by Katy Kaylee
“Come on. You must care for her.”
“Of course I care for her. I’ve known her since I was five years old. But we’re friends.” I left out the benefits part, although Val had already surmised it. Women had a sixth sense about these things.
“I like you better with her in your life.”
I quirked a brow. “Was I such an asshole before?”
She laughed. “No. But you were intense and sometimes too hard on others around here. Now you go home at a reasonable hour. You seem more relaxed and happier.”
“You just like the baked goods.”
“Ah, I do love those, but I can get those with or without you. This job in this city can eat you up and steal your life, Jake. Did your uncle tell you?”
“It can’t steal what I’m willingly giving it.”
She pursed her lips in disapproval and stood. “Be in my office at three.” She was my mentor and while I was now a partner, she still liked to boss me around. But I trusted her, and if she wanted me to take on this client, I would.
I poured out our glasses and grabbed a mint so I wouldn’t smell like booze. I straightened my tie and put on my coat and then made my way to Val’s office.
The first thing that struck me about Mr. Madigan was how young he looked. I’d been expecting an elderly man wanting to honor his wife after her death, but this guy couldn’t be much older than me. Mid-thirties maybe.
“Mr. Madigan, this is Jake Dunne, a partner here at Gordon, Wallace and Dunne.”
“I got the Dunne, huh?” he said jovially as he shook my hand.
“A Dunne. My uncle was the Dunne.”
“Why don’t you sit down, Mr. Madigan,” Val said, motioning to him a chair.
“Call me Pete,” he said, taking a seat in a chair. I took the one next to him.
“Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Water? I have some stronger drinks too.” Val grabbed a bottle of water for herself.
“I’m fine,” Pete said. She looked at me. I waved my hand to indicate I didn’t need anything.
“Why don’t you tell us what you’re needing, Mr. Mad…uh…Pete,” Val said as she sat behind her desk.
“Well, my wife, she did such wonderful work in the schools here in New York, and I…” He teared up a little. Val grabbed her tissue box and handed it to him.
“It’s okay. I’m always prepared,” Pete pulled out a handkerchief. “She died about six months ago.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling like I should say more, but what could be said?
“She was an amazing woman. Smart. Fun. She wasn’t shy either. If I needed a verbal whipping, she’d give it.”
“I know the type,” I said, thinking of Sofia.
“We didn’t have any children. There was always something else going on.” He looked up at me and Val. “I’m an app developer. It’s very lucrative when you hit on a good one, but it’s addictive too. At least for me. She wanted kids, but I was always putting it off, you know.” He shook his head, regret clearly etched on his face.
“And now there’s nothing left of her. Cancer took her. Quickly. If we’d had children, I’d have something of her.”
It didn’t seem like the same, but I supposed I could see what he meant.
“She spent her time helping children, and I want her to live on through a foundation in her name that continues her work. That’s why I’m here. To get help in starting a foundation.”
“It’s a wonderful way to honor her, and a lovely legacy,” Val said, looking at me.
I narrowed my eyes, wondering what she was thinking.
“She was…amazing. I know a lot of marriages don’t work out. I suppose you’ve done some divorce work.”
I nodded.
“But me and Lacey, we were the real deal. People don’t believe in that, you know. I didn’t. I’m not sure she did either, but once we met, we couldn’t not be together. I’d thought all I wanted from life was to get rich and be successful. I’d trade all that to have her back now.” He laughed sadly. “God is fucked up. Why would he give her to me? Teach me about love and then take her?”
That did sound fucked up, and another reason to avoid love. If divorce didn’t ruin it, death could. What was worse? Growing to despise a spouse or having heartbreak over losing one? I planned to never find out.
“It is sad, Pete,” Val said. “But I envy you having had such a magical love. Most people never get that or if they do, they don’t honor it like you do.”
What the fuck, Val? Was she really trying to use this guy to prove some sort of point about love?
I turned to Pete. “I’d be honored to help you create a foundation in your wife’s name. The legal paperwork is fairly straightforward. Have you identified board members? You’ll also need to make sure your bylaws comply with New York law, but they don’t need to be filed with the articles of incorporation.”
“I have a few people for board members, but we haven’t done much in terms of forming the foundation. That’s why I’m here. I’ve read a lot about it but I want to make sure it’s done right and learn all the laws.”
“I can help you with that. If you’d like to come with me to my office, I can go over the paperwork and laws and help you draft a plan to work with your board members.”
“Terrific.” Pete stood as I rose. “Thank you so much, Ms. Kincaid,” he said, extending his hand over Val’s desk to shake hers.
“My pleasure. I know Jake will take good care of you.”
I opened the door to let Pete out and shot Val a look that said, “We’ll talk later.” But when later came after meeting with Pete, she’d gone out. What the hell was she up to and why did she care so much about my personal life?
Deciding I’d grill her on it tomorrow, I finished up work on a brief and made a call to George to check in about a contract he wanted drawn up.
I got home around seven, but Sofia wasn’t in the kitchen where I usually found her. “Sof? You home?” I headed back to my bedroom to change. She was curled up on my bed sleeping. I sat on the edge of the bed, worried that she might be sick. “Sof? Hey, you okay?” I gently caressed her arm with my hand.
