by Lola Gabriel
“I’m not going to cry,” Laila said. At least not until after you’ve left. She forced herself to smile and Cedric’s face relaxed a little. “It’s just… I’m sorry. I got carried away in the moment, but I never should have let that happen. And I really can’t let it happen again. I’m sorry if I led you on.”
“You didn’t,” Cedric said quickly. “I wanted it as much as you did. Do you mind if I ask why we can’t do it again?”
He smiled at her and she felt like her heart was going to break.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it,” he said with a flirty smile that made her want to straddle him and fuck him again.
“It’s not that. I definitely enjoyed it,” Laila said. “But I’m just not in the right place for a relationship right now, and if we keep doing that, that’s where we’re going to end up.”
“Okay, I get it,” Cedric said, looking sad suddenly.
No, you don’t, Laila thought. You don’t get it at all. You don’t get that I want you to tell me you’re going to fight for me. You don’t get that I want so badly to tell you the truth about why I can’t be with you, and for you to tell me it doesn’t matter to you and mean it. You don’t get it even a tiny bit.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“You don’t have to be sorry. We’re both adults and we fucked and now we’re not fucking anymore,” Cedric said.
“You’re mad at me,” Laila said.
“No,” he smiled. “I’m not. I’ll be honest—I’m disappointed. I really think we could have something special here, but if you’re not looking for that, then I’m glad you told me now instead of later. But if you change your mind about that, well, you know where to find me.”
He stood up and bent down, kissing the top of Laila’s head. He lingered for a moment and she knew he was smelling her hair, and she wanted so badly to tell him she had changed her mind, she wanted him to stay and never leave her. But it wouldn’t be fair. Even if he thought he could handle the no-kids thing, there was always a risk he would wake up one day in the future and realize he had missed out on being a father and resent her for it. And that was a fate worse than an eternity of being unable to be with anyone.
“I should go,” he said, finally straightening back up.
Laila nodded. She didn’t want him to go but she knew it was for the best, and she really had no right to ask him to stay now that she had told him nothing could ever happen between them again. She went to stand up, but Cedric shook his head.
“It’s okay. I can see myself out. See you around, Laila. And remember where I am if you ever change your mind. I live in the big house on the other side of the town.”
And then he was gone, and Laila had an answer to what sort of person lived in the big house, and an answer to what her soulmate looked like, smelled like, tasted like. And an answer as to what a lifetime alone would really feel like. Empty. Lonely.
She kept the tears in until she heard the front door closing behind Cedric, the door to their possible future together closing behind him, and then the tears came, hot and exhausting. Laila lay down on the couch and clutched a cushion to her, crying as she felt Cedric’s seed drying on her thighs.
11
Cedric lay in bed that night unable to sleep. His thoughts were consumed by Laila. He felt as though he could still smell her on his fingers despite his shower, and still taste her on his tongue despite brushing his teeth. She had been so wet, so delicious, so utterly fuckable. So his. She was meant to be his. There was no doubt in his mind about that now. He hadn’t just fucked her, he had made love to her, connected with her on a primal level, and despite her words, he knew she had felt it too.
He didn’t know why she wasn’t willing to give them a chance together. Maybe it had something to do with that flicker of fear he had seen in her eyes when they had first spotted each other. Maybe she had an abusive ex-boyfriend, or maybe she was just terrified of the strength of their connection, having not been brought up to expect to feel that rush of certainty over a complete stranger. Perhaps it was something else.
But Cedric knew a lie when he heard one, and when Laila had told him she wasn’t ready for a relationship, it had been a lie. She was ready. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, and that was a lot. He thought that need, that desire, would be too much for her to fight for too long, and he was confident she would come to him. But when?
He didn’t feel like he could wait another day, maybe not even another hour. But he had to find a way to wait, to let her come to him. He didn’t want to come on too strong, not when he had already sensed the fear in her. And it wasn’t like there was any rush. He was immortal, and hopefully, soon enough, she would be too, and they could spend eternity together. But it was still going to be hard. His whole body craved her, his soul craved her. Staying away from Laila was going to be the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
It occurred to Cedric, as the thoughts and images of Laila tumbled through his mind, that he was no further forward with finding out what had happened earlier that evening. He hadn’t even mentioned Fabian or the car or any of it. Although he had wanted to spend time with Laila and start getting to know her, he had planned on getting some information about it all from her tonight too, but when he had been with her, it had been the furthest thing from his mind.
He had just wanted to get to know her, to hold her, to love her. He hadn’t wanted the evening to be spoiled by thinking about Fabian and what might have happened. But he hadn’t given up on getting to the bottom of the situation or getting Fabian away from Greer either. It was just one more thing he would have to be patient in his approach to, and he thought that would be a whole lot easier than being patient with Laila.
She was meant to be his, dammit. She was his. He had given himself over to her completely when he had made love to her, and she had done the same. She had opened not just her legs to him, but her heart and her soul too. He knew it. She knew it. This was torture.
