Tia was staring at Mum, and the colour was draining out of her face.
‘How can they be sure? People don’t just die that quickly. They haven’t tried. The doctors . . .’
‘Tia, there was nothing anyone could do,’ Mum said again. Her hands were twisting in her lap. ‘She can’t have felt anything. You must hold on to that. She didn’t suffer at all.’
‘I tried to stop her going! She wouldn’t listen. She never listened!’
‘Tia,’ Mum began again, but Tia had turned away. The mewing noise had turned into a wail.
‘I’m alone. I’m all alone!’
I understood then, when I heard that terrible cry.
Her mother’s died, I thought. Dixie was her mother, after all, and she’s died.
‘Oh, Tia,’ I said, reaching forwards, but she had pulled away from Mum’s and my outstretched hands and buried her face in the cushions, and the back of her head, with its tangle of long, damp, silken hair, was the loneliest thing I had ever seen.
19
I don’t know how long the three of us were there, not speaking, in Tia’s bedroom. At last, Graziella came in. She was crying noisily.
‘Oh Tia, my poor little one! I have been looking everywhere for you!’
She bent down and tried to put her arms round Tia, but Tia didn’t respond. She pressed herself further into the cushions.
Graziella moved back, looking unsure of what to do.
‘Is so terrible, poor lady. Always she drink, drink so much. I tell her, no, think of your child. Think of little Tia. You are the mother. But she never listen to me. That stupid Otto is all she care—’
‘Graziella.’
Mr Hollins was at the door, looking embarrassed and uneasy. He was beckoning to her.
Graziella jumped up.
‘I know. I am coming. Why are you bothering me to lock up her jewels when—’
‘It’s OK,’ Mum interrupted gently. ‘Tia will be all right with us.’
It was a relief when Graziella had gone. Some of Tia’s rigidity had left her. She let Mum hold her against her side. Her face was almost expressionless, but her hands were busy, tearing the tissue she was holding into tiny shreds. I wanted desperately to help her, but I couldn’t think of a thing to say.
At last I heard a sound, and I looked up and saw Frost at the door. I thought he was going to say something to Tia, to come up and give her a hug at the very least, but his face seemed to have set like stone, and I saw in a sudden weird flash a picture in my head of the ice inside him, a lump of it, hard and cold.
He stepped back out of sight at the sound of footsteps approaching from the gallery. I heard someone say, ‘Good evening, sir. Police,’ and I recognized Dad’s official voice. A thankful, safe feeling washed over me.
‘Ah yes,’ Frost said, his voice remote.
‘You’re Mr Braithwaite, is that right?’ Dad went on. ‘I’m really very sorry about – she was your sister, wasn’t she?’
‘Yes. My twin sister. Yes.’
There was a pause, then I heard Dad say, ‘Is your niece – how has she taken it?’
‘I haven’t spoken to her yet.’ Frost’s voice was icy.
Dad cleared his throat.
‘My wife’s here, I believe. You probably don’t know this, sir, but my daughter Carly, she’s a friend of Tia’s. She’s brought her round to our house a few times. My wife seemed to think . . .’ Dad seemed to be struggling against Frost’s silence. ‘Well, she thought Tia might need a bit of looking after.’
‘Very good of you. Of her,’ Frost said, as if he was thanking someone for lending him fifty pence, or offering him a lift. He sounded miles away, as if he was speaking to a person he could only just hear.
‘There are certain formalities, I’m afraid,’ Dad went on, sounding official again, and though I couldn’t see the two of them I could imagine him standing there, his feet planted on the polished floorboards, looking strong and kind, taking charge, being the person who knew what to do. ‘An identification will need to be made. No – not now. In the morning. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to do it.’
‘Of course. Naturally. Where have you – where is she?’
‘They’ve taken her to the hospital in Torminster.’
Tia, who had now let herself sink nearer to Mum’s shoulder, was listening too. She drew away and stood up. I didn’t know what to do. I was desperate to be close to her. I stood up as well and took her hand and we went to the door together.
Dad and Frost turned and looked at us.
