by Amy Sumida
I scowled at him.
“There is the magic, of course, and there is the Trinity Star inside you,” he explained. “I do believe its magic has been corrupted, along with your soul, but it is not a separate entity. You are fighting yourself, Vervain.”
“Arach, this may be hard for you to understand, but somehow, my magic became sentient. It has always been a separate force inside me, restrained by fate. It has vast power—simply wishing can trigger the magic to make my desires a reality—but that was only when destiny allowed it. When my wish coincided with some universal plan. Now, the Star has no limits. She's run amok, Arach. She's drunk on power and evil. Believe me; she's a separate entity.”
“No, Vervain, she isn't,” he insisted. “Faerie spoke to me about the Trinity Star. It's a collection of your magic. Yes, it's bound by fate and the greater good, but it has no consciousness. It has no purpose beyond that which you give it. In essence, it is a tool. The only sentience driving it is you; your mind, your desire, and your will.”
“No,” I said again. “She's fought me. She's done things when I was...” I swallowed roughly as I remembered being under the sway of the blood. “When I was lost to the blood, Star tried to get the Star Gods to have sex with me. She wanted us bound so it would complete me; the nine points of a physical trinity star. Now, how could she be functioning like that, without my consent, when I wasn't even aware of what was happening? And why would I try to get myself raped?”
Arach's jaw had been tightening through my speech, and he had to take a deep breath before he spoke. “Your mind functions on layers; conscious and subconscious. When you add magic to that, things get even more tricky. The Trinity Star has acted without you being awake before. It doesn't change the fact that it's your magic. The Star is a projection of yourself, Vervain. She is you. Please, trust me.” He leaned forward and squeezed my hands. “I vowed to be your anchor. To always bring you back to me. To find that invincible love that you have for me and draw it forth again. This is me fulfilling that vow. You have to trust me, A Thaisce. The reason Star always wins is that she is you. You are fighting yourself and allowing evil to conquer you. Accept it, and you can change the game.”
“I'm Star?” I whispered as scenes played out in my head.
The way Star looked like me. The way she knew things when I wanted her to know them and didn't when I wanted her to be ignorant. She had even told me that she was me, back in the beginning, when she had first started talking inside my head. No, I wouldn't have acted as she had; not consciously. But if I were poisoned by evil, there was a chance that my subconscious would want those things. If I were evil, I would trick myself if it meant gaining more power. I might even orchestrate my own rape if it made me stronger.
“Cinderella's slippers!” I hissed. “I'm Tyler Durden!”
Arach blinked.
“Oh, come on,” I whined. “You know this one. Think, Dragon!”
Arach frowned and then his expression suddenly lightened with revelation. “Fight Club! That insane movie where the man seems to be battling another man when it's actually all in his head. He's fighting himself.”
“Yes! Well done.” I smiled softly at him but then my smile vanished. “I'm Tyler Durden. Or she is, rather.”
“Yes, she is.”
“So, what do I do?”
“You kill the Star, Vervain. Destroy Tyler Durden,” Arach took my hand urgently. “Fight yourself. Burn away the evil inside you. You've given it a face and a name. Most likely, it was your way of keeping it separate from the real you. Of keeping a part of you good. So, channel that goodness and fight!”
“I have been fighting,” I huffed. “Just as you said; I haven't been winning because I'm fighting myself.”
“Yes, but you didn't know you were fighting yourself. Now, you know your enemy.”
“And knowing is half the battle.” I grinned brightly. “Go, Joe!”
Arach cocked his head at me.
“Ugh, baby,” I whined. “Why do I waste my best lines on you?”
Chapter Forty-Eight
As soon as I woke, the fight began. I could hear Viper shouting at me, but I was focused on the invader in my mind and couldn't comfort him. I was too busy confronting the evil that wore my face. The hardest battles aren't fought on land or sea or even in the air. They are waged within the mind and that was where I was making a stand. Perhaps my last.
Mist filled the landscape of my mind. Not the mist of the Dream Realm but heavy clouds of confusion. I blew them away with a thought and there stood Star. Grim and proud, chin lifted and hair flashing. Gone was her pallor, now she shone with dark light while I felt dull and drab. In here, I was the phantom; a ghostly version of myself. Star held all of my power, but that power was stolen. I owned this magic; I had pieced it together with blood and sweat and tears. It was mine. Only I controlled it.
I reached out a hand toward her and pulled. The Dark Star gasped as beams of moonlight poured out of her and shot to me. It hit my chest and sank into me.
“No!” Star shouted and grabbed the ribbon of light.
A horrendous tug-of-war ensued. I clutched the moonlight with both of my mental hands and held on tightly. It didn't burn like starlight. The Moon only reflects the Sun, it isn't actually on fire. But with my thoughts of flames, Star started to scream. Her hands charred, the glowing skin blackening and flaking away like dirty snowflakes. I gave a solid yank and the magic tore free of her then snapped into my chest like a rubber band.
Star growled, chest heaving, and narrowed her eyes at me. “You will never vanquish me, Vervain. I am the Trinity Star.”
