by Anya Summers
The day flew by with call after call. Before Brady knew it, he was finally leaving, his shift having ended hours before. He and Gavin had worked together all day long, with Gavin giving him the cold shoulder and answering in single syllables.
By the time he stowed his gear, Gavin had already left for the day.
Brady sighed, climbing into his truck. They would talk. Perhaps he just needed to give Gavin a bit of space for a while.
Chapter 8
Hannah hummed in the kitchen while she stood at the stove. She was making white turkey chili with some of the extra turkey meat from their Christmas meal. Brady had forgotten to take some of the leftovers with him today, and into the pot they’d gone. Granted, he’d had to run out the door quickly after giving her three back-buckling orgasms, and a promise to return to her bed that evening and love her some more. She didn’t know if he could love her more than he did. Between this morning’s hanky panky and all the climaxes she’d experienced last night, it was a wonder she could function today.
And for the woman who had grown up with no one really caring whether she lived or died, Brady’s love was a gift she would never take for granted. Hannah knew what it was like to go without. Perhaps that was what she recognized in Gavin: the same yearning need to be loved and accepted.
But that didn’t mean she could love him too. At least, she didn’t think she could.
She couldn’t help but get a kick out of the tiny diamond winking up at her from her left hand. She and Brady were engaged. She could see it, their life together. She wanted babies with him—boys with his smile and girls with her eyes and then one day, if they were lucky, they would have grandchildren to boot. She wanted the whole enchilada.
Brady’s love, his desire to build a life with her, continued to heal the emotional wounds Hannah carried around with her. It was like every day they were together mended another little piece of her heart.
But why wasn’t she happier? Why was she struggling emotionally today? Physically, there was nothing wrong. Her body was still in blissed-out mode.
At the heart of it, she hated the way it had ended between them: her and Gavin and Brady. There was something there, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, that she was missing. She was thrilled at the thought of becoming Brady’s wife. But there was a part of her soul that whispered: what about Gavin?
She’d loved being with Gavin last night and having him top her with Brady. Maybe she had liked it a little too much. Brady had likely sensed her overabundant enjoyment of the threesome. The man could get rather territorial sometimes, but she didn’t mind it. It was one of the things she loved about him: that he took care of her, and always had her back.
But the solemn look on Gavin’s face this morning had twisted her heart painfully. Hannah wanted to soothe him, to hug him, and give him back some of the joy he’d brought her last night. Because when she stopped for a moment and listened to the inner workings of her heart, she had to admit she had feelings for him.
Feelings she had no business having. She was marrying Brady.
What was it about Gavin that drew her in, besides the kinship of lost souls she felt in him? She knew what it was about Brady—that was easy. He made her laugh, they had similar tastes in movies and music. She didn’t mind the hours he kept, most days. He was the most honorable man she knew, brave and strong, and while he might get a bit dominant in the bedroom, he treated her like a true partner. He calmed her fears, let her lean, and treated her like a queen.
But what was it about Gavin? Other than that the man was sexy as hell, like a dark avenging angel. Hannah was drawn to his quixotic nature. Gavin exuded a steady, calm energy she wanted to absorb, whereas Brady was always in motion, laden with testosterone. When it came to Gavin, he was still a Dom—there was no doubt in her mind there—but he was one of those quiet ones. He reminded her of bedrock. He was reliable and firm. And he knew just how to kiss her.
The kiss this morning, the one he’d left her with, had made her want to sink into him and stay a while. She had feelings for Gavin. As much as she didn’t want to, as much as she knew it was wrong of her, she did.
Dammit.
She needed more time; time to figure out how deep her feelings for Gavin went and if there was more to it with him. Hannah had no clue how to accomplish that, though. And it wasn’t that she wanted to leave Brady or trade one Dom for the other, because she did not want that at all. She wouldn’t have said yes to Brady’s proposal if she did not love him as deeply as she did, and did not believe one hundred percent that they were meant for each other.
But then why did she feel like Gavin needed to be a part of it, a part of their relationship, included in it, even? Or was that just her way of wanting not just the cake, but the entire seven-course meal?
She turned off the burner and checked the time. Brady was late again. Maybe when he returned home, they should discuss last night over dinner. Because even though she hated to admit it, last night had changed the dynamics of her relationships both with Brady and with Gavin. They had cracked opened Pandora’s Box. And the problem was, now that she had tasted the forbidden fruit, she wanted more.
Could she and Brady include Gavin more often and have their relationship survive? Or would it dissolve into a jealous feud that left her alone and broken-hearted, and tore their friendship apart too?
Chapter 9
By the time Brady waltzed in through the garage door, Hannah had dinner ready on the table, an open bottle of beer for him, and a glass of pinot grigio for herself. She had bowls of the soup ready to go and had made warm sandwiches with some of the leftover turkey as well. She had a salad out on the table to make sure they got their greens in today.
Plus, they still had some apple pie for dessert.
A grin split Brady’s face when he spied her and approached. She opened her arms, sighing with relief that he’d made it back in one piece. There was always that inkling of fear every time he stepped out the door that he might not come home. His job was dangerous. Hannah never forgot that for a second, which was why she tried to make sure that when he left for work in the mornings, they were never mad at each other.
