by Aisha Urooj
My Dear Ellie
For Eleanor, Your Love is Eternal
Aisha Urooj
Copyright © Aisha Urooj, 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review. For information about the author, address: https://aishauroojbooks.wordpress.com/
Dedicated to love and friendship
Prologue
Ever had a friend that made you smile on the darkest of days?
I do! I have my best friend Ellie.
If you are lucky enough to have a best friend, what would you do for them? Would you stand up for them, fight the last person on earth for them, die for them...give them your kidney?
Said yes so far? Surely your love for your friend is wonderful....but what if I ask: would you be willing to live through heartbreaks over a thousand lifetimes just to be with your friend together til the last breath?
Would you only do it for your best friend or someone else you love....It gets a little complicated now, doesn't it?
How will you choose, I wonder.
Chapter One: Distant Storms
I see lightning flash brilliantly outside. Just like the scene of any supernatural horror movie. The rain pelting noisily down my window cannot stop my reverie as I think about my best friend Ellie.
Eleanor James. Ellie, for short.
My partner-in-crime and life adventures as far as I can remember. My most vivid memory of a young Ellie running towards me with her golden hair braided into two. Her aura, a beacon and sunshine. I am a contrast of dark tresses, much like the present-day ominous storm clouds creeping outside.
I think back to the memory. I remember that as I looked at my own dark curls, open and unabandoned, I decided that I don't like Ellie's hair being tied up. I tug open her braids and her hair cascade open like two golden waterfalls. She looks stunned for a moment then she throws back her head and laughs like the beaming sun.
Eleanor James and Cassandra Grace. Ellie and Cassie.
Two girls that looked so apart yet like peas in a pod...like Spongebob and Patrick, her favourite mischievous best friend duo from the cartoon show.
"Oh Cassie, my pineapple", she would say with her favourite expression. "Why did you do that? Why did you open my braids?"
"I can't see the wind blow your hair around when it is tied up like that," I reply impatiently. "Don't be a gold-i-locked." My young self chimed, with an know-it-all air, as if that settled the matter. "I want you to be free Ellie."
It was only with Ellie could I do such a thing. Being around her made me bold, like she wasn't a different person, but simply an extension of me or the person I could be. When she dropped out of high school, I didn't think twice. I wanted to be wherever she was. Go wherever she went. She had her dreams of being a star. I had no clue what I wanted to do.
"Why do you want to be a star?", I ask her for the umpteenth time, thinking that maybe her answer would set off my own inspiration. Her eyes starts to sparkle, like she had been waiting to answer the same question she had answered me only numerous times before. "Because I can choose to be anyone I want," says Ellie. She does her best impression of royalty, waving her hand imperiously to an invisible audience and I imagine witnessing the public screaming and calling her name: "Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor". Her legions of adoring fans waiting tirelessly for her every word, searching for her in every street and copying her every gesture. Their new darling and Hollywood's latest obsession.
I never got jealous of the great things that was surely destined for her. For me, she was my Ellie. My anchor while I drifted through life. Drifted aimlessly to find a purpose, a reason, a calling. Floating away in the endless expanse while she held me and bound me to this earth like a lifeline. A warmth, a hug on a cold day. Ellie, my best friend.
She never did braid her hair again. She left her hair open in golden waves. She said that she did it for me and that whenever anyone wants to braid her hair, she says her best friend wants her to be a mermaid with beach waves for hair and not a rapunzel in her locked tower. I guess my reason made sense to her as a kid.
It is times like the present when I think of Ellie the most. As the storm outside grew louder, I want to call her and hear her voice. Where would she be right now? Probably somewhere outside warm and sunny. Most likely at a rehearsal or audition somewhere, lining up with countless other hopefuls to catch their next big break. We had never been separated by this much distance before. Apart in different cities, stretched across the globe. No, I won't break her focus with yet another call for support. Cassandra Grace, friend-in-distress. A clingy, hopeless, depressing shadow.
No, I am ok. I will wait. Wait for her next call, telling me excitedly about her latest acting gig. Her voice, alive and bright...bringing a smile to anyone caught in her whirlwind of energy. Her laugh trickling down your soul. This time I will only listen. Listen to her thoughts uninterrupted.
I had stopped going to her auditions with her. Not that I didn't want to. I didn't have her boundless energy and I had my menial job. A way to pay the bills. At first she went to the local theatres. Then she went to the aspiring actors hot spots in major cities. Further and further grew her circle, like a bird spreading her wingspan til I couldn't keep up with her pace or flight anymore. So I stayed.
She would call every so often and I looked forward to her visits. My small, dingy apartment seemed brighter and bigger with her presence. No matter how far she went, she came back the same girl. For her, my place became a place to stop and recharge. A refuge to be Ellie. Not almost famous Eleanor James. The actress who starred in so and so. A rising sensation.