She stirred. “What time is it?”
“A little after seven.”
“Oh, God.” She sat up, but did so slowly, as if not all the sleep was out of her yet. “I didn’t mean to sleep that long.”
“When did you go down?”
She gave me a sheepish smile. “Four-thirty.”
Nearly three hours. I put my hand to her forehead but she didn’t feel hot. “Are you sick?”
“No. Just exhausted for some reason. I guess all those early mornings at work and afternoons at the bakery caught up with me.”
“Maybe it’s time to give notice. It’s only a couple of weeks until you open anyway.”
She nodded. “You’re probably right.”
“I’ll call out for food. Chinese?”
She squished her nose. “No.”
“I thought you liked Chinese.”
She scooted around me and rose from the bed. “Normally I do, but it doesn’t sound good to me now.”
“Pizza?”
She stopped midway to my bathroom. “I want a burger. A big one. With bacon.”
“Okay.” I laughed, wondering if all this work had made her iron low. Or maybe she was getting ready for her monthly visit. She always wanted beef during that time.
I left her to freshen up while I arranged to get big burgers from a place that would deliver. “Want fries?” I called back.
“Yes. And onion rings. And a shake. Can they deliver a shake?”
“I’ll see.” If not, I’d make her one. I had ice cream and milk, plus the blender to mix it in.
“Strawberry.”
I didn’t have strawberries. Fortunately, I was able to find a place that had what she wanted and would deliver.
“You’re too tiny to eat so much,” I said, eyeing all the food on the kitchen table.
“You help me w
ork it off.”
I grinned. “Sex as exercise, I like it.”
She waggled her brows. “Me too.”
I watched Sofia, enjoying how she devoured her food while also sharing her day with me. I was going to miss this, but Sofia and I weren’t like Pete and his wife. This was all a business deal with a few fringe benefits. When the month was done, we’d wish each other well and go back to our lives. Sure, we’d see each other every now and then, probably at some function at home. Maybe we’d even have a little fun in the sack or on the banks of the lake when we did. But we each had our own goals to reach. Neither of us wanted anything like the complications of a relationship to get in the way of our dreams.
19
Sofia
I’d been fatigued all week, but yesterday was the first time I’d indulged in a nap. And boy did I sleep. I hoped my exhaustion was because I was burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, and not because of the bakery. How would I be a good owner if I was tired all the time?
When I woke from my nap, I was starving. I never worried much about what I ate, but a double burger, fries, onion rings and a shake would have normally satisfied my entire day’s meals and I ate it in one sitting. Even when I was getting ready to have my period, which I supposed I was, I didn’t eat that much. Usually, I wanted a steak.
Of course, the next morning I paid for all that gluttony. My stomach rebelled, emptying in the toilet.
“Sof? You okay?” Jake knocked on the door.
“Yep. Just paying the price for my binge.”
“Maybe you should take a day off? Rest if you’re sick.”
“I need to give my notice at work,” I said, squeezing the toothpaste on my brush. I might have to brush three times to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth.
“If you’re okay, I’m heading out on my run.”
“I’m fine. I promise.”
My stomach felt unsettled until mid-morning, proving I didn’t have the flu. I met with Maxine, my boss at the hotel to give notice.
“Ah, no, Sofia. You’ve been my best pastry cook ever.”
I smiled, happy that she valued my work. “Thank you, but my dream has always been to open a bakery.”
“You’re so young and it’s such a risk.”
Her words made me pause. She was a long time professional chef. She knew about the culinary world. Maybe she was right. Maybe I wasn’t ready. But I had no room for doubt. Not now, with my bakery weeks away from opening.
“Because I’m young, I can afford the risk.”
“I’m sure you’ll be a great success. Give me the address so that I can come by.”
After my shift at one, I wasn’t hungry for lunch, despite the fact that I’d emptied my stomach of all the contents from the night before. So I headed straight to the bakery. I’d arranged to meet my new cook, Loraine, my intern, Drew, and my two counter workers, Jen and Eileen for our first ever staff meeting.
As I unlocked the door to the bakery, I grinned, so happy to see my venture taking shape. The walls were painted and decorated. The bench seating and tables and chairs were in. The front of the bakery was ready to go. In the back, I was also ready. While I still baked some at Jake’s, most of my Internet baking I now did at the shop.
The only thing that kept this time in my life from being perfect was knowing that my time with Jake was coming to an end. While I knew we’d stay friends, we wouldn’t be what we were now. Each time I thought about it, my heart felt like it was being crushed. It was a sure sign that I was totally and fully in love with him. Of course, I’d known this for some time, but I was trying to ignore it. What use was it to hope that when the time was up, he’d ask me to stay? He wouldn’t. That had been clear from the beginning. I’d not only accepted that, but had felt the same. I had things to do and places to go. I couldn’t be tied down by a relationship.
The thing was, the life I was living now included my dream job and my dream man. I was currently living my best life. But in a month, I’d only have my dream job.
