by Trejo, Erin
“I’ve been there my whole life, Shane. Hell, that is. All I wanted was what was mine and they took it! I had a little girl once too. Did you know that?” she asks, looking distant.
“What?”
“I had a daughter. She was beautiful. All eight pounds of her. He took her away from me because she wasn’t a boy. Boys were all he needed. A girl was a complication that he didn’t want. I begged him, pleaded with him to just let me keep her and I’d give him more boys than he could ever ask for,” she says, a sob catching in her throat.
“Oh my God,” I whisper.
“He didn’t agree. She was taken from me in the most brutal of ways, Shane. Where your daughter went into the foster system, mine went into the cold dark dirt beneath our feet.” My mouth parts but no words will form. What do I say to that? I knew their dad was by far one of the worst people I’d ever met in my life but to kill a child? A baby at that? It shouldn’t surprise me the way it does since I knew how the boys were treated when I first met them, but it does.
“Is it all making sense to you now?” I shake my head because I honestly don’t understand what she wants from me.
“That little girl of yours… looks so much like your real father. Isn’t it amazing how that works? Genetics and all?”
“What?” I fight the hold the man has on me, but it does no good. “How would you know what she looks like? What did you do?”
“Nothing yet. That’s where you come in. You are all nice and cozy with the boys once again. I want information. I want names. I want every place they frequent and what times and days. I want to know every fucking step they take.” I shake my head. No way in hell will I cross Callan like that. I just got him back. I can’t lose him again. I won’t. The more I shake my head the angrier she becomes. She holds her hand out to the man holding me. He moves one arm quickly, passing her a small knife before grabbing my head and holding it still. Carol steps closer, her eyes wild with darkness as she presses the tip into my flesh.
“You will do it. You will do everything I want or I will kill that little girl. I will slit her throat just like that bastard did to mine,” she hisses as she drags the blade down my cheek. I cry out in pain as the blade tears through my flesh. Pain shoots through me but just as I’m about to say something more, the man releases me, letting me fall into a crumbled mess on the floor. I reach up and cover the cut as I cry and look at the floor. Her shoes come into view and the thought of slitting her throat crosses my mind, but clearly Callan and the guys underestimated her. She has people—or at least one. Her pointed toe slams into my ribs before I hear her turn and walk away. A guttural scream rips from my lungs as I lay on the floor a bleeding mess. I can hear the screams; I can hear the announcer saying the game is over. We won.
The door opens and a woman screams as I lift my head and look up. Her eyes lock with mine, horror all over her face. I’m sure I look a mess.
“Are you okay? Oh, my God.” I shake my head before laying it back on the floor crying until I can’t breathe.
“In there!” someone yells outside the door. Then the door is being kicked open and dark dirty boots step in front of me.
“Shit,” Steele hisses as he leans down and lifts me in his arms. Still crying, I let my head fall onto his chest and cry harder. Would she do it? Would she really hurt that little girl if I don’t do what she wants? How am I going to tell them that? How can I tell them that Matt raped me and I got pregnant all those years ago?
Steele carries me out of the bathroom and I faintly hear Whisper’s voice as my head becomes full of thoughts.
“Go get Callan and Knox!”
“No. They just won,” I tell him when the words finally come out.
“I don’t give a shit. You’re hurt and Callan will lose his shit if he doesn’t know.” Steele’s voice is as hard as ever as I’m carried from the stadium. My heart hurts. My face hurts. But most of all, I’m angry. I’m afraid. What if Callan hates me once he finds out? What if they all turn against me once they know that I had to give her up?
“Where is she?” I hear Callan growl as we make it into the parking lot.
“I got her,” Steele says, the words rumbling in his throat. I can feel movement around me, but I keep my eyes clenched shut.
