The car cheerily replied, “Calling Dr. Adams.” The phone rang in surround sound.
“Hello, Dr. Adam’s office. Could you hold please?” A sweet voice said.
“No,” Pete growled. “My wife’s bleedin’ and we’re comin’ in.”
“I’m sorry, what’s the name?”
“Walsh,” Pete curtly replied. “Susan Walsh.”
“Oh, okay,” she replied. After some rustling, she returned to the phone. “She’s not due in for another week, and the doctor’s very busy today. I can maybe squeeze ya in around four.”
“You’ll squeeze us in right now.” His tone was chillingly lethal.
“Um…well, okay. I’ll tell him.”
It was a side of Pete I’d never seen. Sure, we fought and yelled in our own version of domestic bliss, but even when he was genuinely angry, he’d never sounded like that before. And to a woman? Had I not been completely onboard with his attitude, I would have called him out. In this case, however, crazed alpha-male was practically a turn on.
After a very thorough examination and a several deep-throated noises, Dr. Adams looked up at us from between my legs. “There are things we need to discuss. After you’re dressed, we can talk in my office.” Before he left, he opened a sleek metal drawer and pulled out a maxi-pad. “You may want to wear this.”
Side-by-side on the couch, Pete rubbed his thumb over the base of mine—an unconscious habit meaning one of several things: I want you, I love you, I’m here for you, or, in this particular case, I’m fucking freaking out. Dr. Adams breezed in with a no-nonsense gait and shut the door. He seated himself in the wingback chair closest to us. Rather than settling into his typical posture—back against the chair, legs casually crossed—he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs.
“Here’s the deal…”
♥
“Bedrest for how long?!” Pete and I said in unison, both our faces white with shock.
“For the duration of your pregnancy, I’m afraid.”
“But, but that’s two months away!” I stammered.
“Slightly less, but yes. It may feel like a long time—”
“Feel like a long time? What am I supposed to do, sit around watching TV and eating bonbons?” The doctor raised his eyebrows pointedly, and I gasped, my panic-stricken voice shooting up another octave. “I don’t have to actually lie in bed the whole time?” When the doctor nodded, Pete covered the bottom half of his face and cast his eyes heavenward.
“Look, I’ve never had high blood pressure in my life. Can’t I just do meditation or yoga or something?”
The doctor shook his head no.
Suddenly fear struck me like an arctic-born icicle, and dark spots began a taunting dance before my eyes. “I can’t take two months off work. They’ll replace me!”
Pete laid a reassuring hand on my back. “Surely they’ll just fill your spot temporarily.”
Knowing differently, I turned back to the doctor.
“Are you absolutely, positively certain I require bedrest?”
“I absolutely am,” he said without the least trace of his normal good humor. “Preeclampsia is a life-threatening condition. Complete bed rest is the only way to keep you and your baby safe. The alternative is to spend the remainder of your pregnancy hospitalized.”
Pete looked directly into my frightened eyes. “She’ll do exactly whatever you say, doc.”
♥
When Pete pressed the ignition button, I burst into tears. “This is a nightmare. I will absolutely lose my district. Do you understand what this means?” When Pete didn’t respond, I grabbed his face and made him look at me. “I will be transferred. They’ll give me no choice!”
Too many emotions crossed his features before he corralled them. He exhaled deeply. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“We’re at it! As soon as I tell Bob, that’s it. He’ll send a permanent replacement, and I’ll no longer run North Carolina. I won’t even find out where I’m being transferred until I return to work. How do you think I got Ohio? Beth lost Pennsylvania when she went on maternity leave, and when she returned, they gave her Ohio. That’s when World War Kirsten erupted and the shuffling began. The battle I’m in for when the time comes…it’s not one I can win.”
Pete’s upper lip disappeared, and he stared out the windshield for a long moment. “Then you won’t go back,” he said softly.
I gaped at him. “What did you just say?”