Jake had funds for me to survive a few months without profit, and then a few months more with a low profit. Within the next nine months, the bakery would need to be completely supporting me; my rent, my staff, my supplies, everything. It sounded like a long time, but then I realized that the last five months with Jake zipped by like nothing. That meant I needed to be diligent about my budget and make sure I was bringing enough people into the bakery at a steady rate to make money.
I gave the staff a tour and discussed new baked items Loraine and Drew might want to create since they were pastry cooks in their own right. As much as I liked working as Maxine’s cook, I never got to make my own desserts or pastries. I wanted to give my cooks a chance to contribute and shine.
We went over baking schedules and how to use the register and coffee machines. I was their boss but I wanted to make them feel like they were part of a team, so I asked for their ideas and input.
When I got home, I was tired and had a little headache. I resisted laying down, not wanting to sleep the evening away again. I went into the bathroom to get some pain reliever. Opening my bag, I noticed my birth control packet and realized I didn’t take my pill this morning because I was afraid I’d throw it up.
I opened the packet and popped out the pill for the middle of the month. As I washed the pill down, a strange niggle of concern had me looking at the packet again. After last night’s burger bonanza, I thought I was probably getting ready to have my period, but I was still in week two of the packet. As I thought back to two weeks ago, another, more unsettling question came up. Did I have my period last month?
Don’t panic, I told myself. Periods could get irregular, especially under stress, right? I’d been taking the pill as prescribed. Mostly. I was late taking it today. There were only one or two times I took my pill later than usual. Once, I forgot and took two the next day. So I couldn’t possibly be pregnant.
I looked at myself in the mirror. The woman staring back wasn’t believing her own assurances that something else wasn’t going on.
I swallowed hard, knowing the only thing I could do would be to take a test. I grabbed my purse and headed out to the nearest store that carried pregnancy tests. I bought two different brands just so I could be sure and then hurried home.
I checked my watch. Five-thirty. I had an hour or hour and a half before Jake would be home. Oh God, please don’t let me be pregnant. What a mess that would make our lives.
Instead of his bathroom, I went to the one adjacent to the room I’d used at the start of our arrangement. I read the directions for each, which was pretty easy. Pee on stick. Wait five minutes. I held both sticks and did my business, setting them on the boxes they came in as I waited.
I’m not pregnant. I laughed at my silly fear. I nearly threw the tests away because there was just no way. But I left them, washed my hands and then went to change into more comfortable clothes, before checking Internet orders.
I stopped by the bathroom to confirm my paranoia was unwarranted, and then I’d get my laptop and work in the kitchen.
I looked at the first stick. Two pink lines. I frowned. What did that mean? I picked up the paper from the box and read.
Oh hell.
I grabbed the second stick. Pregnant.
I sank down onto the toilet seat. How was this possible? A life was growing in me. A life made from me and Jake. A rush of emotion flooded my body at the magnitude of what was happening. I rubbed my belly. I had a baby from the man I loved.
For other people, this would be a joyous moment, but for me, I was scared and worried. I wanted it all; my bakery, Jake and even this little life. But the real world didn’t often cooperate with what we wanted. It was like the universe gave people two things, when what we wanted was three. I could have my bakery and this baby, but not Jake. Just like Tony could have his wife and kids, but not a dream to pursue.
“Sofia?”
Oh shit. I shoved the tests in the boxes and back into the bag I brought t
hem home in. “I’ll be right out.” Listening outside the door, I heard Jake go to his room to change. I snuck out, hiding the bag in my room. I’d get rid of it later.
Pulling myself together, I exited and went to the kitchen.
“You okay?” he asked when he came in wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
“Yep.”
He studied me. “You sure?”
“Yep.” I should tell him. I needed to tell him. But I couldn’t form the words. “How about spaghetti for dinner?”
“Sounds good.”
I wasn’t sure how I made it through the evening without blurting it out or running away. I knew I needed to tell him, and yet, I also needed a plan. He didn’t want marriage or kids. He’d told me so. When he learned about the baby, he’d probably do the right thing. We’d stay married and have this kid. A huge part of me liked that idea, and so many times I nearly told him about the baby.
But another part of me knew that while he’d do the right thing, it would be only for the baby, and I wanted more. I wanted his love. I wanted him to ask me to stay because he wanted me. Staying together because of the baby would only lead to resentment.
I needed to be prepared to walk away from him. Yes, we’d have this baby, but not as a couple. That thought led me to a whole new set of problems. How was I going to open a bakery and build it to the point it was profitable while I was pregnant or raising an infant?
As I lay in bed, I covered my face in my hands, as if that would bring clarity to my situation.
“What do you want, Sofia?” I asked myself. It was the question I always asked when I felt confused in life. The answer wasn’t a surprise. “I want Jake to love me and our baby. I want him to ask me to stay.”
It didn’t seem likely that would happen, and yet, he and I were getting along. He acted like a husband even when no one was watching. Maybe, if I played my cards right, before the end of our agreement, he might decide he cared for me enough to want me to stay. Then I could tell him.
I chastised my silly heart for such a plan. He should know about the baby, and I’d need to deal with his response regardless of how he felt about me. But my heart was adamant. Wait and see if he asks you to stay. It’s only a couple of weeks.
