She held on to him, her face pressed to his chest, listening to the sound of his heart thumping away against her ear. She believed him. Even though they were in the middle of a war, Ben was grounded, Ben was as safe a bet as she could have.
‘Senior Commander!’
She jumped back, smoothing her hair and clearing her throat.
‘Yes!’ she barked, spinning around.
‘Telegram for you, ma’am. It’s on your desk.’
The pilot disappeared, red-cheeked, as May turned back around to Ben.
‘Do you think she saw?’ she asked, horrified.
Ben laughed and rubbed her cheek with his cloth. ‘I think the grease on your face was probably impossible to miss.’
She swatted at him, but missed; he caught her wrist and tugged her in close again, his mouth inches from hers. ‘Don’t go MIA on me again, May,’ he murmured.
She groaned and kissed him, forgetting all about the Spitfires, before turning on her heel and racing to her desk. Sure enough, a telegram was sitting there. She opened it, swallowing away the lump in her throat, nervous about the fate of her girls, hoping it wasn’t about one of them. But then she clamped a hand across her mouth. She read it again, slowly this time, barely able to believe the words. She wasn’t sure why the telegram had been sent to her as commander rather than to Ruby, but regardless, she couldn’t wait to tell her the news.
PLEASE INFORM FIRST OFFICER RUBY SANDERS THAT HER FIANCE, FLIGHT LIEUTENANT THOMAS FRANCES, IS ALIVE. SURVIVED IMPOSSIBLE CONDITIONS AFTER DEPLOYING PARACHUTE. INJURIES INCLUDE BROKEN ARM, CRACKED RIBS, LEG TRAUMA AND BLEEDING FROM HEAD. FULL RECOVERY EXPECTED.
She breathed out a sob of relief. Tom was alive! Ruby was going to be beside herself – it had been a long wait for more information, and May hadn’t been hopeful that there would be any news, good or otherwise. How on earth had he survived being shot down near Cologne, the only pilot not to make it back from the night-time bombing there, and a parachute jump from his plane? And how had he managed to stay alive all this time? She blinked away tears, knowing exactly how incredible this piece of news would feel to her friend.
‘May, he could still be alive. If no one saw his body, if no one . . .’
‘Stop it!’ she screamed. ‘Just stop it! John’s dead, Mum, he’s dead!’
Her mother doubled over like she’d punched her, her heart-wrenching, guttural sobs too much to bear.
‘I’m sorry,’ May whispered, ‘but he’s gone. He’s never coming back and we have to accept it. Our Johnny’s gone.’
Her father stepped in then, wrapping his arms around her mother, his eyes filled with unshed tears. And she ran out of the door and kept on going, feeling she couldn’t bear to be in that suffocating house that reminded her every second of every day that she had to live the rest of her life without Johnny.
‘Ma’am, there’s another urgent telegram for you.’
May looked up and met the gaze of one of her administration staff. ‘Thank you,’ she said, and opened the new telegram at once.
COMMANDER MAY JONES. SPITFIRES AND MORE SPITFIRES NEEDED! IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE REQUIRED. ALL AVAILABLE PILOTS ON STANDBY FOR FERRY MISSION TO COLERNE.
What on earth? They needed more than the forty-seven planes they’d already delivered?
‘Jones!’ May recognised her captain’s call as he burst into the building, red-faced and short of breath. ‘You received word?’ he asked.
‘About the new aircraft needed? What . . .’
‘Bloody German bombers hit the Spitfires! They survived the sailing from Port Glasgow and they were launched at Gibraltar with three cruisers and eight destroyers as an escort, but the damn pilots decided to take a lunch break when they landed in Malta, and they were bombed when they were lined up on the ground! Only six Spitfires survived.’
Six? May could barely comprehend that almost every single Spitfire they’d so diligently delivered had been bombed. They’d risked life and limb to get there!
‘So what can we do? Are there even enough new aircraft to deliver?’ she asked.
‘Roosevelt has given permission for the USS Wasp to make a second trip. We need all your available pilots ready to fly as soon as we have enough planes. If we don’t do this?’ He shook his head. ‘We could lose this war, Jones. It could be curtains for the Allies.’
