“Joleene, you didn't have to get me anything. Honest.” He seemed almost reluctant to accept the present.
“Colin. I wanted this birthday to be special because it's our first together, but I wish I could make it even more special given what you told me.”
I reached for his hand and squeezed. His boyish grin turned soft and loving.
“It's perfect,” he said after opening the package. He turned the soft black leather journal over in his hands before opening the front cover.
“I'm glad you like it. It's not much. But when you said something about needing journals, I remembered seeing this. I had to get it for you.”
“I love it. It's what I always wanted, but never found.”
Chapter 13
Christmas morning was quiet. We stayed in bed until 10. It was so nice to just cuddle and relax. No alarms beeping, trying to arouse us from slumber. Just the sound of the heater kicking on. I mean it was Christmas in Kentucky.
I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and Colin made some coffee.
“Smells delicious.” Colin nuzzled my neck from behind as I got out plates.
“Thank you. Old family recipe, you know.” I winked and pointed to the packaging on the counter.
“I'm sure it's amazing. So when do we open presents?” He seemed particularly excited about that aspect. He almost seemed like a kid who was sure he was going to get that bike or gaming console. I kind of loved it.
“Well, we could wait until after rolls are done and we've had breakfast.” Colin’s face drooped, like the mere thought of having to wait was going to cause him physical pain.
“Or…” I began. And he lifted his head at that single word, like a lifeline to a drowning person.
“Yeah. Or?”
“Or we open presents tonight.” The look on his face. Oh goodness. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. “I'm kidding! We can open gifts now if you'd like?” I was glad I hadn't taken a sip of coffee because I would've spit it right out. Colin's face brightened and he grabbed my hand and damn near dragged me into the living room.
Once I was sitting on the couch, he bounded to the tree like a rabbit.
“You’re not excited, are ya?” I was laughing and practically snorting.
Gosh do I love this man!
“Well, ya, but it’s cuz I can’t wait ‘til you open your gift,” he came back to the couch handing me a small gift bag. I took it and waited.
“Oh, you want me to open it now? You don’t want yours so we can open at the same time?”
“Ok, that works!” He made it to the tree and back in four steps. He sat down next to me on the edge, almost falling off the couch.
“Ok, on three we open together!” The excitement radiated from him.
“Deal.”
“One, two, three!” He ripped the wrapping off like a crazed animal tearing into food. I opened the bag and pulled out the little black coin box. I was more interested in his reaction to the black and silver dog tags I got him than in what he got me.
Laughter was the last reaction I imagined getting, but that is exactly what Colin was doing: laughing. Not little gentle laughing, but like body shaking laughter.
“What? What’s so funny?” I was getting nervous by the second.
“Open your box,” he said, beaming.
I flipped open the coin box and I began laughing too. Inside was a set of black and silver dog tags.
“I guess great minds think alike?” I laughed and shook my head.
“Absolutely. I love you, Joleene,” he said, kissing me with a smile on his face.
He put my tags on me while I put his on him and we both laughed more. We spent the rest of the morning enjoying the cinnamon rolls and coffee and every so often one or both of us would break out in laughter.
Later that evening we met up with Layla, Isaac, and Dale at the bar. I showed Layla my Christmas present and she just howled. She attempted to talk but couldn’t catch her breath long enough. Colin showed Isaac who only howled louder.
“Definitely the best Christmas I have ever had,” I said loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Here, here!” everyone responded as they raised their glasses.
Chapter 14
Before we knew it, the deployment window was upon us. I had no idea there was an actual time frame for a unit to head out. I just thought they all just left in one ginormous group.
“No, there is no way that could happen. We need to get in, go in stages. Otherwise we're a target, not to mention logistically speaking, moving that many soldiers, plus all the equipment and supplies...we need to go in stages.” Colin explained one night after dinner.
“Yeah, that does make sense. That would be a nightmare to deal with.”
Finally, the day came, Colin drove us to the company in his Jeep with all his gear stored in the back. The silence was almost deafening. For the first time since our first date, neither of us could find a way out of the awkward situation.
I have no idea what to say. How the hell do other wives do this once, let alone multiple times? This is torture. I hate this. I don't want to say goodbye.
My musing was interrupted by Bon Jovi. Of course, the song would come on. Now timing sucks. And yet kind of poetic.
Colin reached to turn it off, then thought better of it and only turned it down.
“I never realized how much I hated goodbye ‘til now. It truly sucks,” Colin stated matter of factly.
“Yeah, it really does,” was my only response.
“It sounds so final. I mean, good-bye. It's like the verbal act of slamming the door on someone. Good-bye. So final.”
“Wow. Never saw it that way, but you're right. It does remind me of slamming shut a door. But what else could we say? I mean, we can't not say anything.”
We drove in silence again. As we thought over the conversation, still silent, we passed through the main gate check and the silence stretched as we drove to the company.
Sighing, I stated, “Why don't you drive to the company and unload? Afterwards, I'll go park. That way you don't have to lug everything too far.”
“You're sure? I don't mind.”
