by Brooke May
My words freeze in my throat. They want to wilt away and die instead of come out.
“Worthy of what, Duke?”
Shit.
She catches on too quickly. How could I have forgotten she doesn’t miss much?
Get your shit together and tell her.
It had nothing to do with my friends joining and leaving Centennial and everything to do with Patience.
“Of you.”
“What?” My chest instantly feels a chill when she lifts her head off me.
Moving to sit against the headboard, I make a grab for her, but she doesn’t come.
At least not willingly.
“You were everything to me, Patience; my first friend, my best friend, the person who would listen to me whenever I needed to talk, and the love of my life. I never felt worthy of having you in my life, and I thought the way I could prove it was by joining the Marines and making something of myself.”
“What made you think you weren’t worthy?”
“Look at you.” I wave a hand at her beauty. “You are perfection. I was young and confused. I didn’t think you cared for me the same way. Not until that night, I didn’t. But by then, it was too late.”
“You could have told me that night.” She sulks.
“And have our last night together end in a fight rather than how we spent it? No thank you. If I had known how you felt all along, I would have only changed one thing.”
“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”
“I would have told you and taken you with me right then and there.” Pulling her against me, I’m relieved when she comes willingly this time. “I would have told you to tell Greg to fuck off, and you would have gone with me to wherever I went except on my deployments.”
“It still hurts that you never told me.”
“I know, and that’s my fuck up. I will probably never forgive myself for it because of the hell I led you to live. If I could go back and fix it, I would, but—”
“Time can heal all wounds. I should know that better than anyone. Mine may not still be completely healed, but having you back in my life is something I’m positive will help me heal faster.”
“I …” Trailing off, I don’t know what to say.
“It’s okay.” She flashes me a weak smile. “You don’t have to say something every time I do if you don’t have words. But understand I can feel it in your silence like I can now.”
How can she be any more perfect for me?
“Besides, you’ve always been the silent type. Over the years, I got used to reading you when others couldn’t.”
“Very funny.” I dig into her side, making her giggle.
“Stop it!” Batting my hands away, she throws a leg over me to straddle my lap. “You didn’t have to quit being my friend as well.”
I’m a little sad she doesn’t have long hair that she could be flipping over one shoulder and start to play with the ends while looking down at me.
Rolling my lips, I agree with her. “I know.” This is another difficult fuckup I need to own. “I had planned on it. I wanted to come back for you after basic, but when I got the news you were in Alabama and with Greg, getting married to him, I couldn’t see you happy with someone who wasn’t me. It was selfish and a dick move, but I just couldn’t handle it, Patience.”
“Well, we have time now.” The sultry grin she flashes me makes my already hardening dick jump, causing it to hit her center and her mouth to open on a gasp.
“What was it like … serving? Being overseas and seeing what you’ve seen?”
“I’m not going to lie to you; it wasn’t easy, snowflake. It was horrible at times, but I was taken care of. I liked being a part of something bigger than myself and what was here for a time, but it took its toll.”
Where the hell is my filter?
“Took its toll? What do you mean, Duke?”
The tips of my fingers itch as I rub them together.
“I was medically discharged, Patience.” Mild shock registers on her angelic face, but she quickly covers it. “That’s why I came home when I did. I … umm … wanted to come home, but I wasn’t sure when. Then they made their prognosis, and I instantly got on meds, but they still discharged me.”
“A-Ar-Are you still on them?”
“Yes.” Nodding my head, I stare at her. “But it hasn’t been as bad since I started staying here with you.”
“I help?” Wonder and disbelief touch her voice.
“More than I could ever possibly describe. Holding you calms me, and I haven’t had any nightmares since we slept together for the first time.”
“The first time we were together or together?” She emphasizes as she grinds down on my lap.
“Fuck.” My head thumps against the headboard, and I look back up just in time to meet her lips with mine.
“A small part of me always knew you would come back.” She rolls her hips. “And I’m glad you did.” She lifts her shirt, the only thing concealing her amazing body, over her head and tosses it off the bed.
“Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Patience
I WAS THRILLED TO see Duke had already made himself at home when I got home this evening. It wasn’t to the extent I thought he would have, considering the time of night but he was still infusing his things with mine.
He told me he had been out all day with his dad and didn’t get here until an hour before me. I was reluctant to fill him in about my day. My horrible day of dealing with yet another woman I came to learn was one of Greg’s mistresses. Cheryl is a great deal older than both Greg and myself, but it didn’t stop her from acting like a teenager as she smugly rubbed it in my face that she had been with my husband more times than I had in the years we’d been back. I ran her out of my café, and my family took care of removing her from the store.
Coming home to Duke and pizza was an excellent way to end my draining day. But seeing Duke in my home where I never thought I would see him amps up my body.
After a quick dinner while we put his stuff away, I showered and decided to pull on one of his shirts for bed rather than my pajamas. I kept my socks on, of course, but I had full intention of taking advantage of our new living situation and the body heat he willingly shares with me.