“Jesus. Whoever did this to you, I’m going to kill them. Nice and fucking slow too.” Callan’s words make me cry harder. He can’t kill his own mom. I wouldn’t let him do it. Callan slips his arms under me, taking me from his brother before climbing into the back of the SUV. He holds me in his lap as everyone climbs in. He isn’t in his uniform so I assume he changed quickly. Not that I bother to open my eyes and look. I don’t. I keep them closed, praying this is all a bad dream. That I will wake up and none of this really happened and as I cry harder and inhale the scent of Callan, I wish I was never born.
19
Callan
My knee bounces up and down as we sit in the waiting room. I damn near knocked the doctor out when he told me to leave the room. We own this town! I shouldn’t have walked out the way I did but she looked like she needed space.
“Calm down,” Knox growls next to me.
“Fuck you.”
“That’s enough. Both of you stop,” Steele states in a hardened tone. Whisper chews her fingernail in the corner not looking at anyone. I’m on the verge of exploding. I want answers. I want to know who hurt her and why. There are so many questions that are unanswered right now and that pisses me off further. I glance up when I see a wheelchair coming our way with Shane sitting in it. She won’t look up, just stares at the floor. I leap to my feet and rush toward her, dropping to my knees. My hand comes up to her cheek before pulling back when I see the stitches. They cut her deep enough that she needed stitches!
“Shane?” I say her name softly but when she doesn’t respond, I look to the doctor.
“She has eight stitches. She will need to take these antibiotics to ensure she doesn’t get an infection. Otherwise, she will heal up fine. There will be a scar but over time that will fade. The bruising on her ribs will fade. She’s ready to go. She needs lots of rest and if anything changes, bring her back.” I nod as Knox moves in behind the wheelchair to push her out. My heart is hammering in my chest, rage simmering in my veins. As much as I want to hate her, I know that I don’t. She’s always had a piece of my heart and whether I want to admit that or not, it’s true.
We all walk outside, and Steele and Whisper move to get the car. I glance at Knox and he takes the hint, following behind them.
“You know I won’t let them get away with this,” I tell her. She looks up at me, something dark in her eyes.
“You have no choice.”
“What the hell does that mean? You think that I’m not going to kill whoever did this to you?” She huffs out a breath and shakes her head.
“I’ll explain it all later.”
“Now, Shane! Explain it now!” I roar. The car pulls up and Whisper jumps out shoving me back a step.
“She’s hurt, asshole.” I step toward her and she raises an eyebrow to challenge me. I know better than to hit her, or lay a fucking finger on any woman. That isn’t me. So I step back and watch as she helps Shane stand, noting the wince as she grabs at her ribs. How does she expect me to not make someone pay for this? For what they did to her? Without thinking about it further, I close the door as Whisper climbs in the back with Shane and Steele while Knox and I get in the front seat. I don’t look back the whole silent ride back to the house. Even when the car comes to a stop and they all climb out, I stay rooted in place.
“You want to talk about it?” Knox asks after he opens my door and stands there, hands resting on the roof.
“She said I have no choice but to let this go.” He snorts a laugh.
“Yeah, she can think that all she wants.”
“That’s what I was thinking too but she was serious, Knox. Whoever did this, I don’t know what they said to her. What they threatened her with,” I tell him. He sighs and stand
s back allowing me to get out of the SUV. Then he follows me inside where the rest of them are sitting in the living room. My eyes move to each of them, resting on hers.
“Matt has always hated me. It wasn’t a big a secret to anyone that knew us. I was a pawn in my mom’s sick game of life. I was the good girl that kept her mouth shut so that the money kept coming in. I hated it. Hated them. Mostly him at the time,” she says before clearing her throat. I note the wince once more as the growl works its way up my throat.
“You don’t have to do this,” Whisper states. Steele snorts a laugh.
“Like hell she doesn’t.”
“She’s hurt, Steele!”
“Yeah? And my brother is about thirty seconds away from murder! She needs to tell us what the fuck is going on before he ends up in prison!” Steele isn’t joking around now. He can see it, feel the murderous intent as it radiates off me.
