by Lucy Adams
Moving through the crowd, growing more and more desperate as his fruitless search continued, Matthew felt his heart explode with hope. If Miss Williams was not dead, as the rumors stated and as he himself had believed, then he did not have the same regrets, the same sorrows, the same frustrations as before. He might now have the opportunity to rectify them, to tell her exactly what he felt and just what he wanted from her. He might be able to express his sorrow over his lack of attention towards her since her father’s death, although explaining it would make him look all the more a fool, of course. But it did not matter to Matthew whether or not she thought him a fool, an idiot, or anything worse. All he wanted was that opportunity to tell her the truth of his feelings and to make amends for what he had not done.
And then, he saw her.
His breath caught, one hand pressed hard against his heart as the blood roared in his ears. She was standing there beside her sister, Lady Northgate, and talking animatedly to a gentleman Matthew did not recognize. She was as beautiful as he remembered her, with her long, fair hair curled up and pinned in a most intricate style, with a few shorter curls brushing her temples. Her green eyes glittered like emeralds; her red lips pulled into a delighted smile. Her cheeks were dusted with pink, and she looked to be filled with a renewed vivacity for life.
He could not move. Every single emotion he had ever felt towards Miss Williams flooded him at once, sweeping through him and throwing him off balance so much that he had to take a step back. Someone stepped into his line of vision, and then another and then another, until he struggled to see her clearly.
Taking a few steps closer, his heart in his throat, he watched as the gentleman bowed over Miss Williams’ hand. Her cheeks colored a little more, and she gave the gentleman a demure smile, so similar in kind to the ones she had given him so many times.
Matthew felt as though he had been punched in the stomach, hard. Struggling to take in air, he saw the gentleman take his leave and how Miss Williams’ eyes followed him. She looked away then, her eyes darting around the room and landing on him only once.
There was no flash of recognition, no lingering on his face with a sudden, unexpected delight creeping into her expression. She merely looked away as though he were nothing more than a stranger to her.
It was clear to him then. Clearer than he had ever seen it or felt it before. There was no future for himself and Miss Williams. She had quite forgotten him, it seemed.
Turning away, Matthew felt a great heaviness settle over his heart. There was nothing he could do now other than accept his fate. He had made too many mistakes for Miss Williams to ever accept him now. The past had stolen her from him, and it was not about to give her back.
Chapter Five
“You look quite beautiful, dear Daisy.”
Daisy resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her sister as they prepared to climb into the carriage. Susanna did not know, of course, that the only reason Daisy was making any such efforts was in order to do as Lord Templeton asked. She had been a little overcome with the responsibilities given to her but had accepted them, nonetheless. Attending her first ball last evening had been both terrifying and wonderful in equal measure for, as much as she had been glad to attend it, it had been a struggle to keep her mind focused on her task.
What had made it all the worse had been that dreadful rumor that she had already passed away. When she had first entered the room with her sister and Lord Northgate, a ripple of surprise had run the entire way around the room, making her all too aware that she was something of a surprise to the beau monde. They had been astonished to see her—and a good many whispers had followed after her.
Thereafter, she had been pounced on by a good many people. First had been ladies acquainted with her sister, who had been eager only to talk to Daisy. Then had come the gentlemen, who had each been introduced to her – or reintroduced if Daisy already knew them from her previous time in society – by her sister. Her dance card had been filled up almost immediately and, much to her disappointment, it did not have either Lord Fitzherbert or Lord Stevenson’s names written there. In fact, she had not come across either gentleman for some time until, most unexpectedly, Lord Northgate had brought Lord Fitzherbert to her side.
Apparently, it seemed, Lord Northgate and Lord Fitzherbert had known each other for some time, although Lord Fitzherbert had been absent from town for a while. Daisy, who had already been fully aware of this information, had been forced to act as though she knew nothing of this gentleman and had then feared that she had made a very poor first impression indeed. All had been saved, however, by the reappearance of Lord Fitzherbert after the cotillion. He had sought her out almost at once and had asked for a chance to further introduce himself to her at another time. He had been kind and very considerate, complimenting her by stating that he was quite sure her dance card would be filled already – which, of course, it was – and asking if she might save him a space on her card at the next ball they attended together.
