by J A Wynters
“Talk.” I needed the distraction, even as her needle poked me for the third time, even as my fingers brushed her skin ever so gently, even as my heart slammed in my chest.
“My dad owned the farm. We had about 120 head of cattle at any given time. Milking cows and shovelling shit isn’t the most glorious job, but looking after those animals with their big brown eyes and wet noses, it was beautiful.”
I squeezed her again as she tugged at the thread.
“How do you know so much about cars?”
“The tractor broke down a lot, and my dad was a collector. He taught me everything I know.”
“Why did you leave?”
“You’re all done.” Without warning, she stepped out of my grasp and the heat of her body was just a memory etched on the periphery of my being.
“Keep your eyes closed.”
They felt so heavy, I don’t think I would have been able to open them even if I tried.
I heard the water running and then felt the warmth. The hot, wet towel slid across my face. She was gentle in a way I had never known before, washing traces of blood from my face. It felt almost religious.
“You need to lie down.”
“I may have a concussion.”
“You need to rest. Can you stand up?”
I opened my eyes reluctantly, the light was too bright. Shit, maybe I did have a concussion.
“Take these.” She handed me two white pills and a glass of water. I swallowed and stood up. She took me by the hand and led me to my room.
“You need to lie down.”
My eyelids felt heavy and my body tired. She was right. But I didn’t want to lie down. My fingers ached with emptiness. They wanted to keep holding on to her flesh, to explore it and discover it. My entire body ached with need. Mia led me to the bed and pushed me gently, urging me to lie down.
I wanted to argue but my mouth was dry and my head heavy. I sank into the bed, feeling a weight by my side.
“Good boy,” Mia’s voice rang in my ears. “You look after him.”
Spots panted in my ear, his dog’s breath washed over me and the world turned black.
When I woke up, someone was there. Spots snored gently by my side; uncertainty clouded my thoughts as my body wound tight around itself. I have felt this way before. Unsure. I didn’t like that feeling. It reminded me of the times Alice brought men back with her, and they would sneak around searching for money or drugs. Staying out of the way was a skill. Pretending I was still asleep when Alice was getting fucked or beat or high, now that was an art form.
I mastered the art of faking it.
I kept my breathing even, and with every breath turned my head an inch. When I finally saw what had woke me, it was hard to focus on my breathing. It was hard to keep breathing at all.
Mia stood with her back to the bed, the coveralls on the floor. Her skin looked honeyed in the dim light and her black, lacy underwear was stark against it. The black rose bloomed on her shoulder behind the slip of her singlet. She slipped into her jeans and pulled, the material moulding to the perfect contours of her ass. I would have done almost anything in the world to be that pair of jeans.
I shifted on the bed and feigned awakening. She turned startled.
“Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” My voice sounded hoarse and full of sleep. “How long have I been asleep?”
“About two hours.”
I frowned. “What have you been doing?” I know exactly how I sounded. Suspicious, angry—like an asshole.
The concern vanished from her face, replaced with an ugly snarl. “I finished the stupid inventory.” She shoved the iPad at me. “Here you go, boss! See you on Monday.”
She stormed out of the room without looking back.
I watched my door slam, it was echoed by the red door banging behind her. Spots shot from the bed and scratched the door.
I sat up and regretted it instantly. My head throbbed. I looked at the iPad in my hand. A yellow post-it note was stuck on the black screen.
Dear Gabriel,
I finished the inventory.
Hope your head feels better.
Mia XX
Two X’s? Was I meant to read anything into that? I felt like an asshole. But I had to be. I couldn’t give her any indication of how much I wanted her. She could never think that we could ever be more than what we are—a boss and his employee. It would be fooling both of us.
Spots scratched at the door.
“I’m coming, buddy.”
Spots bolted to the door, his tail wagging wildly as I pushed it open for him. He leapt outside and sprinted down the road. Pushing away the old fear. He would be fine.
I stepped outside hoping the cool, fresh air would calm the aching in my head and cleanse the myriad of thoughts running rampant in my mind. If anything, the air did the exact opposite. It made every image clearer, every vision more vivid, more alive.
Mia’s long legs and round ass, the delicate, hot feel of her skin beneath my fingers. My pulse hammered as I imagine her bent over my bed with my cock inside her, my hands fisting her hair.
I shoved the thought away violently. But it was too late. My body was already on fire, infected by her. The infection spread rapidly and was completely and utterly devastating. It would unravel and destroy all my barriers. I needed to be better protected. Immunised. I needed to push her away, as far away as she’d go. But that was Monday’s problem. Till then, I had a raging need that required attention.
“Fuck.”
I called for Spots and apologised for the short walk, promising I would make it up to him. I fell onto my bed feeling fifteen again, with no control of my body and thoughts. She had me completely frazzled. I pulled my pants down. I was already hard and swollen, but all I wanted was to savour the feeling, savour the image of her.
