Most days he functioned well enough, a familiar numbness allowing him to take care of business, shop, and walk the beach to relax. Other days, the slightest event could trigger flashbacks to those devastating times—paramedics, shock, paperwork, tears, arguments, decisions, and finally, the bureaucracy of death.
Weary of his worry, he sucked in a breath and grabbed his keys. He couldn’t back out on Grace now.
Chapter 4
Seth’s knock at the door seemed to propel a flock of seagulls into flight in Grace’s stomach. She was really doing this. Okay, feet, go answer the door without falling.
Through the French door, he waited, shifting his weight from one foot to another. Maybe he was as nervous as she was.
Here goes. Grace turned the knob and swung open the door. “Hi.”
His pressed blue button-down brought out the color of his eyes. “Ready?” A smile tugged at the corners of his lips, the glow from the landscape light accentuating the symmetric angles of his cheekbones and defined chin with that notched dimple.
She managed a nod. Ready as I’ll ever be.
A shiny red Nissan Titan hummed in the drive. Seth escorted her out and opened the passenger door. The inside of the truck gleamed almost as brightly as the outside. The man obviously loved his vehicle.
On the drive over, a subdued version of Seth gave her the rundown on the area including where to purchase food and other necessities. Twinkling lights and red bows adorned the adorable town with its tiny post office and quaint shops along brick-lined avenues. After the tour of that central area, they cruised down a dark highway until they reached the bay. Seth shared stories about learning to fish there with his grandparents. The casual conversation calmed a smidgen of the nerves swirling in her stomach. She hadn’t dated anyone besides Trevor since her sophomore year of college, so she hadn’t been alone with another guy for a long time. And she’d never been a pro at the whole playing-the-game thing. If this was a date. And she still wasn’t sure it was.
After parking, Seth quickly circled the truck to open her door. A cool breeze caught her hair and sent a shiver down her arms. Either that or the chills were thanks to her cute escort.
“Rain may be coming soon.” Seth motioned for her to go ahead of him across the white rocks covering the lot and up the boardwalk to the restaurant entrance. He opened the door and waited until she’d gone through, then he caught the attention of the hostess. “Seth, party of two.”
That sounded really nice...better than, Grace, party of one.
A hostess seated them, took a drink order, and offered menus.
“Do you like shrimp, oysters, and fish? They have a great platter we could share. Then we’ll have room for pie.” His brows raised and lowered. “They have an awesome key lime or peanut butter. I mean top of the heap.”
“You’re speaking my native language. Desserts-first 101.” Trevor never would’ve split a meal. Taking a french fry from his plate was a punishable offense. He guarded his plate as if it were his death-row last meal.
Grace held in a chuckle. Sharing a spicy seafood platter in a cozy, upscale restaurant with an attractive guy was not how she’d expected to spend her first evening in Santa Rosa. Of course, she hadn’t expected an exploding toilet either.
The view from the large window near their table overlooked a bay. Stars twinkling in the dark purple skies, and the moon reflecting on the tranquil waters. A candle flickered on their table, and glowing white Christmas lights adorned the walls, creating cheer.
The food ordered and delivered, they both dug in, first adding fried oysters to their plates.
“You love these, too?” Seth asked, brows raised. “A lot of people don’t.”
“If they’re cooked nice and crispy like my dad’s.”
“Same here.”
Grace couldn’t stop a smile. They seemed to have a lot in common.
A young man with a brown goatee crooned a mellow song to the strum of his guitar, and she forked her first bite. Yum. The batter had been perfectly fried.
“How long did you plan to stay in Santa Rosa before you were put in charge of the unexpected remodel?” The lights reflected in Seth’s eyes, his gaze kind and unassuming.
“I have to be in Atlanta in early January when the legislature convenes. Things get really crazy for several months.”
“You aren’t going home for Christmas?” His face dipped while he squeezed a third slice of lemon into his sweet tea and stirred.