“Let’s talk about this at home.” He pulled out of the space. The Beast’s collision warning sensor beeped frantically, and a horn blared. Pete slammed on the brakes. I was bounced against the headrest and then thrown forward. The locked seatbelt cut into me so hard I yelped. He hopped out and raced to the passenger side. “Oh darlin’, I’m so sorry. Are ya okay?” He ran his hands down my head, shoulders, and belly.
“Just drive,” I said darkly.
We were silent on the short trip home. My temples throbbed, and Pete’s jaws were clenched, the muscles ticking as he ground his teeth. I stared out the window as we crossed the big bridge, my emotions a variety of flavors: fear, anger—no, blind rage, a sense of helplessness, honest sorrow; all swirling.
When the car came to a halt in front of the house, I crossed my arms. “Speak.”
His eyes had become hardened gems. “I said, if they try to transfer ya, you’ll just quit your job.”
My mouth worked, but I couldn’t seem to form discrete words. I looked around the car’s cavernous interior while replaying his directive, reviewing his expression, analyzing the set of his chin and posture, searching for the deeper meaning, for misinterpreted or alternate words to the ones I’d heard—some proof that he was actually sane, that he hadn’t just turned into my father right before my eyes. The mere concept, the audacity, the—
Suddenly, I hauled off and slapped him across the face.
His eyes flared, and he covered his cheek. When his shocked expression faded, he said in a low and controlled voice, “I’m gonna step out of the car now. When you’ve calmed yourself, I’ll help ya up to bed.” He firmly shut the door and stalked to the water’s edge. With his back to me and his head dropped, he wasn’t projecting the predictable image of war chieftain ready for battle. No, for once, he simply looked like a man—one who’d just royally fucked up.
Two years ago, I’d left him. Left him for a job I thought I’d wanted more than anything in the entire world. It turned out that what I’d wanted so desperately wasn’t what I needed. I’d sworn never to leave him again, but what was the alternative when the dust settled? I’d worked too hard for far too long to walk away from the very beautiful career I’d built. And yet, standing mere yards away was the nearly perfect creature I’d pledged my heart to before God, Himself. I felt a sudden aching in my soul—one reminiscent of a pain so great and ripping it had nearly torn me in two.
Just then, the baby kicked forcefully; the newest player on the board. At first, I breathed an exalting sigh of relief but then frowned. Inside my body lived the catalyst, the very entity that could be our undoing. I realized right then that my choices were very limited, and from this point on, my decisions weren’t simply mine to make. No, I had inadvertently become part of a trio. Now, there was the greater good to consider.
I extracted my gigantic self from the gigantic car and waddled to the fairly gigantic shoreline. The turbulent water nearly matched the deep gray color of our house, and the cool, damp wind furiously spun the nautical weathervane perched atop the lighthouse. Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning, I thought grimly. I should have paid more attention to the signs.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said, touching his arm. “I don’t know what came over me, but I never intended to actually hit you.”
After a moment, one corner of his mouth lifted, and he looked at me through troubled, but twinkling eyes. “It was a damn solid one, though. And well placed. I think ya actually bruised me.” He then took my face in his hands a
nd kissed me gently. “I love you so much, Susan. I know this feels like a death sentence to you, but in time we’ll get it figured out. Our lives are changin’ so fast it’s hard to keep up.” He smiled then and lifted my quivering chin. “But if we hang on tight to each other, we’ll get through this. The other side’s gonna be a thing of beauty. I know it.” He wiped a stray tear from my cheek and pulled me to his chest. We stayed that way until I involuntarily shivered. “Now, let’s get you up to bed, and we can talk more, later.”
♥
For the remainder of the day, Pete and I danced around the subject of my career like it was a cobra ready to strike. In those few words, he’d crossed more lines than I ever imagined he could. Frankly, he’d betrayed a side of himself I wasn’t aware existed. I would return to work after our child was born, and there was no way he’d stop me.
