She looked back over at Daemon. She couldn’t have answered his question even if she’d wanted to. She had no explanation for what had just occurred; she was only glad that it had.
Joe and Gav were the first to their feet. They came to either side of Grace, each lying a hand on her shoulder.
“Are you alright?” Gavriel asked her quietly.
No, she wasn’t. She might never be again. But she didn’t say so. Instead she only said, “yeah.” With the utmost reluctance, she pulled herself away from Kalev and stood. Joe and Gav tried to help but she brushed them off. She walked over to Daemon, leaning over him.
“Get up,” she demanded. Daemon glared at her, but he didn’t argue. Instead he struggled to get to his feet and meet her gaze. “Get out of here. I never want to see your face again. If I so much as hear a whisper of your name, I will end you.”
“I…” Daemon studdered. “Why?”
“I want you to live with what you have done. I want you to think about the fact that you just killed someone who used to be your friend. I want you to think about it every day of the rest of your miserable existence. Maybe, one day, you might even feel sorry about it.” She stood firm, glaring at him. She thought she might have caught the slightest twitch at the corner of his eye, but otherwise his face betrayed nothing. He glanced past her to look briefly at Joe and Gav, then, without another word, he disappeared.
“You have a strength within you that I am not sure I possess,” Gav said as he squeezed her shoulder.
“I pity him,” Grace answered, staring at the spot where Daemon had been. “When I die, I will get to spend all of eternity in heaven with Kalev by my side. All he will have is loneliness and hate.”
Grace turned and walked back to Kalev’s body. They were going to have to bury him. She would have preferred to take him to a beautiful spot, perhaps by a waterfall or in a garden somewhere, but given the circumstances, this place would have to do. She supposed that the view of the sky and the surrounding forest would look lovely in the warmer months. Maybe she could plant flowers here.
She looked up to ask Gav and Joe if they could get shovels, but they just stood there, staring at her. She had expected the sadness she saw there, but there was something else.
“What is it?” She asked, simultaneously not wanting to know the answer. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Grace, there are some things that you need to understand. Kalev used to be an angel, he didn’t begin life as a human,” Joe explained. He paused. “Well, see, the thing is, angels aren’t known to have souls.”
“What are you trying to say, Joe?” Grace asked, a sense of foreboding rising within her.
“Well, what I mean to say, is that when an angel dies, they cease to exist. There is no soul we can bring to the gates. There is nothing left of them.” Joe continued.
“But Kalev turned into a human,” Grace insisted, trying to ignore the implications of his statement.
“Grace, an angel becoming human is so rare it is only legend among our kind. It is, however, generally accepted that, if the legends were indeed true, that the angel, now demoted to human, would cease to exist upon death,” Gav said. He shut his eyes tightly, clearly pained.
“So, he is just … gone?” She choked. The two could only nod. Grace collapsed. For a brief time, she had soothed her sorrow by believing that she would see him again. Now, all her hopes, along with her heart, were crushed.
She couldn’t say how long she knelt next to Kalev, holding his hand in her lap, wishing things hadn’t ended this way. She would have given anything to kiss him one last time and tell him how much she loved him. But what was, was. She couldn’t change it. She knew she should get up from the ground, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. What was the point in it? Going on, living her life, without him by her side, would be lonely at best. And while she would be happy to see her family again when she died, she wouldn’t be able to exist in pure bliss without Kalev. She would miss him, every day. Forever.
✽✽✽
After the three of them had finally buried Kalev, Gav and Joe had escorted Grace back to her apartment. They’d even brought everything of hers back from Kalev’s apartment for her and set it up themselves. If someone looked at it now, no one would ever be able to guess that there had once been a break in by a blood-thirsty daeva.
Joe and Gav, or Jophial and Gavriel as it had turned out they were named, had taken turns checking in on her for a few days. Most of that time was a blur of quiet sadness. Although there had been one good surprise. Gav had returned from Kalev’s apartment with an adorable grey striped cat two days after she’d settled back in. But not just any cat. It had been the cat that had inadvertently caused Grace to stumble backwards and her necklace to break. When Gavriel explained that Kalev must have taken the cat in, she’d cried all over again. In response, it curled up in her arms and began purring contentedly, licking the tears from her face.
Snuggling the cat, Grace noticed the thin blue collar around its neck. She rotated it until she could read the tag.
“Let’s see what your name is, little guy,” she cooed. When she read it, however, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“What is it that you find so amusing?” Gav asked her.
“He named it Forrest,” she replied.
He only blinked at her.
“Do angels not watch any movies or TV?” She sighed in mock frustration.
“We do not generally partake in human entertainment,” Gav said seriously.
“You are missing out, Gav. Movies are fantastic.”
“Would it please you if I were to watch a film with you?” He asked.
Grace almost declined knowing that he probably had no interest in actually watching a movie, but she changed her mind. She certainly could use a diversion, and she didn’t want to be alone.
“I’d like that,” she replied instead.
