by Ruby Vincent
Blown-up shots of him in various poses and clothes—even one in only boxers—covered the walls. They all looked down on a platform square in the middle of his room that housed one thing. His bed.
I had a moment to take this all in.
“There you are.” Hands grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me over his shoulder. He carried me across the jet-black carpet. “Are you on the pill?”
“Ye— Ah!” Landon tossed me unceremoniously on the bed.
“Good.” He disappeared for a moment but came back just as quickly. “This is for you.”
He shoved a sheaf of papers in my hands and then my underwear down my ankles. Half out of it, I tried to make sense of what I was holding as he spread my legs.
A mess of words and numbers gazed back at me.
What is this? It looks like—
Landon put his mouth on me and sucked. The papers crinkled in my fists.
The first moan tore from my lips unbidden. The second one I penned in. I bit my lip so hard I almost drew blood.
The sexual health test shook in my hands. “L-Landon, why—”
He propped himself up and gazed at me over my heaving chest. “I’m not wearing a condom. I’ve waited too fucking long to be with you. Nothing’s coming between us.”
“That works for me,” I breathed. I threw away the test and opened my arms. Landon fell into them. We rolled and pawed at each other reminiscent of our time on the mat. I pushed down his pants, and then his briefs. Finally, there was truly nothing between us.
I got on top of him but enjoyed my new position for only a moment. He flipped me over and pinned my arms over my head. Every nerve fizzled and came to life just at the look in his eyes.
Landon secured my wrists with one hand. The other traveled down my body, heading for its favorite destination. “Zela? Can I ask you something?”
My back arched off the bed as his fingers slipped inside. “Yes!”
“You’re not going to smother me this time, are you?”
I laughed breathlessly. “No promises.”
“Damn.” His fingers picked up speed and my body contorted until the top of my head touched the comforter. “Just to be safe.”
I had the perfect view of him reaching over and knocking all the pillows to the floor. I was mid-giggle when my muscles tensed. Explosions went off in my mind as pleasure ricocheted through my body like those bowling pins off our balls.
I collapsed into the sheets. Landon served up the best orgasms, but this one was ten times better just for what was coming after it.
We kissed, taking our time.
“Ready?” he whispered.
“Not yet.” I grabbed his shoulders and shoved. Landon blinked up at me when he suddenly found our positions reversed. “It’s my turn.”
I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heart flutter beneath my fingers. I bent my head and dropped kisses down his body.
“Fuck, Zela. I love you.”
“I love—”
Knock. Knock.
The door creaked open. “Landon? Zela?”
I yanked my head up so fast the momentum tipped me over. Screaming, I toppled off the bed and landed smack on the mound of pillows.
“Oops.”
That light and extremely unrepentant “oops” set off a string of curses.
“Dammit, Henrietta!” Landon scrambled off the bed. He practically fell on top of me in a rush to hide his nakedness. “What are you doing in here?!”
“What do you think I’m doing?” Henrietta leaned against the doorframe. “What kind of mother would I be if I left you alone all night with a girl? I’m much too young for grandchildren.”
My face was flaming. I clutched a pillow to my chest, desperately wishing most of my clothes weren’t in the other room.
“You chose today of all days to act like a mother?” he snapped.
To my surprise, she chuckled. “I also acted like a mother the day I pushed you out after eighteen hours of labor. It gave me the right to cockblock you, my sweet boy.”
I flushed even hotter at her choice of words. Goodness, this is a weird family.
“Both of you, get dressed,” she stated. “Then, meet us downstairs in five minutes. The four of us will watch a movie for the rest of the evening. I’m thinking a comedy.”
Henrietta walked off; her cackles echoed down the hallway.
I dropped my head on the mattress. “This is the most humiliating moment of my life.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry.”
Landon kept up a steady stream of apologies while we ducked out to the bowling room, dressed, and scurried downstairs.
Henrietta and Declan waited in the living room with twin knowing smiles. My embarrassment was compounded when they made me sit between them on the couch and forced Landon to another. He glared daggers at his parents all through the movie. This was not how I thought my night would end.
At nine thirty, Declan bundled me up and stated he’d drive me to Adam’s. Landon had a lot to say about it, but his parents refused his demands.
“I’ll go straight there and back,” Landon argued. He trailed us to the door while I scurried behind Declan, head down, lips shut. “You can time me.”
“Sorry, Landon. You have to pack for the trip anyway.”
He let out a frustrated groan. “You know she’s never going to come back here again, right?”
Henrietta spoke up from the foot of the stairs. “I’m sure you’ll sneak her in the next time we’re out of the house.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Hell, please open up and swallow me now.
“But you got caught this time and you have to deal, Landon,” she continued. “Zela?”
“Yes, Henrietta?”
“I hope we see you soon. You’re absolutely adorable and we must hang out again. We’ll do a girls’ day.”
“Um. Okay.”
“Perfect.” Her smile lit up her already beautiful face. “The dress and the shoes are yours. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
She waved and disappeared up the stairs. I honestly wasn’t mad at her for busting in. It’s not like my mother would have sat quietly in her office while I ran naked through the house with a boy, but I was heady on Landon and at least figured he’d remember to lock the door.
