“Yes, Michael, I’m okay with that. The Lord has been good to me, and I don’t plan to start ignoring His leading at this stage of life. I did that in the past and paid a heavy price for it. We all did. Too bad one has to get old before figuring that out sometimes. I’m glad to know that you take the advice of your elders seriously and with respect.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’d be a fool to ignore the wisdom that comes from those who’ve gone before me. I know trials will come my way, but a firm foundation in the Lord will carry me through. And I hope to help others carry through as well.”
JuJu nodded. Michael actually reminded her a little of Marley in his younger days, had that Patrick Swayze look about him. She grinned, remembering Marley’s attempts at the dance moves in one of Swayze’s movies after being told he resembled the actor. She’d laughed out loud, and he’d pouted for a whole afternoon before she convinced him he was better-looking.
Oh, Marley, I still miss you after all these years. This place hasn’t been the same without you. It won’t be the same after today, either, but it can be good again. I know it can. I pray it will.
Chapter 49
July 1988
Another hour passed, and Julia decided to check on Marley. After leaving Noelle at the table with a snack, she grabbed her straw hat and headed outside, calling Bailey to accompany her. The black Lab ran joyfully ahead, happy to be outside again. She dashed over to the water bucket by the barn and gulped noisily before returning to Julia’s side.
“You’re a good girl,” Julia said as she leaned over to scratch the dog’s ears. Spotting a squirrel just a few yards ahead, Bailey bounded off in hot pursuit. Julia stopped, listening. Hearing nothing, she quickened her step. It was only a few minutes before she saw the tractor in the distance near the back fence. Having lost interest in the squirrel who’d scampered up a tree, Bailey ran ahead to the green and yellow machine, stopped short, and started barking loudly.
Julia held onto her hat and ran.
**************************************************
Sitting in the cold, sterile waiting room, Julia wrung her hands and paced. Pastor Luke asked her again to sit, but she couldn’t. The sight of Marley lying on the ground unconscious wouldn’t leave her mind, and not knowing anything since the ambulance brought him in an hour ago was killing her. If she sat down, she’d scream.
“I should call Grace and check on Noelle,” Julia said, stopping momentarily in front of Luke. His wife had rushed over quickly to watch the child.
“Julia, I’m sure she’s fine, and you have nothing to tell her anyway. You know Grace is taking good care of her.”
“I know, Luke. I’m sorry,” Julia replied as she resumed her march around the thankfully empty room.
“It’s okay. Will you be all right if I go to the chapel for a bit? I know we’ve prayed together for Marley, but I’d like to spend a little time alone with the Lord, if you don’t mind. You know, focus my thoughts.” Pastor Luke smiled kindly.
“Oh, well, okay, sure,” Julia responded. She really didn’t want him to leave but understood it must be driving him nuts to sit there and watch her. His quiet prayers would probably have more of an impact for Marley than hers since she’d been less than friendly with God lately. Yes, he needed to go.
“Absolutely! I’m fine, really. Please, go.”
Luke hugged her before leaving, promising he wouldn’t be long.
The room became lonely with his departure, but that ended abruptly with the appearance of a doctor.
“Mrs. Westbrook? I’m Dr. Jenkins. Sorry for the long wait, but we’ve been very busy back there with your husband. Let’s sit down for a minute, please, and I’ll explain what’s going on.”
Julia sat, hands clenched in her lap. Facing the doctor alone, she wished Luke hadn’t left.
Making sure he had her attention, Dr. Jenkins began, “As you know, your husband has a heart murmur, has had it all his life as I understand from the limited medical records we have.”
Julia nodded.
“It’s apparently not caused any major problems up to this point other than preventing him from entering military service. Are you aware of any recent issues? Did he mention anything to you about chest pain or shortness of breath?”
“Uh, no. I didn’t even know about his condition until after our daughter was born with the same problem.” Julia brushed away the quick tears that threatened.
“Yes, your daughter’s cardiologist told me that when I called him.”
“You called the cardiologist? It’s that serious?”
“Mrs. Westbrook, your husband needs surgery. His heart has weakened over the past few years, and he needs a valve replacement to improve function. We lost him twice on the table. There are no other options. Mr. Westbrook is young enough and in good overall physical condition, but he needs this procedure.”
Julia gaped at the young physician who handed her a clipboard full of papers to sign. Quickly scribbling the necessary information, she handed it back and watched him hurry from the room after promising to keep her updated.
Pastor Luke returned shortly and held Julia while she cried.
Thankfully, only an hour passed before a nurse wearing bloodstained scrubs entered the surgical waiting area and assured them all was going as planned, Marley’s vital signs were good, there was no need to worry, and they should get some dinner. Right.
Julia resisted the suggestion, but Luke insisted she needed nourishment, or she was going to collapse, which wouldn’t do any good for anyone. Grace had taken Noelle back to her house for the night, and Luke would stay with Julia at least until the surgery was over. Wanda and several others from church and the community stopped in throughout the day and evening to offer help and prayer which made Julia feel somewhat guilty over her lack of involvement lately. She was very thankful and told them so. Their kindness and compassion was overwhelming.
