It was hard to believe they were ferrying Spitfires for the second time, and that the first shipment had been almost entirely obliterated. And to have to risk all her pilots again for the same mission . . . It was horrifying, especially given how tense she was feeling about their perfect fatality rate. Just the other day she’d heard two of the women laughing about the mechanics teasing them for being a statistical anomaly. She shuddered. The fact they hadn’t lost a pilot yet wasn’t a joking matter; their luck couldn’t keep holding forever. And it brought her mother’s words back to her as she sobbed that she didn’t want to lose another child, that she couldn’t be left with no one.
‘I miss him as much as you do,’ May said, holding on to the door jamb, her fingers digging into the wood. It took all her strength not to run, to force herself to stay and listen to her mother.
‘I’ve never held you back, May, I’ve never wanted to tell you that you couldn’t do something, but to think about losing you, as well as our Johnny . . .’
May wanted to go to her, to hold her and hug her tight, but since losing Johnny she’d been unable to do anything that involved letting her guard down. She didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want to feel.
‘I want to make sure every single plane that needs to be delivered can be,’ she said instead. ‘The faster we win this war, the faster everyone else’s sons, husbands and fathers get home safe.’
‘I’m so proud of you,’ her mother sobbed. ‘I want to keep you here, but I’m so proud of you, May. Johnny would be so proud, too.’
May nodded and left the room, collected her bag and walked out the door. She looked up at the window she’d been standing in when Johnny left. And part of her wondered if her mother would have been so proud if she’d known how cruel she’d been to him, how cutting her words had been when she should have been hugging him and telling him how much she’d miss him.
The plane in front of her straightened up, and May stayed focused, scanning the air for enemy planes, any incoming targets and of course the planes flying in formation with her. It was unheard of to have so many in the air together and she was nervous about how exposed they were. She’d talked to Ben before flying out, confessing her fears, and she had seen the look on his face, knew that she wasn’t overreacting because her fears were mirrored in his eyes. Ben. She shook her head just thinking about him. She’d been so determined to shield herself from any man, but somehow he’d taken her by surprise and slowly got under her skin. It wasn’t that she didn’t like it, because she did. The thought of seeing him each day, of being caught in his warm gaze or exchanging smiles with him – it was nice, but it didn’t stop her from worrying about how she’d manage to survive loss a second time.
It was time to prepare for landing; she double-checked the conditions and brought her plane in just after Ruby, taxiing down the runway and coming to a stop beside her. The Spitfires were going to look stunning all lined up together. And for once the weather hadn’t hindered their flight or their landing.
‘Looking good,’ she said to Ruby as they walked to the base together, shaking out their hair.
‘A girl has to do her lipstick,’ Ruby said with a grin.
‘Especially a girl on her wedding day!’
They both laughed as Polly ran up behind them. ‘Happy wedding day, gorgeous! The girls all got together to buy you something, but you’ll have to wait till we’re back.’
‘Oh, you’re so sweet!’ Ruby said, hugging Polly. ‘Thank you.’
There was no mistaking the happiness radiating from Ruby. May had been worried about her; after losing the baby, she’d seen a pain within her friend that she’d secretly worried might never leave her. She’d worried about putting her back in the air again so soon, but clearly her instincts had been wrong this time.
‘Anyone else dying to use the toilet?’ Ruby asked.
‘About as much as I’m dying for a cuppa,’ May replied. ‘Think we’ll have time before we taxi back?’
‘I don’t care if they say we have time or not, I’m having a cup of something hot and putting my feet up,’ Ruby insisted.
‘I’m taking you back, ladies, and there’s definitely time for a cuppa,’ Polly said.
‘Oh dear, incoming,’ May said, as a swarm of officers appeared from nowhere: seeing a bunch of women on the tarmac had obviously caught their interest.
‘They watched Ruby shake out those gorgeous long locks,’ Polly teased. ‘She’s got them all excited!’
Ruby flushed and May linked arms with her, both holding their heads high.
