by Kristy Marie
I’m tapping my chewed-up pen against the small antique writing desk in the corner. Having slept on my decision, I’m finally ready to take action, which unfortunately requires Theo’s assistance. “So, you know how the other day on the deck, you asked me about what was bothering me? And I told you something Mason said had me thinking?”
Theo is lounging in the sitting chair in my bedroom, looking all kinds of sexy in his plain old t-shirt and sweats, reading his Men’s Health Magazine.
I anticipate a barrage of questions since I’m opening up, but he waits me out, only tilting his head in curiosity. “Yeah.”
“Well, I’ve decided. I’m going to commit a crime.” The words slip past my lips quickly, like I’ve held them back too long.
His eyebrows raise slowly and his lip quirks in response to my outburst. “Really?”
I nod. “Yeah. I’m going to steal Mason’s dog back. That bitch doesn’t deserve him.”
“Mason has a dog? And what bitch?”
Sighing, I realize I’m going to have to disclose some of Mason’s secrets to get Theo’s help with this mission.
“Yes, Theo. The bitch is his ex-wife. She divorced him when he returned from deployment. She got his war dog in the divorce because her new boyfriend was a damn good attorney. Any other questions?”
Theo nods, his brows scrunched in thought. “Don’t you have enough strays, Ans? Seriously, this hobby of yours is getting out of hand.”
I glare at him.
“Okay. When are we committing this said crime?” He flashes me an adorable smile.
My Theo, always down for some trouble… I chuckle at his easygoing nature about committing a possible felony and don’t answer him right away. Instead, I advance and straddle his outstretched legs, letting my hands roam up his scrumptious chest. He tosses the magazine away like yesterday’s trash and his hands eagerly grip my hips.
His thick head of hair compels me to run my fingers through it. And with a bit more aggression than is warranted. Rubbing my nose against the outer edge of his ear, I inhale his bergamot scent, a combination of his soap and deodorant. He knows where this is heading, his long length already hardening underneath me as he takes hold of the back of my head, pulling me up against his hard abs.
“I want to go in this afternoon,” I breathe into his ear. Sitting up, I continue, “I have been casing her house and she’s almost never home. That poor dog just sits on a chain in the backyard with no interaction whatsoever. I bet she doesn’t even feed him properly.” I shake my head in disgust.
This lady is already on my shit list. After what Mason has been through, I think it takes a pretty evil bitch to wrangle a vet’s dog just to be the one on top of the divorce.
“How do you plan on pulling it off?”
I shrug, looking away with a grin. “I was hoping you would ask Brad for a favor.”
He balks. “AAA Brad? The dumbass I had to rescue you from at that party years ago?”
I nod my head in a silent yes. That Brad. The Brad I paraded around in front of Theo all semester long, driving him crazy with jealousy.
When he puts two and two together, he cringes. “Me? Why don’t you ask Brad, the fire starter?”
“Because you said he likes your ass better than mine. You remember?” I remind him of the time when I called him to come get me from Brad’s party. Brad could only find my asshole that night, rubbing so hard he could have started a fire. I wiggle my eyebrows up and down at Theo like I am the smartest villain ever, but the way he looks at me makes me think I must look like a defective doll—the kind that open and close their eyes when you lay them down. Okay. No humor today. Moving on. “And I also happen to know from social media that Brad is a dogcatcher now.”
Theo takes a deep breath, stretching his back to look at the ceiling—his tell when he is trying to find patience. So damn dramatic.
I huff out an angry breath. “Can you do it or not?”
Slowly, he brings his head forward and holds my gaze. “Sure. But I want some incentive.” He fucking winks, like the arrogant asshole he is. Theo does nothing without incentive.
I wave my hand in the air, cutting off any elaboration. “I know, I know. You want a blow job. Deal.”
His eyes go wide. “I’m surprised and ashamed at your lack of negotiating, McCallister.” He raises fluidly off the chair, effectively pushing me onto the cushion alone. “What favor am I to ask of Brad?”