“I need to say it! Just… give me a second.” Knox moves to grab a bottle of water, handing it to Shane. We all watch her take a long pull before settling herself once more.
“He raped me.”
“That son of a bitch!” I don’t wait to hear more. I turn and slam my hand into the wall. Pain bursts brightly through my hand as my head falls forward.
“My mom knew about it. It was too late when I found out,” she says. That catches my attention. I turn to face her, my hand throbbing.
“What? Found out what?” Shane looks around the room at everyone before focusing on Whisper. It kills me that she can’t look to me for help. That she can’t look at me for the comfort that she needs right now.
“That I was pregnant.” A silence fills the room as we all let that sink in. I knew. I knew that part, that’s the part that I wanted her to tell me because from everything I saw, it looked like they were together. Like she was fucking him because she wanted to. I put her through hell for nothing. Nothing! Regret isn’t something I’m used to feeling but there it is right in the pit of my damn stomach like a lead weight. Acid burns the back of my throat as I think about the way I treated her. She didn’t deserve it. None of it. Fuck!
“What happened tonight?” Steele asks, keeping his tone the same.
“Your mom pulled me into the bathroom. She had some guy hold me. Said that I was supposed to get information from you guys and turn it over to her,” she tells us.
“And are you?” Steele asks. That’s it. I turn and lunge for him, but Knox is already there pulling me back.
“What the fuck kind of question is that, Steele?”
“A good one! Shane hasn’t been around, Callan. Dad made sure of that and now we learn this shit?”
“I didn’t ask for this shit. You can all go to hell!” Shane explodes, shoving herself off the couch when Steele is on her. He shoves her back down and she flinches from his touch. Fury rises inside of me, but I know he’s just trying to calm the situation.
“We aren’t done here.”
“What else do you want? All the gory details of what he would do to me? Huh? How she let him stay even after she found out? How about the fact that she wanted to keep my baby and raise it as my sister? My rapist’s child, right there in front of me.” The last of her words come out as a sob. I’m trying to control my anger as I walk over and sit next to her. I’m afraid to touch her so I don’t.
“You gave her up though, didn’t you?” Whisper asks softly. Steele moves back to his spot and Knox stands with his arms crossed over his chest leaning against the wall.
“I couldn’t look at her with him there. I couldn’t let them raise her. Look at me. What kind of person would that have made me? To let the same two people that ruined my life ruin hers.” Tears stream down her cheeks as my heart crumbles inside of me. I judged her all wrong. What I knew, it was all wrong.
“God, Shane,” Steele grumbles as he runs his hand over his face.
“I’m not helping her, Steele. I didn’t agree to shit but she knew about the baby. I don’t know how but she did, and she said that if I didn’t want her dead that I had to help her. She said you had a sister that your dad killed.” She sobs harder. I can’t take it anymore. I grab her and pull her into my arms as she cries harder. My eyes move to Steele’s as I try to comfort Shane. He doesn’t look surprised by those words. He knew. Of course he knew; Steele knows a lot more about this family than any of us do. He had to. That’s how he stayed alive when we were younger.
“Anyone else think it’s time to kill that bitch?” Whisper asks, looking around the room. Steele chuckles and Knox snorts a laugh.
“You can’t,” Shane says in a panic. “She can’t hurt her. She doesn’t deserve that!” I keep my grip on Shane, as I look to the guys.
“She’s right. We can’t let her hurt an innocent child, not again.”
“We need to dig boys. We need information on the adoption. Find out where that little girl is and get her protected first. If Carol was able to find her, it shouldn’t be hard for the three of us,” Knox says.
“Five.” We all look at Whisper. “There are five of us.” Steele nods his head and for the first time in a long time, I feel like this family is finally coming back together. Like we are who we were meant to be. I keep my hold on Shane as we discuss a few more things. She doesn’t push me away and I’m grateful for that although I would understand if she did. I hurt her. I wrecked her for no other reason than being a prick.
