Rother squeezing my hand brought me to his attention. “Is it customary to kiss your spouse at the end of the wedding?”
The vicar frowned. “Well… in most cases, yes. But….”
Not waiting for a further explanation, Rother pulled me close and snaked an arm around my waist, trapping me against his body. The unfamiliar heat and pressure of his touch drew a gasp out of me and Rother took full advantage, pressing his lips against mine.
My eyes drifted closed and I moaned into his mouth. One of his hands glided to the back of my neck and held me tight so he could explore. Soft and greedy, he tasted me, allowing his tongue to graze mine. The audacity shocked me, yet I didn’t pull away.
And before I knew it, the kiss ended.
Rother gave a mocking laugh to the vicar. “That ought to seal the deal, don’t you think?”
Too flustered to speak, I found myself grateful for the lack of sizable audience. My family still sat, both brothers disturbed by the kiss, Finn’s disgusted gaze attached to where Rother now held my hand. Mother forced a smile, no doubt for my benefit, but she too was uncomfortable. Father glared at Rother, who threw back a smug grin, daring anyone to challenge his claim.
At this point there was nothing they could say or do. For the first time, I understood what an outcast I’d become inside my own home. None of them said anything outward, but I could read their reactions. We were other. And as such, deserved less.
Refusing to release my hand, Rother led us to my family where decorum forced them to stand. He made a point to shake everyone’s hand, starting with Finn. I couldn’t help notice the distress as my brother tried to pretend Rother wasn’t crushing his hand. He did the same to Thomas as well as my father.
Mother placed her delicate fingers on my forearm, one of her rare motherly gestures. “Good luck to you, Nathan. I hope this union brings you a chance for genuine happiness.”
Of all my family, I knew she meant it beyond the obligatory. No matter how distorted I found the method, she wanted a future for me, one that would have been impossible within the boundaries of Deilia.
I covered her hand with my own. “Thank you. I’ll visit you as soon as I’m able.”
“That would be lovely.”
Father interrupted. “Perhaps you should focus on your new marriage in your new home.”
We released each other at the same time, trying to hide our disappointment.
Rother moved his hand to the small of my back. “Nathan, it’s time we were on our way. We have a schedule to keep.”
“Of course.”
Nothing was said as he ushered me toward the exit where Harston and Rother’s hulking manservant, Blythe, stood waiting. Neither of them looked pleased over the ceremony, yet had the good grace to stay quiet.
The whole day held a dreamlike quality. Every detail bordered on the unreal, flirting with insanity. I barely acknowledged the rush to board the waiting stagecoach, loaded with what few personal items I could pack in short order. Rother followed me into the cabin while our servants rode outside with the driver.
I settled into my seat, refusing to look directly at my new husband. Some small part of me sat in denial. I knew I was now married and my situation was likely far better than my life would have been in Deilia.
Rother tapped the roof and we were off at a sudden trot. The coach sped at a mad pace, equal to everything about this marriage so far. The farther the carriage rode from the chapel, the more I longed for something less adventurous. I hoped my life might slow down enough to breathe soon.
I wasn’t sure how long we rode in silence before Rother finally broke the tedium. “Are you upset over the simple wedding?”
“What makes you think I’d be upset?” I stiffened my arm to the upholstered seat to hold my balance as the shaking carriage lurched. I would have been happier traveling by railcar.
“You seem far more rigid than last night.” He sat across from me, assessing with his intense eyes.
I didn’t even try to hide my annoyance. “Perhaps it’s the ride, Lord Rother.”
“I told you, the railcar schedules don’t match our itinerary. And when I say rigid, addressing me by my title is exactly what I’m talking about. We’re married. Call me Rother. This level of suffocating decorum your people insist on is tiring. A wedding is nothing more than a ceremony to bind two people.”
“It’s a declaration of that union.”
“With as large an audience as possible?” Rother’s brow twisted as he shook his head. “That smacks of elitist popularity.”
“It does not.”
“All right, then. Let’s imagine our marriage was organized in a manner you saw as acceptable.”
“But it was not.”
Rother gave out a small sigh. “Indulge me.”
“Very well. Go on.”
“A lengthy engagement. A lavish ceremony in front of a ridiculous number of witnesses. How many in attendance would actually be close friends or relatives? How many are invited based on their social status? What’s the point of the Countess of Snobbery attending other than rubbing her nose in your success?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and refused to look at him. “It’s not like that at all.”
“It most certainly is. True success comes from discovering and satisfying the needs of others, not glorifying in something that took little effort.”
“It’s nice to know how little you think of me.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“If I’m so hopelessly shallow, why would you marry me?”
Rother leaned to the side to catch my attention and bring it back to him. “I don’t think you are. I liked how you handled yourself in spite of your family’s negligence. Arthur puts on a grand show, but I know a liar when I see one. You were disappointed at the shabby chapel we married in, yet you said nothing. You have pride and integrity, Nathan. From my experience, it’s a rare quality in a beautiful man. But I was interested from the first pictograph your father showed me.”
“When was that?”
“A year ago, I think.”
I laid a hand across my waist, fingering the chastity belt’s edge through my clothing. “Was my… purity your idea?”
