The new lambs need another feed. Everything else is done. Bxx
I’ll do it now. I’m not going to mention Shelby’s impending visit.
Call if you need me for ANYTHING! Bxx
Thanks. You’ve done so much already. Mxx
Love you. Bxx
I look in the mirror and am disappointed by what I see. It shouldn’t matter what I look like to meet Shelby to talk about Lucas, but I find that it does. New territory for me. Too late to do much about it now. But I do have a quick rub round with a flannel and change my clothes, so that I don’t smell like a burnt offering.
On tired legs I walk down to the gate and, only a moment later, Shelby’s car sweeps up the lane. I let him in. He looks rattled when he gets out of the driver’s seat, but no less immaculately groomed than usual. My heart lurches when I see him and I don’t like that at all. I wipe my palms on my jeans, which probably makes them grubbier than they were before, and shake his hand.
‘That’s very formal,’ he says. ‘It must be bad.’
‘I’m just filthy,’ I admit. ‘All unnecessary contact should be avoided.’
‘Want to tell me why Lucas has locked himself into his cottage and is refusing to speak to me?’
I’ve no idea how to break this easily to him so, instead, I just say, ‘You’d better come this way.’
I lead him towards the barn, aware that he’s splashing through puddles in his designer shoes. We reach the ruin of hay bales, the charred wood, the tangle of farm equipment Alan managed to move away from the impending flames.
He stares at it stricken. Then he runs a hand through his beautiful hair and mutters, ‘Fuck.’
‘Precisely.’
‘This was Lucas?’
‘I don’t know yet. A fire officer is coming out to inspect the damage. Probably tomorrow. They’ll try to determine the cause of the fire. I’ll have a better handle on it then.’
‘But you think it might have been?’
‘We had an argument during the day. He was very angry with me. I had to question his behaviour. He insists that it wasn’t him.’
‘But he has form.’
‘The funny thing is he told me that he doesn’t. He was quite adamant that it wasn’t him who set the fires at his school.’
‘They were convinced it was and, by all accounts, he admitted it. That’s why he was excluded without the police being called in.’
‘Did you know he was being bullied?’
He looks shocked for a moment, but answers, ‘No. He never talks to me about anything. What did he say?’
‘Not much. Just that it was some other lads who’d done what he was accused of. It sounded like it was easier for him to admit to it rather than tell who the real culprits were.’
‘I don’t like the sound of this. Talk to him, Molly. You’re the only one he seems to relate to. You can get to the bottom of this.’
‘I might have blown it,’ I confess. ‘I didn’t handle this situation very well.’
‘What was your argument about?’
I wonder if I should tell him the truth and then decide that honesty, usually, is the best policy. ‘You.’
‘Me?’
‘He was unhappy that we’d spent time together, that we’d had dinner – such as it was.’
‘But initially, I was here talking about him.’
‘Believe me, I did try to explain that.’ But perhaps I didn’t try hard enough.
‘What am I going to do about him?’ Shelby sounds weary.
‘We’ll think of something. I’ve never given up on a student yet and I don’t intend to now.’ I link my arm through his. ‘Walk with me round the farm?’
He nods his agreement and I can see that he’s trying to choke down his emotion. Maybe what he actually needs to do is let it all out. Maybe that’s what we both need to do.
Chapter Sixty-Four
It’s a beautiful evening, warm without a breath of wind. A red kite, wings spread wide to catch the heavy air, soars sedately overhead. The sun is sinking and, once again, I think how blessed that I’ve been to live in such a wonderful slice of countryside. How sad I am that soon I will have to leave and, instead of my sheep, horses and alpacas, trains will thunder through at such hair-raising speeds that the passengers won’t even be able to admire what little there’s left of it. This part of England will be destroyed for ever in the name of progress. Today’s fire only served to reinforce how attached I am to this land and I feel that my heart is broken into a thousand pieces.
‘You’re quiet,’ Shelby says.