Once everyone is done talking and a plan is formed, I stand and help Shane from the couch, leading her down the hall and up the stairs. She starts to go left but I pull her to the right. She doesn’t fight me on this either. Opening the door to my room, I usher her in and follow behind her, closing the door behind us.
“I’m sorry, Callan. I know you must hate me, I hate myself.”
“Do you know what I thought?” She shakes her head. “I thought you were with him. That’s how it all looked. I thought you gave up your baby because you didn’t want it, the way my mom gave us up. And I hated you for it, Shane. More than I could ever hate anyone. I wanted you to pay for something that you had no control over.” Her eyes meet mine and I see the way she looks at me. I shake my head. “Don’t. Don’t try and make it okay for me. I was wrong, Shane. I had no idea what you went through and I made your life hell for it. I pushed you, toyed with you, and for what?” She steps closer, her hand resting on my chest.
“You couldn’t have known everything, Cal. I never told anyone. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was my fault.”
“You said that I took something that should have been us. What did you mean?”
“That baby. She should have been ours, Shane. God, I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I would have given you the world if you wanted it.” Tears fall down her cheeks as she looks up at me. I reach up and cup her good cheek before leaning in and kissing her. It’s wrong. I shouldn’t let myself do this. She should hate me.
“Hate me, Shane,” I beg her. She shakes her head and kisses me back.
“I can’t,” she whispers against my lips. Everything I’ve fucked up in the past has come down to this.
“As much as I love you, I can’t let you love me back, Shane.”
20
Shane
He tells me to hate him, not to love him. He tells me to forget everything but how can I when he keeps me so close? Every night since that night weeks ago I’ve been tucked into his bed with him wrapped around me. He hasn’t made a move to touch me and God, I have tried. I want him. Maybe even more now that he knows everything, but he’s keeping me at arm’s length.
“He loves you,” Steele says as I bring the bottle of whiskey to my lips.
“He hates me. He won’t even kiss me,” I say as I take another pull. Steele laughs as I look out at the sun as it sets.
“Day drinking doesn’t suit you, Shane.”
“Now ask me if I care.” Why won’t he just go away? I don’t need him here. I don’t need a babysitter.
“No, you don’t care. You d
on’t give a shit because you’re angry and you need an outlet. Drinking works sometimes but maybe you need more.”
“I’m not Whisper.”
“Never said you were. She lets out a lot of steam by dancing. You should try it.”
“Or fucking but I can’t seem to get that either,” I inform him. He laughs and I can’t help but smile with him.
“Fine. We could always play a little game I like to call pool house,” he says, eyeing me.
“I’ve heard about that from Whisper and I don’t think that’s really my thing. Thanks for the offer though.”
“Come on. I’ll drive you over to the studio.” Steele grabs the bottle of whiskey and tosses it through the air. I watch it land in the grass as I drag my ass off the chair. Following him around the house, I climb in the front seat and buckle up.
“It’s been weeks. Where the hell is she?” I ask more to myself than to Steele. He puts the key in and starts the car up, turning the radio down when music blasts through the speakers.
“She’s a calculating bitch. Don’t worry about her, Shane. Callan has made sure everywhere you go there is extra security, and he’s working overtime to find that little girl.” Pain slices through my chest when he says that.
“I never wanted to give her up you know? She was perfect in my eyes even though how she came to be wasn’t.” Steele doesn’t say anything else as he pulls out into the road. We ride like this for a few minutes when he finally talks.
“We can find her. Get her back.”
“No. I couldn’t take her from her family, Steele. That would make me no better than your mom,” I admit.
“You know we can make it happen. Just say the words.” I turn my head and look out the window instead of acknowledging that. I know they could and that scares me a little.
We pull up to the dance studio and I climb out feeling a little buzzed from the amount of whiskey I drank. Following Steele inside, he holds the door as I walk past him. Knox looks up from the desk with some new girl they are training. I sigh. I’m losing my place here, too. Defeat is a bitch to swallow.