‘Oh, Tia, love,’ Dad said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Tia was looking at Frost, waiting perhaps for him to say something. He didn’t even hold out his hands to her.
‘I’ve put a call through to Geneva,’ he said, as much to Dad as to her. ‘Your father’s there on business at the moment. They’re contacting him. He’ll call back.’
The telephone shrilled suddenly through the house. Tia’s grip on my hand tightened.
‘That’ll be him now,’ Frost said, moving stiffly towards the stairs.
I tried to pull away, to let Tia go with them, but now that she had hold of my hand, she was clutching it tightly, so we went together, following Frost down the stairs and into the library.
Frost put the telephone into her hand.
‘Hello, Daddy,’ Tia said in a quiet, dry little voice.
She listened for a while without saying much, then put the receiver down.
‘He’s coming,’ she said. ‘He’ll be on the first plane tomorrow morning.’
And then her face crumpled. She dropped her head into her hands, and her shoulders began to heave with sobs.
I woke up very late the next morning. We hadn’t got to bed till after five, when it was already getting light and the birds were singing so loudly they’d have kept me awake if I hadn’t been so dead tired.
I rolled over and saw a strange shape in the bed opposite mine and a ripple of blonde hair lying across the pillow.
Who’s that? I thought. Who on earth’s in Lauren’s bed?
Then everything came flooding back to me.
Usually, it takes hours for me to come to. I feel like a half-dead fish being pulled up from the bottom of the sea, and I won’t speak to anyone unless I can help it. But that morning I was awake at once. I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling, hardly daring to move in case I woke Tia too.
I’d been the one who’d asked her to come home with us. Frost had still been in a daze, hardly aware of what was going on around him. Graziella had tried to take Tia off to bed, but Tia had clung to me and said she couldn’t bear to be on her own all night, so I’d said, ‘Come with us then, Tia, please. You can sleep in Lauren’s bed. We’ll be together.’
Dad had nodded and looked at Frost.
‘That’s not a bad idea, Carly. Once the press get on to this . . .’
Frost seemed to shake himself awake.
‘Good Lord, yes. They’ll be here in droves. I’ll send Hollins round with you.’
‘There’s no need for that,’ said Dad, and I couldn’t stop myself, in the middle of everything, feeling a spark of pride that it was my dad who was in charge here at Paradise End. He was the one telling them all what to do.
At home, Mum had given Tia a mug of hot milk and one of her sleeping pills, and we’d carried Lauren, who sleeps like a zombie, downstairs to spend the rest of the night on the sofa in the sitting room. My head had been so full I thought I’d never get to sleep, that I’d never be able to sleep again, in fact, but as soon as I’d climbed into bed I felt exhaustion sweep through me, like a flood trickling into every corner of my body, and before I knew it I’d fallen asleep.
I pulled my arm carefully out from under the sheet and lifted it to look at my watch. I stared at it, amazed. It was eleven o’clock in the morning.
I lay on my side and watched Tia as she slept, half wanting her to wake up and half dreading it. What was I going to say to her? What does a person say to anyone the
morning after their mother’s died?
I couldn’t stay in bed any longer. Moving cautiously, avoiding the place where the loose floorboard always creaked, I got out of bed and tiptoed to the door. Once outside on the landing, I heard voices in the sitting room, so, still in my nightie, I went downstairs.
Mum was sitting on the sofa and Graziella was perched on one of the armchairs.
‘Carly,’ Mum said. ‘Awake at last.’
‘And Tia?’ said Graziella. ‘She is still sleeping?’
‘Yes.’
I sat down on the sofa beside Mum. There was something I had to get out of the way. It couldn’t wait any longer.
‘Look, Mum, I didn’t skip the dress rehearsal. I know that’s what you’ve been thinking.’
She frowned at me.
‘No. Sam said it was cancelled. You should have told us, Carly. You shouldn’t have gone off to the party like that. My mother would have taken a strap to me for being so deceitful.’
I felt guilty, and that made me start to feel angry.
‘OK, Mum, but Tia really needed me. Even if Dixie – if it hadn’t all happened, she just had to have a friend with her last night. You wouldn’t have let me go however nicely I’d asked you. You wouldn’t understand.’
