by J. J. Howard
I found myself walking up to Theo’s house, but I couldn’t bear to knock on the door.
Out of everything I felt bad about, the worst part was thinking about what Theo would say, and how his face would look, when I had to tell him how awful and insensitive I’d been to Hallie.
Theo really was the best. And not just because he was always trying to get everyone to be more responsible about the environment, or more socially aware. He was always nice to everyone—even Frankie, even though it seemed like maybe he didn’t actually like Frankie that much. And for me, Theo was the one who always made me realize when I was being too controlling, or even not being nice. All he had to do was look at me, and I knew what he was thinking.
I looked up at Theo’s window, just for a few seconds. Then I turned away and kept walking. I couldn’t admit to Theo how badly I’d acted—especially now.
Before I could really face him again, I had to give myself a makeover. Not a dance makeover—a be-a-better-person makeover.
I didn’t have it all figured out, but I started walking faster toward home because I realized I did know one place I could start.
I dumped the pasta out of the pot and into the strainer, feeling the steam hot on my face. Were the noodles supposed to clump together like that?
I was cooking what had seemed like a simple, easy recipe for Dad and Ms. Bates—hopefully. Dad was coming back from a meeting on campus, and I was going to ask him if Ms. Bates could come over too.
Because I decided on my realization walk yesterday that one other thing I’d been blind to was my dad.
When he was comforting me the other day, Dad had said something, and I’d been too wrapped up in my own misery to really listen. He’d told me that relationships weren’t easy at any age, and he’d said, Sometimes the timing’s just not right.
It made sense now. Ms. Bates had stopped coming around. And at school, she’d seemed to lose that spark of happiness she had when she and Dad first started seeing each other. The past week or so she’d seemed rather blue.
I wondered if when Dad talked about timing with him and Ms. Bates what he really meant was me. Surely he had noticed when I kept making excuses not to go out to dinner with them. He’d noticed that I kept calling her Ms. Bates instead of Abby (although that part wasn’t easy—I still thought of her as Ms. Bates, even in my head).
I was worried Dad had decided that I wasn’t ready, and he’d backed off from seeing Ms. Bates. But I wanted to ask him first—to see what he wanted before I made plans for the two of them. After all, maybe I was totally wrong about the whole thing, and this idea was destined to go as badly as my chicken piccata was going.
I wiped my flour-dusted arm across my forehead and frowned down at the mess I was making. Cooking looks so easy on TV.
The back door opened, and Dad walked in.
“Emma—what’s all this?”
“Surprise!” I said weakly. “I was trying to cook dinner for you. For you and Ms. B—I mean, Abby. If you wanted to invite her. But I think … I think it may be a disaster.”
“Oh, what a lovely surprise, Emma,” Dad said with a crooked smile. He came over to look at my attempts. “That’s so nice of you. What are you cooking?”
“Chicken piccata.”
“Are those olives?” Dad asked, surveying the ingredients that were strewn across the counter.
“Yes. You can use those in place of capers, right?”
“Well, I don’t really know, but you know who would?”
“Abby?” I asked hopefully.
Dad nodded. “You were doing this for us?” he asked me.
“Yeah,” I said. “I noticed she hasn’t been coming over anymore. And I know maybe there’s other stuff going on, but if it’s because of me … I don’t want that. I really like her, Dad. And I want you to be happy. Even if it’s a little weird.”
Dad’s face lit up. “Thanks for saying that, Emma. I’ll give her a call. But maybe we could take a rain check on the cooking?” He glanced down at my “meal” again. “For tonight, how about one of those pizzas you’re so good at ordering? And we could rent a movie.”
I nodded, taking off my apron while Dad called Ms. Bates. By the time he got off the phone, he was grinning.
“She’d love to come have pizza with us. She said she loves veggie. And that she’d be happy to give you a cooking lesson sometime!”
I laughed and said, “I’d love that, Dad. I’ll order a large veggie pizza?”