‘One would hope they won’t stop for lunch and leave the planes lined up as sitting ducks this time,’ May said dryly. She doubted female pilots would have been so foolish.
‘Not a mistake I expect will happen again.’
The unmistakable roar of an engine alerted May that she had an aircraft safely back home, and she stood to excuse herself. Ruby was due back in a Lancaster, and she was looking forward to debriefing her and sharing the good news.
‘Keep me posted,’ she told Captain MacMillan. ‘You know my girls will be ready to fly when you need us.’
She strode out towards the plane, standing back as she waited for the engine to stop, hand held high to shield her eyes from the glare above. For once it was sunny and there was no cloud cover to send her into a panic about her pilots. Today was an ideal day for flying, and there was something hopeful about the sun shining on her shoulders, not to mention the miracle she’d just been told of.
Ruby finally appeared, with Ben helping her down from the cockpit, but May could see something was wrong at once: Ruby was walking rigidly, as if every step was causing her pain. Over the past week she’d seen Ruby doubled over from grief and shaking from fatigue, but this was different. She was bent forward slightly, one hand to her stomach as Ben held her arm, and May’s first thought was that she must be sick.
‘Ruby!’ she called out, hurrying towards her. ‘What’s wrong?’
Ruby always looked tiny, but when you spoke to her or watched her take command of a plane, there was no mistaking her for anything other than a highly competent pilot – but now she looked so weak and frail.
‘What happened?’ May asked, taking her other arm.
Tears pooled in Ruby’s eyes. ‘I . . . I . . .’ she started.
‘Ruby, I have wonderful news! I just . . .’
May looked down as Ruby flopped against her, and saw the stain on her flying suit, the unmistakable darkness of blood. Ben backed away, his gaze telling her that he’d let her deal with this.
‘Oh, you poor thing, getting your monthly on a long flight like that,’ she whispered. May held her tight, wondering if Ruby was just embarrassed or if something else was upsetting her. ‘Ruby, I . . .’
Ruby let out a heart-wrenching sob and May held her tighter, hurrying her back to the mess room, where Ruby fainted just outside and sagged to the floor. May struggled with her, dragging her a little and then flopping down beside her.
‘Ruby? Ruby, wake up!’ she hissed. Ruby’s eyes fluttered open and May breathed a sigh of relief.
Ruby gasped and reached for her hand. ‘I think I’m losing my baby.’
May froze. Her mind reeled. Ruby was pregnant? She quickly took control and got them both up on their feet. ‘Come on, there’s hardly anybody else here. Everything’s going to be fine. It might just be some, ah, unrelated bleeding.’
She walked her through the mess room, quickly passing a couple of other pilots, June and Evangeline; they were laughing and chatting, and barely looked up. May avoided eye contact with them as she took Ruby into the bathroom.
‘How long have you known you were pregnant?’ May whispered, shutting the door. She reached for a towel, not sure what to do. ‘Poor Ruby, alone with this – I would have kept your secret.’ But even as she said it, she knew she would have had to put an end to her friend’s flying, which was probably the one reason she had kept it to herself.
‘I don’t know, I . . .’ Ruby struggled with her trousers, and May reached to help her. ‘We’ve only been together the once, and I . . .’
May could see she was in shock. ‘Ruby, how long have you been bleeding?’ she asked calmly. ‘Do you want me to ca
ll for a doctor?’
Ruby shook her head, looking terrified. ‘No. Please don’t. I wasn’t that far along. I don’t want anyone knowing.’
May nodded and brushed the hair from her forehead, noticing how clammy she was. ‘You’ve flown a huge plane home at the same time as experiencing a trauma, Ruby. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m going to look after you. Everything is going to be fine.’ She gave her a big hug. ‘I promise you, I’m here for you. And, Ruby, I have wonderful news, about Tom.’
‘Tom?’ Ruby whispered. ‘What about Tom?’
A memory sliced across May’s mind.
‘Mum, I’m so sorry. But they’ve found his body,’ May whispered. ‘He’s not coming home, Mum. He’s gone.’
‘No,’ her mother sobbed. ‘No!’