‘You didn’t give me the chance.’ She was still looking annoyed. ‘As things turned out, it was a good thing you were there. But it leaves a bad taste, being deceived. How am I going to trust you again?’
‘Because you can!’ I knew I was going red. ‘Last night was a one-off. You know it was.’
She shuddered.
‘I certainly hope so. I wouldn’t want any of us to live through that again. OK, Carly, we’ll draw a line under this. I suppose I’m glad, for Tia’s sake, that she’s got a good friend like you. Poor child. Blessed with all that money and cursed with such a sad life.’
I curled my feet up under me, tucking them into my nightie. There wouldn’t be a proper row. The worst was over, I could tell.
‘What’s going to happen now?’ I asked Graziella.
She shook her head.
‘I don’t know. Her father will say. Who knows?’
‘But you’ll still be there, at Paradise End, won’t you, Graziella? She’ll need you whenever she comes home.’
As I spoke, a cold feeling was beginning to settle in my stomach.
Graziella shrugged.
‘Why will she come back here? Her father will take her with him to South America.’
‘What do you mean, South America? She can’t go there! She belongs here, at Paradise End!’
‘Paradise End? If they have any sense in their heads they will sell it,’ Graziella said casually. ‘Is too big for anyone to live.’
I felt stunned, as if I’d been hit. Questions crowded into my head, but before I could say anything Dad walked in. He was in uniform.
‘What’s happened?’ said Mum. ‘I didn’t expect you back till this evening. I thought you were on duty all day today.’
‘I am.’ Dad sat down on the other armchair. ‘I’ve been up at Paradise End. Since I was passing I thought I’d look in to see how the girls are doing. You OK, Carly? Where’s Tia?’
Mum got in first.
‘Still asleep,’ said Mum. ‘Graziella’s come to fetch her as soon as she wakes up. Her father should be arriving soon.’
Dad looked relieved.
‘Good. He’ll get Tia away from here, if he’s got any sense. The press are swarming all over the place like wasps on a jam sandwich. We’ve had to put a couple of men on to keep order.’
‘I suppose it’s still chaos in the house?’ said Mum.
‘The catering people are clearing up.’ Dad looked at his watch. ‘I haven’t been up there long. There’s been so much to do this morning. I had to take the brother over to Torminster to identify the body.’
‘Don’t, Dad,’ I said, shock tingling through me.
‘Don’t what?’ He looked surprised.
‘Don’t call Dixie “the body” like that.’ I could hear my voice wobbling. ‘It’s horrible. She was a person. I knew her. She was Tia’s mum.’
‘Sorry, love.’ Dad squeezed my shoulder and I shook his hand off. ‘Police jargon. I wasn’t thinking.’
‘How was he?’ Mum said. ‘It must have been awful for him, poor man.’
Dad shook his head.
‘He’s a cold fish. Looked down at her and said, “I confirm that this is the body of my sister, Deirdre Braithwaite,” as if he was in court or something. Then he turned away. Funny thing, she could just have been asleep. Her face wasn’t touched at all. She looked peaceful. Almost happy.’
Graziella sniffed.
‘If she is happy it is for the first time since I knew her, poor lady.’
The phone rang.
‘I’ll get it,’ said Mum, going out of the room.
She came back a moment later.
‘It was Mr Hollins,’ she said. ‘Tia’s dad’s arrived. Mr Hollins is coming down here with the car to fetch her. I told him she was asleep, but perhaps we ought to get her up.’
I was just about to jump up and run upstairs to wake her when Graziella stood up.
‘I will go,’ she said. ‘I brought her clothes.’
I sat back on the sofa again. Things were happening so fast I couldn’t believe it. Everyone else was taking over, moving in on my best friend, pushing me out of the way. My throat was tight with misery.
Graziella was upstairs for a long time, and when she came down again with Tia, Dad had left and Mum was outside talking to Mr Hollins. The big black car was pulled up at the kerb.
Tia looked pale and heavy-eyed.