“I don’t know.” A shard of insecurity slashed into Grace’s spirits. “My family means well with their advice and all, but...”
“You don’t have to explain. I’ve been there.” Setting aside his drink, Seth met her gaze, smirked, and made air quotes. “Like, ‘time heals all wounds,’ or ‘at least you weren’t married thirty years. You’re young. You can start over.’” His Adam’s apple bobbed, his fingers clenched. “As if any of that helps.”
“Exactly.” He did get it. “My mom actually said, ‘I knew he would do something like this one day. I just had that feeling.’ And then my sister added, ‘I don’t know what you ever saw in him in the first place. You’re better off without him.’” She huffed. “I mean, they could’ve spoken up before I married him if they’d noticed red flags, you know?”
His blue eyes widened as he took in the statements which had only served to more thoroughly shatter her broken heart. “That was a few years late and a few-thousand divorce-lawyer dollars short.” He took a swig of his tea and swallowed, his expression contemplative. “Here’s one. A coworker asked me if we’d tried counseling because ‘he and his wife had issues but had worked hard to make it.’ I felt like saying, ‘No, I’d just rather pay exorbitant amounts to attorneys to have my heart ripped out of my chest.’” His broad shoulders lifted as if his statement were a nonchalant one. “But I didn’t say it.” He chuckled, though the sound was anything but amused. “It’s possible I might’ve struggled with anger issues.”
Hadn’t she wanted to shout at Trevor and Alexa? Scream about how badly they’d hurt her? Instead, she’d squashed down that heap of outrage, tucked it somewhere in a hollow place they’d dredged out. “I wanted to be angry, but I kept trying to understand. I kept wondering—asking myself over and over—if something stupid I’d done or said sent my husband into the arms of my best friend.”
His expression softened. “I’m sorry.” Seth reached across the table, and his fingers covered hers. Strong, calloused fingers that both calmed and electrified her. “That’s just wrong, and in no way was it your fault. You should have some righteous anger over a betrayal like that.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “I don’t mean for you to stay angry, but feel the emotion, so you can move forward. Yes, Christians forgive, but we are still allowed emotions.” His brows rose above those kind blue eyes. “I’m sorry to make an assumption. That you are a believer.”
Tears pricked Grace’s eyes. So, Seth was a man of faith. Probably a question she should’ve asked before this adventure, but the offer had taken her off guard.
“I am a believer,” she said. “And thank you for that good advice.” A wave of peace settled over her like a favorite quilt. She’d chosen to go out to dinner with someone she’d just met, but at least they had their faith in common. Maybe she’d call Brooklyn and find out more about Seth...Seth... Wait, what was his last name? She hadn’t asked, and if he’d told her, she’d forgotten. How awkward. She really was out of practice. If she was going to date, perhaps she should make a checklist. Faith and last name would be the first two questions. Mandatory questions.
GRACE IS A CHRISTIAN.
That news washed over Seth and buoyed his spirits like a lighthouse materializing on a murky night at sea. If he’d married a woman who’d shared his faith the first time, maybe they could’ve survived what happened. He’d thought Selina would come to believe eventually. She’d been willing to attend worship services with him, go to a small group, but she’d never given her life to the Lord. Overcoming the shock and
sting of death without the belief in a resurrection had broken her. Their baby boy dying had broken him, too, but he’d known God was there in the midst of the anguish. This life wasn’t all there was. He still believed, even if he didn’t understand.
“Any other funny advice you want to share?” Grace’s voice floated through Seth’s consciousness.
He’d almost let himself slip into that stale, dark place.
The lift of Grace’s pert lips brought out those smile lines he’d noticed, and her deep blue eyes sparkled even brighter in the shimmering Christmas lights. An uplifting sight if ever there was one.
“Okay, digging deep.” He grappled through his memory to divorce advice, weeding out the awkward things that had been said after they’d lost Noah. “A friend told me, ‘I hope I don’t get divorced, too.’ As if it were contagious.”