I started stroking my shaft in long, soft strokes, allowing the pleasure to rise, the swelling to grow, the need to become an ache. I could feel my threshold nearing. I pumped faster, imagining her lips, the feel of her skin, the curve of her ass. And then, I let myself fall into the pleasure of it, convulsing in a shuddering release. I lay there for a few minutes recovering, then cleaned myself up. I don’t remember the last time I’d felt so good giving myself a hand job. I can only imagine what she might bring out in me.
I tried pushing the thought away again. I allowed myself to drift into a fitful sleep of arched backs on green fields and lips glossy in the sunshine.
PART VI
We skirted around each other, staying in the periphery. Close enough to feel the pull, but far enough to be able to resist the drag. Anytime I was near enough to smell her scent and feel her eyes on me, I was too close. Too close to the sun, too close to burn with desire. Echoes of her touch stained my skin and crawled beneath it—teasing, demanding, wanting more of her warmth. The walls I built around myself became higher, more fortified, more dangerous.
Most people built prisons to keep people in; I had built mine to keep her out.
It was another busy week but, with Mia in the office, we had been getting through the work quickly. She was efficient and proficient, and she scheduled our work so that we were always busy but never snowed under. Always managing to get cars finished just before their deadlines. She ordered parts even before we knew we needed them. She was amazing. She had also completely taken over my office, which was fine. Being on the floor, surrounded by heavy machinery instead of being bogged down by paperwork, was like having my chains broken.
With only a quick oil change remaining on an Alpha Romeo, I sent the boys home early. They would get on the bottle and some whore, and I wouldn’t see them again till Monday. The car could wait. I had the whole weekend to take care of it.
I walked upstairs, and the office door was closed. I knocked while opening it, and frowned at myself. Why was I knocking while walking into my own office? She hadn’t rearranged a thing—apart from the green tree that had somehow s
urvived this place. But, it all seemed different. Maybe it was because all of it was somehow touched by her perfection.
She lifted her head when I stepped in, and her face broke into a smile. Damn that smile. It threatened to melt everything inside me.
“How did we do this week?’
“Great.” Her smile widened and it seemed like she was about to lurch into a speech about numbers and clients and profits. I didn’t need her to tell me. She was a great worker but, like everyone else, I didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.
I spent weekends pouring over her work, reading her delicate, round handwriting and sinking in the scent that had saturated the walls of my office. I knew she wasn’t stealing—for now. In truth, sifting through her work was a way for me to be closer to her without having to hear her ringing voice or watch the gold flakes dance around the hazel pools of her eyes.
“Spots and I need to step out for a few hours. Just finish off and lock up when you leave. We’ll see you on Monday.”
“Oh, okay.” Her face dropped and I left not looking back.
I know girls, I know women, and I know facial expressions and body language. Mia wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I could see it in the way her face lifted every time I walked in the door, how she sucked in tiny puffs of air every time we accidentally touched, how her skin prickled and her body tensed. I knew it because my body did the same. But I wasn’t going to let either of us get sucked into the spiral of desire. She was off limits and so was I.
I was almost at the door when she tried again. “Where are you going?”
“Out.” I closed it behind me wincing at my own callousness. I shrugged it off. Survival is a cold bitch.
“Come on buddy, let’s go see Simone. She misses you, boy.” I patted Spots on the head as he jumped up, tail wagging.
I held the door open for Spots, and my eyes flicked over to the office. She was sitting on the chair with her head down. Her tight skirt hugged her thighs, showing off a bit of flesh beneath. Her fuck-me boots swung to some unheard music, and she bit her lip, her forehead creased. She looked delectable. She shifted in the chair and her head spun, her eyes finding mine. My heart thumped in my chest as if I had just been caught stealing the collection money.
She didn’t smile, but I wanted her to. So desperately. Her gaze was penetrating, probing, and bewitching. I pried my eyes away from hers and walked out, letting the door slam behind me.
I was knee-deep in dog shit and dog food when my cell phone rang, vibrating gently in my pocket. I pushed Spots away as he licked my hand, and I reached for the phone. It was the office number.
“What’s wrong?”
“There’s…um…someone here…” Mia stammered on the other side of the line. An icy chill ran down my back and the hair on my nape rose. Images of Rita flashed in my mind as my hand tightened around the phone.
“She says she knows you.”
“She?” She. My heart calmed a little, and I could swallow again. “Who is it? Are you okay?” I heard mumbling and clinking in the background.
“She said her name is Alice.”
“Fuck.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
Alice.
I guess it was inevitable; one day she would fall down the rabbit hole again, come around sniffing and fuck it all up.
“Do not let her in the office, and do not let her in my room. Keep her in the kitchen and away from everything sharp. I’ll be right there.”
I could hear Mia’s voice calling to me down the phone, but I was already hanging up and heading out the door.
I kissed Simone on the cheek, “Sorry, it’s Alice.”
She gave me a sad smile, “You never have to apologise, Gabe. You do more here than you really need to.”
I nodded and called for Spots. “I don’t think I could ever really do enough.”
Simone put a tentative hand on my shoulder, “It’s not all your fault, Gabriel.”
“Isn’t it?” My body felt heavy and wracked with guilt, but I had no time for any of that just then. I had to get to Mia. To Alice.