“That's silly. Just pull up to company, unload, and then I'll go find a spot. That'll give you a chance to check in without wondering if you'll be on time.” I looked at the dash clock. There was no chance he would be late. Even if we parked half a mile away. Check-in was in 90 minutes. Plenty of time.
“Okay. Yeah. That does make sense.”
As I parked the Jeep and walked back to the company, our conversation played over in my head.
It's so final. It's like slamming a door shut. I hate it. Colin makes sense. But what do people say in this situation? Bye is just as bad? That sucks!
I continued my trek lost in my thoughts and playing with my set of dog tags Colin had gotten me. I was so lost in my thoughts, I was almost hit by a car from behind because I had drifted to the middle of the straightway in the parking lot. Their horn blaring startled me enough to jump out of the way.
“Are you all right, babe?” Evidently Colin had gotten all squared away and come to meet me, rushing over when he saw the near accident.
“Yeah, I guess I wasn't paying attention. Sorry.”
“That's okay. He shouldn't have been such an asshole.”
I stopped and stared at him. Colin had never really cussed in front of me before. “I think that's the first time you've ever cussed in front of me. Are you okay?”
“I'm fine. Sorry. I was taught not to curse in front of a lady, which is why I never do when you're around. But here”—he pointed back to the company—“that's a whole ‘nother story. In fact, I'm apologizing now for what might pop out of my mouth. Please don't think less of me.”
He had reached for my hand and pulled me to him.
“How could I? So what if you cuss a little, have you not heard me around Dale at the bar? Or how about on the phone with Layla? Seriously? They say cussing is a sign of high intelligence.” I pulled fro
m his embrace, winking and smiling. “Come on. We better get you back to company before Davis starts pitching a fit wondering where the hell you are.”
“He wouldn't. But yeah, we should get back. Real quick first…” He pulled me to him again. “I won't be able to do this later. I love you Joleene. I hate that I never gave you a honeymoon, but I am so glad we got married when we did. I've never been so happy. I. Love. You.” He punctuated each word with a kiss before passionately kissing me.
“I love you, Colin.”
We headed back, holding hands, fingers locked together.
“You know, see ya isn't forever,” I said out of the blue.
“What? Huh?”
“See ya. It gives the other person the feeling it won't be long before they see one another soon. It's not so final.”
“Never thought of that, but yeah, you're right. It has a better ring to it. I like it,” he said, kissing my hand. “But we don't have to say it just yet.” His crooked smile was showing.
The next few hours were spent watching the guys ready their weapons and wondering every time we saw Davis, if formation would be called. At times, the tension in the air was palpable. Other times the guys were joking to help lighten the mood. Some of the wives were talking about their plans for the rest of the day as if this was just another training exercise. I was in awe at their lack of nerves.
“Honey, this is our fourth deployment. I figured out the best thing to do is to try to keep life as normal as possible. But I remember the first one; damn I was a wreck and probably looked like a hag. I was nothing but a ball of nerves. By the way, I'm Stacey. And this here is Keisha and Brittany—Britt for short. You’re Dawson's bride, right?”
“Hi. Nice to meet you, I’m Joleene. Yeah, Colin—I mean Dawson—and I got married right before orders came down. So you've been through this three other times? I can’t imagine going through this more than once!”
“Yep. Hey, come sit. It'll be awhile before formation is called.” I sat down and got to know Stacy, Keisha, and Britt. I actually felt my shoulders relax listening to them. And all they talked about were their kids and what they were going to remodel in the house or what they might do for their next hair appointment. You know, normal conversation.
“So Joleene, we're thinking of planning a spa day in the next few weeks. Want to join us?” Keisha asked.
“Sure. And you can call me Jo. Almost everyone does except Colin.” I smiled, but it was short-lived.
“Company, fall in!” Davis hollered.
Colin ran over and kissed me. “See ya, Joleene,” he said with his eyes dancing above his famous, crooked smile before booking it to the formation.
“Wish Larry would do that.”
“Yeah, Steve isn't that romantic. He even said, bye babe last night before bed, I wanted to slug him,” Stacy stated. All I could do was smile, like a giddy schoolgirl.
“Company, attention!”
The sound of all the guys snapping to was like a clap of distant thunder, truly a sight to behold. Some big wig gave some instructions and then we heard it.
“Move out!”
And with that, a scramble of guys grabbing their gear and waving to their loved ones. Colin made sure to catch my eye and mouthed the words I love you then waved while giving his crooked grin. He turned and headed for the buses.
“All right, ladies, I've got to head out. Let's try to have dinner this week. Jo, give me your number and I'll call you later.” Keisha pulled out her phone, as did Stacy and Britt. I gave them my number and we all went our separate ways. I lingered a bit and watched the buses leave.
“And so it begins, Jo, a new chapter.” I sighed and headed for the jeep.
Chapter 15
Ring ring, ring ring!
I went running for the phone as I had done every time it rang for the last few weeks.
“H...hello?” I was panting from running.
“Joleene. You okay?” The sweetest sound of Colin on the other end. The tears fell as I smiled.
“Yes, I'm okay. I had to run to get the phone. Are you okay? Are you settled? Is everything fine? Oh, it's so good to hear your voice. I have missed you.” I babbled on.