Daisy had answered in the affirmative, but her interest had been piqued by the gentleman. Had she not considered him a possible murderer, then she might have thought him very handsome and amiable indeed. When he had taken his leave, even her sister had teased her quietly about Lord Fitzherbert’s attentions, and Daisy had been forced to push such remarks aside, pretending nothing more than a vague interest in the gentleman.
Such had been her reaction to both the gentleman’s presence and her sister’s remarks that she had forced herself to gaze around the room whilst trying to regain her composure. Her heart had been beating furiously, her breathing a little ragged, and her anxiety still rising steadily, fully aware that she had managed to speak, smile and even laugh with Lord Fitzherbert – the man who might well have killed her father. She had not been able to take in anything more, even though her face had remained serene as she had looked around the room, knowing full well that her sister would not understand her anxiety if she spoke to her of it. As far as Susanna had been concerned, Daisy was only a little nervous about re-entering society, nothing more, which was why she had made light of the encounter with Lord Fitzherbert.
“Might you remind me of the name of our host this evening?” Daisy asked, as the carriage began to draw up to a large townhouse. “I have quite forgotten it, I am afraid.”
She expected Susanna to gasp in horror, to exclaim aloud that this was quite disgraceful – but, much to Daisy’s surprise, Susanna let out a little laugh, her eyes twinkling.
“Goodness, you are in a bit of a dither, are you not?” she laughed, as Lord Northgate grinned broadly. “There is nothing to worry about, Daisy. You did very well last night, and this evening’s dinner will be a much quieter affair.” She smiled sweetly at Daisy and reached forward to press her hand. “Our host is Lord Montague,” she said, speaking slowly and clearly so that Daisy might understand. “He is unmarried, a wealthy earl, and he was more than delighted when I begged an invitation for you also.” She sat back, just as the carriage door was pulled open for them. “And might I also say, he is quite handsome.”
Daisy heard Lord Northgate mutter something to his wife as she made to step out of the carriage, making Susanna laugh again as Daisy followed her out. There was a clear affection between Lord Northgate and her sister, and for that, Daisy was glad, even though she had no intention of allowing any sort of fond acquaintance to develop between herself and any gentleman of the ton, even if he was a wealthy earl! Sighing inwardly, Daisy hurried forward after her sister, knowing that, whilst she had to make a good impression, she also had to ensure that if Lord Fitzherbert or Lord Stevenson were present, that she engaged their interest in some way or another. Her sister might start making a match for her with either gentleman should she do so, of course, but it could not be helped. Susanna was doing her best for Daisy, she had to admit, and there was nothing Daisy could exchange for that but gratitude.
“Lord Montague.” Daisy curtsied beautifully and then lifted her head to greet her host. Lord
Montague was watching her keenly with sharp eyes that seemed to slice through her so that he was looking into her very soul.
She did not think that she liked him very much.
“I am very grateful for your willingness to add me to your dinner this evening,” she told him, looking away just a little so that their eyes did not meet. “I thank you for your kindness.”
Lord Montague chuckled as he rose from his bow. “Not at all, Miss Williams,” he said, in a strong voice. “Indeed, you have saved me from a somewhat difficult situation, for I found that around the table this evening I would have had thirteen – and you know very well that such a thing cannot occur!” He chuckled again as she looked at him, a little intrigued by his manner. His incongruous tone and mirthful words seemed to be entirely opposite to his sharp eyes and firm looks. “But now we have fourteen, and I am very glad of it,” he finished, with a flourish. “Please, do come and join the rest of the guests. The dinner gong will sound very soon and we will be able to make our way through.”
