by M. Garzon
I took a deep breath and turned back to my friends. Julia’s eyes were downcast, and she looked very uncharacteristically subdued. Seth took her hand and gave her a reassuring smile, and I was turning to Kabir when the skinhead-wannabes resumed.
“Terrible waste, a nice white girl like that, out with a dirty Indian.” It sounded like Big Skinhead.
My temper erupted; I felt flames licking the inside of my chest, the familiar red haze obscuring my vision. I jumped out of the booth and glared down at him.
“Do you have a problem with my friends, you knuckle-dragging troglodyte?” I demanded.
“Téa, don’t,” Kabir said from behind me. I felt his hand on my arm, trying to pull me back.
Big Skinhead’s face, which had frozen in surprise at my outburst, took on a baleful expression.
“Is that your boyfriend?” he said scornfully. “Because-”
“So what if he is?” I cut him off furiously. “He’s twice the man you’d be on your best day, you mouth-breather!”
Big Skinhead looked more confused than insulted; Thin Skinhead jumped in.
“You can’t tell me you’d kiss something like that,” he spat, sounding disgusted. “I’ve got a way better idea for you.” His eyes traveled over my body in a way that made my skin crawl.
My fists balled up at my sides, but before I could react Seth grabbed me and shoved me, none too gently, back onto the seat. I landed on my knees facing Kabir; he caught my arms to steady me and, acting on angry impulse, I let my momentum carry me straight into him. I found his lips with mine and struggled to free my hands, and when he released me I held his face — he was trying to pull away.
Julia gave a squeak as a commotion broke out behind me, and I whirled to launch myself out of our booth just as the skinheads left theirs. Seth was already on his feet, fists up, blocking Thin Skinhead. I barely had time to notice just how big Big Skinhead really was when a muscular forearm crashed into his chest.
“You really don’t want to do that,” a furious voice growled next to me.
Jaden.
I exhaled in relief, but it was short-lived. He didn’t look at me, but found my arm unerringly with his free hand and jerked me behind his body.
Big Skinhead was glowering at Jaden, but he and his buddy seemed much less eager for a fight now that Jaden’s straining muscles and palpable anger were on our side. Or maybe they had just noticed Kabir’s bulk — I could feel him beside me, tense and ready. In any case, they didn’t make a move.
“Téa, Julia, get outside,” Jaden ordered.
“No, I-” I began to object.
“Now,” he snarled.
I jumped; Julia slipped quickly out of the booth and we scurried to the door. The few other customers in the restaurant were all on their feet, watching warily.
Julia and I waited right outside the door. We held hands and stood, wide-eyed and silent, listening for the telltale sounds of a fight. All was quiet until the door was yanked open and Kabir and Seth spilled out, quickly herded by Jaden.
“Did you all come in one car?” he asked tersely.
We nodded anxiously.
“All right, drive straight home. I’ll make sure they don’t follow.” He paused. “Téa, come with me.”
I wasn’t looking at him, so I didn’t see the expression on his face, but Kabir and Julia both shot me sympathetic looks as they hurried to the car. Seth ignored me, something he only resorted to when he was really angry. I didn’t worry about Seth for long, though, because Jaden walked stiffly to the car without looking my way. I gulped, wondering how much he had seen. I climbed into the passenger seat, keeping my eyes down, and waited.
Nothing happened.
Jaden didn’t start the car. He didn’t say anything. I hazarded a glance in his direction; his hands were clenched on the steering wheel, the knuckles white, and his head was tilted back against the headrest. He was staring rigidly at the ceiling, and his face might have been carved from stone.
I wondered if I should say something. I decided to give it some more time — maybe he just needed a few minutes to calm down enough to speak. Or yell, which seemed more likely. The seconds ticked by. I thought about what had just transpired. With a jolt, I realized what I had been doing just before noticing his presence. What he must have seen... me, kissing Kabir. Something he had, once upon a time, very specifically asked me not to do.