We were sprinting back to the workshop the minute my feet hit the pavement outside of the shelter. Spots trying to keep up, his limp causing him to fall behind. The lump in my throat tightened.
I burst through the heavy iron door and stormed through the workshop, meandering around the cars that sat on the floor.
“Mia?” I called out.
“We’re here.” Her voice sounded frantic.
I found Mia standing by Alice, who was slouched like a rag over a plastic chair. Mia’s clothes were covered in vomit and the stench filled the small room. Alice’s eyes were fluttering, and she mumbled incoherently to herself.
“How long ago did she vomit?” I sidestepped Mia and reached for Alice, pushing her into the seat, trying to keep her body upright. It was like trying to thread a needle during a hurricane.
“Maybe two minutes.” Mia’s voice was calmer now, but her eyes were wide and wild.
“Alice? Alice, can you hear me?” She didn’t respond, her eyes closing, her body like water flowing off the chair and onto the floor in a puddle.
Her shallow breathing was the only sign she was still alive.
I turned to Mia, “Call an ambulance, tell them she’s OD’d. Probably heroin.”
Mia nodded and took my phone from my hand, her voice turned to a murmur as she spoke far away. I studied Alice’s face. She wasn’t doing well. The colour she had gained drained from her features like leaking paint, and her fuller body suddenly seemed empty. Her scarred arms showed signs of her stupidity. Why the hell was she using again? She was doing so well.
Her chest rose and fell with barely audible breaths.
“Shit.”
I scrambled to my feet and ran to the cupboards searching for the first aid kit. I yanked the black handle and sprinted back, throwing it down by Alice’s head. The hard, metal box clanked violently against the concrete. I rifled through the contents discarding Band-Aids, gauze, bandages and ointments.
I found the Evzio at the bottom of the case, and my fingers curled around it. When it became available on the market, I bought one but always hoped I would never have to use it. I guess I was a realist. I fucking hated Alice for making me have to buy one, for predicting this day would come.
I grabbed the Evzio and stabbed it into Alice with force. It probably wasn’t necessary, but it almost felt good to deliver the Naloxone so brutally.
Alice sucked in a deep breath and moaned.
Mia returned to my side, “The ambulance should arrive shortly.”
“Okay, thanks.” I wanted her to go, to leave. I didn’t want her to see Alice like this, but I also didn’t want her to see me like this—vulnerable, weak, helpless.
Sweat broke across Alice’s forehead, and she began to shake.
“Should I get her a blanket?”
“Not yet.”
“But, she’s shaking.”
“I know, just wait.”
Sirens wailed in the distance, and I hoped they were for Alice; the meds would last for at least thirty minutes, but she might need a second dose. I glared at the empty needle in my hand, my fist closing around it. I should have bought a second dose.
I could see the change in Alice’s face, her skin pulling, and lips tightening. The convulsions were coming. I turned to Mia. “Grab a bucket or something. Hurry!”
Mia placed the bucket by Alice’s face just as it pulled back. I lifted her head and she lurched into a heaving fit, spewing what was left of her last meal.
She groaned again and opened her eyes. They focused for a second and she smiled. “Hey kiddo, I came to see you.” Her smile was a mask of horror smeared across her face.
“Why, Alice?”
“I have something for you.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, my eyes slamming shut.
“Sorry baby, it’s just that…” her words fell away and she shrugged
as if that was enough explanation.
The sirens drew closer, the noise leaked through the rolling door, red and blue lights flickered from the windows, coating the white walls. A thundering knock hammered through the room.
“I’ll go let them in.” Mia left the room.
“Alice…”
Alice lifted a bruised hand, reaching for my face. I flinched away from her touch.
“Hey, don’t be like that,” Her smile was twisted and bent. “I came to see you.”
“Hey there.” A male voice boomed in the room behind me. I turned to see a man dressed in navy paramedic coveralls, a large bag slung across his shoulders.
I stood up and studied the man. He gave me a sad smile. I knew he was being empathetic; but all I saw there was pity, and all I wanted to do was slap it off his face.
“Her name is Alice Notte, forty-nine years old. I’m guessing heroin. She had a dose of Naloxone about seventeen minutes ago. There’s been vomit and shallow breathing.”
The paramedic’s eyes grew darker and sadder. I stepped out of his way, knowing I had done all I could. He bent down and spoke to Alice. She smiled at him. A second man walked in. He seemed out of place. His pretty face twisted as he smelled the stench of vomit and lifted as he eyed Mia. I clenched my fists at my sides as the older paramedic got his attention.
“Hey Phil, help me out here. We are going to take Alice here to Silver Crest hospital.” He gave Alice a warm smile. “She needs a place to rest for a while and someone to watch over her.
Phil pried his eyes away from Mia and bent down to help pick up Alice. She looked like a feather, thin and flimsy and ready to float away. She certainly didn’t need two men to hold her up or carry her.
When she was upright, the two paramedics lead her to the waiting ambulance outside. “Will one of you be joining us?” The older of the two asked before they left the room.
