My smile wobbled as his face blurred. “I can’t believe it.”
“Me either,” he whispered.
43
Bubble Wrap
Sitting beside me when I awoke, she was incredibly composed; full of pulsing energy, yet still.
I snorted. “You drew the short stick tonight, huh?” Our child now strong enough to out-scream the other babies, I’d convinced Pete to go home, shower and sleep. That didn’t mean I was left alone. No, when Pete wasn’t here, someone else held vigil: Mom, Mona, Anita. Tonight, it was this poor woman. She looked familiar enough, but my mind was foggy with pain meds, and I couldn’t pull her name from the ether.
She didn’t respond, but unmistakable mischief lurked in her features. “Ah, you’re one of my husband’s relatives,” I said after an unladylike yawn.
“Why yes, I suppose I am.”
“Have you seen the baby, yet?” I asked.
“That’s why I’m here.” Her smile was as serene as the sound on a calm day. Her eyes, that same verdant green, seemed so very familiar, and yet so feminine.
“She’s truly a vision,” I boasted, my pride and overwhelming love for that tiny being nearly overwhelming me.
“I expect so.”
I realized as I watched her that she wasn’t so much looking at things as through them, like the furniture was a mere apparition to her. In fact, she might just as well have been sitting on a porch swing in another time. Yes, that was it. She looked like she was from another time—her hair, the style of it, and her clothes. Perhaps it was the way she sat: straight as an oak—the kind of perfect posture so lacking in today’s society.
“I’m restless, you know?” I said, repositioning myself. “I can’t sleep, but I know I need to.”
After a solid moment of silence, she turned to me, her eyes alight with warmth and anticipation. “I want to tell you a story.”
As I had nothing better to do, I said, “I’d love that.”
♥
My eyes flipped open and met Pete’s.
“Ya look spooked this mornin’,” he said.
Glancing around me, I was in the same hospital room I’d been trapped in for days. Surprisingly, it actually lent me comfort. “I think I am. I had the strangest dream. It seemed so real.”
Pete kissed my cheek and settled on the bed. “Tell me about it.”
“It’s already fuzzy, like it’s just outside my reach. Has that ever happened to you?”
“Sure. Dozens of times.”
“It was…important, I think.”
“Was I in it?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Was I naked?”
“It was not a sex dream,” I laughed, swatting at him.
“Well, I’ve been havin’ an awful lot of those lately, and believe me, I remember every one.”
A beautiful smell wafted from the bag in his hand. “Whatever’s in there, I want it now.”
His smile widened, and his green eyes twinkled. I was struck suddenly as if lightning had pierced the many floors of this hospital.
“It was about the baby’s name.”
“Good. All they’ve got on her cradle is Walsh. I’ve been callin’ her sugarplum, but I’m afraid people are gonna start thinkin’ that’s her real name soon. I know you weren’t warm to my grandmother’s name—too old-fashioned. I get that. What about—”
“Audrey!” My dream came back in a roaring rush of memories and thoughts and colors and even smells. “It has to be Audrey.”
“Audrey? Are ya sure?”
I looked at his beautiful face and the hopeful smile lurking there. “I’ve never been surer.”
“Audrey,” he said, testing the name. Mischief filled his laughter. “Talk about old-fashioned. That was my great-grandmother’s name.”
“You have her eyes.”
“So I’ve been told.” His face then took on the strangest expression. “That must’ve been some kind of dream.”
♥
The trip home was a one-eighty from the last time Pete broke me out of a hospital. Then, we were frenemies; he’d tortured me in a wheelchair, stopping innumerable times to introduce me to anyone he knew. He was all business today, his expression as protective and serious as I’d ever seen it.
Without breaking his stride, a curt “I’ve got to get my family home” was as cordial as he got. I worried that this experience had changed him in some unalterable way, bled a portion of joy from what I’d assumed was an endless supply.
