Free.
Unencumbered.
Completely without responsibilities.
Then…oh, no, this isn’t happening.
I am stumbling.
I step on my heel the wrong way, and it breaks, causing me to fall backward.
“Chloe! Watch out!” Finn says, a little bit too late.
He manages to break my fall a little bit, by grabbing my arm, but it’s a little too late.
It all happens very fast – one second, I’m falling and the next, I’m in his arms.
We’re both on the ground.
I’m on top of him.
He’s grasping me, holding onto me.
I can feel his heart thumping through me.
He smells of lavender and wine.
“You’re okay,” Finn says over and over.
As if he’s willing me to be okay.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
Finn helps me up.
He has one arm around my waist, and he pulls me tighter to him as we stand.
I look up at him.
Slowly, he traces his fingers around the outline of my face.
He starts at my jawline and runs his fingers liberally around my mouth.
I stare into his eyes, holding my breath.
When his fingers tug at my lower lip, my mouth falls open and I exhale.
Finn closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
He leans closer to me and parts my mouth again with his finger. Only this time, he presses his lips to mine.
A small explosion goes off within my body.
I kiss him back, and our tongues intertwine.
I bury my hands in his hair and pull on it until he gives off a moan.
We kiss for a long time. Make out, is more like it.
We can’t get enough of each other.
Our hands run liberally over each other’s bodies, but the clothes remain in place.
Every time his hands skirt past my breasts and round their way to the small of my back, the place in between my legs gets hotter and hotter.
Then suddenly, Finn pulls away.
“Will you come with me?” he asks, looking deep into my eyes.
I nod.
He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom.
We walk what seems like thousands of acres of land to get there. The house is much bigger than I remember.
I have trouble hiding my anticipation of seeing his bedroom.
Of being in his bedroom with Finn.
Only this time, it’s not Finn Dalton’s bedroom that I crave.
But Finn’s. My Finn.
The guy who shared all of those things with me.
The guy who makes my legs feel limp.
The man who sends shivers up my back with the touch of his hand.
As soon as we enter his bedroom, he locks the door and lunges at me, pushing me against the wall.
Both of his hands are pressing my head against the wall and pinning me in place.
He presses his lips onto mine and pushes his tongue into my mouth. The passion is sweeping me away.
I moan, giving his tongue more freedom to roam.
His body presses against mine and I feel his hardness against my stomach. It seems to be growing in size with each movement.
“You taste too good,” he mumbles through the kisses.
My heart rate is through the roof.
But suddenly, I pull away.
I have to tell him something.
It’s only fair.
Something I’ve never told anyone before.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I straighten out my clothes.
Wipe my mouth.
I push him away from me and walk toward the center of the vast room.
The floor-to-ceiling windows lining one side of the wall put me at ease.
“There’s something I have to tell you,” I say quietly. He waits. “There’s a reason why I haven’t dated anyone for a while. It’s difficult to talk about. But I think you should know.”
Finn looks at me and doesn’t say another word.
I turn away from him.
Even though I’m telling him this, I can’t say it to his face.
“Something happened to me with my ex-boyfriend. The last time we were together, the last time I had sex was more than two years ago. Because…”
Come on, Chloe.
Get it together.
You can say it.
It’s just a word.
Nothing to be afraid of.
You’ve used it at the therapist’s a million times before.
“I was raped. He raped me. And that’s why I haven’t dated anyone since then. And why I haven’t slept with anyone for such a long time.”
I mention a few details.
But not all.
It was during college.
We had been having sex for a while. And yet, that night I didn’t want to.
He insisted.
At first, I thought he was just joking. I kept protesting.
Then I realized that he wasn’t. He’d had too much to drink, but that wasn’t an excuse.
At first, I didn’t want to report the incident. He was my boyfriend, after all. But after not being able to sleep for days, I went to a therapist and she helped me make a report.
There was a trial. I testified.
He was convicted.
The prosecutor called me ‘brave,’ and said that it was important to do this for women everywhere.
But I didn’t feel like a hero.
“I’m so, so sorry.” He puts his arm around me.
I nod and accept his sympathy.
Even though it’s incredibly hard, he’s the first person I’ve ever shared this with.
We sit down on the bed.
I turn to him.
“But I just want to tell you that I’m fine. Really. I’ve had a lot of therapy. And I’m ready to put all that behind me. If that’s okay with you.” A small smile forms on Finn’s face.
“You really don’t have to. We can take things slowly.”
“I know. But…I want to,” I say.
I don’t know if it has something to do with being a woman or going through what I’d been through, but I have a hard time owning my feelings.
Telling people exactly what I want.
Especially, men.