I sent him to his office the following morning for no other reason than to give me space. It was far easier to hate him from a distance. Of course, he was back at noon with food.
“I wasn’t sure what ya wanted, so I went to El’s Drive-in and got you one of everything.”
I rummaged through the bags—yes, there were two—and no lie, instead of vegetables or a wheatgrass smoothie, I discovered a double cheeseburger, two fully-loaded, chili-dripping hot dogs, three pieces of fried chicken, onion rings, hushpuppies, which, oddly, I’d been craving throughout this pregnancy, and a chocolate milkshake; a thinly veiled peace offering.
I patted the mattress. “Sit and help me eat all this.”
“I ate on the way over. I just wanted to make sure you had what ya needed.”
I met his eyes boldly. “I need to work.”
He sucked in his upper lip, and we stared at one another for a full minute. Finally, he sighed in defeat. “Want me to get your laptop?”
Over leftover fried chicken that evening, Pete and I struck an accord, stating that throughout the process of making the decisions our future demanded, we’d do so by treating one another with love and respect. And basically with me not slapping him anymore.
39
Tattoos and Six Packs
Morose, I lay on my back for the next two days, staring at the bedroom ceiling—my primary view for the remainder of my pregnancy. All sunny and bright when he was home, as soon as Pete left for work, I’d cry my eyes out for an hour or so then yell at people on the phone, which helped slightly.
The evening of day three, Pete stepped into the bedroom, looked me up and down, then pursed his lips. “You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, all chipper.
The bed dipped as he sat. “I’d be about out of my mind by now if I had to lie here on my back day after day. Yet, you seem to be takin’ it awfully well. ’Course, the puffy eyes and red nose tell a different tale.”
I exhaled mightily. “I’m afraid to call Bob. I’m afraid of this thing inside me. I’m afraid it’ll ruin us—or I will. I guess I’m just plain afraid.”
He stroked my cheek with the back of his hand and then kissed my forehead. “We’ll not be ruined, no matter what, but at some point, you’re gonna have to play the cards you’ve been dealt.”
The following evening, I didn’t bother hiding my emotions. His face dropped as soon as he walked into the bedroom. He laid the bouquet of flowers on the dresser and wrapped me in his protective arms while I fell to pieces.
“I called Bob,” I choked out.
“I figured as much.”
“As of Monday, I’m no longer North Carolina’s District Manager.” I buried my face in his chest and sobbed until I ran out of tears, finally collapsing fully on his damp shirt.
Throughout the weekend, he only left me for a quick trip to the grocery store. I’m not certain I wasn’t on some sort of suicide watch. Mona dropped by with blackberry cobbler. After setting a serving on my nightstand and pulling a chair beside the bed, Pete left us to talk.
“It’s going to be a huge adjustment,” I said, sighing.
“Well, babies always are.”
“I don’t mean the baby. I mean work.”
“Oh that,” she said, waving her hand dismissively.
“You don’t care who takes over?”
“’Course I care. I just can’t do anything about it, so I don’t see the sense in worrying, yet. Oh, I brought you a present.” She hopped up and scurried from the room, returning moments later carrying a large box.
“I know you’ve read every magazine and catalog I’ve sent over at least ten times by now, so I thought ya might like something you can really sink your teeth into.” She held up a book. The cover was graced by some weightlifter’s slick chest.
I raised my eyebrows. “A romance novel?”
“Not just any romance novel. It’s book one of Daphne Fontaine’s Firestruck series.”
“Firemen?”
“Oh yeah. And this one’s just great. See, Blake lost his sister in an accident when he was just a little boy. It was all very sad. But then he saves this woman…” She placed her hand over her heart and sighed. “Well, I won’t tell you any more, except it’s one of my very favorites.”
I made a concerted effort not to laugh. “Thanks. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.”
“I know you will, so I brought over the whole boxed set. Also, here’s her Brothers in Arms series. It’s real good, too.”