After a light dinner in the hospital cafeteria and a walk around the outside grounds for some fresh air, Julia and Luke made their way back to the waiting room which was fairly quiet this time of evening. Most of the other patients had come out of surgery, gone through recovery, and been moved to individual rooms. Marley’s surgery was going on four hours, but they’d been assured several times that everything was fine.
Sitting down with coffee from the kitchenette down the hall, they were startled when the door opened, and the cardiac surgeon walked in. Julia jumped up, nearly spilling her coffee.
“Please sit down,” the doctor said as he joined them. “I’m Dr. Vickers,” he said by way of introduction as he pulled off his cap and crumpled it in his hands. “Everything went really well, textbook perfect, actually, and your husband is in recovery where he’ll be for at least two hours. We replaced the valve, and there was very little damage to the heart muscle which is great news, so, with time, he’ll be good as new. His age and overall good health are in his favor. The only downside could be scar tissue which can develop following any surgical procedure. If that happens, it could interfere with the valve’s function, but let’s hope that doesn’t happen. Do you have any questions?”
Julia held the doctor’s gaze and asked, “Is this going to happen to my daughter someday?”
Chapter 50
August 1988
Marley came home with Julia three weeks after his surgery, and she settled him in his former quarters downstairs. After making sure he was comfortable, she set a small bell on the nightstand and smiled. “Look what I found.” Marley returned the smile, remembering Julia’s accident of many years before. “Don’t abuse it,” she warned, closing the door behind her.
Dropping onto the sofa in the family room, she sat, head in hands, for several minutes to gather herself. She’d insisted Marley come home with her, asking what else did he think he was going to do? He could hardly stay alone in the small apartment at the hardware store. Thankfully, Roy agreed to return as manager until Marley got on his feet again. His short-haul trucking gig allowed some flexi
bility of schedule, so he could be there part of every day.
Lord, thank You again for sparing Marley’s life. We’ve had our differences, but I still love him. Can’t imagine life with anyone else. Please help me to get my act together and make this work. Noelle needs both of us but not arguing all the time. I’m so sorry for the mess I made of everything. I hope it’s not too late.
Julia heard the front door open as Noelle and Grace came in. She’d spent the night with the pastor and his wife again so Julia could go to the hospital and get Marley discharged. Noelle ignored her mother’s greeting and asked about her dad.
Julia glanced at Grace before answering, “He’s in the downstairs bedroom. Don’t go in right now, he’s sleeping.” Noelle huffed and headed into the kitchen.
“Give her some time, Julia. This has been hard on her, too,” Grace said as she joined Julia on the sofa.
“I know, Grace, but she gets more hostile with every day it seems. She’s only eleven. Where is this coming from?”
“She’s faced more than most her age. I think she’s scared but doesn’t want to admit it. I mean, first her own heart issue, her parents separate, then her dad nearly dies. I’d be scared, too.”
“Oh, Grace, you’re right. How could I not even think about that? Especially, when it’s the first thing I asked the doctor after Marley’s surgery. I am such a lousy parent.”
“Stop it!” Grace admonished. “Y’all have been through a lot together, but you need to trust God in this, Julia. Stop blaming yourself, and stop blaming Marley. Stuff happens, and you have to move on.”
Julia looked at her friend. “I know. I’m trying, but it’s so hard. The thought of Noelle going through something like this terrifies me. How do I get past that?”
“Well, what has all your worrying accomplished other than to wreck your marriage and damage your relationship with your daughter? Forgive me for being so blunt, but you asked.”
Julia’s shoulders shook as she sobbed into her friend’s arms.
**************************************************
Christmas Day, 1988
“Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, sweetheart.” Julia smiled as she handed Noelle a small package. “This is from Daddy and me. We can’t believe you’re twelve years old!”
Noelle took the package from her mother’s hands and looked at her dad. Julia noticed, of course, and wondered if her daughter would ever forgive her. Tearing off the shiny paper and opening the box, Noelle gasped when she saw the gold cross necklace inside.
“It’s beautiful! Thank you, Daddy,” she said, “and Mom,” added almost as an afterthought.
“Here, sweetie, let me fasten it for you,” Julia said as she reached for the necklace.
“I can do it,” Noelle said, pulling away from her mother.
Marley and Julia exchanged glances. Julia smiled wanly and shook her head. She didn’t want Marley running interference. She and Noelle had to work this out together somehow. Marley’s recovery was coming along well, but he couldn’t return to the store just yet. A couple of neighbors took turns checking on the farm, and thankfully, this time of year, nothing much was needed except for feeding and watering Dolly. Old Jake died several years ago, and Dolly didn’t require much other than food and drink. She was quite old, too, but still in good health overall. She was allowed to wander in the pasture when the weather was nice, content to nibble grass and observe the passing of time, whatever that meant for a horse. Thankfully, the other animals were sold a few years back.
Speaking of old, Julia looked over at Bailey, asleep by the fire. She was fifteen now, and not doing well, but they agreed not to make any decisions until after Christmas. Any mention of Bailey’s declining health sent Noelle into hysterics. Neither of them looked forward to that conversation.