Cupid gave a short bark of protest. “I’ll order a small sausage too,” I whispered to him with a wink.
* * *
When Abby arrived, after Cupid finished giving her a furry welcome, she announced that she had a surprise for both Dad and me. She pulled her laptop out of her bag and hit a few keys before standing back and saying, “Ta-da!”
Dad and I stepped forward to see. Abby had pulled up an image: a drawing of the outside of a building. The sign said ABBY’S BOOKS.
I looked at Dad’s face to see if he knew anything about this. But he was looking at Abby and asking, “What’s this?” in a surprised voice.
Abby smiled. “This is something I’ve been working on for a while now. Both of you actually helped me realize that opening my own bookstore was the right next step for me. Emma, when I got to go with you on your trip to New York, I realized that what I really wanted was to be around writers and writing.”
I nodded. That made sense.
“It’s not so much about living in New York—it’s about surrounding myself with what inspires me,” Ms. Bates went on. “As much as I love working at the school and being a librarian, I’m ready for a new challenge. And, James”—she turned to face Dad—“you made me realize how much I have here in Highbury, and how much I really do want to stay.”
I wasn’t even bothered by seeing Abby and my dad smile at each other mushily. I was just happy Ms. B—Abby was happy.
“That’s amazing,” my dad told her.
Ms. Bates glanced at me. “What do you think, Emma?”
“I’ll miss you so much at school,” I said truthfully. “But I know I’ll be seeing a lot of you!” She and Dad grinned at each other even more broadly. “Do you think maybe I could help you plan your bookstore? After all, you know how much I love to plan …”
Abby reached over and gave me a hug. “I do. And I was counting on it.”
Cupid gave a happy bark. “You’re going to be a bookstore mascot, Cupid!” I told him. Dad shook his head, but he was still smiling, and Abby and I both knelt down to give Cupid a double pet in celebration.
The next phase in my plan started bright and early the next morning. It felt good taking down all those “Planning Princess” posters, and replacing them with the simple ones I’d made at home, using a pretty drawing of a leaf Hallie had left on my desk and the slogan TURN OVER A NEW LEAF AND VOTE FOR AUTUMN.
Frankie came up beside me as I was shoving a pile of posters into the trash.
“Oh, hey,” I said, feeling awkward.
“So, I guess you’re not running after all,” he said.
“No. I never really wanted to. I just got really … competitive there for a second, after Autumn told me I wouldn’t win. I am sorry that you made the posters for nothing.”
Frankie shrugged. I realized he did that a lot. “Whatever. I guess you don’t really have the killer instinct. I don’t think you’re really who I thought you were at all, actually. Later.”
I stood staring after him. His words really didn’t sting like they probably would have even a few days ago. I just felt sort of … relieved. Around Frankie, I was not the best Emma I could be. It wasn’t his fault. But it also didn’t really make me want to be around him that much.
I still liked him in a lot of ways. He could be really funny. And he was a great soccer player. I thought back to when I’d first met Frankie, and Mateo. Maybe his big brother being mean to him had made him turn a bit snarky. Or maybe he just had a lot of growing up to do. That part, I could definit
ely understand.
In first period, Autumn came up to my desk and stood in front of it with her arms crossed. “What are you up to, Winters?”
I looked up at her. “I dropped out of the race.”
“Okay … but why would you do that?” she demanded. “From what I heard, you were ahead. Which I found shocking, but anyway …”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For being so rude to you at my party. I was angry at the things you said to me, but that’s still no excuse. I never really wanted to be queen—I just got caught up in it for a while. But I know it’s important to you. The signs were my way of saying sorry—and helping. No offense to Tara Duncan, but you’re my friend. I’d rather see you win.”
Autumn opened her mouth but no words came out. Finally, when she spoke, she said, “I … really? You still think of us as friends?”
“If you’ll forgive me, then yes, I do.”