I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry.” I could only manage a whisper. I didn’t look at him, but I sensed a movement. “It’s not what you think... I wasn’t kissing him because I wanted to,” I tried to explain.
“Do you really think,” he asked scathingly, “I’d be worried about that right now?”
He kept his voice low, but his tone was cutting, and I felt it slice deep. I flinched. I was sure I could have handled the entire episode better, but in the heat of the moment, all I’d thought about was my need to protect my friends. I couldn’t verbalize that right now, though, so I turned to him instead, hoping he could read the regret on my face.
He glared at me for a minute, then let out a gusty sigh and gathered me tightly against him.
“You scared the hell out of me, Téa.”
I nodded against his chest.
He pulled away to glance in his rearview mirror. “They’re coming out. We’d better go.”
I’d grown to love the familiar purr of the car’s powerful engine, and I let the sound soothe me as we pulled away. Jaden drove quickly and decisively, as always. He took my hand; his fingers were long enough that he could hold it even while he was shifting gears. We didn’t talk on the drive home, but his hand was warm on mine, and my occasional stolen glances told me he wasn’t angry anymore. It seemed like no time before we pulled up, and he looked at me silently.
“We’d better go in, they’ll be worried,” I said quietly.
I noted with relief that Dec’s truck was absent, so at least we’d all get a chance to talk about the experience openly.
Seth, Kabir, and Julia were in the kitchen eating; sandwich ingredients and leftovers were spread out on the table. We’d never gotten our pizza, but I wasn’t hungry anymore — my usual response to stress. There was a general exclamation of relief at our arrival. Julia noted my wet lashes and shot Jaden a reproachful look before hurrying over to hug me. Kabir stood up, too, but he eyed Jaden warily and didn’t approach me. When Julia released me I gave Seth a hug.
“Sorry, bro.”
“No worries, Sparky.” His smile held no rancor.
I let go of him and turned to the table at large, prepared to apologize one last time. Kabir cut me off.
“Why are you apologizing?” His dark chocolate eyes were shining and his dimples grew deeper. He reached out his hand, and I took it without thinking. “Thanks for standing up for us, even though you nearly got us pummeled.”
“Yes, thanks, Téa,” Julia added quietly.
Everyone sat back down. I took the seat next to Jaden and met his eyes cautiously. He shook his head with an air of tired resignation, but he squeezed my hand under the table before starting to fill some plates. He pushed one toward me.
“I’m not really hungry,” I told him apologetically.
“Téa,” he murmured, low enough for only us to hear, “everything’s fine. No one was hurt, there’s no need to be anxious.”
I searched his eyes carefully but found only concern. I sighed and picked up my fork.
“So,” Jaden continued at normal volume, “what’s the story?”
We took turns telling the tale in bits and pieces, laughing at our adventure now that we were safe in the kitchen.
Dec arrived shortly afterward, ending the discussion. When our friends left I followed Seth and Jaden upstairs to get ready for bed, but when we got to the landing I caught Jaden’s arm.
“Meet me in the shed after Dec’s asleep?” I whispered.
He agreed quietly.
I brushed my teeth carefully; I was hoping to do a lot of making
up later. I changed into my shorts-and-T-shirt pajama set, but I was afraid to fall asleep if I got into bed, so I lay on top of it and tried to read. I soon gave up since I couldn’t concentrate. Instead, I pondered Jaden’s reaction. He hadn’t seemed that upset about me kissing Kabir, though I was feeling intensely guilty about it. Since I had once kissed Kabir for the express purpose of making Jaden jealous, it was a rather sensitive subject. Altogether, I was very anxious to hear what he would say when we were alone.
I didn’t have long to wait. I heard Dec’s tired tread ascending the stairs a few minutes later, Blue’s collar jingling lightly after it. I waited another five minutes to be safe, then snuck quietly downstairs and slipped out, taking care not to let the screen door slam. The night air was cool on my bare arms and legs as I hurried to the shed.