Once she’d emptied the box, my comforter was littered with half-naked men with bulging tattooed pecs and rolling six-packs. In fact, a couple of those “firefighters” were packing whole cases. I stared analytically at one of the model’s stomachs. It had to be Photoshopped.
“These ought to last ya a week or so. I’ll bring some more over next time I visit.” She leaned over the bed and gave me an awkward hug. “I’m so sorry you’re laid up like this. I know it must be awful.”
A tear slid down my temple. “Pretty much. And all I can think about day in and day out is who’s taking my place.”
♥
“Are you kidding me?” I screeched.
“Susan, the decision’s been made.”
“This will be the worst disaster in modern history! What will happen to my people?”
Pete did not look pleased as I ranted into my phone. I’m sure my blood pressure was hurtling towards the space station.
“Bob, this is…this is wrong!” I sputtered. “It’s cruel and it’s wrong.”
After a long silence, he said, “I know you’re not thrilled, but my choices were limited.”
“Not thrilled? Oh, I’m a hundred miles west of ‘not thrilled’.”
Once we disconnected, I looked at Pete’s very pissed off expression, surely mirroring my own. “I’d better call Mona.”
Breaking the news to my omniscient best friend was unnecessary. The angry kitten I’d once known was sharpening her fully adult claws, and she no longer mewed, but flat out roared. She didn’t actually speak when she answered the phone. All I heard was a feral panting sound.
“Mona?”
She took a giant breath, then another, and finally said in a harnessed tone, “Susan, I can’t form words right now. I’m gonna have to call ya back.” The line went dead. Dead like the way I knew Kirsten would leave my people. Dead like the way my heart felt.
“She’s not taking this well,” I said, meeting Pete’s eyes.
He took the phone from my hand and sat beside me. “We need to talk.” His somber tone matched his expression.
“Okay?”
“This is all very upsetting, I know. But you are walking a very fine line between health and the emergency room. You will have to back away from this.”
“But—”
“No buts, sweetheart. You can’t afford not to. Remember what the doctor said. It’s bedrest here or in the hospital.”
I raised up on my elbows to better glare at him. “Are you threatening me?”
“I’m statin’ facts. I love you and I vowed to protect you. I can’t do that if you’re gonna stay in the t
hick of this. Your job there is over for the time being, and there’s nothing that will change that. Mona’s a big girl. She can take care of herself.” He cocked his eyebrow. “Better than you give her credit for.”
I fell back on my pillow and sighed. “I don’t know how to let go.”
“I know ya don’t.” His face then lit mischievously. “I hate to do this, but what’s it gonna be, firemen or Navy SEALs?”
I burst out laughing. “Um…firemen.”
He studied the cover. “Looks like I’d better hit the gym. And maybe the tattoo parlor.” I snorted as he handed the book to me. “Seriously. I could run down to Havelock and have ‘Susie-Q’ scribbled over my heart.” He placed my hand there, his eyes soft and sincere. “It’s already written on the inside.”
I pulled him down over me and kissed his lips then the center of his unmarred chest. “You’ll regret it when I divorce you. Now go to work.”
He left the room, but then poked his head back around the doorframe. “No more calls, okay?”
I nodded.
“No more emails, either.”
I huffed.
“Ya know I love you, right?”
I smiled. “And I love you.”
About ten minutes later, my phone pinged again. I was up to seventy-three waiting emails. My finger hovered over the little envelope symbol. Just then my phone vibrated. I read the message and snorted.
And no texting. Unless it’s to me. xox
40
The Devil Came Down to Havelock
She was scheduled to arrive October thirty-first; the day dedicated to her kind. Due to my predicament, and moreover Pete’s moratorium on INTech communiques, I was saved from the vile task of onboarding her. Besides, a seared crispy-black veteran needed little guidance. Relinquishing North Carolina’s reigns was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. People depended on me, and I was serving them up to Satan.
Back Where I Belong: A Wonderfully Witty and Completely Absorbing Love Story (Susan Wade Series Book 3) Page 28