The SUV was parked in a handicapped space near the entrance—something Pete would never do, but I suppose he felt justified. I chose not to tease. I was tired and infinitely sore, and home was a dream waiting to be realized.
Every bit as careful with her as the finest porcelain doll, Pete placed Audrey in her car seat. He had tapped bubble wrap around its outsides so that it wouldn’t so much as quiver. He gave me the adult version of that same treatment. I didn’t object. I just smiled dreamily and closed my eyes.
“I’ll get ya home fast as I can, sweetheart.” He traced my face from temple to chin. “I love you so much.” While buckling the seatbelt, he kissed my forehead, inhaling my surely ripe-smelling self.
Pete’s idea of “fast” was twenty-five miles per hour with the flashers on—a warning to all that we needed space. I would have laughed had it not hurt so much. When he turned onto the long driveway, the scrub and juniper bushes were decorated with yellow ribbons. I shook my head.
“Anita,” I stated.
He chuckled. “She can’t help herself.”
Our house had never looked more welcoming. No longer the prison in which I’d festered, it was a monument to glorious freedom, security, and love.
“I’ll be right back for ya. I want to get the baby inside.”
He carried Audrey with the focus of a running back on his way to a touchdown. I insisted on walking, but my stubbornness failed me halfway up the first flight of stairs. Pete carried my limp self the rest of the journey.
Once settled in bed beside Audrey’s bassinette, I swallowed my painkillers and closed my eyes. Because Pete had turned the room into an incubator, the howling December wind outside our protective walls was simply sweet music.
He quietly entered, carrying a tray laden with a miscellany of semi-vileness. “I know how fond you’ve gotten of hospital food, so I got ya a to-go box from the cafeteria.” His eyes were filled with innocence. “See, all your favorites.” Meatloaf, instant mashed potatoes, nearly gray peas, a soggy-looking roll, and the piece de resistance: lemon Jello. Food should not jiggle; my final word on the subject. The combination of smells was nauseating. Glaring at him, I curled my lip in disgust.
He fought a smile. “Well, aren’t you the persnickety one?”
The reek trailing in its wake was soon replaced by an aroma that caused me to wantonly salivate. At my first greedy bite of my mother’s homemade chicken and dumplings, I moaned in ecstasy.
“Eat up, Susie-Q. You need your strength, and so does Audrey. You’ve got to give her all the help you can. Since I can’t do it myself, I’ll do my level best to give it to her through you, sweetheart.”
My emotions on a quivering tightrope, I wasn’t sure whether to be appreciative or hurt. His expression couldn’t have been more earnest, and I sensed his helplessness. A man, he wasn’t built to nourish a child; he was the protector, the provider. And he was all over that.
When Audrey stirred, Pete rushed to her side. He wanted to squeeze her to his chest; I could see the fierce desire in his eyes. Instead, he very gently picked her up, looked at her with a love that defied words, and then placed her in my arms.
He produced a small vial from his pocket, unscrewed the cap, and drew a small amount of liquid into the dropper. “Neonatal vitamins,” he explained. “The doctor said even though you’re giving them through your milk, since she was premature, these are vital.” Audrey scrunched her face when he dropped them on her little tongue, but all was forgo
tten as she latched onto my nipple with the lust of a vampire.
Pete lingered, watching this spectacle, and then his eyes met mine. “I’ve so missed touchin’ you.”
I drew the covers back and patted the mattress. “Lie with me.”
Pete’s eyes melted like butter. “Ya sure?”
At my nod, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed in, snuggling against my body. I needed this connection as much he, and for the first time in weeks, I felt whole. Lightly tracing my arms, he murmured, “I’m nearly afraid to touch you. Afraid I’ll hurt ya.”
“I’m not as breakable as I seem. Put your arms around me. I need to feel you.”