He was already there, waiting for me. I wanted to rush into his arms but I felt unsure — after his initial reaction, he had seemed almost too calm about the whole thing. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“You’re going to freeze dressed like that,” he admonished, stepping toward me.
It was dark in the shed, the only light filtering through one small window from the spotlight on the barn roof. His face was mostly in shadow, making it hard to judge his expression.
“I was hoping you’d keep me warm.” I gazed at him, uncertain.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. Relief washed through me. As I clung to him, though, I felt again the powerful bite of remorse.
“Jaden.” I pulled back a bit so that I could look him in the eye. My stomach was curled in anxiety. “I’m very sorry I kissed Kabir.”
His eyes flashed with something I couldn’t identify in the low light. I swallowed and dropped my gaze.
“I feel so bad about it. I didn’t plan to...” I trailed off, not sure how to explain.
His arms tightened around me. “Don’t do it again,” he spoke in my ear, the hint of a growl in his voice. “I still hated it.”
He was teasing me, I realized suddenly. He really wasn’t upset. I examined his face; he was definitely fighting a smile. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on tiptoe, and he obliged immediately, his lips meeting mine with no hint of reservation or anger. I wanted to convince him that he was the only man I ever wanted to kiss — it was the honest truth, after all — but within minutes I was so dazed that it felt like he was convincing me.
We got settled on the tack trunk, his arm draped around my shoulders. I was perfectly comfortable in my short sleeves thanks to the heat of his body next to mine. I examined him curiously.
“Not to discourage this charitable behavior in any way, but how come you’re so relaxed about all this now? In the car you seemed... well, pretty mad.” My voice got quiet at the end.
“I was pretty mad. You scared me; I thought you were about to get flattened right before my eyes. Honestly, did you have to pick the biggest guy in the room?” He sounded impatient, and I hoped it was a rhetorical question. He shook his head and continued more placidly.
“I calmed down, though, because you were safe. And... well, I understand.”
It was incredible how full my heart felt at the sound of those two little words: ‘I understand’.
“But how did you know what was going on?” His anger had cooled before I could utter any sort of explanation, I recalled.
“I know you. The only thing that infuriates you to that degree is injustice in some form. Believe me, I’ve had the same impulse. I’ve even acted on it, you’ve heard the stories. But there’s a big difference between us, Téa. Look at me.”
I raked my eyes appreciatively over his body and gave a low whistle. He rolled his eyes and hitched me closer to his side.
“I can take care of myself if it comes to a fight. You can’t — no, don’t get all huffy.”
I subsided.
“If you do compete internationally, you’ll see many things that will offend your sense of justice. When I was in Argentina I had to overlook the fact that training methods are less progressive than here. In some countries, children live in conditions that we wouldn’t impose on a dog in North America. It’s scarcely productive to react with blind rage every time you encounter those things. You put Seth and your friends in danger today by doing that, mi amor.”
The endearment lessened the sting of his accusation, but I still felt it, and what was worse, I knew he was right. I shifted uncomfortably. He took my face in his hand, tilting it up until he could trap my eyes with his.
“Even worse, you put yourself in danger. I want you to promise me you’ll never do that again.” His eyes were scorching in their intensity; I didn’t know how to say no to a look like that. As I opened my mouth to promise, though, a warning voice spoke inside my head. The kind that I probably should heed more often, but don’t. His face was only inches away, and I stretched up to kiss his lips softly. My eyes were pleading.
“I can’t make that promise, Jaden.”
His features hardened as his expression shifted. I pulled my face out of his hand and dropped my gaze, ashamed. My shoulders slumped.
“I’ll try, Jaden, I really will. And I’d like to think that if a situation like today’s came up again, I would have the maturity to just walk away. But I can’t promise that I would. I don’t want to break any promises to you.”
I felt his face next to mine.
“I guess you’ll just have to keep me around, then,” he breathed, “until you learn to control your temper.”