Brady stepped into her arms, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, long and deep.
“Missed you today,” he murmured. “Sorry I’m late.”
“I’m used to it by now, and don’t mind. I’m just happy you’re home,” she said, nuzzling his neck, feeling safe and secure. “Are you hungry? I made some turkey chili and sandwiches.”
“Starved. Haven’t had a chance to eat today, with all the calls.” He kissed her temple, then released her.
“Then eat. We have plenty more where that came from,” she said, pointing him toward his chair.
“Have you started looking up dates so I can put in for the vacation?”
“Not yet. I was exhausted after you left this morning and went back to bed for a bit,” she said sheepishly.
“Considering you’re on winter break, I don’t blame you. I know it’s tough over the holidays with the hours I work. You have no idea how much I appreciate your understanding,” he replied before taking a bite of the chili and moaning. “God, this is good. Have I told you today, how lucky I am to have you?”
“Yes, but I always like to hear it. You know, I recorded the game for you. Maybe after we’ve eaten, we could watch it.”
He stared at her with an unreadable expression, then shook his head. “I don’t deserve you.” He took her hand in his and kissed the back of her hand.
“I figured you wouldn’t get a chance to watch it at the station. If you want, you can call Gavin, have him come over, and the two of you could watch the game together,” she offered.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Look, babe, there’s a lot you don’t know about Gavin and me,” he said before shoveling another bite of chili into his mouth. He glanced away, avoiding her gaze. Inklings of doubt rose within her and slid fingers of fear about her neck.
“Then explain it to me.
No secrets, remember? That was our deal from the start. But I get the feeling that I don’t know the full story,” she pushed, trying not to feel bad about the fatigue she noticed in his features.
Brady took a long sip of beer. His gaze cut back to her face and he grimaced. “You’re right. There’s something you should know. I should have told you before now but didn’t really know how to bring it up. Last night wasn’t the first time Gavin and I have shared a woman.”
That was so not what she had been expecting that her breath expelled in a rush. A deep-seated part of her had worried he would ask for the ring back and say she wasn’t what he wanted as a wife after all. “It wasn’t?” she asked in a voice brimming with panic she tried to hide.
Releasing her hand, he shook his head and leaned back, his gaze unreadable. “No. Until you came along, we shared every woman we dated. In fact, we dated them together. It started when we were in high school and continued ever since. But you don’t have to worry, it was just last night. If I stepped out of line and have made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intent. I wanted to give you the fantasy. Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad. Although I’m not sure why you would keep this from me. Or why you decided that I’m not worthy of the both of you.” They had dated women together until her. She loathed that her old fears—damn things were reliable—crawled their way back to the surface. What was it about her that made her unworthy?
Brady rose from his seat, moved around the table, and knelt beside her. He turned her in the chair until she faced him, and said, “Stop. It’s nothing like that. From the moment I met you, Hannah, I knew you were it for me. That I wanted to spend my life with you, have kids with you, the whole nine yards. And because of that want, I also didn’t want to share you. I love Gavin; he’s my brother from another mother. But I wanted you for myself, and only for myself.”
“Then why last night? Why dangle that carrot in front of Gavin and me? It’s almost cruel.”
“I was just trying to… shit, make amends with Gavin before I proposed. Why? Am I not enough for you now? Do you want Gavin instead?” he asked, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed.
Needing to reassure him, she put her hands on either side of his face, the stubble of his five o’clock shadow bristled against her palms. With her heart in her throat, she said, “No, you are, I swear it. I love you so much, Brady, at times it overwhelms me. But I can’t deny that I care about Gavin. He just looked so hurt this morning. And I don’t want to come between you. If it means that much to you, he can join us again, I wouldn’t mind. Especially if it’s something the two of you need. Brady, I’m all in, no matter the form that takes.”
Brady shook his head and jerked back, rising to stand. “I said it was for one night. That’s it. I won’t share you again.”
“Okay. But please don’t let it ruin your friendship. Not over me and this.” She rose and slid her arms around him, searching his face. “Brady, I love you with everything I am.”
His stiff form slackened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. Gavin and I have some things to work out. I might ask him out for a beer tomorrow at Cuffs & Spurs so he and I can talk things over.”
“It’s all right.” But deep down, Hannah knew it wasn’t all right. Not with Brady, or Gavin—or her, for that matter, because she wanted Gavin too. She wanted them both, for keeps.
And she had no idea if she was going to be able to get it.
Chapter 10
“Gavin, hold up.” Brady followed him into the locker room the next day. Gavin had seen Brady pull into the parking area, waving him down, only to turn on his heel and walk away.
Gavin was stowing his things in his locker by the time Brady reached him. Dread settled in his stomach. He swallowed it down. Gavin cast him a blasé stare, giving Brady no idea of where he stood. Gavin grunted. “What can I do for you?”
Gavin was going to make him work for it. Not that Brady blamed him one iota. This entire mess was all of his own making and he had a ton to answer for. Then he noticed the form in Gavin’s hand; at the top, it read Request for Transfer.