‘I think I’m still in shock after today,’ I admit.
‘But it’s more than that. I can tell.’
‘The whole thing about losing the farm is very unsettling.’ We walk for a minute or two longer before I say. ‘I’ve been onto the council about finding some replacement land, but I’m having no luck so far. Time is running out and I’ve yet to come up with a solution. If I don’t, I’ve no idea what will happen to my students, my animals. I can’t bear to let them down.’
‘Are there no other avenues you could explore?’
‘If there are, then I’ve not found them.’ I push down the ball of emotion in my raw throat. ‘I’m actually thinking of throwing in the towel. I’m not sure how much I can struggle on with all of this.’ I feel on the verge of tears but won’t let myself cry in front of Shelby again.
He slings an arm round my shoulder and pulls me into his chest. I stand there letting him hold me tight. It feels good to be in the comfort of his embrace and, for a brief moment, I can forget my woes and enjoy the strength and the scent of him.
When we break away, I say, ‘I have some new lambs that I want to tend to. Are you happy to head down there?’
He looks strangely sad that the moment has gone yet nevertheless says, ‘Yes. Though I actually spend most of my working day trying to avoid animals.’
‘I’m sorry, but that still makes me laugh.’ And it doesn’t fail me this time. A bright spot in what has been a very difficult day.
‘I’m glad to be the source of your amusement, Ms Baker,’ he chides.
We walk back down to the yard and the stable where the new lambs are being nurtured. ‘I’m just going to give them a last feed. Bev finished most of my chores for today.’
‘This really is a full-on undertaking, isn’t it?’
‘It’s my life,’ I tell him honestly. ‘I know nothing else.’
‘Don’t you ever get the hankering to put on a fancy gown and attend a swanky party?’
‘No. It would be my idea of hell.’
‘It’s my idea of hell too – especially the gown part,’ he jokes. ‘But these days, I seem to find myself at an awful lot of swanky parties that I don’t want to be at. Maybe I’m just getting old.’
‘Maybe you’ve just had enough of small talk.’ Shelby gives me a surprised look that says I may have inadvertently hit the spot.
As soon as we arrive at the stable door, the lambs start bleating in the hope that their dinner waiters have arrived.
‘Hello, lovelies. Are you hungry?’ They bleat back that they are very nearly on the point of starvation, as always. ‘Well, I won’t be a moment.’
Treasure that she is, Bev has left three bottles already made up in the stable. ‘Want to help?’ I offer a bottle to Shelby.
‘I’ll give it a go,’ he says. ‘It will mean getting up close and personal with the babies.’
‘It might help to build up some resistance if I gradually introduce myself to them.’ Though he looks the very picture of reluctance.
‘It’s not compulsory. You could go back to the van and put the kettle on.’ Then I realise it was very presumptuous of me. ‘Only if you have nowhere else to be.’
‘No. I have no other plans.’ He takes the bottle from me, determination on his face. ‘I can do this.’
‘There are some overalls on the hook. These chaps can be messy. You might want to cover your fancy clothes.’
&nb
sp; He looks at the state of the overalls and then at the straw in the stables. ‘I think the overalls are probably the lesser of two evils.’
‘Good choice,’ I tease. ‘We do clean the straw regularly, but it hasn’t been done today. I’m sorry about that.’ Shelby shakes his head, yet he climbs into the overalls. They’re dark blue, baggy and have paint stains all over them. At least I think it’s paint.
He holds out his hands. ‘I’m never going to make the front of a glossy in these.’
‘You still look good to me.’ And then I blush furiously as I realise what just came out of my mouth. We both ignore it and Shelby follows me into the stable. ‘We’re outnumbered, so I’ll take two. You can deal with this little one. Hold the bottle like so.’ I show him how.
We sit on the straw together in the corner of the stable and, instantly, the lambs pounce on us. They tug at the bottles with all their worth, little tails frantically wagging with joy. We try to avoid giving them names at this point as some of them are so tiny that they just don’t make it. We try not to give them names, but sometimes we do.