I felt a swell of gratitude; I kissed the first part of him that I could reach, and worked my way to his lips. “Thank you,” I murmured on the way, “for saving me.”
We kissed slowly at first, but inevitably, things quickly heated up. Soon I was positively warm in my light pajamas.
“I wish we could spend the night in the shed,” I sighed.
He gave a low chuckle. “And here I was thinking it’s a good thing we can’t get comfortable in here.”
“Why?”
“Because, querida, you are tempting me quite enough as it is,” he said, his voice husky. “Come on, let’s go to bed. Separately.”
It wasn’t until later, lying in bed, that his words came back to me.
“If you do compete internationally...” Was there really an ‘if’ in his mind?
Eleven
Of course, the town being small, Dec heard about it.
“According to the waitress, a fight was averted by the arrival of someone ‘tall, angry, and good-looking’.” He grinned at Jaden. “In fact, I think the phrase ‘good-looking’ came up three times in her description.”
His grin faded as his gaze shifted to me. “So, what happened, Téa?”
“Why are you asking me?” I asked indignantly. “Do you just assume that if there’s trouble, it’s my fault?”
Jaden looked down to hide his grin; the sight of it almost made me smile, too. Which probably wouldn’t be wise right now.
“No,” Dec said with an air of forced patience, “I’m asking because it sounds like you were at the center of things, as usual.”
I wished he would sit down. I averted my eyes, collecting my thoughts. I didn’t want Dec to think this was just another childish loss of temper. I was past that, but he spoke before I could.
“Téa, I’ve met the guy you were antagonizing. He’s as big as a house and about as bright.” He glared at me in frustration. “Did you think he wouldn’t hurt you since you’re a girl? Because believe me, that’s not the case. And I’ve heard some nasty rumors about that friend of his.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I registered Jaden’s unhappy expression; I suspected it had more to do with this new information than with Dec’s anger.
“You need to learn to exercise some restraint, no matter what people say to you,” Dec continued.
“It wasn’t about me, Dec. They were making racist comments about Kabir and Julia,” I said quietly. “I couldn’t sit there and do nothing.”
Dec c
onsidered me, looking almost puzzled. “I sometimes wonder what happened to you and your brother in the womb. He can’t stand up for anything to save his life, and you can’t stay down to save yours.”
The aspersion against Seth — Seth, who had been the first to stand next to me, who always stood in my defense — made me see red. I lurched to my feet and glared at Dec.
“After you beat him into submission you shouldn’t be surprised if he stays down,” I spat.
I wheeled and left the room. I half expected him to stop me, but he didn’t move.
Jaden went back to Toronto for the next two days, and I got a lot done while he was away, because I needed to stay busy to preserve my sanity. Dec and I were tiptoeing around each other, and Seth was wrapped up in thoughts of our absent sperm donor. I rode most of the school horses to tune up their training, in addition to my usual charges. By Friday my muscles were aching, and I was just wishing for one of Jaden’s incredible massages when he called.
“Can you meet me for lunch? I have something to celebrate.” He sounded excited.
I had a quick shower and changed into the yellow sundress I’d bought the year before; it hadn’t come out of my closet since then. I met Jaden at the small gas station outside of Julien, and after parking my car I hopped into his waiting SUV.
“Wow,” he commented, taking in my outfit.
“Same to you.” He was wearing a sleek grey suit I hadn’t seen for a while.
Jaden took me to a small Italian restaurant in another town, far enough away that we were safe from disapproving stares. It was the first time since we’d been to Florida that we felt free to touch out in the open, and it was blissful to be able to act, for once, like any other couple. He put his arm around me as we walked into the restaurant; the joy and pride I felt at being seen with Jaden — my Jaden — was indescribable. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel the joy without the shame.
We lingered over lunch. The food was fabulous, and we had much to discuss, especially the endorsement deal that Jaden had just signed with a manufacturer of polo equipment. That was the big news we were celebrating; it meant that he could get away with traveling less while he finished law school.