“I’m sorry too,” Autumn said. “I was such a jerk to you about the queen race. I really did—I do want to win. But I was still wrong to act the way I did. Can you forgive me?”
I nodded and smiled. “Forgiven. As long as you promise never to remind me of the whole ‘Planning Princess’ thing … like, ever.”
“Deal,” Autumn said, shaking my hand, then pulling me to my feet for a hug.
Well, that was one friendship mended.
Now I still had the most important one to go. And it wouldn’t be as easy as tearing down some signs and dropping out of the race.
* * *
Hallie didn’t sit with me at lunch again that day. But I couldn’t really say I was surprised, or that I blamed her. I thought about trying to apologize, or putting a note in her locker, but those both seemed lame after how I’d acted. I decided that I needed to show her I was trying to be a different, better person.
Of course, even though I hadn’t told Theo about our fight, he clearly noticed Hallie not sitting with me or talking to me.
He left the table of his soccer friends and came to sit down beside me when he spotted me alone.
“What’s going on with you and Hallie?” he asked right away. Theo always knew exactly what was going on with me, even when I didn’t say a word.
“I messed up,” I admitted.
“What did you do?”
“Well, I … Don’t make me tell you about it yet—okay?” I said, playing with my sandwich wrapper. “It’s just—I know I was wrong and I can’t bear to see that look on your face. Not yet. But I do need your help. I need to show Hallie that I can be a good friend to her. And to Travis. That I’m happy they’re going to the dance together.”
“They’re going together?” Theo asked, seeming surprised but not as much as I had been.
“Yes. And Hallie explained that last fall, at the carnival … Travis was still training his dog, which is why it all turned into such a mess. It wasn’t a prank; it was just an accident. I guess his dog is a rescue.”
“Yeah.” Theo nodded. “I knew that.”
I blushed; I’d thought I knew everything there was to know about everyone in Highbury.
“I was thinking of making a donation—like to an animal shelter—in Travis’s name?” I said haltingly.
“Aw, that is a great thought, Em,” Theo said. “Or you could even think about volunteering at the shelter?”
“You’re right!” I cried, and slapped a hand to my forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Theo fake-dramatically cleared his throat. “Well, I am …”
“I know. A whole year older.” I rolled my eyes, even though I secretly loved the joke. The familiarity of Theo would always be comforting.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Theo said.
“Honestly? Yes. But … I think maybe this is something I should do on my own.”
“I think you’re probably right,” he said, taking a big bite of his sandwich. “But if you need help finding a place, you could ask my mom.”
“That I think I will do,” I said. “Thanks, Theo.” As we sat just the two of us at the cafeteria table, I realized who it was that did help make me the best Emma I could be: Theo. While Frankie tried to make me someone I wasn’t, Theo had always known just who I was. It was his patience that helped me figure out what I needed to do. I glanced over at his green eyes and suddenly felt my stomach swoop. Maybe there was one more thing that I hadn’t seen right in front of me.
“Anytime.” Theo smiled.
* * *
Theo’s mom told me about a shelter downtown that I could walk to. I knew it was there, of course, but I’d never really paid much attention. She said they were always in need of help at this time of year, and suggested I ask for her friend Mindy.
When I got there, I gave Mindy the donation money I’d brought. It was all the money I got returning all the stuff I’d bought for the dance for Hallie, and everything I had saved from my allowance. “Can I make the donation in someone’s name?” I asked her.
“Of course,” Mindy said.
I gave her Travis’s name, and then Mindy put me to work cleaning dog crates. She showed me how to hose them off, then use a brush to scrub between all the metal grates, then hose them again, and finally set them in the sun to dry. It was hard work, but it felt good to lose myself in it.
As I scrubbed, I thought about what I’d started to realize at lunch. Could I actually, maybe, like Theo? I’d never thought about him that way before, but we’d been friends for so long. All I knew was that my heart raced when I thought about things changing between us—maybe because that would be a scary change. But lately I’d been trying to accept that change could also be good.
