“Don’t you ever hurt yourself!”
“Saxon—”
“I promise I will never allow anyone to use you again, but you have to take care of yourself.”
She closed her eyes as she leaned into him and delighted in his warmth. As the scent of him filled her nostrils, she realized, with a sinking sensation, she was falling in love with this man. She’d been so sure she could keep him at a distance, but Saxon had managed to dig his way into her heart.
This could only end badly, but, for now, she needed to lean on him. She’d had no one these past nine months, and before then, her life wasn’t exactly stable.
“What happened in June, Elyse?”
She pulled out of his arms, and deciding space between them would be best, she paced over to the small refrigerator. “Joseph came to me and commanded me to find her.”
“Did he say who she was?”
“Simone. I had to know her name. Otherwise, I couldn’t have picked her out from all the other vamps who have Joseph’s blood running through them.” She stopped talking when she saw the oh, shit look on Saxon’s face. “You know her.” It wasn’t a question.
“I do.”
“Is she… is she dead?” Elyse braced herself for his response. She’d known she was probably condemning some to death while locating them for the Savages, but it was that or another jar.
“No. She survived.”
She released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, and her shoulders slumped. “Good.”
“How do names help you find who you’re searching for?”
“A person’s blood carries a piece of them with it, and their name is embedded in the cells I absorb. With a name, I can differentiate the multiple people and vampires I’m exposed to. It’s all really… weird and I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand how it works, but it’s who I am.”
“Probably not,” he muttered. “So what happened after Joseph asked you to locate Simone?”
“It took me a while to sort through all the others in his blood to pinpoint her. When I did, Joseph brought me a map, and I gave him her location. Of course, that changed as she was on the move, but I told him her general vicinity. I didn’t do it fast enough for his liking, and I received my dad’s toe as a reminder to do better from now on.
“He came back a couple more times about Simone and put more of his blood on me, but though I can sometimes pinpoint someone right away, at other times, it can take a while. I lost her for a bit, and that was when… that was….”
She gulped down the lump in her throat; she would not cry again. For months, she’d tried to block out that unspeakable time, but she’d never been successful. Many nights, the memories haunted her sleep, and she would wake up screaming. At other times, she couldn’t fall asleep because of what she saw when her eyes closed.
“That was when things got worse,” she muttered.
A chill ran down Saxon’s spine as she said those words. Things had been pretty bad for her before this; if they got worse, then they would have been horrific.
“Can you tell me?” he asked.
She stared unseeingly at the motel door before turning to him. The emptiness in her eyes caused his gut to clench.
“When he realized hitting and intimidating me didn’t make me work any faster, the jars started arriving more often.”
“He hit you?” Saxon exploded.
“Yes.”
Unable to stop himself, Saxon spun and hammered his fist through the wall. Plaster rained down as he found his arm buried almost to his elbow within the wall, yet it had done nothing to make him feel any better. His chest heaved as he resisted pulling his arm out and hitting the wall again.
Elyse edged away from Saxon when he tore his arm from the wall. When he turned toward her, his eyes were a fiery red, and his fangs were visible. She bit back a squeak as she edged toward the door with the blanket.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered as he shook out his hand. White bits of plaster rained down on the gray, berber carpet. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to lose my temper. It won’t happen again; I promise.”
Elyse stopped her retreat, but she stayed close to the door. His wrath wasn’t directed at her, and she didn’t think he would harm her, but she’d prefer not to be trapped in the room with a pissed-off vampire.
When she continued to look at him with wide, frightened eyes, he edged further away from her and sat on the bed in the hopes he would be less intimidating. He kicked himself in the ass for losing control. She revealed they abused her, and he punched a wall; it was the worst way possible to make her believe she would be safe with him.
“You may not believe this, but I’d kill myself before I ever hurt you,” he said.
“I believe you.” And she did. He was volatile and lethal, but he’d never been violent toward her, and he never would be.
“Good. Tell me what happened afterward.”
“Are you sure?”
He didn’t want to hear this, but he had to. “Yes.”
“The jars would show up at least twice a day after that. Then, seeming to realize he would run out of body parts before I found her again, Joseph started… he started bringing people to the cabin. He would drag me outside and make me watch as he turned them loose and let his bastards hunt them. The blood, the screams—”
Elyse broke off as another tear fell free. She wiped it angrily away. “Those people died because of me.”
When he rose from the bed and stepped toward her, she held up her hand to ward him off. “They did not die because of you,” he said. “They died because Joseph was a sick, twisted prick who found amusement in torturing others.”
“They played with them,” she whispered. “They played with them until they were nothing but broken, lifeless bodies on the lawn for me to see until new victims arrived and it started all over again.”
“How often did they do this?”
“Every day. While they were doing it, Joseph would stand beside me, whispering in my ear that this was nothing compared to what they would do to me when my time came. And I knew he was telling the truth.” Her eyes were flat and emotionless when they returned to his. “Then, one day, I found her again. Is Simone your friend?”