Brady rocked back on his heels and felt like he’d taken a blow to his midsection. “You’re applying to transfer out of the station?”
“Yep. I think it’s for the best, don’t you?” Gavin replied, shoving his backpack in his locker. He slammed the door shut with a loud thud that reverberated in the enclosed space.
Fury and fear had Brady snarling, “No. Screw that. This is where you belong. As part of our station crew. Do you really want to go work with a team you don’t know?”
“What I want seems to be irrelevant. I need time away to get my head on straight.” What Gavin didn’t say was that it was time away from Brady that he needed. It was there, written all over his face. Gavin shook his head in disappointment and turned to leave.
Before he made it out the door, Brady pleaded, “Look we can work something out. Don’t leave like this, man.”
Gavin rounded on him with a scowl creasing his brow. “I’m not going to settle for scraps. You’re the one who decided to change things two years ago without considering me or my feelings on the matter. Work it out, to suit you? No thanks. I happen to love her too, you know.”
“We can—”
Gavin snorted with derision. “The way I see it, there is no we. There hasn’t been for two damn years. And I need to move on, for my own sanity, and I need you to let me. If you ever were truly my friend in the first place, do me a favor and just let me go,” he said and strode away, leaving Brady staring after him.
The deepening pit of dread in Brady’s stomach bottomed out. He had made a mess of things. He could see with perfect clarity where he’d gone wrong—from the moment he had met Hannah in her second-grade classroom, to their first date, and the first time he’d taken her to the club.
And he had no clue how to fix things.
Gavin hesitated on turning in the application. Folding it up, he shoved it in his back pocket as he got sidetracked cleaning gear. This time of year, with Christmas lights, firepits, and more to contend with, they tended to get more calls. He rose from his squat as the exterior side-door opened and in walked Hannah, carting two bags. She looked even better than she had the other night, which was saying something. Her auburn hair was down, her head covered by a knit gray cap in deference to the cold. She was bundled up in a puffy silver coat and wore skinny jeans that looked slicked on her gorgeous legs, and black boots that stopped just below her knees and made her legs appear even longer.
“Hannah, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Her gaze roamed over his body. It might just have been a trick of the light or wishful thinking on his part, but she looked at him with desire in her eyes and something more that was there one second and gone the next. His gut clenched. She’d never know how much she meant to him. His heart ached because deep down, he knew he couldn’t tell her. Brady might have been a dick and pulled the rug out from under him, but Gavin wouldn’t take a bad situation and make it worse. Why he cared, he had no clue at the moment. Especially not when her sweet vanilla fragrance made need claw in his belly.
“Brady forgot his lunch again today and I wanted to bring it by,” she said, her gaze never wavering from his, like she was committing him to memory.
But he wasn’t the one she wanted; she wanted Brady. His heart sank as the tiny, minute sputter of hope died before it could breathe a single breath. “Oh. I think he’s in the breakroom.”
She held up the second bag in her hands. “I brought you some lunch too. You both work so hard, I…”
Touched, in spite of his aching heart, his hand closed around hers with his meal in it, and he felt her hand jolt and eyes widen. But not with shock—with heat and desire…for him. It was an unexpected gift, one he’d not expected this Christmas, to feel her desire and her care. Gavin fought back the urge to pull her into his arms and never let go. It took him a moment, because just touching her again, even doing something
as innocent as holding her hand, was more than he’d thought he would ever have again. It took every ounce of strength inside him to do so, but he finally let go. And instead of doing what he wanted, he removed the bag from her hands. “That was very thoughtful of you, Hannah. Thank you.”
“Gavin, I… I’m sorry if things got out of hand the other night. I hope you’ll forgive me for the part I played. The last thing I want is you to be hurt. I know your friendship means the world to Brady. Please don’t shut him out, or me. I know it’s not how it used to be with you two.”
His brows went up. “Brady told you? Everything?”
She nodded. “Yeah, he did. Give him time to make amends.” And then she shocked him further by going up on her tiptoes and brushing her lips over his cheek. “You’re a good man, Gavin, a good friend.”
With a slight blush coloring her cheeks, she left him standing there, dazed and more than a little uncertain about the direction he should take. Was that what he needed to do? Be patient? He thought he had been, but perhaps he should hear Brady out. Maybe once they’d laid all their cards on the table, Gavin could decide whether to stay or transfer out.
He looked in the bag and couldn’t help his smile. She’d even brought him pie.
The call came in not an hour before his shift was scheduled to end. It was the story of Gavin’s life. It was a two-alarm blaze in a warehouse a few blocks away from Main Street. Suited up in his BDUs, Gavin rode in the back of the truck with the captain shouting out orders.
After the team vented the roof, he and Brady would be the first two inside with the hose, with Brady on point. The warehouse had been a fixture in this town since the nineteen-fifties. By the time they reached the perimeter, the fire station from the north edge of town was already engaged. Flames burst and danced in the frigid temperatures, illuminating the blackened sky with an orange glow. Thick, dark smoke billowed from the roof.