The following weeks slowly ticked by. Jo and Gav had visited as often as they could. They had put forth a valiant effort to cheer her spirits from watching movie marathons, to playing boardgames. Grace and Jo had even been giving Gav modern English lessons. While she appreciated their attention, she still felt alone.
She had returned to work to keep busy, and while it served its purpose, she was just going through the motions. Despite her best attempts to be social, from going out to lunch with her coworkers, to going dancing or to the theater with Annalise, life without Kalev in it was less vibrant than it had been before.
✽✽✽
Grace couldn’t believe it when she ripped the calendar page on her desk and saw that it was now May. She supposed that the change of seasons should have been her first clue, but she hadn’t been paying much attention.
“Can you believe it’s already May?” Annalise asked, causing Grace to jump in her chair. She hadn’t heard her approach. It had happened often since she had returned to work. Grace was trying so hard to focus on her work that she would miss the clacking of Annalise’s heels.
“I was just thinking the same thing,” Grace responded.
“So, one of my favorite little festivals takes place in like, two weeks, and I thought, maybe you’d want to come with me this year,” Annalise offered.
“What is it?”
“It’s Lilac Sunday at the Arboretum. It’s really low key - you bring a picnic and enjoy the park space. It’s the only day of the whole year you’re allowed to picnic there, and I find it so beautiful. What do you say?”
“Yeah, sounds like fun. Thanks for asking!” Grace smiled. She was surprised to find that her smile had come naturally for once. For months she’d been forcing them for politeness sake, but not this time. Maybe, she was finally starting to find some peace. She’d never forget Kalev, never stop loving him, but she had to find her purpose again, start enjoying her life again. It was what he would have wanted.
“There’s something else I thought you should know,” Annalise said in a more serious tone.
“Oh?” Gra
ce said, wary of Annalise’s sudden change of tone.
“The court has finally ruled that Matty’s aunt is not fit to act as his guardian.”
Grace’s head swirled. While she was relieved that Matty would not be going to his aunt, she was terrified of him staying in his current foster situation. The Murphy’s had turned out to be nothing short of monstrous in Grace’s opinion, although she and Annalise had yet to gather enough evidence to prosecute them or remove Matty from the home without bringing a political shitstorm down on the agency. She worried that Matty was too old for an adoption to happen any time soon.
But then a thought occurred to her. She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t thought of it before. She should have filed paperwork ages ago in preparation for this day.
“I want to adopt him,” Grace blurted.
“Grace, I -” Annalise started but Grace interrupted her.
“No really, Annalise. I’ve known Matty since my very first day here. He’s always been special to me and you know it. It makes total sense. I’m more than capable of taking care of him. I’m sure I’d be approved. I’ll print the paperwork and get started right now.” Grace swung around in her chair and started opening the files.
“Grace, I know you could take care of him. It’s not that. It’s just, well, someone’s already filed.”
Grace froze. “What? Are you sure? How can that be? He wasn’t even listed.”
“I know. But someone did. But don’t worry Grace, he still has to go through the whole approval process. I’m sure you’ll be found to be a much better candidate for his guardian than whoever this guy is.” Annalise reassured her.
“What are his credentials? What if he’s a friend of the Murphy’s? What if this guy is like them?” Grace’s heart was beating so fast her hands were starting to tremble.
“Well, let’s look him up,” Annalise replied, “His name is Kalev Enkeli.”
A low wail escaped Grace’s lips as she collapsed onto her knees. She couldn’t help but burst into tears. She might never stop crying. She had learned too little too late that Kalev really had loved her, but she hadn’t even fathomed the depth of that love. He had wanted to build a life with her - have a family with her. He’d known just what Matty meant to her and had wanted to ensure that Matty would be safe in the best way possible. With the two of them.
“Grace, honey, it’s going to be okay, I promise,” Annalise tried to comfort her, “I’m sure I can pull some strings and make sure that you get him. Matty knows you and would love to be with you. That alone should be enough to override this other application.”
Grace tried to collect herself. She had never told Annalise about Kalev. All she’d said when she’d returned to work was that her stalker had been caught and prosecuted. She hadn’t wanted to talk about her relationship with Kalev; it had been too painful and too difficult to explain. A close call with a stalker was easier to explain than a dead, formerly angelic boyfriend.
“You’re right, Annalise,” she sniffled, wiping her eyes. “I’m sure it will all work out.”
“That’s my girl,” Annalise encouraged her.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to skip our usual lunch outing and fill out the paperwork,” Grace said, putting on her well-rehearsed fake smile again.
“I think that’s a great idea,” Annalise said with a wink and left Grace alone.
At least she would get Matty, Grace comforted herself. It wasn’t that hard to compete with someone who was dead.
Chapter 22
Cool, silky fabric against his skin was his first clue that he had not ceased to exist. Opening his eyes, Kalev looked around to see that he was lying in a fluffy white bed in a room with no walls. There were pillars throughout that connected the shining marble floor to the alabaster ceilings. Sheer curtains were draped around the edges of the room, fluttering softly in a warm breeze.