When I finally stopped, I could hear him chuckling. “Yes, babe. I'm fine. All settled. If that's what you call it. It's good to hear your voice too. I miss you. Are you okay? Not working all the time, are you?”
“I'm good.” I giggled. “No. I'm not. Dale won't let me, but I have met up with Stacy and Keisha a few times and us three plus Britt are planning a spa day. I think next week. Layla has come over a few times too. I've stayed busy.”
“Not too busy though.”
“No, not too busy.” I was again smiling as if he could see me.
“Good. Listen, babe. I only have a few minutes, but wanted to say hi and tell you I love you, Joleene. I miss you so much.”
“I love you, Colin, and miss you tons. Please be safe.”
“I will. See ya.” I could hear him smile and almost see it in my mind.
“See ya, Colin.”
It had been several weeks since I had seen Colin off. The first couple of weeks I wrote every day—just random thoughts and tidbits of what was going on, but I found myself not really repeating myself, just babbling. So my letters became more spaced out, every few days. During this time, I waited impatiently for something from Colin. I knew mail wasn’t running yet, but that hadn’t stopped me from damn near running to the mailbox every day in hopes that today would be the day I would hear from him, only to have those hopes dashed when nothing showed.
I found myself almost sulking as I headed back to my apartment with only bills or circulars in hand. Until one day, I saw a worn envelope mixed in with a few advertisements. I held the envelope in my left hand while my right glided over the handwritten address:
Mrs. Joleene Dawson
I closed my eyes and could see Colin’s crooked smile and his steel-grey eyes winking at me saying, ‘See I told ya I would write.’
“Yeah, ya did. I’m just not that patient.” I chuckled to myself as I headed back to the apartment reading the letter.
“Damn it.” I slammed my phone down.
Layla looked up. “What?”
“I missed a call from Colin.” The irritation was evident in my words.
“Oh,” was all Layla said.
“Oh? Oh? That's all you have to say? Oh?” I about shouted the last word.
“What else do you want me to say? Honestly, I don't know what else to say, Jo.”
“I know. I know. Sorry.”
“When did you last hear from him?”
“Don't even know. Phones have been hit or miss.”
“But you have letters, right?”
“I get a few at a time and then nothing for several days. And I'll get like three in one day. It's completely screwy. And it’s driving me bonkers.”
“Yeah. I’d prolly be a bit on edge too.” She plopped down on the couch.
“This is crazy. We were told this would happen, but I guess I thought they were exaggerating.”
Just then: ring ring!
“Hello? Colin?” I answered before the phone was fully up to my ear.
“Joleene.”
That's all it took. I smiled and my shoulders relaxed. Layla excused herself to give me some privacy.
“Sorry. I missed your call. Somehow my phone got switched to silent. I'm so sorry. Is everything okay? Do you need me to send you anything? How are you? Damn I miss you.”
Colin’s laughter stopped my babbling. “I'm babbling again. Sorry.”
“It's all good, babe. I rather like it when you babble.” I could almost picture him laughing and shaking his head. “It's okay. I don't expect you to be able to answer every time I call. Everything is fine. Don't need anything special right now. I am fine. And I miss you. I do want to tell you something, but first I want you to take a breath.” Sighing so he could hear me, I could hear him chuckling. “Okay. Better?” he asked.
“Yes. So tell me what it is.” I was audibly less tense.
“I just got word. I will be sent on RNR in July. So what do you want to do?”
“Yay! What do I want to do? Why are you asking me? You're the one stuck in some other country.”
“Sandbox. We call it the sandbox. And I ask in case there was something on your mind. Honestly, I wouldn't mind checking into getting away for a few days. Maybe rent a cabin at The Land Between the Lakes. What do you think?”
“I think it sounds perfect. Do you have dates? I can make a reservation if you'd like.”
“Not yet. And I'll take care of making reservations. I get some computer time.” I could picture him winking. We'd had a few video chats over the last few months.
“It's settled. Once I get more info, I'll make arrangements and let you know so you can work something out with Dale. I hate to do this, babe, but we have a walk in a bit and I need to make sure I'm ready. I love you.”
“Okay. I love you Colin. Be safe.”
“Always. See ya, Joleene.”
“See ya.”
Click.
Chapter 16
“When are you heading up to LBTL?” Layla asked as we walked around Target.
“A few days after he gets in. He wanted to make sure if there was a delay in his flight, we wouldn't miss our reservation.” Aimlessly, I put down an item and briefly looked up.
“Aren't you excited?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Cuz, honestly you seem like you're dreading it. I mean, it's been like six months. I'd be dying to see my man. If I had one.” She was giggling at her own statement.
“No, I'm…I'm excited, but nervous I guess. I mean it's been six months and we weren't married long before he left. What if he's changed his mind? I mean, seriously, we barely knew each other.” I almost slammed another item down on the shelf, catching the attention of another customer.
“True. You weren't married long and yes, he could have changed his mind—”
“Gee, thanks. You're supposed to be my best friend and comfort me and tell me he'd be crazy to leave me, not agree with me!”
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