“Yes.”
She shifted her gaze to the carpet. “I’m sorry I told him where she was.”
“You did what was necessary to survive.”
“I don’t deserve forgiveness. The day I connected with her blood again and told Joseph where to find her, I cried with relief. I knew he was going after her, I suspected he would kill her, and all I could feel was relief that I might have one day without a jar and death.”
“You had a right to feel relieved,” he said.
“Don’t justify my actions. A stronger person would have resisted him. A stronger person—”
“You are a strong person, Elyse. Not many would have survived what you went through and come out of it sane. I’m surprised you’re not crazy.”
She gave him a wan smile. “Maybe I am.”
“Maybe,” he agreed. “But maybe we’re all a little crazy.”
“Yeah.”
“And Simone is fine; Joseph didn’t survive that battle.”
“Good.”
“Afterward, when the other Savages were brought to the cabin, what did they have you do?”
“They also put their blood on me and told me to track down every vamp they created. Some were only one or two, but a few had a dozen or so creations out there.”
“They were hunting for vamps they could bring in and turn Savage,” he muttered. Many turned vamps didn’t stay with the ones who created them; vampires liked their freedom.
Joseph and his flunkies had been working to create Savages out of humans and hunters, but they were also searching for, and turning, established vampires into Savages.
“When was the last time a Savage came to have you track down its creations?” he asked.
“A couple of days before you arrived. Over the
past few months, some of the Savages who came to me were ones I tracked down. I recognized their blood when I felt it.”
Then, Elyse’s stomach plummeted as his earlier words sank in. “Wait, are you telling me that before I found them, they were vamps like you? Are you saying they weren’t killers until I told those bastards where they could find them?”
“There’s no way of knowing that.”
But she saw the truth in his eyes. They most likely had not been monsters before she led the bastards to their door. She’d known Joseph and his ilk weren’t doing anything good with those she tracked, but she hadn’t suspected this.
She’d believed he was holding them captive, like her, or killing them. And as much as she didn’t want their deaths on her hands, she really did not want to be the reason they were tortured until they became monsters.
Since meeting Saxon, she should have realized why the Savages were using her, and maybe a part of her had, but denial was a much nicer place to live. She’d just been served her eviction notice. How many lives had she destroyed?
“Oh, God.”
She placed her hand against her mouth and lost the blanket as she ran for the bathroom. She fell before the toilet, but there wasn’t enough time to get the seat up before she lost what little contents remained in her stomach. Self-hatred coiled within her as she retched, and when Saxon came in to hold her hair back, she tried to wave him away.
“Don’t,” she moaned when she finished.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and collapsed against the wall. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she hugged herself as her body went from freezing to boiling hot and back again. She almost felt like she had the flu, but she knew it was really a sickness in her soul.
“I don’t deserve kindness,” she whispered. “I’ve ruined so many lives.”
“Not you, they ruined them.”
Staring at the porcelain, Elyse tried not to inhale the stench filling the room while she struggled to get her body under control. Without her, those lives wouldn’t have been ruined, but she hadn’t put herself in that cabin. She hadn’t been the one to cut off her father’s appendages, and she hadn’t tortured and mutilated people.
If it had only been her, she would have let Joseph kill her, and none of this would have happened, but she had to worry about her dad too. And then all those innocent people were brought to the cabin. If she’d refused to find Simone or any of the others, there would be hundreds more dead. She’d done what she had to do, but she’d never forgive herself for it.
Saxon kept his hands on his thighs as he sat on the tub and stared helplessly at her. He longed to comfort her, but she would only push him away again. He’d never felt so helpless before as he had no idea how to help her through this, no idea how to keep her from falling into a pit of self-hatred and despair.
“So many lives,” she murmured as she pushed herself away from the toilet. “And they’re going to pay for making me do it.”
When her eyes swung to him, there was a hardness in them he’d never seen before. Again, he resisted pulling her into his arms to somehow make her understand this wasn’t her doing. Yes, she’d been the one to find those vampires, but she hadn’t been the catalyst. She never would have considered doing what she did if they hadn’t forced her to do it. Somehow, he would make her and his friends understand that.
“Will you still help me find my dad?” she asked. “I can’t leave him there.”
“Yes.”
“You said you and your friends hunt these things.”
“We do.”
“I still have a thin connection to the last Savage who came to me. I can locate and lead you to her too.”
“You don’t have to do that, Elyse.”
“Yes, I do. They’re going to pay.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
An hour later, Declan brought them some clothes, sneakers, food, and maps. “What did the wall do to you?” he asked Saxon as he set the supplies on the table.
Saxon shot him a look, and Declan smiled in return.
“Everything okay?” Declan asked.
“Yes,” Saxon answered.
Elyse ignored the enticing scent wafting from the greasy fast food bags as she lifted the maps. Unsure of what state her father and the Savage were in, she’d asked for a map of every state in the Northeast. And if she couldn’t find them in the Northeast, she’d move on to the country and Canada.