Do not roll your eyes. Do not roll your eyes. Men are so dense sometimes.
I speak slowly so my cadence conveys that I am indeed talking to an idiot. “Brad. Is. A. Dogcatcher. I. Need. Him. To. Catch. A. Dog.”
Theo shoots me a glare and I can’t help the laugh that snorts out. “Of course, I need him to catch this stray dog after I loosen his collar and set him free.” I shrug like this is a piece of cake.
Now it’s Theo’s turn to look at me like I’m the stupid one.
“What? It’s a good plan.”
He grimaces and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “I need to warn Thad that he probably should stand by in case we need to be bailed out of jail.”
That might not be a bad idea, but I don’t tell Theo. He looks pretty uptight, and starts to pace with that damn finger to his lip. Instantly my vagina drools like the whore she is. Down girl! No sex for you until the penis does what we need it to.
Pacing alongside the picture window, he voices his concerns out loud. “How are you planning to keep the dog, Ans?”
I shrug. “I’m hoping she won’t be home and Brad will look legit putting the dog in the back of his truck and leaving an ordinance violation on her door. Hopefully, she’ll never try to look for him.”
His eyes widen in horror. And the award for best drama goes to… “Oh my gosh. This is exactly why you should always be supervised.”
I give him my middle finger, which he doesn’t acknowledge.
“What we need is a reason that she can’t have him back.”
“Other than she’s a cunt and should be shot?”
He nods, frowning a little but then bounces excitedly. “What if a super sexy jogger,” he uses air quotes, “gets bit and insists the rabid animal be put down or he’ll sue?”
Hell, yeah! See, this is why Theo is my motherfucking wingman. Underneath all those hard-earned muscles, he actually has a genius brain.
I jump from the chair and launch myself at him. “That idea is perfect. You are so getting that blow job!”
“Do you think we need to take a water bowl or something?” Theo asks, rifling through a box.
We’re both squatting in the attic, trying not to bump our heads on the nails protruding from the roof.
I look up from the box I’m digging through in search of a dog leash. I know my grandparents used to have one here somewhere. “Nah, we’ll swing by a drive-through.”
Theo looks confused for a moment but he shrugs it off quickly and continues to busy himself in his own box. I already have a dog bowl and a bottled water. I just wanted to see if he would question me. Nope. He’ll go along with anything at this point in our relationship. He has complete trust in me.
I’m almost to the point of giving up on the leash when he shouts, “Found it!”
“Thank goodness! Come on; let’s get going before we lose the daylight.”
I open the passenger door to Theo’s precious Mustang and I kid you not, there are about fifty blankets in the backseat. “Are you preparing for the apocalypse, or what?”
“What?” He’s distracted, fumbling with the radio.
“What’s with all the blankets, weirdo?” The sound of a game comes through the speakers and he’s apparently spellbound. Giving up on getting an answer, I throw the rest of our gear in the back atop the mountain of blankets, and he speeds out of the driveway as soon as my seatbelt is on.
We meet Brad at some Podunk gas station right outside the town, where Mason’s ex resides. He’s standing next to his scratched and dinged animal taxi. The truck is
not in decent shape, but I guess that’s to be expected when you haul unwilling animals around all day.
Theo parks several spaces away from Brad’s vehicle, which I find seriously amusing. “Are you scared he may jump you and grab a handful of that ass?”
He doesn’t share in my amusement, but scoffs, correcting me, “Hell no. I just don’t want my car getting fleas.”
“Ah. I should have known you wouldn’t mind a little ass grabbing, but God forbid this precious car gets dirty. What if the dog has fleas? What are you going to do then?”
He frowns, which makes him appear incredibly boyish. He’s quiet and I can tell he’s trying to figure out the situation. With a resolute sigh, he says, “It’ll come out of your ass,” and jumps out of the car.
Okay, then. I may or may not look forward to it.
I pop open the door and jog to catch up with him. No way is he going to act like the leader of this little operation, and all jokes aside, Brad better keep his greedy paws off my boy’s ass. I have worked that ass hard to get it to look like that. No one, and I mean no one, gets to grab it unless I say.