“You are a projection of my mind,” I corrected. “A representation of the evil that has invaded me. You're not my magic. You're not even a part of me. You are a magic thief, just like the god you came from.”
“Possession is nine-tenths of the law.” She smirked. “And I still have eight points of your star.”
I blinked as the falsity of her words vibrated over my skin. Star couldn't lie to me here, in my head. She frowned as she watched me process it, weeding out the truth. If Star didn't have the eight remaining points of my magic, what did that mean? As soon as I asked the question, the answer revealed itself to me.
“No, you don't,” I whispered in revelation. “You can't steal who I am. You can trick me into giving up control, or into doing what you want, but you can't steal me. I am human and goddess and faerie. You can't take those things; they are melded into my blood, into my very cells. They are the foundation of who I am. My magic is only frosting.”
“Fine!” she snapped. “Then I'm licking up all the frosting.”
“It'll make you sick,” I chided like a mother would with a child.
Then, as she rolled her eyes at me, I used her distraction to latch onto another piece of my star. I already had the first trinity, which also gave me my dragon, and I had just taken back my moon. That left my wolf, my lioness magic—which also held my lioness—and Love. I knew exactly what I needed to reclaim next; the magic I should have gone after first. The magic that could conquer other magic. As soon as I touched it, I realized that I didn't need to tear it free of Star. The magic was mine; all I had to do was summon it home.
I called Love back to me.
Star screamed and fell to her knees as butterflies poured out of her chest—delicate wings shining pink with power—and flew straight into my heart. Love is the greatest of my magics, and I knew that if I could bring it home, the rest would soon follow. But Love is just the tip of the collection of magic I had taken from Aphrodite. There is also Lust, War, and Victory, and they barreled into me right on the heels of the butterflies.
Taken from Aphrodite. That gave me pause.
“That's right,” Star sneered. “You're no better than I. A thief just like Vainamoinen. Evil to the core.”
The stream of magic froze, hovering in the air between us. The deep crimson of Lust, the steel gray of War, and the golden glitters of Victory. The glowing ribbons
hung suspended and hardened, turning into spears. The tips pierced my chest and blood began to stream down my mental body. Her words had literally cut me.
“No!” I shouted. “I am nothing like you. I took magic from gods to defend myself and save others. I liberated that magic and gave it a proper home. I didn't take it to simply gain power. I didn't destroy it and force it to fuel me. I claimed it in battle; a victor's prize. I am not a thief. I'm the Godhunter!”
The magic turned on Star, spears flung in the opposite direction, and sliced at her chest until her rib bones broke and her glistening, poisoned heart was exposed. There, within the cage of her toxic heart, laid the rest of my trinity star, its pure light shining through the darkness. I called it back to me as she fell to her knees in a puddle of blood the color of rotten plums.
“Kill me and you hurt your star,” she hissed painfully. “I've taken it. It's my heart now, and to get it out of me, you'll have to tear it apart.”
“I never wanted to be this powerful,” I let the truth echo within my mind and, ironically, found strength in it. “I don't need the Trinity Star, it needs me.”
“You would give up all of this—all of the Realms—just to kill me?” She gaped at me.
“To kill the evil inside me?” I countered. “Yes, I'd give up the Realms in a heartbeat. I already have.”
I grabbed my lioness, intending to bring her roaring out of Star's chest, taking two tips of the star at once. But, my wolf wouldn't be left behind. The white Wolf burst free of her evil prison alongside the tawny Lioness and with their exodus, Star exploded into millions of sparkling pieces. Stardust.
I sighed with relief as my beasts returned to me, leaping into my chest eagerly. But then the pain started. Star's remains floated down over me, searing my skin with darkness. The shadows around me thickened, particles of evil gathering. I had reclaimed my magic but I hadn't removed the poison from my soul. Evil is not conquered so easily.
The darkness closed in like sinister shadow soldiers, blocking all escape. I shivered, fear freezing me in place even as I burned. Then I thought of my lovers and my children. I thought of my friends and the entire world. All of the Realms. So much depended on me conquering this evil. But how could I when it was inside me? Again, with the asking of the question, all was made clear.
I came gasping out of my mind and sat up straight in bed. Viper cried out in relief and reached for me, but I held him back with one hand as I yanked my star pendant down with the other. The cap on the crystal vial popped free and the scent of pure water filled my nose. Water more pure than any found on Earth. I shot back the contents desperately, took a deep breath, and started to scream.
Arctic magic blasted through me, freezing liquid shooting down every artery and vein, into bones and flesh and ligament, seeking out the infection and washing it away. Then it went further, cleansing my very soul of the taint. And it didn't stop with me. I had poured evil into the men and dragons I'd made; into the world itself. As I thrashed within a strong embrace, the cleansing water streamed down the bonds that I'd forged. I saw it in my mind; clouds of darkness hovering around me like tumors in a body. The water of Abzu, the ocean beneath the world, flowed into those cancerous cells and obliterated them.
Viper shouted and fell back onto the bed with me while the cries of other men echoed in my head. My poor star gods, they were innocent of all of this. Taken from the Void to serve my purposes. To love me and fight for me. They'd never even chosen new names for themselves. Perhaps that was for the best.