“Can you find someone without a map?” Saxon asked her as Declan placed a pen on the table beside her.
“Yes,” she said. “If we started driving, I could tell you where to go and turn, but I couldn’t tell you the exact location until we were there.”
Declan remained silent while he studied Elyse. Rage emanated from her as she ran her fingers over a map of New York.
Declan’s gaze shifted back to Saxon. “I’m not going to like whatever’s going on, am I?”
Saxon had specifically asked Declan to come alone. He didn’t know how Lucien, Asher, and Logan would react to learning what Elyse could do and that she was their suspected mole.
“No, you’re not. Elyse has an extremely unusual ability,” Saxon said. “I think that’s what drew Kadence to her.”
She tossed aside the map of New York and unfolded Maine next. She barely touched the map before her fingers froze on it and she lifted the pen. With her teeth, she pulled the pen cap off and used the pen to make a red X over a section of land near the border of Canada.
“Here.” Elyse studied the mark on the map; it was so far from the closest town that she didn’t think it belonged to any town. “My dad is here. And so is that Savage.”
Declan stared at the mark before lifting his gaze to Elyse. “The mole.”
“Yes,” Saxon said. “But not by choice.”
Declan rubbed the bridge of his nose before digging into his pocket and removing a lollipop. He unwrapped it in such a calculated way that Saxon knew he was trying to calm himself before speaking again.
He stuck the candy in his mouth and sucked on it for a bit before finally speaking, “Sometimes, we don’t have choices.”
“I did have a choice,” Elyse said.
“You were held captive and tortured,” Saxon said. “That’s not a choice.”
“I’d like to say that if I’d known they were turning the vamps I found into Savages, I would have let them kill my dad and me, but I can’t. I don’t know how long I could have taken seeing the pieces of my dad coming in, or watched them murder those people, before I broke and did what they commanded anyway.”
“Pieces of your dad?” Declan asked.
“When she refused to do as they asked, or if she didn’t do it fast enough for their liking, the Savages would cut off parts of her father’s fingers and toes or they would rip out his teeth and put them in jars to give to her,” Saxon said. “Sometimes they did it for fun. They also brought humans in and made her watch as they tortured and killed them. When they finished, they left the bodies in the yard for her to see. The next day they would bring more people in and do it all over again.”
“That’s fucked up even for them. It also severely limits a person’s choices,” Declan said to Elyse.
“Maybe, but I knew they were evil, and I knew they weren’t using me for anything good, yet I still let them use me,” Elyse said. “If you all decide to kill me after this, fine, but please help me save my dad first. He’s innocent in all of this and doesn’t deserve what they’ve done to him.”
“No one is going to hurt you,” Saxon said and stared pointedly at Declan while he twirled the lollipop between his fingers. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“I’m just here for the ride and the mayhem,” Declan said. “You know how much I enjoy a good rescue. I’m like Prince Charming riding in to save the day, but I’m a lot better looking.”
He smiled at Elyse and, for the first time, some of her anger diminished as she gave him a small smile in return. When Saxon glowered at Declan, his amusement van
ished as he slid the lollipop into his mouth and straightened away from the wall.
“Have you told Ronan yet?” Declan asked him.
“Not yet. I was hoping to use your phone for the call.”
“Of course.” Declan pulled out his phone and handed it over to Saxon who pocketed it. “Asher and I looked at the store, but they didn’t have any burners where we got the supplies.”
“What did you tell him about the maps?”
“The same thing you told me.”
“Nothing.”
“Bingo and, much like myself, Asher doesn’t have to know every detail.”
“You know far more than you ever let on.”
Declan shrugged. “It’s not my fault. I have a trustworthy face, and others tell me things.”
Saxon gave a small snort of laughter. Only Declan could make him want to strangle him one minute and laugh in the next. He also knew it was more than anyone telling him things; Declan sensed things Saxon could never understand.
“It’s so trustworthy that you get punched in it often,” Saxon said.
“That’s because others are jealous of my good looks and they’re trying to ruin them.”
Saxon snorted as he strode across the room to his jacket. “I took the phones from the Savages I killed at the cabin. They all only called the same number; I didn’t know if you could do something with them.”
“Let me see them.”
Saxon retrieved the phones and handed them over to Declan who slid them into the pockets of his bomber jacket. Beneath his jacket, Saxon made out the outline of the two swords Declan sometimes wore strapped to his back.
“Can I talk to you outside before you call Ronan?” Declan asked.
Saxon glanced at Elyse. “She can hear whatever you have to say.”
“I think you would prefer this particular conversation to be in private; you can tell her afterward if you like,” Declan replied.
“Go,” Elyse said. “I’d like to eat and take another shower anyway.”
“I’ll be right outside.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Bound by Passion: The Alliance Series, Book 4 Page 14
