“Another kid?”
“I told her one was too many,” he jokes. “Do yourself a favor and get a dog instead.”
“I don’t know,” I counter. “Dogs seem like a lot of hard work. Really, you have four kids?” I clarify.
I shake my head when he nods, feeling sorry for the poor guy.
He grins. “Yep. Two boys and two girls. I always thought boys would be easier than girls, but as it turns out, they’re all as bad as one another.”
“But it must be more rewarding than difficult, right?” I prompt.
“Sure, the rewards far outweigh the negatives, but you don’t think about the good moments when you’re sleep deprived and losing your sanity,” he points out, rubbing his forehead. “All you think about is what you’re missing out on and how much easier it was before they came along.”
“Wow, you’re really selling this whole having kids’ business,” I chuckle, trying to ignore the anxiety building in my stomach.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything. Things would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if I knew what to expect going in, that’s all. It puts a strain on everything. Especially on a relationship. So many couples go into it thinking it will be all rainbows and sunshine, but it’s not. It’s pain and torture. After three days in a row of no sleep, a screaming baby really makes you wonder why the hell you’d put yourself through that.”
“It’s sure starting to make me wonder,” I admit with a nervous laugh.
Ernesto chuckles and pats me on the back. “Well, lucky for you, it’s not something you need to worry about for a long while, hey? Enjoy the freedom while you have it,” he adds. “You’re only young once.”
“Apparently,” I mutter.
Adam, my other guy, arrives, so I pair him with Ernesto and leave the two of them to work. I keep the smile on my face as I walk off, but inside, the panic is beginning to kick up a notch or ten.
What if I can’t handle being a dad? I shrug the thought off. There’s nothing I can do about it here. Hell, even if I could, it’s too late to back out now. Especially after last night.
I attempt to throw myself into work, trying to get as much done as I can, but I can't focus. All I can think about is what Ernesto said.
My life is about to change in a major way. I can kiss my freedom goodbye and say hello to sleepless nights and dirty diapers. I’m barely managing to function as it is, how the hell am I going to support Valentina and a kid? Especially if Amanda falls pregnant first.
For fuck’s sake, just get a grip.
If I don't do this, I can kiss my business goodbye. Not to mention my friendship with Matty. I’d be leaving him with a new kid to look after and no job. He’d never forgive me. That means I need to do whatever it takes to keep this business going. Even if that means sacrificing my own life.
The one person I wish I could talk to about this is Holly.
She’s my go-to person when I need to talk about something. The problem is, I don’t know what Valentina has told her about us, if anything. The last thing I want to do is put my foot in my mouth, even though it feels weird keeping something this big from her.
I lay low for the rest of the day, only leaving the trailer once, until the other guys have all left. Ernesto is the last to leave. He knocks on the trailer door, smiling sheepishly when I open it.
“Hey, Hudson, I know you’re busy, but I just wanted to see if everything is okay? You seem out of sorts today,” he adds, after a moment’s hesitation.
“Sorry, I'm just exhausted,” I mutter, running my hand through my hair.
That part’s no lie. I am exhausted.
It's amazing how tiring distracting yourself from your own thoughts can be.
“Okay. Then I guess I’ll be going. Call me if you need me to work tomorrow, okay?”
I nod. “Thanks again for coming in on such short notice.”
I wait until he’s gone, and then I close the door and sit at my desk. I bow my head, frustrated at how I’m feeling. I should be going home too, but I can’t bring myself to leave. At least in here, I can hide, without the risk of anyone trying to hassle me for money I can’t give them. I’m behind on rent. I’m behind on everything. I don’t want to face Valentina until I work out what I want to do, so going there isn’t an option.
Am I ready for the kind of commitment having a kid will require? Am I prepared to deal with the consequences if this thing backfires on us? Because it might very well do that. Sure, in theory it’s a great plan, but Valentina could end up pregnant and her cousin could get everything.
Hell, Valentina might already be pregnant, after last night.
Where would that leave us?
I jump when my phone rings, distracting me from my thoughts, and I wince when I see Valentina’s name flashing on the screen. I press silent, ignoring the flicker of guilt. It’s the fourth time she’s tried calling me in the last hour, but talking to her when I’m like this won’t do either of us any good.
As the ringing stops, I pick up my phone and clear the missed call. There’s a missed call from Holly too. I think about calling her back, but it would be a bad idea. Almost as bad as returning Valentina’s call.
Instead, I stand and walk over to my laptop. If I’m going to hide in here, I might as well do something useful and work out the best way to stretch my money for this month.
If I thought shuffling through the mountain of bills and invoices was going to motivate me into being positive about this thing with Valentina, I was wrong. All I end up doing is depressing myself even more. You’d think I would have learned from that last time, but apparently not.
With every passing second, my confidence drops. I’m convinced that all this is to do is dig both of us into an even deeper hole. All I wanted was to save my business, but there’s a good chance I could go through all of this and still lose it. How do I plan on supporting this kid without an income?