‘That’s Titch you’ve got,’ I tell Shelby above the bleating. ‘He was in quite a bad state when we got him, very underweight and pathetic. But he’s thriving now with a bit of extra TLC. I come and cuddle him whenever I can. The others are doing quite well, but Titch isn’t very good with the feeder that we have here yet, so I usually check on him in the middle of the night in case he needs a bottle.’
‘That’s very dedicated of you.’
I shrug. ‘What else could I do?’
Titch butts at Shelby’s arm, telling him to hold the bottle higher. ‘He doesn’t seem to be suffering now. He’s a feisty little thing.’
‘A fighter,’ I agree.
‘Just like you.’
‘I take that as a compliment.’
He fixes me with a disconcerting look when he says, ‘It was meant as one.’
I look away from him and concentrate on the lamb that’s vying for my attention. ‘Your bottle’s nearly empty. He’s a greedy boy.’
‘I’m finding this a strangely therapeutic experience.’ Shelby has settled against the wall and Titch is feeding contentedly. ‘I just hope that I don’t start sneezing any time soon.’
‘I’m nearly done now and we can get out of here.’ While I’m finishing up feeding the other lambs, Shelby stays sitting in the hay and I notice that Titch snuggles up to him, sleepy with milk, and that Shelby strokes his head. I can’t help but smile to myself. There’s nothing like a cute lamb to turn you into an animal lover.
When the bottles are drained and the lambs are all fed, I stand up. ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea now. If you’ve got time.’
‘That would be great.’ Shelby moves Titch from his side and stands up. ‘I’d better get out of these overalls.’
He starts to unbutton the front, but one of the buttons is tight and I can see that he’s struggling with it. ‘Here, let me help.’ So I move into him and tweak the button until it undoes. ‘There.’
As I go to step away again, Shelby stills my hand to his chest. I can feel his heart beating beneath the cloth. His voice is husky when he says, ‘I think the next one might be stuck too.’
So I move my fingers down and unbutton the next one. Then the next. He reaches out and undoes the top button of my shirt. And when he moves lower, I don’t stop him.
Chapter Sixty-Five
Shelby kisses me and my head spins. His lips are soft but insistent and I can’t think when I’ve ever been kissed like this before. I want him like I’ve never wanted any other man. Without speaking, I lead him to the next stall where the newly laid straw is clean, dry and still has the fresh scent of the fields. We undress each other, then lie down on our discarded clothes and make love.
When we’re sated and lying in each other’s arms, he reaches out and tenderly strokes my face. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever made love in a stable before. Not even in Flinton’s Farm. It’s a storyline we’re definitely missing out on.’
But is that what we really did, I wonder? Did we make love or merely satisfy an overwhelming but momentary desire?
Shelby lets out a sigh and plays with my hair. ‘I feel so contented when I’m here with you, Molly. My troubles seem to melt away. Why is that?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I want to ask you if you feel the same. I can’t read you at all.’
In all honesty, I’m scared of how I feel about Shelby. I don’t want to need him as it’s only going to end badly for me. He could have the pick of any woman so why would he choose to be with me? And yet he’s here and, more than I’ve ever wanted anything, I do want him. I couldn’t bear for him to leave right away. I’d be crushed. If I could stay here in his arms for the rest of the night, I’d be more than happy. How can I tell him that, though? It’s too soon and what about Scarlett Vincent? Is this being unfaithful to her or do they have a more fluid and altogether modern arrangement? Maybe that’s the way with celebrities? Perhaps that’s something I should have asked before I instigated this.
‘I want to spend the night,’ he says. ‘Not necessarily in a pile of straw,’ he adds which makes us both laugh. ‘But I want to be with you.’
‘I’d like that.’ You have no idea of the rush of happiness that just hit me. Then, barely a moment later, reality kicks in. Damn my practical brain. ‘But what about Lucas?’
