by Jess Ryder
She tries to walk with purpose, but her thoughts keep pulling her back to the scene of the crime. The situation has escalated. People in white paper suits are gliding in and out of the building like busy ghosts. A centipede of uniforms crawls across the car park, heads down, eyes fixed on the ground, searching for clues. A proper detective has arrived, reluctantly dragged from a romantic evening out or maybe his sickbed. He’ll be stomping around grumpily in his thin suit, blowing on his fingers, demanding coffee, shouting rude instructions to his assistant, like they always do.
Will they arrest her birth mum? She hopes not – that wouldn’t be fair. Surely Erin will deny it. She’ll say he was in that state when she found him, and they’re bound to believe her, because she doesn’t fit the profile. Middle-class, white, female – they can literally get away with murder. Why call the emergency services, why stay with the victim if she’s guilty? That won’t make any sense to the detective, who’d like to get this wrapped up quickly so he can go back to his girlfriend or his bed – or both. Besides, Dean Philips is a small-time gangster, already known to the police. They’ll assume it’s a contract killing, part of some turf war; they won’t investigate any further. ‘Good riddance to bad rubbish’ is what they’ll say privately, while they pretend to look for his attacker.
Erin will be sitting in the back of a second ambulance by now, a foil blanket around her shoulders. She’ll be in shock and probably won’t need to fake it either. The paramedic will tell her she’s been very brave. The detective might ask if she saw anyone leaving the building. Two guys dressed in black wearing motorcycle helmets, perhaps? She’ll most likely say she didn’t. No point in making up extra stuff. When lying, it’s always best to keep it simple. The paramedic will intervene at this point and say that the lady is in no fit state to be questioned, which will piss off the detective, who still hasn’t been given a coffee.
They’ll take Erin to A&E to check that she’s okay, then she’ll be allowed home. Thomas will come and collect her and they’ll have a tearful reunion. Chloe and Oliver will fuss around her like she’s an invalid, which she’ll secretly enjoy. Maybe she’ll be allowed to go to a local police station to give her statement – nothing to worry about, just a routine thing. But she’ll have to be careful. She’ll need to come up with a good reason for visiting Dean so late at night. Jade hopes she doesn’t mention the taxi ride. The driver will remember that he dropped off two women, not one. She’ll have to say she walked from the station.
How far is it? Jade has reached the roundabout now, and luckily there is a sign to Camford railway station, although it doesn’t give a distance. She crosses over and starts to walk towards the lights of the town. Her heart is racing again; the plod of her step echoes loudly in her head. It will be okay, won’t it? Nobody’s hurt, nobody’s dead. The sticky marks on her jacket aren’t actually blood. It’s all a game, a fantasy. She can switch off this movie whenever she chooses. Everything’s fine. None of it happened, nothing is real.
Epilogue
Erin
Now
Dean’s life is hanging by a thread, or so they tell me. He has cerebral bleeding; if he survives at all, he’ll be permanently brain-damaged. I nearly laughed out loud when the detective said that. How ironic, I thought, given who was responsible … an eye for an eye, you might say. A fitting punishment for the original crime.
But it’s not funny. I’m in a terrible mess, although I’ve no desire to get out of it. I feel oddly calm, resigned to my fate.
It’s nearly twenty-four hours since I was arrested, handcuffed and roughly bundled into the back of a police car. Very soon, I’ll be charged. Murder or attempted murder, they don’t know yet. The charge could change, depending on what happens. Maybe it’ll be conspiracy to murder or perverting the course of justice. Who knows? I’m no expert in these things, and I’ve refused a solicitor. All I’m certain of is this: I’m going to spend a long time in prison for something I didn’t do. But that’s okay. At least, it feels okay at this moment in time. It feels absolutely, indisputably right. A relief, even. A slice of home-made moral justice, sweet to the taste.
Or am I kidding myself?
Back in the real world, I’m sitting in a cell at Camford police station – tiled walls, linoleum floor, a narrow bench with a thin cushion that serves as a bed. Beyond, drunk people are hurling insults at the police, doors are slamming, heavy footsteps march up and down the corridor.
I’ve had nothing to eat or drink but limp sandwiches and cups of disgusting weak tea. Time is ticking by. Nobody has spoken to me for hours. The investigating team must be deciding what to do about the strange woman who seems determined to take sole responsibility for this horrible, violent assault, despite all the growing evidence to the contrary.