A small chuckle drifted across the table, widening Grace’s smile. “People mean well, though. I never know what to say to hurting people either. Other than ‘I’m sorry you’re going through this,’ you know, whatever it is.”
“Perfect thing to say.”
Her eyes met his, and she giggled. “I guess it’s better than, ‘When are you going to start dating? Can I set you up? I know a nice guy who’s getting divorced.’”
Seth let his head fall forward, and he laughed hard. “Oh, yeah. I get that a lot. Well, except it’s a nice girl.”
“At least we can laugh about that junk now.”
“I haven’t laughed this much in—” How long had it been? “It seems like another life.” Laughter had only existed in the life of blissful ignorance he’d led before he’d found Noah that morning in the crib. Ignorance that someone so perfect could be snatched away without warning. Ignorance that the death of one so tiny could rip apart two lives and what he’d thought was a strong marriage. A lump clogged his throat. Seth blasted the memory away. He had to stop torturing himself. It wasn’t his fault. The doctor had explained the autopsy conclusions—more than once—to Selina and to him.
His gaze drifted to Grace. If nothing else, tonight had shown him that somewhere under his grief, his heart still beat. “Thank you for coming, Grace. I’ve enjoyed this.”
“Me, too.” The tenderness in her gaze tore away more of the boarded-up places inside his soul. “And you were right about the desserts. Definitely works of culinary art.” She nodded toward the empty plates.
The waitress delivered the bill, Seth cleared the tab, and then he offered Grace his hand. “Would you like to walk out on the pier before we head back? It’s a nice night.”
“Why not? As long as you keep me from falling overboard, my work can wait a few more hours.”
“I got you covered. And work?” He pulled her forward and chuckled. “What’s that? Come on. After the mess we cleaned up earlier, you need to enjoy yourself.”
She followed. “Easy for you to say. What exactly is your job, Mr., um, Mr.—”
“Oh, wow.” He pivoted her way and pinned Grace with a playful stare. “You don’t know my last name, do you?”
Her cheeks pinked as her smile faltered. “Did you tell me? Mine’s Grace Logan, by the way. It seems our introductions were not the norm. I’m usually pretty good with names. Names are important in the lobbying business.”
“Our meetings have definitely been straight-up weird, so maybe I didn’t tell you.” He gave a half-bow. “Seth Gibbs, at your service. And I’m a tool guy.” Waggling his brows, he added. “Maybe in more ways than one. Like, I’m a tool, get it? Do people say that anymore?”
“Only tools.” Those cute lips twisted to hold back a grin, then she toppled forward. “Whoa!”
Seth caught her around the waist and pulled her close before she did any damage. “You are much too hazardous for your own good.”
“Thanks. My heel caught on that nail. I can find something to stumble over anywhere.” Blue eyes gazed up at him. She was so close, he could study the long lashes framing them as they lowered. “Maybe that’s why he chose someone else over me.”
Seth’s heart squeezed. How some jerk left her feeling like that, he couldn’t imagine. And he couldn’t help tipping her chin to pull her gaze toward his. “If there’s one thing I know after only one day, you are not to blame.” His fingers traced her soft jawline, traveled to cup her cheeks, while his eyes locked onto those lips. He inhaled the soft hint of a peppermint after-dinner mint on her shallow breath. His pulse surged while his breathing halted. He shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop bending toward her, closing his eyes, and caressing her lips with his own.
He tasted softness and tenderness, passion and beauty, the scents of lilac and sea air filling his senses. Lost for a long moment, he explored her lips, until finally, he lifted his head, still cradling her face.
Grace’s lashes fluttered open, and her eyes locked with his.
“I probably shouldn’t have done that.” Seth’s voice came out husky. As a matter of fact, he knew he shouldn’t have.
Chapter 5
Oh, man, he’d messed up.
Seth’s breathing stalled, the band of muscles in his torso locking into a tight vise. Reality submerged him further into a current of churning regret. He shouldn’t have started a romantic relationship when he didn’t have the emotional fortitude to follow through. Especially without knowing more about Grace’s hopes and dreams for the future.