And yet, in this case, it feels totally natural.
35
Chloe
For a few moments, I think that I spooked Finn.
He doesn’t make another move toward me.
I know that if I want this to happen, I have to make the move myself.
“I want to make love to you, Finn,” I say quietly and deliberately. “You’re the first person I’ve wanted to be with since that happened.”
He nods, but the lost, angry look on his face remains.
I can almost feel his anger at my ex, and it makes me want him even more.
My breaths are shallow.
I move closer to Finn and run my fingers over his face.
I run my fingers down his neck and start to unbutton his shirt.
I kiss his neck, and once all the buttons on his shirt pop open, I run my tongue all the way down to his belly button.
His muscles move up and down with his breaths and feel cool on my tongue.
When I start to undo his belt, the muscles deep inside the darkest parts of me clench up from anticipation.
Finally, Finn starts to respond.
He lifts up my head to his and kisses me.
This time, his kisses are firm and slow.
Demanding.
Slowly, they start to mold with mine.
He unbuckles his pants and steps out of them.
Then he undoes the back of my blouse and pulls it over my head.
“You have the most beautiful skin,” he mumbles, kissing the back of my arms.
Pushing me down on my back, he tugs at my waistband.
/>
I kick off my shoes and, with one swift motion, Finn pulls off my leggings.
He looks my body up and down.
Pausing for a little too long.
The lights are dimmed, but not enough.
Suddenly, I have a pang of fear.
What if I’m not what he’s used to?
What if he thinks I’m fat or ugly?
But before I get too carried away with my insecurities, Finn licks his lips and says, “You’re so hot. I want you so much.”
My face gets flushed.
Did he just say that?
To me?
I’m still in my matching bra and panty set and he’s still in his boxer-briefs, but that doesn’t stop him from climbing on top of me and grinding.
He kisses me and presses his body into mine.
He is so hard that the force with which he presses himself into my pelvis borders on painful.
But good painful.
He continues to shower me with demanding and passionate kisses.
I moan into his mouth.
Then with one swift motion, he pulls me up.
My legs wrap tightly around his torso.
When he undoes my bra and my breasts fall into his mouth, I toss my head back and let the passion course through my body.
I want him so badly. I grip his strong, powerful biceps and dig my fingernails into his muscles.
He eases me onto the bed and pulls off my panties.
I look up and see that he has also stripped off his boxer-briefs.
For a moment, we lock our eyes on each other’s bodies.
“You are so beautiful,” he says and buries his fingers within me.
I lose my breath and moan from pleasure.
He massages me everywhere, spreading me wide open and making my heart rate jump over beats.
Just as I start to get close, he leans over me.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” he whispers, kissing my neck. I hear the crinkling of a condom package.
“Yes.” I nod. I pull his face toward mine and let him fill me up.
My skin starts to burn.
I close my eyes.
He thrusts in and out of me, making my whole body explode with electricity.
And then suddenly a whole different feeling comes over me.
As Finn moves faster and faster in and out of me, I suddenly clench my toes and let an unfamiliar warm feeling run over my body.
“Finn!” I yell as I come.
“Chloe!” he moans into my ear and collapses on top of me.
When I wake up, it’s still dark.
I have no idea how much time has passed.
My legs feel sore.
I stretch them out, curling my toes.
Finn is dead asleep next to me. I listen to his deep breaths and fall back asleep.
When I wake up again, it’s light out.
The sun is high in the sky.
It feels warm on my face. I run my hand along the other side of the bed, feeling for Finn, but there’s no one there.
I sit up in bed.
My body feels sore and spent.
I’ve never experienced that before. I’ve had sex, of course, but not an orgasm.
The funny thing is that, I was so naïve that I thought that I had orgasmed before, because it felt so good, but now that I have experienced the real thing, I know that I hadn’t.
I’m in drastic need of something to drink. I look around the large white room.
Everything in the room is a different color of white.
Frankly, I didn’t know that there were so many different versions of it, but the room has a beautiful ambience and every color and texture compliments each other in just the right way.
There’s a robe laying on the bench at the foot of the bed. I slip it on and walk outside.
The tiles feel cool under my bare feet.
“Hey, you’re up,” Finn says. “I was just about to bring you breakfast in bed.”
I smile and look around the kitchen island.
It’s filled with dishes of cut up cantaloupe, watermelon, and various berries.
Finn’s hard at work at a stack of pancakes and scrambled eggs.
“Is that all for me?” I ask.
He nods, mischievously.
“I didn’t know what you’d like.”
“I can’t possibly eat all that, Finn.”
“Well, you’re going to have to try.”
I shake my head and pour myself a cup of coffee.