Landon took my hands and gave me a chaste kiss. “I’m sorry about tonight.”
“It’s okay,” I said softly. I was highly aware of his father listening in. “I had a great time.”
“I promise I’ll see you before I leave. I won’t go without saying goodbye properly.”
I wanted to believe we’d get to finish what we started, but even if we didn’t before he left, we’d see each other at the academy. No one would interrupt us in our dorms.
Jordan and Adam were watching television in my room when I returned.
“Is there a reason you couldn’t do this in one of your rooms?”
I locked the door and stripped out of my Zeke clothes. Declan looked at me funny when I redressed in the car, but he didn’t ask questions.
“We wanted to hear everything the second you came back,” Jordan replied. “How did it go?”
I flopped face-first on the bed. “I will never speak of this night again.”
A hand patted my head. “The sex was that bad, huh?”
I swung out and a yelp told me my swat connected.
“There was no sex, and I’m serious, we’re never talking about this.”
My resolution held for one hour. Their wheedling soon wore me down and I spilled the whole sorry affair. Adam and Jordan both fell off the bed, clutching their sides. So ended the best and equally worst day of my life.
AUNT BEV LEANED OUT of the car window and kissed my cheek.
“I’ll be back for you on Saturday, Zee.”
“You don’t have to. Adam’s driver can bring me back.”
She gave me a look. “You’re settling into this life nicely, aren’t you? We’re not imposing on Miss Val’s hospi
tality. I have Saturday off. I’m going to pick you up.”
Arguing with my aunt would get me as far as arguing with my mother—as in nowhere.
“Okay,” I said instead.
She stroked my cheek. “We can stop off on the way back, get lunch, and talk. Just you and me.”
“I’d love that.” I really would. Aunt Bev was tough, but she was always on my side.
“Bye, Val. Bye, Maverick. Bye, Ezra.”
I glanced past Aunt Bev to see Jordan coming out of the mansion, trailed by Val and her family. She rattled off goodbyes as she came down the stairs.
“Bye, Esme.”
The young girl shot away from the pack and grabbed my cousin in a tight hug. Esme loved Jordan, but then, Jordan took her first kick in stride and spent the rest of the time praising and playing with Esme until she warmed up to her. I tried that but didn’t get the same results. Jordan just had the gift.
“I’ll see you soon, beautiful,” Jordan said to her. “You keep your big brother in line until I come back.”
She giggled. “I will.”
“Hey,” Adam cried. He slipped between his parents, holding Jessie. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”
“Not in your case, Moon.”
The two closed the distance between them like a force was pulling them in, but they stopped just short of arm’s reach. Aunt Bev watched them like a hawk. Any sign that they were more than friends and these sleepovers would be at an end.
Jordan leaned in and kissed the baby. I couldn’t hear what she said, but I caught her lips moving. Adam lifted his hand but stopped just short of touching her. They backed away from each other and she came down the rest of the way, waving goodbye to everyone else.
Jordan and I squeezed each other tight like it would be a year-long separation instead of a week.
“Did you have fun?” Aunt Bev asked.
“So much fun, Mom.” Jordan tossed her bags in the back and then ran around to the passenger seat. “They invited me for winter break too, and Miss Val said I’m welcome to come on the weekends when Adam is home from school.”
“We’ll see,” Aunt Bev said simply.
The two stuck their hands out of the window and waved to me one last time as they rumbled toward the gates.
Adam stepped up to my side and handed me Jessie. The baby pressed her face to my cheek.
“It’s the original crew once again,” he said. “Want to hang by the pool? I need to get some practice in.”
“Sure,” I said in between snuggling Jessie. “I’m going to have like fifty of these. I swear.”
He snorted. “They’re not always this sweet and cute, you know. She’s peed on me twice while changing her diaper, and yesterday she bit me.”
“That can’t be true,” I cooed at Jessie. “You’re always this adorable. You’re the sweetest baby ever.”
Adam wandered off, rolling his eyes, but we were right behind him.
Val agreed to let Jessie join us. When Esme saw Val putting Jessie in her flowery pink bathing suit, she said she wanted to swim too. Esme came back in the room wearing her two-piece and holding the hands of the twins she dressed herself. Sophia and Samuel cheesed at their mother as she planted her hands on her hips.
“I guess we’re having a pool day,” she said. “Better go get your daddies.”
And that’s how we all ended up in their luxurious water playland. Even with his complaining, Adam took his sister from me when we got out to the pool. She shrieked happily as he dipped her in and out of the water, tickling her stomach with his nose on the way up.
I was spoiled for choice between the hot tub, pool, slides, and tubes, but ended up reclining fully dressed next to Ezra on a lawn chair. It was getting harder to be Zeke. I had to double up on my bindings lately and my boy pants were bunching up weird around my hips. I wasn’t going to test my fate in trunks and a swim shirt.
“So what are you and Adam going to get up to for the rest of the week?” Ezra asked.