I washed away my sins—the sins I had forced on the Star Gods—and made them pure again. Made them the men they were before I had infected them. I felt their relief at being freed from evil but with that relief came a new pain. Heartache. The pain of living with what I'd done and what I'd made them do. My cruelty was so clear to me now.
Tears poured down my cheeks as I offered them one last gift; a fresh start. I felt their gratitude shimmer through our bonds as I released their souls and placed them back in the Void, ready to begin again. With a breaking heart, I severed our bonds and let them go. I let all of them go. My beautiful dragons, soulless creatures formed of magic, couldn't survive the destruction of the evil inside me. They vanished, back into the dark matter I had formed them from. I cried for them; for the promises I had made them that would never be fulfilled. For the lives I'd forced on them that had been focused on violence. I hoped they would find some peace in the stillness of space.
My trinity star, freshly reformed and free of evil, instantly attempted to repair all of the damage we had wrought. I released her power, gave her—no, gave it—free rein to fix my mistakes and made another wish. Set things right again. Do whatever you have to do to get us back on the proper path. The Trinity Star burst from my body like a nuclear blast.
The dead came back to life. Nations were made whole again. Human memories wiped away. Tremendous amounts of power swept across the world in a wave of glittering white, restoring the balance I'd tipped. I saw it then; the plan laid out before me. I've glimpsed it before and every time I have, it has steadied me. Given me faith; not in some unseen force but in myself. The plan wasn't created by an ultimate being, but by all beings. All of us added to the design. Every soul wove its thread into the tapestry in a different way. Each one of us helped to forge new routes into eternity.
Call it Fate or Destiny or even Karma; it doesn't matter what label you give that great design. There is purpose to life and purpose to death. There's even a reason for war. The Trinity Star hadn't been bound by Fate, it had simply respected the plan. It had peered down the path and saw what was best for humans, Gods, and Faeries. Being connected to the Void and the Nine Great Magics wasn't about being the most powerful being in all the Realms. It was about having the power to protect the Realms and their futures. But the Trinity Star is only magic; it has knowledge but no sentience to direct it. That was where I came in. I had been chosen to wield it, led to it by truly sentient forces because they knew that the Star needed to be in someone who would respect the plan too. Someone who knew that all power should have limitations, especially great power. Someone who would let the magic guide them. Perhaps even be guided without realizing it.
Evil had poisoned my perspective and, therefore, that of my star. I had stopped caring about what was best for the Realms, stopped being a proper vessel for the Trinity Star. I had lost my limitations because I refused to believe in them. I had lost respect for the plan. And it had nearly destroyed the balance of the Universe. That was why the Tablet of Destinies didn't work on me or for me. I had gone beyond the restriction of Destiny.
But I was going to fix all of that. Even if it killed me.
I screamed as the Trinity Star pulled more and more magic through me. Vast amounts of energy streamed from the Void and the Nine Great Magics to pour through my heart. Enough power to undo the horrors we had brought into the world. Undo months of work within moments. Undo creation and destruction. The Star burned, pieces of it melting away under the blast. I felt as if I were melting too. The Wicked Witch post-bucket-flinging. I'm melting. Me-e-el-lting! I started to laugh through the pain. Yes; this was how I wanted to go out; laughing as I set the world to rights. A perfect end for the Godhunter.
My body trembled as the stronghold crumbled around me, disappearing into the nothing it had been born of. Grass rose up beneath me and sunlight warmed my skin but still, I writhed in the agony of justice; hands fisted and back arched. Starlight shone through me until I thought I'd die from it, until my mind and body and even my soul seemed to disappear within the magic. Until all I was, was light. Finally, the pain subsided, and I took a deep, gasping breath, amazed that I had survived.
The Trinity Star hadn't fared so well.
The Star laid dull and dreary inside my chest. It was there and it was mine, but it was back to its most elementary abilities and strength. It united my magic; that was all. I knew without reaching for them that I was cut off from the Void and the Nine Great Magics. I had bur
ned those bridges with starlight. No more wishes for me.
Relief trembled through me but then lurched up short against the aching pain in my chest. A wound that would never heal. I had done horrible things, and I was grateful that the Trinity Star had been able to repair them, but there had been one thing that I hadn't wanted to undo. One man who would haunt me for the rest of my life. One name that would echo in my thoughts forever.
“Viper,” I whispered brokenly as I opened my tear-filled eyes.
I never had the chance to love him as me; the real me. After all those years of waiting, I took him from the Void only to send him straight back. I took a breath to let out my anguish.
“I'm here, my star,” Viper's beloved voice, free of the edge of evil, brushed over me like a velvet blanket.
Despite its softness, it startled me and my breath turned into a gasp as I jerked my head to the side to see him lying beside me. Viper; he was still there. It was then that I realized how tightly I had my hand clenched and what it held. I looked down at our clasped hands with wonder. Viper had been the one thing I refused to let go of. The one good thing I had done. And he had held on too. Through blinding starlight and realm-changing blasts of power, Viper had held onto me.