I think back over the last interview. My refusal to tell them who made the bloody footprint that was found leading out of the door made the detectives very irritated indeed.
‘Who was there with you?’
‘No comment.’
‘You might as well tell us their name.’
‘No comment.’
‘We’ll find out who it is. There’ll be witnesses, CCTV … Come on, who was it?’
‘No comment.’
They know there were two people at the scene, and that I’m probably not the attacker because my clothes weren’t covered in blood spatter. Which means I’m protecting someone – someone who must be very dear to me, so dear that I’m prepared to sacrifice myself for their sake. They’ll try to puzzle it out. It has to be a close family member: a partner, a parent, perhaps even a child. But a few phone calls will establish that my parents live far away and Tom, Chloe and Oliver all have alibis. And although the police know about Jade, I can play down our relationship – tell them we’re virtually strangers, that she means nothing to me.
Can I put her back in the box where she was hidden for so many years; lock up her memory and throw away the key? I pretended she didn’t exist for so long – surely I can pick up from where I left off. I have previous when it comes to lying. It’s a skill I can put to good use now.
My poor darling Jade … Where is she? Did she make it back to London or is she wandering the back streets of Camford in a daze? I close my eyes and try to picture her somewhere safe, but all I can see is her with her arm aloft, bringing the weight down on Dean’s head. I should never have taken her with me to see him; it was stupid even to consider it. I should have stopped her drinking so much. This is my fault. I have to take the blame, take a deep breath and let her go.
It’s heartbreaking for me to lose my beautiful girl again, but it’s for the best. At least I know that her parents – Sarah and Stephen, the people I think of as her real parents – will look after her. I was just a temporary mother, and a terrible job I made of it both times. But I’ll never stop loving her. Hopefully she’ll understand why I’m doing this. It won’t make up for the wrong I did, but it might go some small way … perhaps?
Whatever happens, I can’t see her again. To stay in touch would be very stupid. Prison visits will be out of the question. I’ll have to tell Chloe to cut off ties, keep shtum about her sister. Oli too. Tom might not cooperate, but there’s nothing I can do about that. Just hope and pray that he doesn’t care about saving me, that our relationship is as dead as Dean might be.
I think of him lying in intensive care, tubes everywhere, monitors bleeping. As much as I hate the man, I don’t want him dead. For all our sakes.
Jade didn’t mean to hurt him so badly. Something snapped inside her, pushing her out of control. If they do work out who was with me, if they find her and charge her, maybe she’ll be acquitted on grounds of diminished responsibility. Foetal alcohol syndrome, that’s got to be a mitigating factor. Maybe.
While waiting here, I’ve made up a long list of maybes in my head.
Maybe Dean won’t die.
Maybe Gemma and her daughter will repent and give the blackmail money to a charity for people with head injuries.
Maybe Asha will feel bad about lighting the spill that set off all the fireworks.
Maybe Tom will disappear with Holly into the sunset. I’d like to know how long they’ve been having an affair. If he ever visits me in prison, I’ll ask him, but I’ll probably never see him again.
Or maybe I’m wrong, and they’re just good friends after all.
Maybe Tom and I will forgive each other and after several months of couples’ counselling decide to try again. Maybe we’ll be even happier than before. I pause, debating whether to cross this item off. Right now, any reconciliation seems unlikely, but I guess you never know.
Then there are my children …
Maybe Oli will pass his A levels with flying colours and go to Cambridge. I know he’s got the ability, but does he still have the desire?
Maybe he’ll flunk his exams and have a nervous breakdown. I really, really hope not.
Maybe Chloe will run away again, though somehow I doubt it. I’m banking on her growing into a fabulous, successful, caring young woman who sees her sister in secret and passes on news about their mother, who is serving her prison sentence with good grace.
And what of Jade? Please God, if you have any influence over such things, don’t let her be convicted of murder. Let me take the rap. Give her another chance – she so deserves it. I hope she finds peace. I hope she finds love. I hope she forgives me.
The cell door opens and a female officer walks in.
‘You’re wanted upstairs,’ she says.
If The Girl You Gave Away had you hooked and turning pages, then you’ll love The Ex-Wife, a spine-chilling read, brimming with secrets and lies…
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The Ex-Wife
A twisty, dark psychological thriller that will have you gripped
Order now!