Chapter Two: A Time of Firsts
My first memory of Ellie is not so clear. That week I had lost my granddad and I was swinging listlessly on the playground swings. Grandpa used to swing me on the swings and carry me on his shoulders. He secretly brought me candies. I missed playing with him.
I might have been alone in the playground that day, crying. She appeared suddenly and wiped away my tears with her little hands. I remember a golden little angel holding my hand and me not feeling so alone anymore. She was always like that. Through high school and numerous heartbreaks. Through countless failed attempts at love and in life. She was there to wipe the tears.
When she is not near, I imagine her voice giving me advice or comforting words.
Sometimes I wonder if her angelicness is a figment of my imagination. I quickly banish the thought. If it were so, then there will be no hope for humanity. She is just selfless and I am lucky to have her as my friend. She knows me well as she has suffered setbacks the same way I have. Only difference is that she emerged from the experience, untainted and light. Perhaps we balance each other out this way: I am the reason in life, while she is the rhyme.
It isn't always a perfect harmony in our friendship and it is not like we havent had our fair share of arguments or disagreements before. Always over something trivial. James Evans or Chris Gemsworth, which actor would we date? or deciding who would wear what outfit? or what takeout we should get? or what restaurant to visit and then argue about what table to sit at that restaurant? Harmless minor squabbles. There was a time our friendship was put to a test, Ellie got into a car accident and didn't tell me.
I don't hear her talk too much about it except sometimes when she says her back hurt and the painkillers not doing anything to ease it. It was the first time she had kept her feelings secret. She never kept secrets about something important. She said she didn't want to tell me about the accident as it would have frightened me. Later I find her experience was more harrowing t
han that. She came onto the path of a moving car while escaping an attempted assault by someone who was very intoxicated.
It came with the industry: the uncertainty. I heard whispers when we attended some acting events or afterparty together. Gossips overheard in the ladies room. I always remained uneasy when Ellie went alone. She assured me there was nothing to worry. I almost believed her if it weren't for this uneasy feeling I had. Maybe I felt overprotective? I was older than Ellie by more than a month. Or maybe it was because Ellie was so trusting, even with strangers.
No, I was being overprotective. Ellie was friendly sure but was also smart and perceptive about people, both the good and the bad. She figured out about John way before I had.
∞∞∞
John Damon was my first boyfriend. A charming, unassuming high school senior who got along with everyone. He didn't really fit in any clique nor did he attempt to. Maybe that is why I fell for him, or it might have been as simple as him complimenting my hair. He said that he had never seen curls like mine, "rolling around like ocean waves" is how he described them. Ellie said that I had blushed. I simply stuttered a thank you to John and nudged Ellie lightly to stop her cheeky grin from spreading even further.
Ellie had warned me beforehand about John's interest. and of course I hadn't believed her. She said she often caught him looking for me in the hallways, him smiling brightly at my sight, him waiting and hoping for a chance to talk to me. The whole John situation was, in her words, "Oh so romantic!". I sighed. At least I had been warned and somewhat prepared. I managed to stammer a response to his compliment this time otherwise normally I would have just blinked or become mute....or panicked, blushed and vanished to my hiding spot in the library. I am so pathetic.
Ellie had caught me doing it before but this time she was not having it. Not with John.
I am glad I didn't. He turned out as great as Ellie had predicted. Never pressured me to speak more than I could. I would feel a warm feeling wash over me when I thought of him, his good nature and his patience. He saw things in me that I couldn't see myself. I wasn't so sure that I deserved his praise when he said that "I had the soul of a poet" and that my solitude was "not rejection of the world but rather contemplation of it." He said that the world would sometimes feel too busy, loud, fast and chaotic for a shy girl and that I just needed "time and space to process it all."
He said that he felt that I had an "old soul". At the time I wouldn't have understood what the phrase really would mean to me.
Before meeting them both, I had wanted to fit in and have friends. God must have been listening to my silent prayers as both John and Ellie came into my life.
∞∞∞
My first date with John goes disastrously at the beginning as I lost my ability to speak words. This only happened to me when I got really anxious, so to my horror and grief I had instant case of selective mutism and could only answer him back with not words, but by either nodding yes or no.
"Cassie is there any restaurant you would like to go to?"
I shake my head silently.
"We could go for movies. Which movie would you like to see?"
Thinking of being alone in the dark with John makes me nervous and I respond with a deer in the headlights expression.
John sensing my nervousness changes the question, "Perhaps we could just go for a walk?"
I am relieved at this choice and nod in agreement.
As we walk around our small town, I realize that John is looking at the familiar paths and houses with the eyes of a stranger. I become more curious about him and ask him how long he had been living here.
"I haven't been here long, I moved here maybe two years ago but coincidentally you were one of the first people I met!" I am surprised as I don't remember meeting him. He continues, "It was my first day in town and things hadn't been going great. Everything here felt new and strange. I was riding my bike hoping to come across some kids my age when I bumped into you. You were busy reading a Harry Potter book. I have read that book series too! I wanted to talk to you about the book and to apologize for bumping into you but you just quietly said 'sorry' and quickly disappeared. I tried looking for you everywhere that day, but I couldn't find you. I hadn't seen anyone move so fast before!"