“Are you ignoring me?”
Frowning, I look up. I’m shocked to see Valentina standing in the doorway of my trailer. She frowns at me, her arms crossed stiffly over her chest. In her hand she clutches a folder.
“What? No, of course not. I’ve just been busy,” I murmur.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, the annoyance replaced with concern.
“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” I ask, but then I hesitate. “I’m just having a rough day.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
“Not really,” I admit. “It’s nothing. I’m just…” I sigh.
Do I be honest with how I’m feeling, or pretend nothing is wrong?
What if she’s having doubts too?
It’s better we sort it all out now than in six months’ time when she’s pregnant.
“I’m just worried this is a mistake,” I admit.
“Really?” Her frown deepens. “Where has this come from?”
“Talking to one of the guys here, I realized how much work goes into raising a child.”
“So a little bit of hard work sends you running for the hills?” she asks, looking bewildered. “You were the one convincing me that we could do this, but now you’ve slept with me, you’re over it?
“It’s not like that,” I protest. “It has nothing to do with last night. Don’t be pissed at me. I’m just being honest with you. Would you prefer I sit on my feelings and then voice them in a year’s time?”
“No, of course not,” she growls, then she sighs. “Okay, maybe we both need some time to think about whether we should be doing this together.” She steps forward and thrusts the folder at me. “The contract. That’s why I’m here.” Then she glances at her watch. “I have to go. I’ll call you later. Okay?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
I watch her leave, feeling even worse than I did before, then I wander back over to my desk and sit down. I flip through the contract. We’ll be covered financially with a weekly allowance until the death of her grandmother—but only if Valentina gives birth first
. Reading this is doing nothing to ease my anxieties, so I push it aside.
It’s probably for the best that we both take time to make sure this is what we want. I just don’t want to dive any deeper into this without considering it from every angle. I need to factor in how I’m going to support a family with no money and no business, because things could easily end up that way.
If the cost of that is her being angry at me, then so be it.
I sigh. The worst thing is that before my talk with Ernesto, the idea of having a kid was really growing on me. I was starting to imagine myself as a father. Now it scares the fuck out of me. If I could be sure that we’d be covered financially, then I’d go for it, but this thing with her grandmother and cousin makes everything feel so uncertain. It’s not like I’m getting cold feet over the idea of not getting the money either. I just don’t want to screw up my life any more than it already is.
And more than that, I don’t want to screw up my child’s life.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Valentina
“Take a seat. She’ll be right with you.”
I smile at the receptionist and take a seat in the crowded clinic. It’s busier than it was last time I was here, but no sooner than I sit down, my name is called. The doctor smiles at me and then leads me into her room. I sit, waiting as she closes the door.
“Okay, Valentina. How are things?” she asks. “No Hudson today?”
“He had to work,” I explain.
It’s not a complete lie. He is working.
He also has no idea that I made another appointment.
I went to his work last night to tell him, but then he announced that he was having doubts, and I panicked and couldn’t tell him. I was shocked at first, and then confused, but now I’m just plain angry at him.
Either he’s in this with me, or he’s not.
If he’s not, then I need to find someone else. I don’t have time for him to mess me around.
Doctor Meadows picks up my chart. She frowns as she studies it, and I forget my issue with Hudson, because I’m so focused on her. Something isn’t right, but I can’t work out from her expression how bad it is.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, that all too familiar lump forming in my throat.
She looks up, like she’d forgotten I was there.
“Everything is fine. It’s just based on your blood results, you’ve already ovulated.”
“Already?” I ask, frowning. “Isn’t that very early?”
“Yes, it is, but some women ovulate early in a cycle. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem.” She prints out a form and hands it to me. “It likely means it’s not going to happen this time. I’ll give you some ovulation strips that you can use to test your urine. That will help you track your cycle. I also want you to go for an ultrasound.”
“An ultrasound?” I ask nervously.
She nods reassuringly. “It’s nothing bad; it’s just so we can see how thick the lining of your uterus is. Imaging tend to be more accurate than labs, and as I said before, I think it’s too early to consider there being anything seriously wrong.” She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Try not to worry. The first couple of months is trial and error.”
“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I feel better already,” I say, following her out of the exam room.
“Not at all. Anytime you want to see me, my receptionist will fit you in. Even if you just want some reassurance, call me,” she says, before she disappears down the hallway.
On the way out, I detour into the bathroom. I lock myself in a stall, blinking back tears. I’m trying not to stress about it, but it’s hard not to. First Hudson is having second thoughts, and now this? I feel like it’s never going to happen.
And here I was, sure that I was ovulating.
I wait until all signs of my meltdown have gone, before I walk back out into the waiting area, but I stop in my tracks when I see Amanda standing at the reception desk. She’s so engrossed in what she’s reading that she hasn’t noticed me, so I take my chance and creep toward the exit. As I reach the door, I turn back and something catches my attention.
My name, in big bold letters on the front of the file she’s reading.