44
A Good Talkin’ To
My mother hadn’t stopped fussing over me since Pete brought me home. If she wasn’t cooking or forcing liquids in me, she was cleaning like a banshee. I was grateful for the help since it allowed Pete to get some work projects completed. Plus, with the whole district’s workload dropped in her lap, it eased Mona’s guilt for not being here constantly.
I slept when Audrey did and lay barely awake as she sucked me dry in the wee hours. Though twisting my torso came with mind-bending pain, the sliced abdominal muscles were quickly mending, and my strength was returning. I no longer dreaded going to the kitchen. It’s amazing the simple things you take for granted.
“I’ve been here long enough, I think,” Mom announced out of the blue. “Y’all need some time alone to start findin’ out what this parenting business is all about.”
For once, I truly did not want her to leave. I patted the chair, and she sat beside me. “Mom, I don’t think I can be a stay-at-home mother. I want to go back to work. I need to.” I braced myself for the a woman’s place is in the home lecture.
“Are you expecting me to be upset about that?”
“Yes.”
“I’d be a fool to believe you’re not struggling with which path to take. You’ve got a family now, and you’ve got to consider them, but I know you. I know how you tick and what makes you happy. Pete does, too, I believe.”
“He’s going to be furious.”
“Most likely,” she said, nodding with supreme understanding. Then she smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, her eyes filled with genuine kindness. “Perhaps the thing I admire most about you is that when you make up your mind to do something, you do it, and you do it very well. You’ve already discovered marriage is hard. Raisin’ a child is harder still. Put the two together…” She sighed.
“Mom, I don’t want the life you had. You put your world aside to stay home and live with a man who clearly did not love you.”
“He loved me. He did.” I tried to smile, but I knew better. If he had felt love for her, he’d never shown it in my presence. “But I didn’t stay home because he wanted me to. I stayed home for you.”
“And that went really well, didn’t it?” I scoffed. “Unable to finish school, incapacitated in the career world, left with nothing but a screaming baby.”
“Your screams were what kept me going.”
“What?”
“I didn’t leave your daddy when I could have. I stayed to give you everything in life you deserved, including a father.”
“Did that make you happy? Were you happy, Mom?” I tried not to sneer, but dammit, she could have been so much more.
“I was happy to be your mother. I still am. And watchin’ you make your way in the business world, seein’ all you’ve accomplished…it fills me with pride.” She took my hands in hers. “Choose the path that makes you happy. Do it for me.”
♥
Her bags were packed and waiting by the door. Mom had already wept all over Audrey. I settled her back in her crib and descended the stairs once more—a feat that was becoming easier by the day. At the bottom, I stopped short, taken aback by my mother’s tone. I peered around the jamb.
“Sit down, Peter.” He obliged, taking a seat across from her. “I love you like one of my own.”
Pete’s easy smile widened. “I feel similarly.”
“What you need to understand, though, is that my love for you is conditional. The condition bein’ that you take care of and treat my Susie right. If you don’t, my opinion of you will change drastically.”
I watched the color literally drain from Pete’s face, and I noted he was working very hard to keep the shock from showing. I’d never seen this side of my mother. There was iron there that had never been mined.
“Polly, I love Susan with all my heart. She means everything to me. And I need you to know that my love for her is unconditional.”
“Be that as it may, a child can change a man’s feelings. A baby needs protectin’ and lovin’, but so does its mother. She needs to know she is protected and loved just as much—more even.” My heart clenched. I knew exactly where this was coming from, and I feared where it was going.
Pete nodded solemnly. “I will always take care of Susan, and I will never stop workin’ to earn her love.”
“You also need to come to terms with the fact that the baby belongs to Susie, should anything happen between the two of you. Do you understand what I’m saying?” I muffled my gasp. What the fuck?
“No,” Pete said, his face coloring. “A child is a gift only God can give—a great and precious treasure—and He gave that gift to both of us. Audrey was made by us and she’ll be raised by us, together or not.” There was a slight tremor in Pete’s hand. He inhaled deeply and let his breath out slowly. “Polly, I love your daughter. I’ll love her forever—no matter what. And as long as she’ll have me, I’ll do everything in my power to make her happy.”