He started to think about Cassie’s plan to organize a dinner party for herself, Stuart, Laila, and him. Once he had gone to Laila’s place tonight, he knew the plan would be off. It had been Cassie’s way of introducing him and Laila and that was done; she wouldn’t need to be involved. He thought about maybe calling her in the morning and asking her to go ahead with it anyway, but he dismissed the idea.
It would look like he was coming on too strong. He had just convinced himself to give Laila the space she needed to see for herself that he was her destiny. And he really didn’t want Cassie to end up caught up in the middle of the waiting time. Not when she had to work with Laila.
I’m just going to have to find something to do to take my mind off Laila, Cedric thought to himself. So, Fabian, you had better watch your back, because if I can’t have her, then I’m coming for you.
12
Laila walked out of the school and began heading for home. Today hadn’t been too bad for a Monday. She had expected her students to come in riled up from the weekend, but it had been like any other day and she realized their over-excitement last Monday had been more about getting a new teacher than leftover exuberance from the weekend. It made her feel good to know the children had been looking forward to seeing her so badly.
As she walked, Laila became aware of a car slowing down behind her and pulling up to the curb. She turned around when she heard the zipping sound of a window going down. Alan leaned across the passenger seat.
“Fabian would like to speak to you,” he said.
“No threats this time?” Laila asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Just following orders, ma’am,” he shrugged. “But nope, not this time.”
Laila knew she would get in the car. Enough time had passed for the DNA test results to come back, and in the odd few moments over the last couple of days when her head wasn’t full of Cedric, she had thought of the results and what they would mean for her either way. Still, despite her eagerness for the results, part of her wondered if this was really a goo
d idea, and if she was honest, she was curious what would happen if she refused to get in the car.
“What happens if I refuse to come with you?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“Then you’ll always wonder if Fabian is your father or not, I would assume,” Alan replied with another shrug.
Laila wondered if that was really true, or if Alan would be sent back with instructions to bring her to the castle, whatever it took. She got into the car, not ready to call Fabian’s bluff. She didn’t know what would be worse—Alan’s words being true and her spending the rest of her life not knowing whether or not Fabian was her father, or suspecting it wasn’t true and spending the rest of her life looking over her shoulder, waiting to be forced into the car at gunpoint again.
Alan waited until Laila was settled in the car, her seat belt fastened, and then he pulled away and turned the car around, heading for the castle.
The last time I came here, I saw Cedric afterwards. And then I had the most amazing sex of my life, she thought to herself. Her mind lingered on that night. She could remember it so vividly that she could almost feel Cedric’s touch on her now, and just thinking about him made her core come alive. She shifted in her seat, aware that she was becoming turned on and trying to take some of the pressure off her clit. It didn’t work. The movement just made the tingling all the more delicious. She could feel her cheeks turning pink.
“Are you alright?” Alan asked, meeting her eye in the rearview mirror.
“Yes, why?” she said, feeling embarrassed, like she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t. She felt the hotness in her cheeks escalating, shame as well as desire deepening the color.
“No reason,” Alan said. “You’re just shuffling about back there. I thought maybe you were planning on making a break for it.”
Laila forced herself to smile.
“Nope. I just had a cramp in my calf. It’s gone now,” she lied.
It seemed to satisfy Alan and he turned his attention back to the road ahead of him. Laila glanced out of the window, trying not to think about Cedric. She had been trying not to think about Cedric since last Wednesday. It hadn’t worked then and it didn’t work now.
The castle came into view ahead of her, and she knew that while she couldn’t put Cedric out of her mind completely, she needed to focus on Fabian now and what he said to her. Whichever way the results of the DNA test went, she wanted a clear head when she heard them.
Alan parked the car and Laila got out. She walked toward the castle and the door opened as she approached it. A man smiled at her as she approached.
“Good evening, Miss Kent,” he said. “Right this way, please.”
Laila nodded to the man and followed him along the hallway. He led her to the room she had been in the last time she was here.
“Fabian will be along in just a moment,” the man told her. “Would you like anything to drink while you wait?”
A strong brandy, Laila thought to herself. Maybe two or three.
“No, thank you,” she smiled.
The man gave a half-nod, half-bow and retreated from the room, leaving Laila alone. She looked around, taking the room in a little more than she had the last time she was here. The room was what she would describe as ornate, not the sort of room she imagined Fabian using when he didn’t have guests.
After a couple of minutes, the door opened and Fabian came in. Laila started to rise, but Fabian shook his head, waving her back down.
“It’s good to see you again, Laila,” he said. “I won’t keep you in suspense.”
He handed Laila a sheet of paper. She unfolded it and scanned over it and then she went back and read it more thoroughly. Fabian was her father. Or at least the test was ninety-nine percent sure that he was. The room for doubt was so tiny it might as well not exist at all.
Fabian is my father. It was going through her head on a loop. She looked up slowly and saw Fabian watching her.