‘Ladies,’ said one of the officers as they walked by.
‘Cup of tea, anyone?’ another called out.
‘Married,’ Ruby stated, holding her newly minted ring finger in the air.
‘A cuppa sounds glorious,’ May said, stifling a laugh. ‘Is it this way, fellas?’
‘Right this way,’ another overly helpful man volunteered.
By the time they reached the bathroom through the officers’ quarters, she and Polly were in peals of laughter, imitating Ruby’s gesture as they waited their turn. Others from their squadron started to file in slowly, and they all turned their backs to the pin-up girl posters fixed to the walls. It was almost impossible to land at an airfield and find a clean bathroom to use, let alone one that wasn’t so obviously male.
Ruby always got the lion’s share of attention whenever they were around men, and today was no different, despite her announcing to everyone that she was married. All May could do was sit back with the others and laugh. But with a hot cup of tea in her hand and a biscuit in the other, she felt comfortable enough; it was nice to be flying again rather than buried in paperwork and trying to recruit ever more pilots.
‘Oh, I forgot to tell you that a letter arrived!’ Polly said, plucking out an envelope from inside her flying suit. ‘It’s from Lizzie, and it’s addressed to us all.’
May took it eagerly. ‘Shall I read it out aloud?’
‘Yes,’ Ruby urged, as all the other women nodded and clustered closer.
May cleared her throat in anticipation; she’d been dying to hear from Lizzie for weeks.
‘To my girls,
I can’t believe it’s been so long since I was with you. The past weeks have flown by in a whirlwind, and I’m so pleased to tell you all that my father has made a full recovery. On base, it’s been a mixture of recruiting, training and being a babysitter and mother figure to all these young women. Me, a mother figure, can you imagine? I feel like den mother, only I’m far too young and to be honest I wonder sometimes if I even know what I’m doing. Except when I’m flying, of course – that’s the only moment I feel in control. I only hope one day I’m not found out for the fraud I am, as responsible as a teenager and as reckless as one, too!
I hope she’s not reading this, because I have to confess I now have a much greater appreciation for everything May does, so please go easy on her.’
May looked up, smiling and raising her eyebrows. ‘Hear that? She wants you to go easy on me, ladies.’ Giggles followed as she returned to the letter.
‘The rest of my time seems to be wasted butting heads with Captain Montgomery, who, unlike your kind and understanding Captain MacMillan, is an absolute tyrant. I mean, this man literally makes me want to explode more now than he did in England! I fantasize sometimes about giving him a jolly good punch on the nose, just to get a reaction from him, but instead I grit my teeth and try to get along with him. He treats my girls like army slaves, despite the fact that we get no such recognition here, and I’m sick to death of having to face him every day. Sometimes I think it’d be easier to go to war than deal with him, but hopefully by the time this letter reaches you, he’ll have realized how capable I am and left me to train my girls without his constant interfering. We had a fun day flying the other day and I thought we’d found common ground, but he’s back to his bossy, demanding self again already.
I miss you all terribly, and I wish I was still there, if I’m honest.
I was so desperate to get home, but in truth it was much more enjoyable being in England. I take back everything I said about England being gloomy and uneventful, and Brits being a bunch of old bores!
Hugs to you all, and next time pray that I’ll be writing you from a new headquarters. Another few months here and it’ll likely kill me.
With all my love,
Lizzie’
The room was silent when she finished. Lizzie’s personality had jumped from the page, making May miss her presence all the more.
‘You know, when I first met Lizzie, all I could think was what a pain in the rear end she was going to be,’ May confessed, folding the letter.
‘Trust me, she was a pain in the backside,’ Ruby added, making everyone laugh.
‘Oh, I know she was, but I still miss her.’
‘Excuse me, ladies,’ an officer called, smiling and catching their eyes, ‘I’m looking for Senior Commander Jones.’
May held up one hand. ‘That’d be me.’
‘It’s time to leave. The weather is starting to close in and we want to get you up in the air.’