I blush at his story, thinking about all the trouble he went through in trying to find me but I am pleased to know that he likes Harry Potter too. We spend more time talking about the novels and I find myself talking more to him than I had to anyone else before, besides Ellie.
Chapter Three: Sugar Sweet
Fall is my favorite time of the year, not only is the weather the perfect blend of not too cold or warm, the beautiful colorful panorama of reds, greens, yellows and oranges foliage on the trees but also because of Halloween, the only occasion where we can freely ask for and receive sweets to our hearts' content.
According to my dentist, he had never seen someone with such a bad case of sweet tooth like mine but Ellie would make me feel better by saying that it was because I was naturally 'sugar sweet'. By the time we turn thirteen, Ellie wants to retire our annual tradition of trick-or-treating.
Every year, as long as I have known Ellie, we went together gathering candies in our co-ordinated halloween costumes. My parents tell me that before meeting Ellie, I had been too shy to do it alone or even to do it with them by my side.
"What should we dress as this year?"
"Should we be mermaids? We can do sparkly makeup with glitters and everything, and put seashells on our hair?", suggests Ellie.
"Hmmm..glitter might be messy and we will have trouble walking with our tails. If we slow down walking, we won't get to the houses fast enough and they will run out of the best candies!"
"You have a point...and we already went as Disney princesses last year remember. You wanted to be Belle and I went as Aurora. We should do something completely different for our last year trick-or-treating."
"Why are we not doing it again next year?", I ask sadly, thinking about not getting any candies next year.
"Because we are thirteen. 13...we should stop in the halloween spirit and the lucky number! Besides, too many people ask about our age and we don't look as cute as the little kids. We should leave the tradition to them and move on to more grownup things."
"Remember when people thought we were so adorable dressed up in our fruits costumes? We had the biggest stash that year! It took weeks to finish all the candies!", I reminisce fondly.
"Yeah...I don't how we thought of dressing as our favorites fruits, you as a prickly pineapple and me as a plump strawberry, and it felt a little silly wearing those huge costumes but everyone loved it."
"What should we do this year? I can't think of anything..."
"I got it! We should dress as something we want to be when we grow up.... I can dress up like a movie star!"
"But Ellie...I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. What will I do?"
"We can pick a career from a hat? I can put random ones into a hat and you can pick one up and dress up as that?"
"Sounds good, I can't think of anything else so let's do it!"
Ellie would write a bunch of random careers on little pieces of paper and then place it in a bag for me to choose from. I pick one piece of paper to read what my costume would be and it said "Movie writer" in Ellie's handwriting. I had to get creative with my tricky costume and I dressed as what I thought a writer would look like, dressed in all black, with a french beret, black sunglasses and mock turtleneck sweater, carrying a long paper scroll with an enormous feather pen in hand, waiting to write down furiously when inspiration struck...even in the middle of conversations. I should have added a cup of coffee for effect, even if I hadn't started drinking coffee yet. That year, for our last Halloween as kids, we would end our much beloved annual tradition of trick-or-treating dressed up like our dream future grown-up versions, Ellie as the movie star and me as a movie writer.
∞∞∞
This year, my favourite season fall once
again turned out memorable in another way. I was delighted when I found out that John shares my love for the season too. He thinks that fall is the best season for playing outdoors and says that he liked piling on the leaves and jumping into them as a kid. Now, during fall, he likes walking and hiking especially with the picturesque backdrop of our small town. This year, the town looks and feels even more beautiful than it ever did before maybe because this time I had John with me. We had already been on a few dates by now and he and I would soon share our first kiss. My first at age sixteen and a half.
We were walking towards the park after we had bought some icecream. He was quieter than usual. Usually he would fill in my shy silences with pleasant conversation. We reached a small bridge in the park but he stopped walking. I look up at him to see why and I see him deep in thought. His eyes linger on mine, brown eyes shining like amber. I must have blushed for he gently reached out for my hand. My small olive hands contrasting against his pale long fingers. He would often compare our fingers to each other, put our palms together and remark at how small my fingers were to his. I can feel the warmth of his hands and I feel myself blush again. He held my hand and lifted it to his lips and gives the gentlest of kiss, as if he was afraid I might be startled by any sudden movement. He then looks at me and slowly reaches down to kiss. I close my eyes and feel his lips close over mine.
He tastes sweet like the chocolate icecream he had. I wonder if I tasted sweet to him? When I open my eyes, I see him looking slightly dazed. I have an urge to giggle but I don't. I feel oddly emboldened by his awestruck expression and I reach out my hand to trace the scar on his face with my fingertips. The one that I know he felt self-conscious about and the one I had wanted to touch for the longest time. I see him blush slightly more and I am completely smitten by him.