“No. That was entirely your parents’ invention. They thought you’d be more appealing to suitors that way. I’d be lying if I said an untouched husband wasn’t what I wanted, so I saw no reason to change their minds. If your country wasn’t so backward regarding relations between men, a pretty boy like you would have been snatched up before it was decent to do so.”
Heat flushed my cheeks. “So you and my father discussed… that about me?”
“One does not arrange a marriage in total blindness, my dear. My wishes were specific, but no secret.”
“Why was it so important?”
He turned to look out the window, watching the scenery race by. “In business, I am surrounded by immoral people, many of whose motives can’t be trusted from one moment to the next. I wanted something pure for once in my life. Everyone should have what they desire. I believe I’ve earned it.”
“And what about my desires?”
“Deilian men rarely understand them. It’s the upbringing.”
I added as much sarcasm as I could muster. “However shall I learn?”
“I plan on educating you.”
The confident rumble in his voice was equal parts alluring and disturbing. There was no humor in his comment, simply a matter of fact. I wasn’t sure if I should be alarmed or not. Hopefully I hadn’t traded in one controlling man for another. Long minutes passed as I mulled over the concept. Rother continued to watch out the window, slumped back comfortably in his seat, unfazed by the quake as we hit a rough stretch of road.
“What kind of business are you in?”
“You’ll see soon enough. I don’t want to muddy our opportunity to get to know each other with talks of business. There are many other things far more important to attend to first.”
“Such as?”<
br />
“Settling you into your new home for one.”
“And?”
Without turning, Rother reached into his pocket and drew out an all too familiar key tied off with the orange ribbon. “Getting you out of that belt.” I found myself speechless as he reached out with his boot and dragged the toe up my calf. The foreign heat of contact pushed a hot prickling along my spine. Rother’s growl drew an unexpected shiver out of me. “The current condition of your virtue is not going to be permanent.”
Quick, shallow puffs escaped my lungs, matching my speeding pulse. The carriage seemed too small and stifling. Without another word, Rother returned his foot to the floor. I tugged at the edges of my sleeves and jacket lapel, trying to order myself with uneasy hands. The heat in my chest made me queasy, so I levered open my window for fresh air.
Ridding myself of the horrible garment was a fantasy, but I could barely face the reality. A man like Rother would expect more than gracious thanks. Much more. He was my husband, after all. There were marital responsibilities to consider, which I knew, but were now more pronounced than ever. Why was the thought of intimacy so terrifying? Because you’re an utter novice, you fool. Out of my depth, I felt the need to change the subject.
“Why are we riding so fast?”
Rother snapped open his pocket watch and checked the time. “We’re in a hurry. We’ll be in a rush to board the airship. Stay close when we arrive. I don’t want you becoming lost.”
I exhaled slowly, overwhelmed as the breeze flew across my clammy skin. Everything about us, like this coach, rocketed along at a breakneck pace. I hoped I’d have the chance to catch my bearings soon.
I kept my words hushed so Rother couldn’t hear. “Lost doesn’t even begin to cover what I am.”
“ISN’T SHE a beauty?” Rother cried out as he stepped off the stagecoach, a childlike wonder enveloping him.
Several stories above us, the airship rested at the shingled rooftop, accessible only from the iron stairwell attached to the brick-and-mortar tower’s side. Passengers milled about the deck, waving to the people below. The ship itself was a mechanical dream held aloft by a canvas hot air balloon chained to the hull. A series of side fins and rear propellers provided thrust to the clockwork marvel. I’d seen the engine schematics in the past and knew the intricacies of its construction.
Under normal circumstances I would be as fascinated as Rother.
As the cobblestones clicked under my boots, I realized this could be the last time I set foot in my homeland. Merchants plied their wares and tipped their hats to our party as we passed. The smell of the city, a mix of unwashed youth and factory steam, connected me with the life and pulse of Deilia. I hadn’t been on this side of the city since I was a child.
I recalled an occasion when my brothers and I sneaked away from our governess during a trip, to quell our curiosity. We found the blacksmiths working alongside the clockworkers to forge a machine for the assembly line, and I sampled fresh peasant pastries for the first time. We suffered a harsh scolding when we returned, but we were staunch in our support of one another.
Those days when my family was happy seemed like ages ago.
“Blythe! Get us underway!” Rother shouted. “The ship is leaving in five minutes with or without us. I don’t want to spend one more minute in this damn country than I have to.”
Blythe’s voice held the urgency of a cracked whip. “All right! You heard the man! Move it!”
Harston jumped from the carriage and began hauling our luggage up the stairs with the aid of stewards from the ship company. They moved quickly, directed by Blythe as he paid the attendant for our tickets. Rother was nearly at the top already.
I couldn’t bring myself to step forward. My family, as awful as they could be, were all I knew, a privileged noble all I knew how to be. And I was expected to abandon it all. Everything I knew was ghosting away whether I approved or not. I couldn’t help but grasp at the memories to gain some control over my life’s momentum.
A shadow loomed over me, and it turned out not to be my mood.
“You need help, Nathan?” Blythe asked.