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You’ve got everything she wants…
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Newly married Natasha has the perfect house, a loving husband and a beautiful little girl called Emily. She’d have it all if it wasn’t for Jen, her husband’s ex-wife who just won’t leave them alone…
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Then Natasha returns home one day to find her husband and Emily gone without trace. Desperate to get her daughter back, Natasha will do anything even if it means accepting an offer of help from Jen. But can she trust her? And do either of them really know the man they married?
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If you loved The Girl on the Train, Gone Girl or The Couple Next Door then this dark, twisting psychological thriller from Amazon chart bestseller Jess Ryder is guaranteed to have you gripped.
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Books by Jess Ryder
The Girl You Gave Away
The Dream House
The Ex-Wife
The Good Sister
Lie To Me
A Letter from Jess
Thank you so much for reading The Girl You Gave Away.
If you enjoyed it, and want to keep up to date with all my latest releases, just sign up at the following link. Your email address will never be shared and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Sign up here!
People often ask me how I get my ideas. Sometimes they come completely out of the blue; sometimes they fester in my brain for years. Often they end up in a completely different place from where they started. This is the joy of writing.
This novel centres on a general theme that is very dear to my heart. I have always been fascinated by family dynamics, particularly the parent–child relationship. Many of my books explore and challenge the notion that blood is thicker than water. My own family comprises full siblings, half-siblings and step-siblings, and we love each other (and occasionally fall out!) just as much as any traditional family. I am surrounded by wonderful friends who are birth parents, step-parents, adoptive parents and parental figures, offering invaluable love, support and guidance to young people. These relationships are a positive expression of a tolerant, flexible society. Growing up in a so-called unconventional family can help us respond to the adult world with a more open mind.
As a writer of psychological thrillers, I’m also interested in what happens when relationships go wrong, or are put under intolerable strain from outside forces. For The Girl You Gave Away, I started by posing some what ifs. What if you’d given a child up for adoption and then kept it a secret? What if the grown-up child made contact? Then I raised the stakes – essential for this genre. What if you discovered you had an incurable medical condition and that your birth mother was to blame? And so the story was born.
However, this is not a book about foetal alcohol syndrome – it’s a piece of fiction that concerns itself with imagined emotions and relationships. There are plenty of informative and helpful non-fiction books that cover this extremely important subject, some of them aimed specifically at potential adoptive parents.
I hope you enjoyed reading The Girl You Gave Away – that you found the twists and turns of the plot satisfying, and the characters engaging. If you’d like to write a brief constructive review and post it online in the appropriate places, I’m sure other readers would find it useful.
If this is your first Jess Ryder book, you might want to try my other psychological thrillers – Lie to Me, The Good Sister, The Ex-Wife and The Dream House. It’s easy to get in touch via my Facebook page, Goodreads or Twitter.
With best wishes and thanks,
Jess Ryder
www.jessryder.co.uk
The Dream House
An absolutely gripping psychological thriller
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When I first set eyes on Westhill House with its breath-taking views of the sea I knew it was the perfect place for a fresh start.
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The place may be falling apart, but it can be fixed with some tender loving care. And as Jack and I work to repair this beautiful building, maybe we can repair our relationship too. Maybe we can make Westhill House a refuge from all the tragedies that came before.
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Lori has come to Westhill House for shelter too. She says it used to be a place where women went for safety. How can I turn her away, when violence waits for her outside these high walls?
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But the longer Lori stays, the more time Jack spends away. And the more she helps me restore the house, the more secrets start to be revealed.
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Like the children’s drawings under the wallpaper in the back bedroom.
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The hidden papers underneath the floorboards in the turret room.
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But why does Lori know so much about Westhill House, if she’s never been here before?
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What does she really need protection from?
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And now I’ve invited her into my dream house, is there any escape for either of us?
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A gripping, spine-chilling read brimming with secrets and lies. If you loved The Girl on the Train, The Wife Between Us or The Woman in the Window then this dark, twisting psychological thriller from Amazon chart bestseller Jess Ryder is guaranteed to have you gripped.
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What readers are saying about The Dream House:
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‘Wow, what an amazing thrilling, chilling book that sunk its claws into me from page one and didn’t let go until the very end… Ryder will be on my top list of authors… full of thrills, chills, hearts aches, and twist & turns! Will be highly recommending.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars
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‘I think this may be one of the best psychological thrillers I’ve read in a long, long time. I was hooked! Every time I t
hought I knew where the plot was going something else would happened and I’d be asking more questions. The twists and turns were gripping and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Seriously get yourself a copy when this book hits shelves on June 21st, you won’t regret it!’ Goodreads Reviewer
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The Good Sister