Noelle’s laughter caught Julia’s attention. She couldn’t remember the last time she and her daughter laughed together. The sad realization brought sudden tears. Julia quickly wiped her eyes before the tears escaped and reached for an additional package under the tree. Handing it to Noelle, she said, “My grandmother gave me one of these when I was your age. It helped a lot with things I was going through. I hope it will help you, too.”
Noelle looked at her mother suspiciously before ripping off the paper.
“It’s a diary.”
“Yes, for writing down your thoughts and...”
“I know what it’s for. I’m not stupid.”
“Noelle, watch it. Don’t speak to your mother that way,” Marley warned. “It’s a thoughtful gift, and you should be thankful, not sassy.”
“Thankful? For what? For my parents yelling at each other all the time? Splitting up? Treating me like a cripple or something?” Noelle practically spat. “Writing in a stupid book is supposed to make me feel better?”
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I just wanted...” Julia tried again but was interrupted by Noelle.
“No! You don’t get to say I’m sorry and think everything is okay. It’s not. It will never be okay!”
Noelle threw down the diary, ran upstairs, and slammed the door, leaving her parents to wonder how so much hope and promise had gone so terribly wrong.
Chapter 51
Present Day
Within four hours, all the work was finished, and the helpful young men from church had their fill of fried chicken and potato salad along with gallons of iced tea. JuJu was rocking on the back porch now, watching the sun set over the fields. Two chickens were pecking in the yard, Rocky beside her chair. Michael came out to join her.
“So, are you ready?” he asked.
“Yes. It’s been a good day. A little tiring, although I didn’t do much.”
“Are you kidding? You fried about four chickens and made buckets of potato salad, not to mention apple pie and brownies. I’d say that’s doing something.”
JuJu smiled and continued to watch the blazing fall colors merge as the evening wore on.
“Miss Julia, can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Michael. What is it?”
“Well, I don’t mean to pry, and if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. What happened to Noelle? I was too young to really care, I guess, at the time, and then I was off to college and seminary. I heard bits and pieces here and there and even asked my parents about it, but they always said it wasn’t their story to tell.”
JuJu didn’t respond, but a slight smile turned up the corners of her mouth.
“Miss Julia, would you tell me your story?”
Without changing the focus of her gaze, she replied, “Yes, Michael, I will.”
For the next two hours as the sun sank below the tree line, and the frogs and crickets began their symphony, JuJu shared with Michael the story of her life on the farm, with her grandmother, the abuse and neglect of her parents, and the damage it did to her, all without casting blame, just stating facts. Although, there were many tears in the telling, she became rather stoic as she recounted the tragedy of Noelle’s life.
“After that Christmas, 1988 it was, things went downhill fast. Marley and I reconciled, of course, but it didn’t help Noelle at all. She convinced herself we were faking and that her dad only came home because he was sick, not because he truly wanted to be there. We went to counseling for months, but she refused to be swayed. I ruined her, Michael. No, don’t tell me otherwise. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but the fact remains that I did terrible damage to my daughter. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgotten.”
JuJu sipped her watery tea and took a deep breath.
“You don’t have to keep going. I’m sorry I stirred up such painful memories.”
“No, it’s fine. You know, I’ve never really spoken about this to anyone. Your parents knew most of it, of course, but it still wasn’t fully discussed at the time. It’s kind of freeing to tell the truth.”
“Okay, then, if you’re sure,” Michael replied.
“As I said, things went from bad to worse. Noelle’s grades went d
own, she was in full-blown rebellion, and we felt helpless. She ran away at fourteen.”
“I remember hearing about that. Noelle and I were in school together then.”
“That’s right. I’d completely forgotten that y’all would be about the same age.” JuJu patted his hand.
“Anyway, we didn’t know where she was for more than a year. Spent a fortune on private investigators, but it was like she just disappeared. The police did what they could, of course, but there was simply no trace of her. She’d stolen money out of a jar we kept hidden in the pantry. Several hundred dollars was a lot back then, so it gave her quite a head start. That was a rough time as you can imagine. Sure took a toll on Marley. He didn’t recover well from his heart surgery, and that just set him back. It wasn’t long after that we sold the hardware store to one of those big chains. Made a nice profit on that which helped us hire the people to look for Noelle. Marley retired on disability, and we both still had investments from the inheritances from our grandmothers, so we were doing fine, financially speaking. Otherwise, not so good. It’s true what they say, you know? Money absolutely cannot buy happiness.”
“But Noelle came back. I heard that, too, but I never saw her myself, and no one would talk about it. I guess I was too busy with football and baseball to pay much attention.”
JuJu smiled again and wiped her eyes before continuing. Muffled laughter came from the kitchen.
“Yes, she came back. Just showed up one day, looking like death itself. And six months pregnant. We got her to a doctor right away, got her cleaned up. Thankfully, she’d gotten herself off the drugs and alcohol, but she was still a mess. The abuse and neglect showed in her eyes even though she never spoke about it. I asked her over and over to tell us what happened, where she’d been, and all she ever said was, ‘Mama, I don’t want to talk about it, and trust me, you don’t want to hear it. Maybe one day but not today.’”
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