“Hi Evi. Having a good time tonight?” Ethan asked.
I smiled politely and softly answered, “Yes, Kieron is keeping me very busy. He had big plans for us tonight. Thanks for hosting the party again Ethan.” My heart was pounding.
Hannah didn’t say anything to either of us. She really preferred her own crowd, and since Kieron and I were two years younger than her, we never got much notice. Her complacency never bothered us.
I was more concerned and angry with myself that I could not turn off my feelings for Ethan. I was having a great time with Kieron, but just sitting so close to Ethan had my heart racing. Kieron and Ethan talked as I stared into the fire. I listened to the constant hum of their voices without actually listening to any words. I don’t think Kieron sensed how I was feeling. I’m sure he thought I was just getting tired. However, since Ethan was the cause of how I was feeling, I was confident that he was noticing. As he spoke with Kieron, he would glance at me every few seconds and smile like he knew a secret and felt sorry for me.
Kieron was still holding my hand and I hadn’t really noticed it. I was comfortable with him. Once it came to my attention that we were still connected, I gave him a gentle nudge and asked, “Isn’t there one more thing we have to do on our second date before the night is over?”
“So this is officially a date huh?” Ethan asked.
Kieron replied, “Yep! I decided this would be a great second date to follow up on our awesome first date from three years ago. I swept her off her feet, asked her to be my date for the entire evening, and am now making sure every moment is perfect for her!”
“Oh! Sounds fun! Very theatrical Kieron!” Ethan said.
My thoughts in that moment: “Theatrical, he said “theatrical.” Now I know he is just trying to remind me of our talk in his room earlier. Why was he trying to embarrass me?”
I changed the subject quickly, “Of course not many people wait three years in between their first and second dates Kieron. You’re lucky I agreed to this. How high can you count? Maybe we should go for that walk so you can count your lucky stars! Then, we can talk about whether or not there will be a three-peat in our future.”
Thankfully, everyone laughed.
I needed to think about something else, and I needed to keep moving. I stood, offering a clear message that it was time to leave the conversation. Kieron grasped my hand again and as we turned to walk away, Brody ran up to us. A natural reflex within me caused a squeeze to Kieron and a clasp to his wrist with my other hand.
He sweetly smiled, obviously enjoying that he was my only support in the moment.
“Why the heck are you two holding hands?” Brody asked with urgency while looking like he was witnessing a joke.
“We’re on a date Brody,” Kieron replied confidently.
“A date? Evi? Are you aware that you’re on a date with Kieron?”
“Yes Brody. I figured maybe it was time for me to get over, um, my fear of dating. Why not start by going on a date with one of my best friends?”
Kieron spoke up again, “Brody, this is important to me.”
Brody wasn’t mad. He made deep eye contact with me and I knew what he was thinking. He actually didn’t want me to hurt Kieron. Brody was the only one who knew how I felt about Ethan.
“Fine, but uh, Evi, can I speak with you alone for a minute?”
Without looking at Kieron, I bowed my head like a child being scolded. I peaked behind me and saw that Ethan was fully engaged in the interactions between me and his brother. Returning my eyes to Brody’s, he stood expectant. I followed him to the edge of their wooded hillside.
Brody just stared at me at first with his arms crossed in front of him. He didn’t say anything. It was very unnerving, but I was not going to speak first. Standing there, eyebrows raised, waiting for him to speak, for the first time I noticed his resemblance to Ethan. I immediately shook that observance from my mind.
“Evi, don’t mess with Kieron just because you’ve been hung up on Ethan for three years.” He moved his hands to his hips.
That comment offended me! “I’m not messing with him! Maybe I like him, or maybe I want to see if I will like him long-term. I can’t very well date you. I might as well date someone I do sincerely care about, someone I know better than almost anyone else in my life. He and I are curious to see if we could be good for each other Brody.”
The part of my statement that Brody heard triggered his only question. “What do you mean you ‘can’t’ date me?”