‘He’s alive, Ruby!’ she said, wishing someone could still say those words to her, that her brother had made it, too. ‘I only received word moments before you landed. It’s why I was running out to see you. He’s alive, Ruby. It’s true.’
‘Tom’s alive?’ Ruby’s words were barely audible, and May caught her hand, hoping her friend wasn’t about to faint again. ‘But how?’
‘I don’t know all the details, but somehow he survived and made his way back to safety,’ May told her. ‘He has injuries but nothing life-threatening. It’ll be amazing hearing his story in his own words.’
‘Tom’s alive,’ Ruby repeated again, the light coming back into her eyes as she burst out laughing. ‘He’s actually alive!’ Her laughter quickly turned to gut-wrenching sobs and May caught her as she fell, slipping to the floor.
‘He’s alive, Ruby,’ she whispered. ‘Your Tom’s alive. I promise you it’s true.’
She could only imagine the emotions, the guilt of losing one thing and gaining another, the fear of loss and the euphoria of knowing something that you thought was gone had been returned to you. May shushed her and held her tight, cradling her like a child, until the sobs slowly turned to gasps. Poor Ruby had been through so much. May shut her eyes as she pushed out the grief that threatened to take hold of her, the hope she’d held on to for so long, the thoughts that were trying so hard to come back into her head. Ruby’s Tom was alive, and that was all she was going to let herself think about.
She helped Ruby to undress, her heart breaking as her friend silently stood there with tears running down her cheeks, grieving the baby she’d lost as she came to terms with having a fiancé again. When Ruby was down to her undergarments, May excused herself and took the soiled flying suit with her, bundling it up to be washed. She’d wash it herself to avoid Ruby any further embarrassment. Then she went to Lizzie’s locker, hoping she might not have cleared it out entirely.
‘What are you looking for?’ June asked.
May fixed a smile. ‘Ruby’s monthly came while she was flying,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I was hoping to find Lizzie’s old flying suit or something else she could wear.’
‘The poor thing. Happened to me last month too.’ June opened her own locker and took a folded suit out. ‘This is Lizzie’s suit – I was going to start wearing it because mine needs mending, but it’s no problem.’
‘I have some spare undergarments if she needs them,’ Evangeline added, rummaging through her locker. ‘Give her these, and these rags. Do you want us to get a hot water bottle or anything?’
‘Thanks, but I’ve got that under control. She’s just a little embarrassed.’
‘Happens to all of us,’ Evangeline said. ‘God’s gift to women, eh?’
May disappeared back into the bathroom and found Ruby with a towel around herself, her cheeks pinker now, as if the lifeblood had started to flow back.
‘You’re going to be fine,’ she whispered, helping her to change.
She knew that Ruby was struggling with her grief and her joy, and the only thing she could do was sit with her and help her to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
YORKSHIRE ARMY HOSPITAL, YORKSHIRE,
OCTOBER 1942
RUBY
‘I can’t believe you’re alive.’ Ruby leaned over Tom, cradling him as best she could. He was lying on the bed with only one pillow behind him to help prop him up. ‘Let me get you more pillows – you look terribly uncomfortable.’
‘No, don’t,’ he said, groaning as he tried to shift his weight.
‘Tom, for goodness’ sake, let me pamper you a little,’ she joked, kissing his forehead and standing.
‘Stop,’ he said, fingers curling around her wrist. Ruby was about to tell him off when she saw the pained expression on his face.
‘Please, I’m fine, Ruby,’ he said. ‘I don’t need anything more than you sitting beside me. Don’t fuss.’
Something in his gaze made her stop and she slowly lowered herself again to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘I was only trying to . . .’
‘I shouldn’t be alive,’ Tom said, holding her hand now, fingers intertwining with hers. ‘There are men here that’ve lost limbs, or they’re so badly burnt or . . .’
Her heart broke as he sucked back a breath. The pain within him was palpable, and she knew no words could change the way he felt. Just like no words could change the pain inside her when she thought of the little baby she’d lost, the baby she’d been so excited about.
‘I’m so lucky, I have you and I’m going to be fine. That’s all I need,’ Tom said.
She nodded, holding his hand tight. It must be a strange thing, surviving a near-death experience, and she couldn’t imagine what he’d been through.