And I’m so very glad I did.
The only thing obstructing the pleasure I know he wants just as badly as I do is the shirt. But this time around, I want nothing between us. I love him, and I know he is back to stay with me for good. I don’t care if I get pregnant again.
Momentarily, I halt my rolling hips to help him pull his boxers down, freeing his straining erection as our mouths meld together. Far more graceful than I ever thought I was capable of, his shirt is ripped from over my head, and I hover over him.
I am wet for him.
“Wait, Patience.” His hands wrap around my waist, making me feel smaller than I thought I was and stopping me from lowering myself on him. “Are you okay without a condom?”
“You’re clean?” He’s already told me that he was.
“Of course. That was just another test I had done regularly when I was active.”
“Good.” His grip loosens, and I sink onto his lap, his very well-endowed erection filling me very slowly and very fully. “Oh, God.”
I feel him pulsing within me, matching the beat of my own racing heart as I adjust to his size.
“Fuck, you feel amazing.” His jaw clenches, his neck flexing as he tries to rein in some semblance of control.
“So do you.” Gradually, I start to rock my hips, my clit rubbing against the base of his erection just perfectly. “Duke.” His name is a breath that leaves my body. I brace my hands on his chest as I continue to ride him.
His heart beating under my palm is the tempo in which I set my pace.
Our eyes stay locked as our passion, love, and commitment for one another radiate between us, and we draw closer and closer to our releases. His sapphire orbs glow and see right through to my soul befo
re my eyes flutter shut.
“Oh.” Panting, I start to speed up, rocking on him harder, shorter, unevenly, but I don’t care. He feels too damn good.
“Fuck, Patience.” Holding my hips, Duke lifts off the bed to meet my thrusts with his own. I clench around him in even holds, palpating my grip around his shaft.
“I’m close.” Breathing, I lean forward until I am barely touching the light layer of sweat beading across his brow. I can still taste him as I breathe him in. I stagger to take in a breath, and my pace changes when he quickly shifts to capture one of my nipples.
He doesn’t bite, only licks and sucks me deeper into his mouth at the same time his erection fills and hits me in the most delirious way. His hands form to my butt; kneading, squeezing, and pulling me closer to him even when I am fully seated on his lap.
“Let me look at you.” He sits up, making us nose to nose. I release a deep moan, rattling everything inside me. “Fuck, I feel every part of you.” He emphasizes his words with a thrust.
One of his hands glides up the center of me, pushing on my back until he gently wraps it around my neck, and then up into my hair before he returns to my butt.
“You’re going to come for me, snowflake?”
“Yes,” I pant, keeping my head back. My back arches, and I hold on while he thrusts into me.
“You’re going to come all over my dick?”
“Oh, God, yes,” I cry.
“I’m going to come in you, Patience.” He grunts, his thrusts growing frantic. “Now!” He shouts, and I cry out in pleasure as my orgasm hits me. My body winds incredibly tight until it slowly seeps out of me.
When my body collapses onto his chest, I welcome the warmth and sweat. My breathing is hard to control because I’m trying to keep up with his.
My head is plastered to his chest, but our breathing returns to normal as we lie together. I know he isn’t asleep because he’s running his fingers through my short hair while mine repeat the same as they run up and down his taut chest.
“What are your nightmares about?”
His fingers pause and then continue again when he begins to answer. I feel his chest rumble under my ear.
“Things I’ve seen and done.” He moves us a little so I am forced to look at him. “All things I would rather not talk about, Patience. I don’t want you to worry about any of it or have it in your head. I’m medicated and not having them now.”
Giving him a soft smile, I cuddle back into him. “Okay.”
“That’s it? Okay?”
I laugh at his disbelief. “Yes. I won’t push it. If you think it will haunt me, then I’m good with not knowing any more. If you feel you have everything under control, then I’m okay with that. I’m here if you need me, and you already told me that me being here is what you need.”
“All right.” I can tell by the tone of his voice that he still doesn’t believe I don’t want to know more. And I don’t blame him. I used to bug the shit out of him, or anyone for that matter, when I wanted information, but I won’t do that to him now. I really don’t need to know.
“I do have a question, though.” He breaks the silence.
“Of course you do.” Adjusting myself, I get comfortable.
“Why did you stay with him?” I try to keep from bristling at the mention of my ex asshole, especially while I’m in bed with the man I love. “The Patience I knew would have never put up with any of his shit.”
“Honestly, I don’t really know why I stayed with him for so long. I thought maybe staying with him was the right thing to do at one point, but now I see I was just scared of being alone. I was wrong, and I suffered for it in the hell I created by staying with him.”
“When did you know?”
“Know that I would be fine without him?” Rolling my shoulders, I pull the blanket up to cover us. “After he messed up his football career, he changed and blamed Abel and me for all of it, but it never had anything to do with us. He let himself get carried away with being a big shot, and it got out of hand. I feel horrible for living a lie with him.”