Daisy smiled her thanks and walked into the drawing room, looking all about her and seeing only a few faces that she recognized. A few guests were standing in shadowy corners of the room, and she could not see their faces very clearly at all. Waiting for her sister to join her, Daisy put a polite smile on her face and glanced from one person to the next. She could see that some were looking at her and speaking very obviously about her to their companion, but she tried not to allow this to bring any color to her cheeks. Given the rumors that had been started, which had then been very strongly quashed by her appearance within London, this was to be expected.
Nevertheless, she was relieved when her sister and Lord Northgate came to join her. Throwing her sister a quick smile, Daisy let out a long breath and looked around the room as to whom they might go to speak with first.
“Lady Northgate,” said one older lady, coming towards them both but keeping her eyes fixed upon Daisy. “Do come and join us over here. We have much to speak to you about.” She gave a warm smile to Susanna and then to Daisy, but Daisy did not feel at all reassured. One glance behind the lady told Daisy that there were three others standing there in a small huddle, clearly eager to speak to Daisy and Susanna and, most likely, to discuss her absence from town for two years.
Lord Northgate cleared his throat. “If you will excuse me,” he murmured, throwing a quick wink in Daisy’s direction, telling her that she would be best to find a way to escape from this situation. “I have seen someone that I simply must speak to.”
“As have I,” Daisy said quickly, knowing that the invitation had not yet been given specifically to her and that she could still use this chance to escape. “Do excuse me, Susanna.” Giving her sister a quick smile and seeing the sharpness of Susanna’s gaze, Daisy blushed furiously and turned away, moving quickly towards the back of the room. She had no one specific to go to, of course, but she knew she had to find someone to speak to, so that the lady would not be insulted.
Her eyes roved around the room, her breath quickening as she saw not even a single person turn towards her. Many watched her, of course, but none spoke a word or even smiled a greeting. Beginning to panic, Daisy walked a little to her left and into the shadows in the corner of the room, hoping that she would be hidden from her sister and her new companions.
“Oh!”
Having turned her head to look back at Susanna, Daisy recoiled suddenly as she walked into something solid. A gentleman, it seemed, giving the way he murmured loudly in shock, saying something incomprehensible as he stumbled back, only to hit his back against the wall.
“I am terribly sorry,” Daisy stammered, feeling a little embarrassed. “I did not mean to…” Her eyes sought out the gentleman’s face, and, as she slowly saw him come into view, she felt the breath being stolen from her body and her words fading to nothing.
Lord Watt.
They said nothing to each other for what felt like minutes, staring at one another in apparent shock. Lord Watt was just as she remembered him. His shock of dark hair fell over his forehead, brushed to one side. His blue eyes were fixed upon hers, appearing darker what with the shadows all around him. The broad shoulders, his strong back, and the powerful arms that had once held her so tightly…it was all so familiar and yet so unknown.
“Lord Watt,” she rasped eventually, trying to find something to say. “You…you are here.” It was an entirely ridiculous statement, for it was quite apparent that Lord Watt was present this evening, but Daisy simply could not find something coherent to say. Her heart was pounding furiously now as she twisted her fingers in front of her, aware that silence was all the response she was, apparently, to get from Lord Watt. “I-I did not know that you would be present this evening.”
Lord Watt said nothing still, just watching her with eyes that held nothing but sorrow and pain. Daisy felt heat climb up into her face, not at all certain what she ought to do next. Should she turn away and leave him standing here alone? Was it that he was unwilling to speak to her? Had he wanted to give her the cut direct but had been unable to? A sense of shame began to creep over her, as she recalled all that had once been between them and how, after her father’s death, she had done nothing to reach out to him. She had been lost in confusion and in grief for a long time, but once she had pushed through that fog, she could easily have written to him, to explain that she could not continue with their acquaintance at the present. Instead, she had done nothing and, having not heard from him either, had considered that they were both contented with things as they now stood.
Except her heart had not quite managed to let him go.
“Miss Williams.”