Angry, I march over to her and snatch it out of her hands. She spins around, her surprise quickly replaced with a smug smile.
“Valentina, it’s just you. I was—”
“Reading my file?” I cut in. “I knew you’d do anything to win, but this is going too far.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, stop being so dramatic. I didn’t even know it was your file to begin with. It was just sitting here, unattended, so I picked it up.”
I glare at her. Bullshit, she didn’t know it was mine.
“Admit it,” I growl, taking a step closer to her. “You knew the file was mine. Why else would you have looked at it?”
“I looked at your file, what’s the big deal?” she sneers. “Unless there’s something in there you don’t want me to know?” Her eyes shine as her lips twist into a smirk, like she thinks she’s on to something. “That must be it. Why else would you be throwing such a hissy fit?”
I laugh. She really doesn’t get it.
“I’m throwing a hissy fit because you’re a nosey little bitch,” I hiss.
“I’m a nosey little bitch who’s always one step ahead of you.” Amanda smirks. She looks up as the doctor calls her name. “Anywho, as much as I’d love to stand here, chatting all day, I’ve got an appointment.” She winks at me and then flounces down the hallway.
I watch her strut down the hallway and disappear into an examination room while I wait for someone to return to the desk. I’m so angry that I press the buzzer repeatedly until one of the nurses appear. She gives me a quizzical look as I thrust the file across the counter at her.
“Can I help you?”
“I just caught one of your patients reading my file.”
“They probably had no idea what it was. There wouldn’t be much in here of any interest to anyone, other than you and your doctor,” she attempts to persuade me.
“Trust me, she knew exactly what it was,” I argue. “But that’s beside the point. Are you in the habit of leaving confidential information lying around for anyone to see?”
Her smile falters as she exchanges with the other nurse. My anger flairs. I know they probably think I’m just another crazy rich girl with too much time on her hands, but I’m not letting this go. They’re in the wrong. Not only that, she can see how upset I am, and she’s not doing anything to fix the situation.
“Forget it,” I snap. “You might think this is a joke, but I’m pretty sure your superiors won't find any humor in the situation when they hear from my lawyer.”
At the mention of the word lawyer, another woman steps in.
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” she apologizes. “I can assure you we take patient privacy very seriously here.”
“Really?” I say with a laugh. “And you are?”
“Marlene Malone. I’m the managing director of the clinic.”
“Well, you might take it seriously, but I’m not convinced that your staff do,” I grumble. “I walked out here to find someone standing at this desk, reading my file. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Again, I’m sorry,” she assures me. “Tell me what I can do to make this right.”
“Just make sure it doesn't happen again,” I snap, turning on my heel to storm out.
I push through the heavy door, tears welling in my eyes. By the time I reach my car, I'm full on crying. Why does Amanda always have to go out of her way to terrorize me? What did I ever do to her? Well, aside from stealing her boyfriend back in high school. The worst part was I didn't even like the guy. I just knew how much she liked him. When she caught us kissing by his locker, she declared an all-out war against me and apparently, she still hasn’t gotten over it.
Everyone in that clinic must think I’m crazy. God, I’m starting to wonder myself if there’s something
seriously wrong with me. I’m a mess. How can I be this hormonal when I'm not even pregnant yet?
Or more to the point, how am I going to survive a whole pregnancy?
I fish out my phone, my hands shaking as I call Hudson.
“Hey,” he says. “I was hoping you’d call.”
“Really?” I ask.
He does sound happy to hear from me, which is a complete turnaround from earlier.
Maybe he’s worked out what he wants.
“Really,” he confirms.
“You could’ve called me, you know.”
“I know, but I wanted to give you some space,” he explains.
“I’m not the one who needs space,” I retort, my tone cool.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Just tell me something. Are you in this with me, or not?”
“Yes,” he finally replies. “I signed the contract. I’m in this, V. One hundred percent.”
“You signed it?” My heart skips a beat as relief floods through me. He has no idea how much I wanted to hear him say that. “Then let’s give this everything we have. Come over when you’re done at work.”
“Okay.” He agrees. “Let’s do this.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Hudson
I pull up at the front of Valentina's apartment, exhausted after another long day. To try and preserve some money, I worked alone. The irony was I probably would’ve been financially better off hiring a contractor.
I switch off the engine and unbuckle my belt. I’d love nothing more than to go home and relax in front of the TV, but something in her voice when she called told me she'd had a rough day. I get out of my truck and cross the quiet street, waving at the security guard as I walk into her building. He nods then returns to reading the magazine in front of him.
When I knock on her door, she opens it almost immediately, the sight of her standing there in a skimpy top and skin-tight jeans almost enough to take my breath away. Fuck, she looks good.
“Are you going to stand there all night or would you like to come in?” she asks, lifting her eyebrows.
I walk inside, my eyes are drawn to her ass as she turns around to shut the door. I shift on the spot, the constriction of my pants making me very uncomfortable.
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