‘Something’s wrong with you, too,’ he said, rubbing her hand with his thumb. ‘Are you all right?’
She froze. She’d been so careful, so certain that he wouldn’t detect anything different about her. ‘I’m just exhausted from getting here and from worrying about you,’ she told him. She wasn’t lying: both were true. ‘I still can’t believe you’re alive.’
‘Thinking about you, about getting back to you, was all that kept me going, Ruby. I had to walk for so long until I reached Belgium. I was shot flying back after we bombed Cologne, and I just kept seeing your face. I hate to think what state I was in when the Resistance found me, but they’re running quite the operation saving Allied airmen,’ he said, the huskiness of his voice pulling her closer, making her want to hold him and look after him and never let him go. ‘We have them to thank for getting me home, that’s for sure. Without them I’d have never made it back.’
She bent and touched her forehead to his, eyes shut as she took a deep, shuddering breath.
‘Now tell me what’s wrong, because I know you’re keeping something from me.’
‘I was pregnant,’ she whispered, not even sure that she wanted to tell him. But the words just spilled out, and relief washed over her. Holding the knowledge to her heart and keeping it a secret had felt wrong.
She felt Tom go still, before he finally whispered back, ‘Were?’
Ruby ducked her head to his chest, fighting tears. She’d been wracked with guilt from the moment she’d found out he was alive, and now she was going to have to tell Tom why. Her hand instinctively went to her stomach, something she’d done a lot when he’d been missing and she had felt such a strong connection to the baby, but now she quickly pulled her hand away. She had to keep reminding herself that there was nothing there.
‘When I found out you were missing, I had this horrible thought,’ she confessed. ‘I’d been so excited about my little secret and I’d been planning how to tell you . . .’ Ruby gulped. ‘But then . . . all I could think was that I’d rather have you than the baby. I didn’t truly mean it, but I kept thinking it and . . .’ Her voice trailed off.
Tom didn’t say anything, but when she looked up, finally braving his gaze, she didn’t see the disappointment she’d expected. ‘Sweetheart, I’d pray to have you back, too. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.’
‘But to bargain for you over our baby?’ she asked
. ‘Doesn’t that make me a horrible person?’
He stroked her face gently. ‘No, it makes you human,’ he said. ‘I love you, and if I had to choose you over a baby that wasn’t born yet? It’d be you every time, Ruby, I promise.’
Relief pulsed through her and she fought the urge to cry. The past two days had been overwhelming; what with hours of flying, then losing the baby, finding out about Tom and travelling to be with him, she doubted she’d had more than a few hours’ sleep.
‘If our baby had been born, if you’d held the child in your arms, you’d never have had to bargain me over him or her, Ruby,’ he whispered as she shut her eyes, tears escaping and wetting his shirt. ‘I promise you, we’ll get pregnant again. What you did hasn’t changed whether or not we’ll have a family, and your thoughts aren’t that powerful, sweetheart. It’s not your fault that you lost the baby. Some things just aren’t meant to be, no matter how cruel that sounds.’
Tom’s arms soothed her, but when he groaned, she realised she was leaning on his chest.
‘Am I hurting you?’ she asked.
‘Ah, a little,’ he said, grimacing. ‘Tuck in here with me until we get caught.’
Ruby brushed her tears away and did her best to lie beside him, his good arm around her as she snuggled close.
‘How much leave do you have?’ Tom asked.
‘Only three days,’ she said. ‘Less if we have to make our second trip back to Colerne before then, for the second lot of Spitfires to be sent to Malta.’ It was the first time she’d resented work; all she wanted was for her and Tom to cocoon themselves away together until she knew he was going to be all right. Until she was convinced that she was going to be all right.
‘Then let’s get married before you go back,’ he whispered.
She hiccupped a noise that didn’t even sound like it belonged to her. ‘Here?’ she managed.
‘I don’t care where. All I know is that I want to marry you,’ Tom said. ‘I should be dead, Ruby, but I’ve been given a second chance. This war, it’s changed things, and after almost dying out there? Marrying you is the only thing I’m sure about.’
The Spitfire Girls Page 21