“I just mean…” I paused because I wasn’t entirely sure what I did mean by that. “I just mean that you truly are my best friend. You know everything about me, and I could never date you because you will always be a part of Ethan’s life. I can’t be in a relationship with the closest person to him!” He continued staring at me as I justified our decision. Trying to ease his concerns, I concluded, “Brody, Kieron and I are curious.”
In a lowered tone he said, “Don’t mess with him Evi.”
I was mad. In a silenced yell, I asked, “Who do you think I am? Why would you even say such a thing to me?”
“I didn’t mean anything by it Everclear. I think you standing between the three of us for so many years just has me confused. I care about you, and Ethan, and Kieron.”
“Brody, you know me. You are the only person on this earth who truly knows me. Kieron and I are just spending time together tonight.” I shrugged. I didn’t know what else to say.
He and I both knew we weren’t going to be able to go sit and work out whatever issue he had in that moment. Therefore, he replied, “Fine! Enjoy your date!” He held his hand out as if escorting me back to the group.
I didn’t push prod any further. We both walked back toward the fire while Brody stayed about five steps behind me. He then disappeared into a crowd.
I took Kieron’s hand without saying anything. Together, we waved at Ethan and Hannah. My heart hurt. It was hard to breathe.
“Everything okay Ev?” Ethan asked.
I looked into Kieron’s eyes. He was so happy, so sweet, so fun to be around. His expression told me we could make our own decisions. I got this, I thought. I can move on… again. “Yup. Everything is fine Ethan.” We turned together.
After parting the group, Kieron was ready to move us to a more isolated place. He nodded his head toward the lake and we headed that direction.
The walk down to the beach was tricky in the dark. The Parker’s never built steps because they like the natural path through the trees. Between the fallen pine needles, decomposing leaves, and the hidden roots, the terrain was a bit challenging. Kieron held onto me and would catch me each time I slipped. I felt like an idiot, but I also didn’t want knock myself out by falling face first into a rock or tree limb.
Kieron chuckled at me and said, “Maybe this would be easier for you Evi if you had your skis.”
I loved his distraction. “Oh my gosh, Kieron! You are so right. I’m not meant to walk, I’m meant to ski!”
We laughed as I noticed that being with Kieron was so natural. I kept forcing myself to think about it on purpose. I know he had been dating my friend for the past two and a half years, but it seemed like that had never even happened.
Would any relationship have been this natural, no matter who I was dating? How was it that I had been so in love with Ethan since I was fifteen that I had never let any other guy close to me? I was enjoying my night, my date, with that amazing and fun person.
Once we reached the beach, since Kieron and I both lived for skiing, hiking, biking, camping, and always being outdoors, we both stopped and stood in awe of the shimmering moonlight on the lake. Again, the only word I can use to describe the view is majestic.
The mountains were black with the tops shining white from the remaining snow. The sky was a navy blue with millions of stars glimmering. The moon was bright. The lake water was dancing. The anchored sailboats were swaying, and their ropes and hooks were clanging against the aluminum masts. There were no
streetlights down by the lake so the view was pure. Since Kieron stood silently too, I was sure he was as much at peace in this moment as I was.
Within a few minutes, we realized we were still holding hands; we looked at each other and smiled. We didn’t need to say anything. The night air was chilled and we were bundled in our jackets and hats, but we both wanted to feel the sand on our bare feet. So, without saying a word, we slipped off our shoes and started walking.
As we walked, our conversation centered on high school, things we had done, and people we had dated over the past few years. I didn’t have much to say at first. I wanted him to be able to share his feelings about Maddie. I wanted to know if he was really over her, or if he was still working on facing the break up. Kieron told me they were going to different colleges and wanted different paths in life.
Once I was satisfied that he seemed truly ready to move on, I opened up more about my past three years. In no way was I ever going to reveal to him my true feelings for a particular someone else though. I figured that perhaps my feelings were just a school-girl crush. I had been in love with Ethan for three years, but I was realizing after being a part of just one evening with Kieron, perhaps I’d been wrong, or just immature.