‘Are you OK?’ I said. I was feeling almost shy.
‘I don’t know. I feel weird.’
‘Do you want me to go home with you? It won’t take me a minute to get dressed.’
‘No, Carly’ Mum had come back into the kitchen. ‘Let Tia see her dad on her own.’
I wanted to kick Mum. I waited, hoping Tia would turn to me, like she always had done in the past, that she’d want me to be with her, to help her through. But Tia only nodded, and I felt as if a knife had gone into my chest.
‘Yes. I’ll go on my own. I’ll call you.’ Then she turned to Mum and said, in her polite-little-girl voice, ‘Thank you very much, Mrs McQuarrie. It was very kind of—’
‘Don’t be silly, love.’ Mum interrupted her with a crushing hug. ‘We’re always here for you. You know that. You can come any time you like.’
She nodded, but looked as if she’d hardly understood.
‘Come, Tia,’ Graziella said. ‘Your father is waiting for you.’
Tia drew in a deep breath.
‘I haven’t seen him for three years. I don’t even remember what he looks like.’
‘You’ll be all right.’ I felt shaky, as if I was going to cry. ‘It’ll all be fine. You’ll call me, won’t you? I’ll be desperate to know how you are.’
She looked at me, and a smile wobbled in the corner of her mouth.
‘I’ll call,’ she said and went out quickly.
Outside, Mr Hollins was holding the back door of the car open. Tia and Graziella got in, and he shut it behind them.
I stood there, watching the car drive off, up the short distance to Paradise End. I saw it push its way through the crowd of reporters who were hanging round the gates, and in my head I could still hear the bang of the car’s back door as Mr Hollins had closed it on her. It was shutting them in and shutting me out, and I’d never been so miserable in the whole of my life.
20
‘What’s been going on? Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me anything round here?’
That was Lauren sticking her nose in. Mum had sent her off to play with Francine all morning, to get her out of the way, but now she was back, and her sharp little eyes were snapping with curiosity.
For once I hardly noticed her. She was background noise, like the irritating buzzing of a fly.
‘F
rancine’s dad said the crash woke him up in the middle of the night,’ she said. ‘And it must have been really loud, because they live miles away. Did Tia cry a lot? Is she going to have to wear all black clothes and everything? Francine’s dad says that Paradise End belongs to her now. Do you think she’ll let me and Francine swim in her pool?’
I’d been trying up till then to blot out Lauren’s irritating little voice, but I looked up sharply as I took in what she’d said. That Paradise End, or half of it anyway, would now belong to Tia was a strange, unsettling thought.
I drifted around for the rest of that afternoon, hardly knowing where I was, picking things up and putting them down and staring out of the window without seeing the rain that was still slashing down against the glass.
The phone kept ringing. The whole village seemed to have heard about the accident, and that the McQuarrie family were somehow involved. They all wanted to get the inside story. I dived for the phone every time it rang, hoping it was Tia, but it never was. In the end, Mum put the answerphone on. I ran to listen to it whenever a voice came through, feeling worse and worse every time it wasn’t Tia.
There was only one message that mattered. Mrs Litvinov called to say that the dress rehearsal had been rearranged for Tuesday, the evening before the display. I was to be at Torminster Town Hall, with my costume, at seven-thirty. It didn’t seem to matter any more. Dancing was a million miles away, part of another life.
At last, at six o’clock, when I’d given up hope of ever hearing from Tia again, she rang.
‘Carly? Are you there?’
I couldn’t speak for a moment.
‘Hi, Tia. Are you OK?’
‘Yes.’ She sounded remote. ‘Daddy’s here. He wants to meet you. Are you still there, Carly?’
‘Yes. How long is he staying? When do you have to go back to school?’
‘To school? I’m not going back there again.’
I knew what was coming then, and my heart was sinking through my shoes, right down into the floor.
‘Wow.’ I tried to laugh. ‘You’ll have to go somewhere though. How about coming to mine? Torminster Comprehensive, here comes Tia.’
She didn’t answer straight away. My eyes were squeezed tight shut as I waited.
Paradise End Page 17