Hearing her name on his lips sent a shudder through her. It held none of the warmth, none of the delight or the happiness that she had once been so used to. Instead, he spoke to her as though she were nothing more than a stranger.
“Good evening,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “You have returned to society, it seems.”
“I have.” Daisy searched his face, wondering if she had been correct in hearing the slight edge of malice in his voice. “I am sure you can understand that my sorrow and distress over the death of my father was a heavy burden to bear. I was in London last Season, I confess, but I was not at all ready to mingle with the beau monde.” A challenge entered her words, as though she felt the need to defend herself. She could not, of course, tell him the truth about her return to society this year, but still, she did not want him to treat her cruelly.
Lord Watt cleared his throat and looked away, appearing a little abashed. “Of course,” he said, much more quietly than before. “I cannot imagine what you have endured.” His eyes returned to hers, his lips pulled thin. “I heard that you, too, had been lost.”
“Lost?” She frowned, hard, before realizing what he meant. Her heart suddenly quailed within her, making her realize that Lord Watt might have been taken in by the rumors which could very well explain his shock upon seeing her. “Yes, I have heard of the rumors, Lord Watt. They are entirely false.”
Silence descended on them once more. Lord Watt did nothing but look at her, as though he wanted to make himself believe that she truly was present, that she truly was standing in front of him—and it was all Daisy could do to hold his gaze. Her heart was beating quicker and quicker, her breathing becoming a little ragged as an air of anticipation began to sweep around her—although what she was anticipating, she could not say. Lord Watt dropped his head and rubbed at his forehead with his hand, letting out such a long and pronounced breath that Daisy felt as though she could almost feel his torment through it.
“I am sorry,” she said, not quite certain what she was specifically apologizing for. “I know there has been a good deal of trouble, and we have been split apart, but I—”
“Please, do not trouble yourself.” The hardness had returned to Lord Watt’s voice, as he lifted his head again, his eyes a little narrowed. “We are nothing more than acquaintances now, Miss Williams, which is clearly
what you have desired for some time. I will not speak of the past nor beg of you to discuss certain matters with me.” His smile was tight, and no light entered his eyes. “We will greet each other and perhaps pass the dullest of conversation now and again, but there is nothing more between us, Miss Williams.” Bowing, he made to move past her, only to stop and turn back towards her. “Although I will not pretend that I am not glad to know that those rumors have come to nothing,” he finished, not quite looking at her. “Good evening, Miss Williams.”
“Good evening,” she whispered, wrapping both arms around herself in an attempt to stave off the chill that had suddenly caught her. The air seemed to be a little more clammy now, the color fading from all around her. Her heart was pounding, but her stomach was roiling with anxiety. It had been a shock to see Lord Watt again, but the coldness that had filled his final few words had chilled her completely. There was a dull pain there, deep within her heart. It was beginning to spread further through her, growing in intensity as she continued to watch Lord Watt walk away from her. A part of her was desperate for him to turn around, desperate for him to look back at her, so that he might acknowledge her again. The way he had left her made her feel as though there was never to be anything between them again, not even an ounce of friendship. What there had once been was gone for good, it seemed, and until this very moment, Daisy had not known that she had cared. She had not known that she wanted him to return to her, wanted him to acknowledge her again. And yet his parting from her seemed to tear her apart, limb from limb.
“Daisy?”
She was pulled from her unexpected agony by the sound of her sister’s voice, cheerful and delighted in a way that was so opposed to what she felt. Turning slowly, feeling as though everything within her was weak and tired, Daisy forced herself to smile wanly as Susanna approached with an older lady walking beside her. This evening would continue regardless of what she felt. She could not allow anyone to know of her feelings for Lord Watt, of her confusion and her struggle, even though it had come upon her so quickly. Daisy forced herself to remember her task at hand, forced herself to recall what she was meant to be doing. This was all an act; she was just playing a part. The ton had to believe that she was seeking a husband and eager to wander through all of society in search of the perfect match. And that meant greeting anyone her sister thought important.