Kalev looked down at his bare chest to inspect the knife wound, only to find that there was no indication he’d ever been stabbed. No scratch, no scar, nothing. Perplexed by his location and lack of injury, he swung his legs out from under the covers and stood up. Maybe if he looked outside, he’d recognize something.
Nothing could’ve prepared Kalev for the sight that met him when he pulled back the curtain. Outside was an endless azure sky, dotted with puffy snow-white clouds. On each one sat a structure identical to his own. The enormity of it was breathtaking. Where in the universe could he possibly be? How had he gotten there? One second, he’d been staring into Grace’s beautiful eyes, trying to block out the pain in his body and the desolation around him, and the next, he’d woken up here.
“Kalev,” a spunky voice called from behind him. He recognized the voice instantly, although he hadn’t heard it in a few hundred years.
“Joan?” Kalev, said as he turned around. Sure enough, it was her. Her short hair dusted the tops of her shoulders. Instead of her armor, she was wrapped in soft, ivory robes. She was smiling so wide that it reached the corners of her large cinnamon eyes.
“It has been a long time,” she said as she moved toward him.
“You haven’t changed a bit,” he responded as she delicately cupped his chin with her small fingers. She tilted his head from side to side.
“You have changed in many ways, Kalev,” she said, “but for the better I think.” She winked.
“Where are we?” He asked her.
“In heaven, of course. Though this is the section of it for earthly souls, so I understand why you might not recognize it,” she answered, dropping her hand.
“I thought—”
“That you would cease to exist?” She said with a small laugh. He nodded. “Baseless rumors spread by lesser angels who are jealous and spiteful. An angel becomes human not because he is being punished, but because he has finally learned the lessons that God had wanted him to. He has learned to love. The very angels that spread those rumors and try to climb the ranks in order to get back into heaven are, ironically, spitting upon the only real way back in.”
Kalev was thunderstruck. How could they have all gotten it so wrong? Shouldn’t they have figured it out?
“Tell me something, Joan. How did I get here? Wouldn’t the souls of former angels need an escort?”
“An angel that has become human has a soul so pure it ascends directly to heaven without any assistance whatsoever. He comes straight here and reawakens in one of the sky villas. Only those of us already here are aware that his soul ever made the journey.” Joan plopped down on a wooden chair not far from the bed, and then twisted to rest her forearms on the chair back. She gestured for him to sit back down. “It’s refreshing to be the one with answers instead of questions.” She giggled.
Kalev quirked the side of his mouth briefly then sat. He gathered his courage, then asked the question that he most feared, but also desperately wanted, the answer to. “Where is Grace? Did she make it here? Is she alright?”
“I wondered how long it would take for you to mention my however-many-times great-niece.” Joan said. “Grace is not here.”
As panic flooded him, he began to rise to his feet, but Joan put up her hand.
“But she is safe, Kalev. She survived.”
“How?” He breathed. The situation had been so bleak in his final moments.
“She invoked the true power of the ring. I doubt she was aware of how she did it, but when her tears of pure love touched the ring’s surface, its power ignited. The ring cannot be used to protect oneself - only to protect someone whom you selflessly love. Someone who you would gladly die for.” Her soft smile indicated she knew exactly who that someone had been.
Kalev put his elbows to his knees, holding his head in his hands. She had loved him so much she’d been willing to die for him. And he her. And now they would have to wait her entire lifetime to be together. He supposed that, for him, it didn’t seem like such a long time, but he knew for her it would seem quite the opposite. Not to mention that he couldn’t expect for her to live out the rest of h
er life alone. Perhaps she would fall in love again, build a life with someone else. He wasn’t even sure how that was all supposed to work up here.
“Kalev.” Joan was trying to get his attention again. When he looked up at her, she smiled knowingly. “You miss her.”
“Desperately,” he answered.
“Would you like to go back?”
“Back? To earth you mean? Like as a spirit or something?”
Joan chuckled. “No, as a human. You made the ultimate sacrifice for a creation of God. You learned to love them even more deeply than God had ever expected you to. You have earned the choice. You may take some time to -”
“Yes.” He answered before she could finish the sentence. He didn’t need time to think it over. There was nothing to think about. He would do anything to spend even a few more moments with Grace, no less a lifetime.
Joan stood then, looking not so much the 19-year-old that he’d protected, but the saint she had become.
“Are you sure?” She said looking into his eyes one more time. He nodded. “I will miss you, until we meet again. I am so happy that you finally understand what it means to love. Farewell.” Joan raised her hands, palms facing skyward. She tilted her face upwards as well, closing her eyes.
The light of a thousand stars shot past him.
✽✽✽
Lilac Sunday at the Arboretum had been such a serenely beautiful experience that Grace couldn’t help but return the following morning. The dew still clung to the grass, and the sun was just beginning to kiss the sky. The delicately scented lilacs and the vivid green lawns did something to calm her soul and bring her a sense of contentment she hadn’t experienced in a long time. Although she had had to get up very early to get here before work, every moment had been worth it.
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