There were more pilots due to land throughout the day, and May wondered if they’d all make it in. The worry was always there, always niggling at her, reminding her that there was no way she could keep every single one of her pilots safe for the entire duration of the war.
‘The cloud’s rolling in?’ she asked.
He nodded. ‘It is.’
She stepped out into the damp, cold late-afternoon air, wondering where Polly had disappeared to. She’d been so worried about them being shot out of the sky, and now it was the bloody cloud that was more likely to be their undoing. Again. She felt better that it was Polly flying them back, though; she was a solid pilot and she knew she could trust her.
She found Polly standing by the large dark-green wing of the Avro Anson they’d be flying back, and tried to put aside her feelings of unease.
‘Let’s get you back, Commander Jones,’ Polly said, giving her a mock salute.
‘How do you feel about the conditions?’ May asked.
‘Well, I wouldn’t say ideal, but then when are they?’ Polly said with a casual shrug. ‘I’d like to move as soon as possible, so I’m not about to ground us if that’s what you’re concerned about.’
‘Mind if I co-pilot with you, Polly?’ May asked.
‘You don’t trust me?’ Polly asked, frowning. ‘I’ve had that a fair few times from men, but I thought . . .’
‘Stop right there,’ May said, touching her shoulder. ‘I’m feeling anxious and I need to be able to see, that’s all. I have girls in the air still, and I’d rather pass the time up front. This has nothing – nothing – to do with your abilities as a pilot.’
‘You’re certain?’
‘Absolutely. Now let’s board this plane and get going.’
‘Yes ma’am.’
May climbed up after Polly and buckled herself in. They waited as the other women loaded in, and for the ground crew to signal approval, then she sat back and relaxed as Polly completed the perfect take-off into the air. The Anson was different to the kind of aircraft she was used to, sturdy and solid but without much speed, and it was an interesting experience being in the cockpit without having any control.
The cloud was making visibility more difficult by the moment, but Polly was flying well, and May knew she was trusting her gut when she rose higher to avoid it. So many of their pilots had been lost making that decision, whether to go high or low, but May knew that some of them had better instincts than others. She had always had that instinct, and Ruby and Lizzie were the same, which is why they had all cleared their Class V conversion without any fuss. Once they landed, she’d tell Polly that she’d be transferring her to the Hamble training programme to fly the four-engine bombers. The promotion was well overdue.
After almost thirty minutes, May finally sat back. The cloud was worrying, but it wasn’t as bad as she’d expected, and the closer they got to base the more confident she felt. She’d flown in much worse, and Polly was more than capable.
And then her stomach lurched. ‘No,’ she gasped.
She wished she was in control, that she was in charge of her own destiny as her eyes widened.
The Luftwaffe aircraft was unmistakable, the swastika symbol alone making May’s mouth go dry. Where had he come from, and what was going to happen to them? It wasn’t like they could engage; even if they wanted to, the Anson didn’t have any ammunition to fire!
May gripped her seat as Polly expertly dropped them into the cloud, and May prayed they weren’t going to fly into anything. Without instruments, it was impossible to know where they were in such conditions. She didn’t even glance at Polly, but simply kept her jaw clenched and her fingernails digging hard into the leather, trusting her pilot. Dear God, please don’t let us die, she thought. Please spare us.
After more than a few minutes, she felt Polly’s eyes on her and quickly looked around and back, trying to make out the sinister figure in the air. If he’d seen them, like sitting ducks in the sky, he’d have taken out twelve of the ATA’s best female pilots. This exact moment had been her fear for months, if not years, and somehow it had happened and they’d survived it – unless he was a better pilot than Polly was giving him credit for and was about to appear on their tail and blast them to oblivion.
She reached for Polly’s hand, holding her tight over the controls, feeling the tremble echoing through her. May shut her eyes and thanked whoever it was that was keeping her girls safe. Somehow, against all odds, their fatality rate was still zero.