“Do you want me to get fat?”
“Maybe.”
I toss a berry into my mouth.
“You’re going to spoil me,” I say, sitting on the bar stool across from me.
“I intend to do just that.”
His hair is tousled, and he looks even sexier than he did last night, if that were possible.
He’s not wearing a shirt, and every muscle in his stomach flexes as he breathes in and out.
I find myself mesmerized.
Then I catch myself.
As much as I want to stay here long after we finish this delicious breakfast, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.
“Will you give me a ride home later?” I ask.
36
Chloe
I wait for a look of relief to sweep over his face, but it doesn’t.
Instead, what I get is a look of disappointment.
“Oh, do you have to go home?” he asks slowly.
“Well, no, not really. But I don’t want to stay too long. I’m sure that you have a lot of things to do.”
He looks up at me.
The light tan of his skin glistens in the sunlight.
He flashes a smile with his pearly whites.
“Nope. Actually, I don’t have any plans,” he says with a shrug and plates my scrambled eggs.
“Are you sure? Because it’s really no problem.”
“How about this? I’d like for you to stay and hang out. But if you don’t want to, I totally understand.”
I take a deep breath.
Is Finn really asking to spend more time with me?
“Okay,” I say, taking a bite of the most delicious scrambled eggs I’ve ever had in my life.
“Okay?” he confirms, slathering a pancake generously with maple syrup.
I nod, and we eat our breakfast in silence, but with big smiles on our faces.
Since he cooked, I take it upon myself to clean up.
I start putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.
Suddenly, I hear the doorbell.
Finn goes to answer it.
A few moments later, I hear him say, “You can’t just barge in here, you know.”
A female voice says something in return, but I don’t quite make it out.
“Who do you think you are? You think you’re better than other people or something? When I talked to your rep, I was assured that you were a gentleman. But it serves me right for not screening you properly, doesn’t it?”
The accent is very familiar.
Texan.
Who do I know who’s from Texas?
Oh, yeah, that’s right. Dolly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Finn says.
His voice is getting closer.
I know that they’re headed this way.
I see Dolly just as I dry my hands.
“Chloe?” Dolly practically yells out my name.
I take a step forward and tighten the belt on my robe.
I’m suddenly keenly aware of the fact that I’m not wearing anything underneath.
“Hi, Dolly,” I say quietly.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
I don’t like her tone.
Who does she think she is?
“Um, what are you doing here?” I ask.
“I’m here to yell at my client for standing you up on your date. Since that’s what you told me the other day now I see that you are with him all along. What is going on here?”
&nbs
p; I stare at her.
What the hell is she talking about?
“He did stand me up. This is Finn, a guy I work with. We ran into each other by accident at the Governor’s Ball.”
“Oh, no, no, no.” She shakes her finger at us as if we are five years old. “This is Finn Dalton. He was supposed to be your date.”
“What?” I ask.
I can hear what she’s saying, but none of it is making any sense to me.
“No, my date stood me up.”
I turn to look at Finn.
He casts his eyes down and almost turns away from me.
“What is going on, Finn?” I ask.
Dolly turns to him as well.
She crosses her hands across her chest and taps her high heel.
“I don’t know what came over me, Chloe. It was just this fluke thing. I was set up on a date and when I got there and found out it was you…I don’t know, I just felt like…”
“Felt like lying about who you are?”
“No,” he mumbles.
“About pretending that my date stood me up? Acting as if you were some knight in shining armor rescuing me from a bad situation?” I ask.
Now, I’m really starting to hate that I’m wearing this stupid silk bathrobe that he had laid out for me.
“No, that’s not what I wanted to happen. I just wanted to talk to you as if I weren’t your date. I wanted to get to know you a little more.”
“Well, now you know me, don’t you? Isn’t this perfect?” I ask.
I start to walk toward the bedroom to change into my clothes, but he grabs my arm and pulls me close to him.
“Chloe, please,” he says.
“Let go of me, Finn. Let go!” I scream when he doesn’t let me go at first.
He lets me go, and I run toward the bedroom.
I change into my clothes as soon as possible and grab my phone. Only then do I realize that I don’t have a ride home.
Shit.
I feel like I’m about to burst out crying, but I gather my thoughts and take a few deep breaths.
The rest of the hour is a blur.
Somehow, I manage to get my stuff together and get into Dolly’s car. She offers to give me a ride home.
I want to say no, but I don’t have many options unless I want to pay $100 for a cab and wait around for it at Finn’s place.
“I’m so, so sorry, Chloe.” Dolly keeps saying over and over in her annoying accent.
If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be in this mess.
Dressing Mr. Dalton Page 13