“I’m sorry,” Grace whispered and touched her pink lips.
“Why in the world are you sorry?” He let the pad of his thumb run down her cheek. “I’m the one who seems to have lost my senses.” Unraveling what he’d started would be tricky. “You probably think I’m some player now. The truth is, you’re the first woman I’ve kissed since Selina.” Whoops. Didn’t mean to mention her either. Too late. He shrugged one shoulder. “My ex.”
“First one?” Her blue gaze searched his face and plunged deep into his heart. Had he truly only known this woman one day? He managed a nod.
“Mine, too.” She blew out an embarrassed huff. “I mean, since Trevor.”
Seth pulled her into a warm embrace, and whispered next to her ear, “Well, it was the perfect first kiss, if you ask me.” The feel of her in his arms cracked something inside, something buried deep and cold. He didn’t want to let her go, but he had no choice. Slowly releasing her, he cleared his throat. “Maybe a bit too soon, since we’ve only just met.”
Her lashes fluttered again. “Right.”
His abs tightened as if waiting for a harsh blow. If she cried, it would kill him.
One side of her mouth quirked up. “Hmm, I guess that was a pretty good one.”
Grace was a class act. “Pretty good?” He gave her a playful nudge but fought the urge to replay the whole exquisite experience in living color right this very second. But continuing the flirtations wouldn’t be fair to either of them. “I need to tell you—”
“Oh, look!” Grace stepped away from his hold and made quick steps down the boardwalk toward the parking lot. “Carolers in costume.”
Voices flowed from the group of about twenty singers, some dressed in white choir robes. They performed Away in a Manger. As Seth followed Grace toward the gathering, his throat thickened, making it hard to swallow. Where had they come from? This restaurant’s location wasn’t near the heart of town.
In the center of the singers, three shepherds and three wise men surrounded a young couple dressed as Mary and Joseph. The stranglehold on Seth’s throat tightened.
They held an infant, maybe four months old. The child let out a shrill cry, and his mother gently lifted him to her shoulder.
The baby’s wail reverberated in Seth’s ears, split open that hollowed-out place in his soul, spilling out the grief and ache that slashed through him every time he saw an infant near Noah’s age.
Every time the day of his son’s birth circled around. Every time the anniversary of the day they’d lost him arrived shrouded in darkness and sorrow.
The ache in his arms, the cries that haunted
him in his dreams, threatened to drown him in a sea of guilt.
Pain coiled in his chest, and his pulse raced. He had to get out of here.
“Grace, I have to go. Now.”
WHAT HAPPENED? GRACE turned from the singers to glimpse Seth practically jogging to his truck.
Confusion and disappointment collided in her heart. Was he ill? Was it the kiss? Had she done or said some other klutzy thing for the millionth time in her life?
She made a beeline to the passenger door but paused before pulling the handle. Did he want to give her a ride?
Though Seth stood at the driver’s side, he seemed to catch himself. He rounded the truck, clicked the key fob, and opened her door, then waited for her to get in.
Grace braved a glance at his stony face as she stepped up and took a seat. Oh, for a spine of steel to manage the urges warring inside—one, to curl up in tears. Another, to run away. And the last, to put a comforting arm around Seth.
The door closed, and he entered on his side, cranked the vehicle, and started down the dark road, leaving the Christmas scene behind.
Other than the hum of the engine and the pounding of Grace’s pulse, complete and utter silence filled the cab. Should she ask what was wrong, or wait for him to speak?
Questions barraged her as the minutes and miles passed. Still nothing.
“Seth? Are you all right?” Although she hoped he wasn’t ill, pathetically, that answer would make her feel better about herself. How selfish was that?
Hunched toward the steering wheel, he gave a single nod and cleared his throat. “I need to get home.” His Adam’s apple bobbed with a hard swallow. “Sorry.”
Falling For Grace Page 3