“And what if she decides to go back to work?”
Pete sighed. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“She’s worked terribly hard to build a life for herself. I know you and the baby are a big part of that now, but you’ll not keep her from her career. If it comes down to it, I’ll not let you.”
Pete didn’t respond for a moment. I couldn’t begin to imagine his thoughts. Meanwhile, my eyebrows had permanently taken up residence at my hairline. Who the hell was this fierce woman seated in my living room? The newfound respect I had for my mother was expanding by the second.
“Polly, I know what her job means to her. We’ll find a way to work through it.”
Her back, ramrod straight, relaxed a bit. “I’m glad to hear you feel that way. But know that I am watching.”
Without malice or anger, he nodded, looking steadily into her face as if to emphasize he’d gotten the message. “Forgive me if I offend you, but I’m fairly glad I never met Mr. Wade. I don’t think we would’ve got on too well.”
She smiled appreciatively. “I don’t think so either.”
Pete caught my movement, and a small smile painted his lips. In that single moment, his eyes promised things—vowed them. I stepped into the room, trying to act casual.
“Susie!” Mom popped from her chair, all smiles. “It’s time for me to be on my way.”
I met her at the stairs. “Thanks for coming. You were an immense help.”
“Now, I’ll want to see my grandbaby as soon as you’re well.” She hugged me one long last time and whispered in my ear, “It’s gonna be alright. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you.”
“I love you, Mom.”
She pulled back with a humored smirk. “Well, of course, you do.” When she reached the door, she winked and slipped out. Through the window, I watched her cross the driveway. After Pete finished loading her bags, she gave him a small hug. With blurry vision, I watched her taillights disappear into the scrub.
♥
Asleep and sated, Audrey had finished feeding long before my body was ready. “I’m going to flippin’ pop. Could you bring me the pump?” I hated it already, though it brought me relief. Pete placed Audrey in her bassinette and returned to the rocker empty-handed. He touched my face and then dropped to his knees.
One button at a time, he slowly freed m
e from my shirt. Seemingly mesmerized, his warm hands explored my engorged breasts, caressing them gently. When he rubbed a thumb over my right nipple, milk dribbled out. He bent his head and licked at it, a private smile forming. Then, wrapping an arm around me, he latched onto my nipple and began gently sucking. I wasn’t sure if I was repulsed, embarrassed, or fucking turned on. My milk flowing freely, I sighed, enjoying the most exquisite relief.
I watched in sheer fascination as he moved to the other breast. A moan bubbled from my lips. Though my nipples themselves were nearly numb from Audrey’s ravenous gnawing, the act was intimate and sensual, and yep, it was turning me on. It was doing things to Pete as well because his fingers drifted down my stomach and began flirting with the waistband of my sweatpants.
Since I hadn’t delivered vaginally, I was whole and working just fine. He drew my body to the edge of the chair, slid a finger inside me, and began moving it slowly. I groaned in ecstasy; it had been so long. He firmly pressed his thumb against my clit, and almost instantly, I seized up in an epic orgasm, my insides milking his finger as he had my breasts. A full lifetime later, the echoes of my orgasm bled into a peace of immense scale.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“My pleasure, I assure you.” His voice was husky, and his eyes half-lidded. “Sweetheart,” he said, looking up at me, “I want you somethin’ terrible. When you’re ready…”
I wanted him as well; more so now. But moving my hips more than a fraction was still painful. “Maybe if we took it really slowly.”
Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply and shook his head no. He was following the doctor’s orders to the damn letter. Then he cocked his head to one side, eyes twinkling. “Would ya like me to do that again?”
“God, yes.”
Back Where I Belong: A Wonderfully Witty and Completely Absorbing Love Story (Susan Wade Series Book 3) Page 31