My eyes were level with his swollen chest, broad enough to block the sun. The seams of his shirt and vest appeared ready to protest the stress on them. His graveled tenor matched the shaved head and coarse jaw he sported. His olive skin and black hair boasted an origin in no land ever covered in my studies. A twisted scar ran up the left side of his face, giving his rugged appearance a kind of permanent sneer. His tense stance screamed impatience, which didn’t help alleviate my anxiety.
Blythe pulled out his watch and snapped a quick view of the time. “Rother will have our heads if we miss this flight.”
I kept skipping my gaze between the ship, the carriage, and the city. My future stood in flux, with so many choices, I couldn’t form a solid decision.
“I… I’ve never left Deilia before.”
“It’s a new adventure. Let’s go.”
I didn’t know how to express myself. Everything came out in a muddled stammer. “I can’t… I don’t…. My family….”
Blythe’s shoulders sagged as he rolled his eyes under his heavy brow. “Fuckin’ hell. Tell you what. Let’s play a little game. You get up those stairs before time runs out. That’s the whole game.”
My father could only wish to possess the level of dominance Rother’s man exuded. But for all his strength, I found myself frozen, staring at the ship that would end my Deilian life.
“Son of a bitch…,” he growled. Snatching a fistful of my jacket, he dragged me across the lot. My heels scrabbled on the pavers as I tried to stop him. The brute ignored my attempts to peel his hand away. His grip was a vise.
“Unhand me! When Rother finds out—”
Blythe halted, yanking me close enough our noses nearly brushed. His annoyed breaths puffed across my face.
“Don’t think for one second Rother will raise an eyebrow over me rumpling you a bit to keep from missing that flight. We came to this fucking place for one reason. The only thing Rother cared about in this shitty country is you. Why you’re pining over this land or that sad lot you call a family, I’ll never know.”
My face heated. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”
“Even I can see they treated you like shit and you’re better than the whole lot of them. Stop acting like a boy. It’s time to move on.”
I cringed at his coarse language, but being treated this way by the help only underscored the flaws in my upbringing. Twice now I’d been called out. First by Rother and now by Blythe, both men supposedly beneath my social status. I was tiring of these revelations. Especially when I knew they were right.
We stared each other down as I tried to stamp out the mixture of shame and anger in my chest. Passersby watched the scene, and I was only too happy to end their entertainment.
“I can walk on my own two feet.”
Blythe released me and I nearly fell, not realizing he’d lifted me off the ground. I squared up my jacket, trying to reassemble some fragments of my dignity, and stalked to the stairwell.
“Good. Then I won’t have to carry you over my shoulder like a dead man wrapped in a carpet.”
I wasn’t sure what unnerved me more: the fact I scaled the tower, or the conviction in Blythe’s word choices. The sound of his beastly footsteps behind me kept me from reversing course. I could do this.
At the top, a ramp extended from the roof to the aircraft. The chains serving as a handhold pinched my hands as I made my way. It was a long drop to the ground. Don’t look down. People die when they look down. A small sense of relief overtook me when my feet touched down on the deck.
Passengers milled about, many standing near the edge to wave at people below. A shrill whistle blew and the employees withdrew the ramp, trapping me on the airship. There was no turning back now.
I glanced around. Rother was nowhere to be found. With his exuberance, I imagined he was exploring the depths of the ship. It
would have been nice to have him here. The support would have been welcome.
The massive chains tethering the ship to the tower were disconnected and the craft bobbed slightly with its newfound freedom. I gripped the railing to steady myself. Another whistle sounded and the propellers began to turn, giving enough thrust to shift us forward and away from the building as we drifted skyward.
Blythe’s heavy hand cupped my shoulder. “Don’t jump.”
The land of Deilia shrank, and I gave a final farewell to my homeland.
“It’s a little late for that now.”
THE PROPELLERS were quieter than I’d expected as we drifted through the night sky from a vantage point I’d never imagined. The chilled breeze caught my hair as I strained to see the darkened terrain below. I stood at the bow with Harston at my side, unmoving from this spot since the sun disappeared.
“I assume your silence all day means you’re unhappy.”
I turned to find my husband standing close behind me. He seemed annoyed, which was understandable. Other than sending Harston to collect the key to use the privy, I’d blatantly ignored him for most of the day. In the end, I didn’t care, because I had good cause.
“Harston, I’d like a private word with my husband.”
“Of course, Sir Nathan.”
With a polite nod and a fleeting glance at Rother, Harston left us alone. However, now we only had our own company, I wasn’t sure what to say. Or if I should say anything.
“Are you planning on telling me what’s wrong?”
A frustrated vibration pulsed through me. “I’m trying to stay calm so I don’t have a repeat of earlier.”
“What happened earlier?”
“You’d know what I was talking about, if as soon as we arrived you hadn’t dashed off to board the ship, leaving me at the coach. On top of that, I was publicly humiliated by your brutish servant when I didn’t move fast enough for his preferences.”
“Don’t let Blythe hear you call him a servant. He does many things for me, but he’s hardly my butler.”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Unbelievable. You don’t even see my point.”
Innocence and Carnality Page 4