He was unhappy enough about me having dinner with his father. How he would hate me for this.
‘I need to talk to him, don’t I?’ Shelby sighs. ‘Sooner rather than later.’
‘Yes.’ There’s no denying it.
‘Then I’ll go home and face him.’ He toys with my hair again. ‘But not yet.’
He kisses me and, once more, we make love and it takes my breath away that our bodies are so in tune when we hardly know each other. His skin is smooth, firm, deliciously warm against mine. I’m not an advocate of the one-night stand, never have been. I don’t see the point of being intimate with someone you don’t know and might never see again. What is the point of sharing the most secret part of yourself with them? Yet here I am. And I’m relishing every moment.
Afterwards, we lie together quietly, dozing in each other’s arms. The only sound the bleating of the lambs in the neighbouring stall.
‘I should go,’ Shelby says, eventually. ‘It’s going to take me ages to pick the straw out of my clothes. I don’t want Lucas to know that we’ve been tumbling in the hay. Not yet, anyway.’
He’ll be furious, I know, and I feel terribly guilty that I’ve betrayed his trust. ‘It’s probably best if we keep it to ourselves.’
‘There’s one thing I know for sure, Molly. You’re not the type of woman who’ll be running to the tabloids tomorrow morning with the story.’
‘It never crossed my mind,’ I agree.
‘I’ve only known you for a short while, but I feel that I can trust you. Believe me, that’s a very rare thing in my business.’
How sad, I think, to live in a world like that. When you don’t know who your friends are and who wants to be with you just because you’re someone who’s on the telly.
‘I smell worse than I do when I’ve come off the set,’ Shelby says, sniffing at his shoulder. ‘I do all that I can to avoid contact with the animals at work. Now I’m carrying the aroma of milk, lambs and a hint of sheep poo.’
That makes me giggle. ‘We could have a shower?’
‘That sounds like a very good plan.’
‘Don’t get overexcited and think power shower,’ I warn him. ‘I’m talking bucket shower. An outdoor one at that.’
He looks appalled. ‘You are kidding me.’
‘No. And we’ll have to share a bucket.’ Which isn’t strictly true. I could quite easily heat up two buckets of water, but the thought of being close to Shelby in the shower is suddenly very appealing.
‘Another new experience,’ he says and we kiss again.
Chapter Sixty-Six
‘Much as I don’t want to leave, I really should be going,’ he murmurs in my ear.
I lean into his shoulder, to hide the disappointment on my face and soak up, once more, the feel of his arms around me.
Afterwards, he wraps me in a towel and, hand-in-hand, we walk back to the caravan. I can only assume that Shelby is lost in his thoughts, as I am.
He gets dressed in the cramped space of my van and I want to tear my eyes away from him but can’t. I drink in his handsome face, his toned body, the way he moves, how his face is softened in the fading light. This might be the only time I get to do this and I want to make the most of it. I’m storing up memories to keep in my heart. When I’m old and alone, I want to remember the time when I had this beautiful man all to myself – even if it was for a fleeting moment.
When he’s buttoned up his shirt and smoothed his hair, he kisses my cheek – more businesslike now.
‘Thank you. This has been … it’s been … well … ’ He waits patiently while I struggle for the words to encompass my emotions. ‘It’s been very enjoyable.’
He laughs at that, gently teasing. ‘Sweet Molly. I found it very enjoyable too.’
I wish that he was staying and not leaving like this.
‘I’ll call you,’ he says. ‘Let you know how I get on with Lucas.’
‘Yes, do that.’
‘Are you going to lock the gate behind me?’
‘Gate? Oh, Yes.’
So I follow him to his car, hoping that we might have one last, lingering kiss. But we don’t. He climbs into the driver’s seat, gives me a little wave and then swings towards the lane. I let him out and watch as he drives away.
Happiness for Beginners Page 23