‘Thank you,’ May said when they eventually landed, pulling Polly in and holding her tight in a long hug. ‘You handled that exceptionally well. I’m so proud of you.’
‘I had precious cargo to protect,’ Polly said stoically, and May saw herself in the young woman.
‘You’re an amazing young pilot, Polly,’ she said honestly. ‘And I’d already made this decision before you saved my life, in case you were wondering, but would you like to be considered for conversion to fly the four-engine bombers? You’re more than capable of being charged with a Halifax flight now.’
Polly looked like she was going to faint. Either that or she was going to scream. ‘Yes! I would love to do that.’
‘Consider your application approved then. You’ll receive your orders as soon as I have all the paperwork completed.’
Polly’s smile said it all, and May prepared to exit the aircraft. But then she had a thought. ‘Can I ask how you knew to fly high and when to drop through that cloud? I don’t know if you just have incredible instincts or whether there was something else at play.’
‘I’m used to navigating that particular airspace, and I suppose I’m good at trusting myself.’
‘Well, you were great out there, Polly. I couldn’t have flown better myself.’
When they stepped out and the rest of the women joined them, May whistled for everyone’s attention. ‘Ladies, listen, please!’
Their chatter turned to murmurs and then silence.
‘I’d like you all to give our pilot a round of applause.’ May began to clap, and the others all joined in. ‘While you lovely ladies were back there snoozing and knitting, Polly here was navigating our plane away from an enemy aircraft. We’re all very lucky to be alive.’
The clapping stopped, and every single woman stared in stunned silence.
‘It was my worst nightmare come true, and then some,’ Polly said. ‘Sorry for dropping the plane so suddenly back there.’
‘Are you crazy?’ exclaimed Ruby. ‘You saved us all!’
Polly smiled, a little bashful. ‘I’ll be flying straight back in the morning, as soon as visibility is better. And then I’ll bring anyone back who needs a lift from Colerne.’
May left them all to talk and headed back towards her desk. After almost thirty-six hours away from base, there would be a lot for her to attend to, even though what she really longed to do was find
Ben and throw her arms around him. After that near miss, she craved his reassuring touch; for a moment there she’d thought her poor mother was going to lose her other child, too.
She stopped as one of the administration staff raced towards her.
‘Commander, we’ve received bad news.’ Andrea, one of their few office workers, was wringing her hands together.
May wasn’t sure she could cope with anything else today; already, she was fearing the worst.
‘What is it?’ she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.
‘Only one more pilot reached Colerne after you left.’
May swallowed. ‘The rest are essentially missing then?’
Andrea nodded. ‘Yes, ma’am.’
Missing didn’t mean dead. Missing meant they simply weren’t accounted for at this exact moment. May started to shake and clasped her hands tight. ‘Thank you. Please update me the moment we hear more.’
She shouldn’t have ignored her gut. She was never wrong when she had that feeling. ‘Andrea,’ she called out, and the young woman turned. ‘Please keep this on a need-to-know basis. I don’t want any of the other pilots worrying without cause.’
It was going to be a long wait. May went inside and consulted the board, made a calculation of how many pilots she had in the air and cross-checked the pilot allocations. They’d all flown from different bases due to the new Spitfires being in different locations this time, so some of the girls had flown out directly from Hamble. She sat down to write a letter to Lizzie, not able to concentrate on anything more pressing.
Dear Lizzie,
Your letter was a welcome morale boost for us all today, and I read it aloud as we all sat waiting to fly back to base. It’s hard to explain our role to an outsider, and now that you’re in charge of so many women, you’ll realise that your life becomes an exercise in ‘what if’. As I write this I’m waiting for news, and all I can think is that I’m the one who put those women in the air, who decided when and what they were going to fly. Logically I know that the war is out of my control, as is the work that comes in from Ferry Control each night, but the feeling never goes. I sometimes wonder if the captain or commander who sent my brother into the sky felt the same degree of guilt when he never returned.
The Spitfire Girls Page 23