I told Kieron, reluctantly, how I’d only been out with each guy who asked me out, one time. I informed him, “No boy, including you has ever asked me out on a second date. Well until tonight! And that took you three years. Maybe some of the other guys are just waiting another three years to ask me out again.” We laughed about it.
Then I asked, “Kieron, we live in a small town. You know pretty much every boy at our school. What do people say about me?” I knew this was a dangerous question, and he probably wouldn’t answer it, but I couldn’t resist.
“I guess everyone, including the girls, know that you spend a lot of time at church, and that you don’t show much interest in any of the guys at our school. No one says anything bad about you. They just all seem to figure that dating you is pointless. You are either a really ‘good girl’ or you are hung up on some mystery guy that no one knows about.”
That wasn’t so bad I thought to myself. They were actually both true, and I sort of giggled inside thinking about it for a minute. Then I responded, “So why did you come looking for me tonight? Do you think like apparently all the others? You know me better than almost anyone on the planet, other than Brody. Weren’t you concerned that I might be ‘hung up’ on some mystery guy?”
“I just wanted to spend an evening with you and I wanted to see where it lead. You’re beautiful. You’re sweet. You’re hilarious. We like to do a lot of the same things. We’ve been friends for years. You didn’t hate me when I dated your best friend for the past few years.”
I interrupted, “Not that you know of!!” We laughed more.
Then I asked, “So how do you feel about the ‘good girl’ part of the opinions Kieron? What if instead of being hung up on someone else, my problem is, I’m the good girl everyone accuses me of being? Do you still want to see where this goes?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Absolutely,” he said in almost a whisper.
My heart pounded again! “Okay. I guess we can talk specifics on that later. Let’s just keep walking,” I said softly looking down at the sand.
We walked holding hands and didn’t really talk much after that. I let him know when I was starting to get tired and we turned to walk back up the beach. We put our shoes on and climbed back up the hill to the Parkers’ yard. There were only a few people still there, and they were all sitting by the fire.
Ethan and Hannah were still sitting in the same spot. Ethan looked startled and puzzled as we walked up the hill from the trees. I think he had forgotten we were there and maybe he was a bit curious about what we were doing. It didn’t matter. We waved and said good night as we walked by everyone. I looked at Ethan and smiled. I had had to recover every summer from seeing him with Hannah. Perhaps this summer I’d recover quicker than usual. I was ready for whatever the next two months were going to bring… with Kieron.
Chapter 6
The entire month of June was close to perfect. Kieron and I spent as much time together as we could. We were both working in town because we had to save money for the upcoming school year. Brody had gotten a job with a rafting company. He was driving vans, running rafts, and sometimes on weeklong trips cooking, so we didn’t see him very often.
Kieron and I always found time during the weekends to swim, boat, hike, or bike ride. I was glad to only have him with me on weekends. I knew that spending everyday together would have been difficult because we still had done nothing more intimate than sit with our arms around each other or hold hands.
Ethan had gone back to school in mid-June, so I could once again try to forget about him. Kieron made that very easy for me that summer, but I could tell he was noticing how I always kept him at a slight distance.
As Fourth of July approached, Kieron told me he wanted to go camping, just the two of us. Although I was eighteen, I discussed it with my parents, and they assured me that they trusted my decisions and knew I would never do anything that I would regret. They were such hippies. They said they knew how strong my faith was and they knew I’d be safe with Kieron. We were both skilled and knew how to handle ourselves in the outdoors.
I called Kieron and told him I was excited to go camping. The planning began.
Deep down inside, I knew what that time alone with him would mean. It would either leave us still together, or it would be the end of our few short weeks as a couple. I was so nervous. I knew, during that trip, I was going to have to tell Kieron that I had never kissed any guy. I was going to have to tell him that that was the reason I never let things go too far with him. He was either going to want me the way I was, or he was going to end our relationship.