Brad greets us with the typical southern acknowledgment. “Hey y’all. Good to see you.” He extends his hand to Theo and surprisingly, without hesitation, Theo shakes it. I give him my hand, but instead he grabs my arm and pulls me in for a hug. “Naw, girl. I need a hug.”
Ha! Take that, Von Bremen. Brad likes my ass better. I casually look over Brad’s shoulder and as maturely as possible, stick my tongue out at Theo. He rolls his eyes but clears his throat, bringing Brad back to the reason we are here.
Brad takes the hint and steps back quickly, looking from me to Theo and back to me.
“So, what’s the plan?”
I take the lead because this is my crime. “I’m going to run the block a few times and when the area is clear I will sneak into the backyard and loosen the collar, setting the dog free. You’ll need to be close by with the treats and lure him to the truck. I’ll be there to help you. Meanwhile, Theo will be running the block. Hopefully there will be witnesses and he can put on a show of being bit and call you. You’ll then track the dog, loading him into the van and explain to the cunt that the dog must go to the pound etc., etc.”
Brad gives me an understanding nod.
Theo just looks bored.
“Any questions?” I ask, impatient to load up and get this show on the road.
“Yeah. One more. How are you going to make it look like Theo was bit?”
I feel my lips turn up at the corners like the Grinch. “You leave that to me,” I tell him while I lock eyes with a now slightly nervous Theo.
“Do you seriously have to bite me, Ans?”
We’re sitting in Theo’s car about a block away from Rachael’s (aka the bitch). Theo has on his compression pants and gym shorts. Unfortunately, he has on a shirt, too. He’s the poster boy for: kids get off the sofa and eat your veggies. His legs are hanging out the passenger door while I’m squatted eye level with his delicious calves. Caressing the right one, I massage it until I feel the muscle relax a little.
“Come on, Theo. Don’t be a baby. You never cared before when I bit you.”
Glaring, he snaps, “That’s different and you fucking know it.” He’s chickening out. “You weren’t taking a huge-ass dog bite out of me.”
“I won’t take a huge bite, I promise. Think of it as a little love bite,” I soothe, trying to relax him further as I continue to massage his calf.
He doesn’t look very calm but after a few deep breaths he agrees. “Fine. One bite. But later, when you’re on your knees thanking me, I get to bite you back.”
Eh. That might not be so bad. He always goes for the ass. I have enough meat there for him to get a mouthful of retaliation. Before he changes his mind, I slide his compression pants up his calf. “I think this needs to come off.”
“You’re probably right.” He stands, and quickly his shorts and pants hit his ankles. No hesitation. No shame in his body.
Theo’s confidence has always been a turn on for me. Living with the guys and constantly encouraging them about their body takes a lot of energy. It’s a nice reprieve to see Theo just strip it off and let me get my fill.
Taking the opportunity given, I kiss the tip of his length where it rests near my cheek. It isn’t hard but it certainly has potential. One swipe of my tongue and it would be a go. Nothing turns Theo on more than public indecency.
Me, too, if I am being honest here.
“Mmm… You better hurry and get those shorts back on, handsome.” I moan my appreciation.
He chuckles, pulling them up, creating the barrier we need to stop ourselves before we lose all common sense. With his muscled calves exposed, I place a kiss on each one. Right or left? Which one to bite?
“Hurry up, Anniston. Before I lose my nerve.” The strain of his voice tells me his patience is wearing thin. He’s a second away from saying fuck it and abandoning this plan.
Knowing we don’t have much time, I kiss the left one, placing my teeth against the warm skin and bite down. He flinches but doesn’t wail or make a dramatic scene. I mean really, did he think I was going to remove flesh? I need a paycheck, too.
If he doesn’t work then I’ll have to take extra hours in the ER.
“Is that it?” Theo asks hesitantly.
I laugh. “Yeah, ya big baby. What did you think I was going to do?”