After I finished at the dog shelter, I thanked Mindy and headed home. I was tired, but feeling better about myself, as I walked in the door.
I gave Cupid an extra-tight hug, thinking of all those cute little furry faces at the shelter, hoping for their forever homes. I began to wonder if I could do more to help them. If I, as a native Highburian, had never thought very often of the place, maybe they needed some publicity. Maybe an event, something like our school carnivals, but as a fund-raiser … I began to plan out ideas in my head.
* * *
A few days later, Travis came up to me at my locker. “I got this card,” he said. “It says you made a donation in my name to the Prince Street Shelter?”
I nodded. “I hope you don’t mind. I volunteered there the other day, and it was great. Hallie told me your dog is a rescue, which gave me the idea.”
“Yeah, that’s the shelter where we got Boxer!” Travis said, perking up at the mention of his dog. “He was pretty shy when we brought him home. That’s part of how that whole disaster at the carnival happened.” He made a sheepish face. “But now that he’s used to us, he’s doing so much better.”
“I’m glad,” I said. I wondered if Cupid and Boxer would get along.
“Hey, do you mind if I tag along and volunteer too?” Travis asked. “It would be nice to give back, since they rescued Boxer.”
I blinked in surprise. “Sure. I mean, I’m going after school today. You could meet me.”
“Cool. See you then.”
I watched him walk away. It certainly seemed like a good sign. But it still didn’t fix everything between me and Hallie, I knew.
I swallowed hard, thinking again about how it felt with her ignoring me, not eating lunch with me. We’d eaten lunch together practically every day since the fourth grade.
Suddenly, I couldn’t bear the thought of having lunch in the cafeteria without her. At least not today. I went to the library and asked Abby if she minded if I read a book there while I ate my sandwich. You’re not supposed to eat in the library, but she made a special exception for me. I guess there are some perks to having the librarian go out with your dad.
* * *
When I walked in the door to the Prince Street Shelter that afternoon, there was a surprise waiting for me. Hallie was standing there with Travis, and I could tell by her expression that she was goi
ng to forgive me. Maybe not all at once, right now, but by the time I reached her, there were tears in both our eyes and we were hugging each other tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“I’m sorry too, Em,” Hallie said. “I know how much work you put into that fall carnival, and if I really wanted you to understand about Travis, I should have explained.”
“I’m sorry three,” Travis said, stepping forward. “For bringing Boxer to the carnival and managing to let that horse free … Boxer wasn’t ready for that crowd yet.”
I swiped away some tears. “It’s okay. I’m glad Boxer didn’t get hurt. I guess it would have been kind of funny if I weren’t so obsessed with planning everything perfectly and controlling every last thing.” I turned to Hallie. “I’m going to work on not doing that as much.”
Hallie smiled and wiped away some tears of her own. “That sounds good to me.”
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted her our secret emoji.
She texted one back too, plus some hearts.
I hugged her again. Travis came in to the hug too and I had to laugh. I knew if Cupid were there, he would have jumped up on my legs, eager to join in the fun.
Hallie, Travis, and I worked hard cleaning cages and litter boxes for a few hours. We all admired the cuteness of the animals, and Travis and I talked about how we wished we could have more than one pet. I wondered if Cupid would be open to having a little furry sibling someday.
When Travis’s mom came to pick him up, Boxer bounded out of their van, and I gave him some extra apology petting. How could I ever have been so snooty about a dog? As he ran between all three of us, I could tell that he, and my friends, had forgiven me.
* * *
I came home to a note from Dad saying he’d be back in a few minutes, that he’d taken Cupid with him to the pharmacy drive-through. It was nice of him to let Cupid ride along.
The house was quiet. I walked upstairs, feeling lighter than I’d felt in days, now that things were patched up with Hallie.
I saw something on the floor at the edge of my closet and went to pick it up. It was the scarf that had been my mom’s, the one I’d worn to Frankie’s birthday dinner.