The one thing I was certain of was that I was holding onto my commitment to kiss, and be intimate, with only the man I planned on marrying. I loved Kieron, but I was pretty confident that he was not the man I planned on marrying. We had a lot of fun together. He was crazy, affectionate, exciting, and entertaining. I just didn’t believe he was the one for me. Kieron was the perfect guy for the girl who only wanted to chase winter around the globe.
Could that girl be me? I often wondered.
Before packing, we went shopping for everything we’d need for our weekend in the woods. As we strolled down an aisle of the town’s outdoor gear store, I asked him, trying to be casual, “Where will we be sleeping?”
“In a tent!” he replied loudly and sarcastically.
“Oh, a tent… one tent?” I asked.
“Yes, one tent.” He looked at me like I was crazy.
“Um, okay. One tent.” I paused.
He was looking at me with his head cocked and his eyebrows raised, waiting for me to ask another dumb question.
I obliged with, “You do plan on us sleeping in two sleeping bags though, right?”
He laughed out loud hilariously and said, “YES EVI! We can sleep in two sleeping bags. I’m not bringing you on a camping trip to steal your virtue. I just want to go camping and since you are my girlfriend, I figured you’d probably be the best person to take with me.” He laughed some more.
I started laughing too, then I hooked my hand under his arm, touched my forehead to his shoulder and held onto him.
I’m his girlfriend? His girlfriend? How’d that happen? Pounding heart again all of a sudden. I was holding myself back from throwing my arms around him and never letting him go. I probably should have, but I restrained. I knew why I wasn’t letting myself get attached to him. A three year addiction was still clogging part of my brain.
Friday morning arrived and Kieron’s truck was loaded. We were off.
The town we live in is pretty far from any cities, so we didn’t have to drive too far to get to remote hiking trails and camping areas. The entire drive we listened to his music. Kieron loved alternative rock bands from the nineties. I loved his taste in music. It matc
hed his personality and his look.
Kieron had a very stereotypical look. If we lived in California, people would assume he’s a surfer. His tan skin, blue eyes, and shoulder length, blonde, curly hair made him a stand out. He was always shaggy and I loved it. Kieron dressed like a surfer and sometimes talked like a surfer, except he was not a surfer. Those traits in northwest are clear marks of a kid who has grown up on the slopes.
We were a perfect match in so many ways, but our outer appearances and similar traits connected us. You see, on most days, I was pretty shaggy too. Kieron and I both liked our tie-dyed, baggy shirts, our ripped up, cutoff jeans, our hiking boots, and our grungy bandanas tied around our heads. I loved that I never had to be “girly” around him.
We arrived at the trailhead that lead to several campsites and together we unloaded the car. Both of us grew up hiking and camping around here so we knew the way to some great sites by the river. I was having so much fun as it occurred to me that this was my first camping weekend without my parents, and my first trip as the adult, or should I say one of the adults.
After an hour, we found a spot to set up. The sounds were mesmerizing: the birds, the breeze, the chirps, and the flowing river rolling over boulders not far south of our site. I often wondered if I was going to miss that life when I moved away in a few weeks. I tried not to linger on those thoughts for too long.
We set up our tent first and got everything we needed inside neatly. We got our food secured, then we grabbed our fishing rods and walked to the water. The part of the river where we were camping was only waist deep at its deepest point. The current wasn’t very strong, so you could wade in without losing your balance. The water was so cold. I’ve honestly never been a big fan of the cold water, but I tough it out. You don’t have much choice around here so you suck it up.
After fishing for a while and not catching anything, we returned to our site to make a fire and cook dinner. There was a large boulder near the fire pit. It was as if it had been placed there by nature as a recliner for us. We laid a blanket on the ground and together draped it up over the boulder. Kieron sat down first and without even thinking about it, I sat between his legs and leaned back on his chest. His arms slid around me and they felt so good, so relaxed, so safe. We sat together staring at the fire and listening to the sounds around us.
Just for Now Page 4