He leans over and rubs his hand over the teeth marks. “You think the indentions will hold up?”
I shrug. I don’t know. My hope is that the bitch won’t look too hard. “Maybe. The blood and your performance is what will sell it.” I open my purse, pulling out the fake blood we picked up from the party store. I hand it to him and he inspects it carefully. “What are you doing? Reading the damn ingredients?”
“Am I not allowed to read?” he pops off, annoyed.
Taking a deep breath, I will myself to settle down. We’re both wound pretty tight. You know, about to commit a crime and all…
“I’m sorry. Yes, you can read it. Be sure you smear it all over and make it believable.”
He opens the package, allowing the crimson cornstarch to bleed through his fingers. He smooths it over the bite and runs it down his leg into his sock, which will probably have to be trashed after this.
“Looks good.” Standing, I stretch my back, raising my arms overhead, pulling my neck side to side. Focus, Ans. Channel your inner criminal. You can do this, Mason is counting on you to do this.
Well, not really. Mason has no idea what I am up to. Neither does Cade. I couldn’t tell Cade because he would be a party pooper and try to talk me out of it. But he wouldn’t have talked me out of shit. He would have just made it harder for me to do it with all his weighted guilt and doing the right thing propaganda.
Theo stands, cocking his head to admire his bloody handiwork. “Alright. Let’s do this!”
I grab his shoulders and crush my lips to his. I kiss the fucking shit out of this man who would do anything for me. Even go to jail. He pulls away, breathless and obviously taken by surprise.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Commander.” His voice is rough, his face flushed. Someone is turned on.
I let my eyes drift lower to confirm.
Yep. He’s hard.
I smile. I’m pretty proud of myself right now. “I always finish what I start, Von Bremen. Now, run that fine ass down the sidewalk.”
He shakes his head in amusement, adjusts himself, and takes off down the sidewalk.
To lie.
For me.
I am so fucking in love with this man right now.
“Not too hard, though!” He’s healed up nicely since his surgery and against my will, has been back in the gym. Running down the sidewalk a couple of times shouldn’t be an issue but I’d rather err on the side of caution.
Tamping down the last of the warm fuzzies from watching that ass bounce down the street, I head to the bitch’s house.
The small split-level, cookie-cutter house sits a stone’s throw away from its neighboring replica. It will make it difficult to get to the backyard without being seen. But I’m a ninja. I can so do this stealing thing.
I make my way through the corner lot that sits parallel to the road. It will be a longer hike through the back woods, but using that route will seclude me from the sidewalk. Moving branches and sticks away from my face, I duck and weave, running alongside the fence border.
Dogs bark and rush the fence, warning me away. They’re pretty scary, but I don’t falter. I trip over a fucking gigantic boulder. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it was a decent sized rock. And I tripped over it. I’m in a hurry, okay? It’s not like I’m naturally clumsy.
Launching the pesky boulder into the woods, my phone chirps. Crickets. Clever, yeah? Theo and I have this spy shit down pat.
Theo: Red one to Pink two. Over.
What the fuck, Theo? These aren’t walkie-talkies. But I play along to not hurt his ego and wish we had earpieces.
Ans: Alpha one to Dumbass two. Over.
Theo: You are not the alpha. I am the alpha.
Oh my word. This boy.
Ans: I’m always the alpha. Get over it. Are you in position?
Theo: We’ll table the alpha debate. I’m in position.
I hope “in position” means he is jiggling that beach ball ass up and down the sidewalk like he should be. I don’t take the time to ask him, though. His alpha bullshit has already slowed me down.
Pushing through the brush and trudging forward, I locate the house. The chain-link fence is rusting, obviously old and neglected. The poor dog lays in a small ray of sunlight right off the back porch where she is chained.
Her fur is matted and I can tell even from here that she’s in extreme need of a bath. I take a minute and assess my surroundings. Crouching low to avoid any curious onlookers, I notice a low spot in the fence that I can jump, making my job faster. The gate is off to the side and latched. To get the dog through, I will have to get closer than I planned to unlatch it.