“Hey, you didn’t do anything wrong. Greg did; he should have done right by you and made sure you would be okay after our son passed away and then let you go rather than dragging you down with him.”
I never thought of it that way before, but it is the truth.
He did drag me down, and I let him. The old Patience would have never let that happen.
What happened to me?
I lost my way; that’s what happened.
Turning my head, I peek up at Duke through my lashes.
And now I’ve found my way back.
Chapter Thirty
Patience
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE days when gas station attendants would come out and fill up your car for you? I was certain it still happened somewhere just not in the tiny ass town where I lived.
Instead, I’m left to freeze my ass off as I hop around to stay warm while the pump fills up my mom’s car. I used to say I wasn’t made for these cold temperatures, but since I’ve lived in a warmer place, I can say I’d take the cold over the sticky heat any day.
But I always second-guess myself when my nostrils stick together when I attempt to breathe, forcing me to open my mouth and causing my lips to dry up.
I really strongly dislike this bitter cold.
I came prepared to fill up the car looking like the Michelin Man with only my face peeking out from the layers I’ve wrapped around myself. I thought I would be plenty warm to get the job done, but I was wrong.
Very wrong.
I get why bears hibernate now. I’m starting to find I should do the same when these insanely low temps decide to settle in.
Or make Duke fill the car up for me.
My scarf rubs against my frozen cheeks as I smile at the thought of Duke. Knowing he’s mine now helps warm me from the inside out. My body temperature steadily rises at the mere thought of Duke. He’s been heaven to have back home with me. The past couple of weeks have been amazing. At times, it feels like no time has passed, as if time didn’t change anything between the two of us. He’s still the same man who was my best friend growing up, but now he is so much more.
Waking to his masculine perfection every morning has made it more and more difficult to get out of bed to head into work. The only time it is easy is when he gets up at the same time as I do to go to work for either his dad or at the sheriff’s office. And that is most mornings. On the rare day he takes off, I have to nearly push myself out of bed so I am not late to open the café.
I used to dread the evenings when I got off work. When Greg and I were still married, I would struggle to force myself to go home and deal with the lack of communication—hell, the lack of everything with him; love, friendship, commitment, and everything else you would think comes with being married.
And then when Greg was finally gone, I was terrified of going home to a dark, empty house by myself. I was scared Greg would do something even though I knew him better than that; he’s too lazy to give a rat’s ass about bugging me in the dead of night.
Part of me still fears he may be drunk enough one night to do something, but then I remind myself that Duke would never let anything happen to me.
Most of all, the emptiness of my house reflects how empty I felt inside. I had no one to help me warm the house. Not in the way of actual heat, but to fill the walls of the house with love, laughter, and joy and to bring it warmth only a home can possess. Like when it was my grandma’s house.
Going home now, I can feel that coldness receding because dinnertime is no longer dead silent but filled with conversation and laughter, touching and sweet kisses that turn heated with ease.
I’m excited to close up shop for the night and find myself preparing things for the next day when I can throughout the day just to get home in time to make a nice meal for the two of us to share as we unwind for the day.
This is the feeling I’ve longed for.
This love is what I’ve
always dreamed of having.
And I get it all with Duke, just as I’ve always wanted.
The pump dings, bringing me back to my chilled reality. My heavily gloved hands wrap around the pump, and I squeeze it until I get to an even amount before pulling it out and returning it.
I try not to sniffle as I reach in to grab my wallet, lock the car, and walk into the gas station to pay. I’m stomping my feet to free the snow clinging around the bottom of my boots and not looking up to pay any attention to my surroundings.
I know where I am going and know there isn’t going to be a whole lot of people running errands today, so the gas station is pretty dead. The snowstorm last night is keeping most people indoors. The café could have had crickets sounding around the place if it wasn’t for the constant stream of country music coming through the speakers scattered throughout the store.
Shaking myself off, I walk around the counter to pay and stop when I see two very familiar people paying for their items.
Some things never change.
Greg’s mom stands behind her oldest daughter, the one I was never around, and doesn’t even acknowledge how horrible she has always been to me. Her arms are crossed, and she is trying to look better than everyone by sticking her nose in the air while her daughter pays for the chocolate donuts, pop, and a carton of her cigarettes.
Why couldn’t it have been Willa?
Just when everything was starting to work out perfectly, I have to run into the evil ex-mother-in-law, and having the ex-sister-in-law from hell with her makes it that much worse. Georgina had belittled me and was always cruel to me even when I was still in high school and just dating her younger brother. I don’t get why Willa sticks around her family.
I don’t need to get anything other than gas, but right now, I really wish I did. Darting to the left and right, I try to find the quickest escape, deciding come back to the counter once they are out of the building, but my luck seems to be shit at the moment.