“You look disappointed,” he said, not quite meeting her eye.
“Oh no, I’m not disappointed,” Laila said quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. He did meet her eye then, giving her a nervous smile which she returned equally nervously. “I’m just… I honestly don’t know what I feel. I didn’t think…”
She trailed off. She didn’t know how she felt about this, and trying to explain something she didn’t understand herself had left her tripping over her words and at a loss for what to say.
“I’m sorry,” she said finally. “It’s just a lot to take in.”
“Yes,” Fabian said. “I’m sure it must be. I’ve dreamed of this day for twenty-three years, but it’s all new to you. It must be a little overwhelming, to say the least.”
Laila nodded, grateful that he understood. Fabian sat down beside her on the couch, not close enough to make her feel uncomfortable, but close enough that she could reach out and touch him if she wanted to.
“I know this is a big shock to you and I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but I would love to have some sort of relationship with you. I realize it’s probably too late for me to ever be a real father, but I would really like us to spend some time together and get to know each other a little. Is that something you would consider?” Fabian asked.
Laila nodded slowly, a cautious nod. She did want to get to know her father, but now that the DNA test confirmed Fabian was her father, it opened up so many questions about her mom. Was all of Fabian’s story true? Laila couldn’t imagine a world where her mom killed someone and stole a baby, but why would Fabian have spun such a tale if it wasn’t true? Surely he knew she would ask her mom questions about it. Surely he knew she and her mom could take a DNA test just as easily as they had.
It can’t be true, though. My mom can’t be a monster. She can’t be. But she did lie to me. She told me my father was dead, Laila thought to herself. Oh my God, he has to be a psycho or something. That’s why she told me he was dead, so I would never go looking for him.
“Laila?” Fabian said gently, pulling Laila out of her spiraling thoughts and reminding her of where she was. “You look conflicted.”
It was a statement, not a question, which Laila was grateful for, because she had no idea how she would answer such a question had it been one.
“Look, I think you know how much I want to have a relationship with you, but I will understand if you don’t want anything to do with me,” Fabian said sadly. “And I realize this opens a huge can of worms over your childhood. I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you the truth about your parentage and I hope you can forgive me for that.”
“Of course,” Laila said. “I understand why you needed to know if I was your daughter. And if your story about my mom is true, then it does leave me with a lot of questions, but that’s hardly your fault.”
Fabian nodded.
“It’s true, but I doubt Polly will be willing to admit to any of it. But still, I don’t want to put any pressure on you, so how about this. I want to get to know you more than anything, but I’ll leave the ball in your court. Go home, let the news sink in. Get a good night’s sleep. And if you decide you’d like to get to know me, well, you know where I am,” Fabian said.
He handed her a business card with his name and phone number on it.
“Call me anytime, night or day, and I will have someone collect you if you decide you want to come back,” he said.
Laila took the card and pushed it into her pocket.
“Thank you,” she said. “For being so understanding about this. It is a lot to take in, and I do need some time. But I really would like to try to have some sort of relationship with you once I wrap my head around it all.”
“I can’t ask for more than that,” Fabian said, his face lighting up. “I’ll have Alan take you home.”
Laila thanked him again and Fabian disappeared, coming back a few moments later to tell her that Alan was ready whenever she was. She went outside to the waiting car, and again, she asked to be dropped off at th
e store. She didn’t bother pretending she needed to buy something this time. She just waited for Alan to drive away and then she headed home.
She knew what she had to do. She had to call Polly and see what she had to say about all of this. Now that she had seen the test results, she knew she had to ask the awkward questions, as much as she didn’t want to.
She went inside her house and poured herself a large glass of wine, and then she took it to the living room and curled up on the couch. She pulled her cell phone out of her handbag and made the call.
“Hi, love, how’s things?” her mom asked, picking up the call quickly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch but I didn’t want to be too pushy. I figured you’d call me when you got settled in.”
“I was going to call you sooner,” Laila said. “But you know how it goes.”
Her mom made a sound like she agreed with her. She had no idea how this had gone, though. It wasn’t just the settling in. Laila had avoided calling her so she could avoid asking the questions she knew she had to ask now.
“Mom, what happened to my dad?” Laila asked.
She held her breath, more afraid of the answer than of the question.
“You know what happened to your dad. He died before you were born,” her mom said.
Laila debated pushing for more details, but being lied to was only making her angry and she wanted to be calm for the hardest part of this conversation. The part where she had to admit she knew the truth.
“I know that’s the story you’ve always told me, but now I want the truth. I’ve met my dad and we’ve taken a DNA test. Why did you tell me he was dead?” Laila asked.
There was silence from her mom. It went on for so long that Laila was starting to think she had hung up on her. Finally, her mom spoke again, and when she did, her voice was a mixture of disgust, pain, and undeniable fear.
“Goddamned Fabian,” she said. “I should have known this day would come, that he would never tire of looking for you. I prayed he had left Greer, or that he would never spot you on the streets.”
