s shoulder and spoke into her ear. “Uh-oh, I got to go Raff. The alliance needs me.”
There went my plan for midnight company. “I need you too. My leg, remember?”
Porridge twirled a glistening strand of hair around her finger. “Rumor has it that a kiss from the girl of your dreams before a run makes for amazing luck and sure riches.”
I pulled Porridge’s frame in close. “Well I could use some amazing luck and sure riches. And I think I got a dream girl in front of me right now. Porridge, can you bless me with that kiss?”
I brought her in close and sunk into the softest lips.
Annabella tickled Porridge’s side breaking up our embrace. “Get a room you two.”
Porridge laughed and nudged her away. “I will see you again soon Raff. Look to the trees.”
I walked back to the inn turning the mead bottle up as I went. Once in my room I flung myself onto the bed. Okay, time to think… Porridge, pixies, huo-yau, and the Cave Maze in the morning. How was I going to tell Tigress that we were related? I sucked the bottle dry and passed out cold.
* * * *
An annoying chorus of rooster crowing woke me. I groggily dragged myself to the window and spread the curtains. The early morning sun blasted me as I looked out over the high road. Questers loaded up horses and wagons for their respective runs. I went to retrieve my clothes from the corner and found them cleaned and crisply folded. A plate of hot honey mint crisples sits by my bed. Thanks William. They really take care of you at this Inn.
Down in the tavern I found Tigress at the bar staring into a steaming bowl. To my eyes, she was still sexy but…in a sisterly sort of way now. I tapped her on the shoulder. “Good morning, how’s the gruel?”
Her nose wrinkled. “Horrible stuff, it can use a heap of honey, but they have none. How did you sleep last night?”
“Unsatisfying at best thank you. Where’s Mustela? I hope Dread didn’t keep her out all night.”
Tigress pushed away the nearly full bowl. “They’re both in the gamblers area.”
A man approached from behind the bar. “Gruel for you sir?”
I looked down into Tigress bowl of lumpy gray slop. “Oh hell no. Let’s go check that tote board Tigress. I can’t wait to see our team listed on it.”
Only a few gamblers milled on the floor this early, they studied the boards and took notes. Dread stared up at the center tote board with a stack of gold coins tightly pinched between his finger and thumb.
“Good morning, cousin. And may I ask how you came upon that lovely stack of early morning gold coins?”
Dread did not turn his head from looking up at the tote board. “I hustled some of Castillo’s team members at the shell game last night.”
“Well done,” I said. “If you’re looking to parlay that gold, I got a hot tip on a team from Beeston for you. I see our over-under number has been set at four.”
“I can absolutely understand the four,” Dread said. “But William put the total slaughter bet in effect on our team.”
“What’s a total slaughter bet?” Tigress asked. “That sounds bad.”
Dread’s head dropped down. “That means the odds maker thinks there’s a good chance our whole team will get killed on this run. It’s rare the house offers up this bet, it’s typically reserved for extreme lowlife questing teams.”
“I’ll take that bet all day Dread,” I said. “Remember, William doesn’t know how good our map is, or how fool-proof of a strategy we got. Here he comes now, with Chaz, and Chawett.”
“Looks to me like team Beeston is ready.” William said. “I took a lot of action on your team last night. I expect to see you all back here in one piece after your run.”
Dread pushed past William. “Yes Sir. Let’s get on the road and make that happen.” He walked out of the tavern door.
William put his arm around my shoulder. “Dread seems a bit on edge. A lot of questers get like that before their first run.
Putnum rushed to Williams’s side, handed him a betting slip, and took off the other direction. William looked the slip over, “Yes, yes! Before leaving you should go over my newly revised prop bets.” He lowered his voice. “I have word team Rettingham is getting close to finding a Talhoffer item. Seventy-five to one would make some nice pocket gold for you Raff.”
“Yea, it would.” I peek at William’s slip and catch a glimpse of another bet—‘Odds a team’s captain will be killed’— I am the three-to-one favorite. The team didn’t need to see this.
LAIS DIJON TAVERN:
ODDS ON TEAMS ENTERING THE CAVE MAZE.
Team: Gabbiano - Death Over/Under: 6
From: Rettingham
Members: 21
Map Level: 10/10
(Said to contain shortcuts deep into the Maze.)
Key personnel: Castello Gabbiano (Fighter)
Slyslick Wicked (Enchanter)
Bonnaroo Grifter (Thief)
Monjo Grifter (Belette)
Gnarly Nouman (Thief)
Fergus Slymar (Fighter)
*Last run in lost 5/23, the previous 4/20.
*No team lead by Gabbiano has lost more then 6.
*Slyslick can cast his spike bombardment often.
Team: Rettingham - Death Over/Under: 6
From: Rettingham
Members: 20
Map Level: 8/10
(Passed down through generations of Sandby)
Key personnel: Percy Sandby (Fighter)
Clive Bywater (Sorcerer)
Dudley Southall (Fighter)
Tica Fitzturgis (Belette)
Horace Codswallop (Thief)
Thor Goodslog (Fighter)
*Last run in lost 4/20, the previous 2/20.
*This run’s team features five magic users.
*Sandby’s conservative tendencies could save lives.
Team: Greensludge - Death Over/Under: 3
From: Parts Unknown
Members: 7
Map Level: 6/10
(This patchwork map could yield unexpected gain.)
Key personnel: Pleiades Greensludge (Fighter)
Mofo Fomo (Soothsayer)
Crhymes Boozer (Thief)
Hans Barleycorn (Fighter)
Tawaif Yoshiwara (Belette)
Chugalug Pissup (Thief)
*A newly formed team of unconventional veterans.