I shrugged. “This, most likely. I’ll chill here and catch up on some reading while he practices.”
He turned to look at me and once again I was struck by his eyes. They were hauntingly dark. Not even the blazing sun lent light to those inky, black pools.
“You don’t have to spend the whole week in,” he said. “You can come with me to the station on Monday. I’ll give you a tour.”
I perked up. “Really? That would be awesome.”
“No problem.”
“Daddy!” A sharp cry cut through our conversation. “Come play with me!”
Ezra winked at me. “If you’ll excuse me, Princess Esme requires my attention.”
I watched him go. Esme leaped out of the water and threw herself in her dad’s arms. He promptly flung her back in the pool to Val’s cry. Esme popped out of the water laughing her head off while Val splashed Ezra. He retaliated by jumping on her and bringing them both down.
A vision formed in my head as I watched them.
Landon grabbed me around the waist and pulled us under. I fought to get away as Cole shook his head at our antics. Riding his shoulder safely above the water was a blond-haired beauty that looked just like her dad. Behind them, Michael taught our oldest how to swim. The little boy kicked his feet, his face scrunched up with determination as Michael held him.
Face warming, I shook the thought away. I had no idea where that came from. The world Val created for herself with her loves was unlikely to be my reality. Landon said he was okay with me dating other people but how long would that last now that things were getting more serious between us. There was also the fact that Michael and I were still dancing around this thing, and Cole kept every feeling other than pissed close to the vest.
I didn’t know if they would be as cool with the two of us being the four of us long term. I also didn’t know how to have that conversation. Did they want a future with me badly enough to accept it on my terms?
I sighed, letting my eyes flutter shut. “Future,” I whispered.
Unbidden, the vision returned, but this time there was an addition.
“Watch it, Zee.” Derek wiped off the splash of pool water. “I’m trying to read.”
I escaped Landon’s clutches and swam to the rim of the pool. “Well, stop trying and get in here. Your fifty nieces and nephews want to play with you.”
Derek flashed me a grin. “Make me.”
He was off and racing across the lawn before I heaved myself over the side.
The smile remained on my face as I pulled myself out of the scene. I wanted that. Ever since I found out my brother existed; I imagined every future with him in it. Trying to let go of that now made as much sense to me as letting go of my limbs. I needed them. I needed him.
The next thing I knew, my phone was in my hand. I held back from texting him for weeks. The dozens I sent him during the last week of school went unanswered and Jordan finally told me to give him some space. But I had given him as much as I could stand.
Me: You have every right to be mad at me. I know all of this is confusing, but believe me, what we have is real. I never meant to lie to you. Please give me a chance to explain.
I wanted to say more, but I ended it there. I sent him enough texts to fill a book after he ran from me. All I wanted now was for him to let me say the rest to his face.
I dropped my phone in my lap and willed it to buzz. Screams, splashing, and laughter faded to a dull roar. Nothing else existed.
Please, please, please.
I reflected in the black screen. Anxiety etched lines around my mouth and eyes. I worried my lip between my teeth—a habit I broke myself of years ago.
Please, Derek.
My screen lit up.
I almost knocked the phone to the floor snatching it up. His name shone bold and clear on the screen and relief swelled my chest. Jordan was right. All he needed was time.
I opened his message.
Derek: Stop.
My face, my hopes, my e
verything sank.
That was it. One word. But I knew Derek Grayson by now. That one word said it all.
The screen blurred. Tears filled my eyes and I wiped them away quickly before anyone noticed.
My phone buzzed again.
555-9672: Is this Zela?
Wetness smeared across the surface as I typed a reply.
Me: Yes. Cole?
The day before, Landon came over to say goodbye and told me that Cole asked for my number.
Cole: Yeah. Where are you?
Heaviness settled in the pit of my stomach like a lodestone. More tears threatened to fall. All I could think about was him. Should I say something to Derek? Should I call him? I can’t leave it like this.
After a minute, I texted Cole a reply.
Me: Adam’s place.
Cole: What are you doing?
My exhales shuddered around the lump in my throat. I fought for every ragged breath. My body internalized the pain I wouldn’t let it express and thousands of needles pricked my skin. The weight on my chest grew heavier.
I typed out a hasty reply as the attack came on.
Me: I’m trying not to let everyone see me cry as everything I’ve worked for over the last two years crashes down around me.
I couldn’t say why I chose to go with honesty at that moment. All I knew was every ounce of strength went toward keeping me together. I had nothing left to lie.
My phone didn’t vibrate for a full five minutes, then, his message came.
Cole: I’ll be there in twenty minutes.
I sat up straighter. Surprise held back the tide of crushing sorrow for the barest moment.
Me: No, you don’t have to do that.
I waited four, five, ten minutes, but Cole did not respond. At minute eleven, I called him. He didn’t pick up the phone.
Getting to my feet, I gestured for Val.
She stopped pushing little Sammy in his tube. “Yes?”
“I think... my friend is coming over,” I said. “Is that okay?”
“Of course it is. Invite him to join us for lunch.”
I nodded and went out to wait on the front porch. On the way out, I realized the attack had passed.
