by L. G. Davis
“I arrived a few minutes ago. You were on the phone. I didn’t want to disturb you.” A nervous laugh escapes my lips. “Don’t worry about me. It’s a small cut. Nothing serious. As you can see, I took care of it.”
For a split second, I consider telling Jared everything, but I can’t get myself to. I don’t want him to look at me differently.
The first time he saw me, he made me feel normal, perfect, undamaged. But if he knew the truth about me, he might walk away.
“It’s Friday night and I’m not working tonight,” he says when he’s sure I’m all right. “Should we watch a movie?”
“That would be nice. I’ll bring out the snacks.”
I don’t want to watch a movie. I want to curl up in our bed and weep.
“Sounds great. I’ll find a movie for us.” He leaves the kitchen with his glass of water and I open the snack cabinet.
I feel nothing as I pour chips and nuts into bowls, my body numb as though it has been switched off.
I finally make it to the living room and sit down next to my husband. Like a normal couple, we eat our snacks and watch a black and white movie. But only my body is in the room. My mind is far away, still at the lake with Victor.
The image of him on top of me makes my stomach turn. I taste bile at the back of my throat, but I swallow it down before it escapes my mouth.
The movie ends without me knowing what it was about. Luckily, Jared is too exhausted to discuss it. We both stand up and go to the bedroom, where I lie in my husband’s arms, wishing he could protect me. Without knowing what happened, he won’t be able to.
At midnight, I wake up as usual. This time, the nightmare that wakes me is from the present, not the past.
To get back my control, I do what I do best. I get out of bed and clean. I start with the guest bathroom downstairs, then I move to the living room, where I clean up the mess we made while watching the movie.
When I’m done, my chest is lighter and I’m breathing easier. Unable to return to bed, I sink onto the couch and sit with my head in my hands.
“Kelsey?” Jared says from the doorway and my head snaps up.
“Hey,” I say, breathless. “Why are you awake? It’s late.”
“I got a call.” He comes to sit next to me. “It was Rachel. Apparently, Victor didn’t come home after he went jogging after dinner.” Jared’s face is pale and I can see that he’s clearly worried.
His words strike me like a bolt of lightning. Why didn’t Victor return home? What if he didn’t wake up after I hit him? Did I even hit him that hard? The only thing on my mind was getting as far away from him as possible. I wasn’t interested in the extent of his injuries.
“Oh, my God,” I say. “How’s Rachel?”
“Worried. But then again Victor says she worries about everything. I told her he could be at the hospital, maybe called in for an emergency surgery. She refused to believe it.” Jared sighs. “I’ll go and check up on her.”
“Do you want me to come?”
“No. Don and Linda are going there as well. Let’s not overwhelm her with too many visitors. We’ll wait with her. I’m sure Victor will show up. You go to bed.”
Sleep is the last thing on my mind.
“Okay,” I say. I’m so relieved that he doesn’t want me to accompany him. The thought of being inside my rapist’s house makes me feel sick.
Jared leaves and doesn’t return for over an hour. When he finally does, he looks even more pale and his hair and t-shirt are rumpled.
“What happened? Did he come home?”
He shakes his head. “And we called the hospital. He wasn’t called in. I came to let you know that we’re all going to search the beach. The cops won’t do anything until twenty-four hours have passed.” He pulls me close. “I’m glad you didn’t go jogging tonight.”
My stomach twists when I remember that I didn’t tell him I changed my mind about going to the gym. Now doesn’t feel like the right time to bring it up.
“Me too,” I murmur. He has no idea how much I regret going for a run. What seemed like a small insignificant decision has changed everything.
“I need to get a flashlight from the basement.”
“Get me one as well. I’m coming with.” I lift myself from the couch.
Two hours later, it’s 3:00 a.m., and many people from our neighborhood have searched the beach. Victor was nowhere to be found.
When Jared and I enter the house, we are both exhausted and I’m confused. How is it possible that Victor just disappeared into thin air? I had shined my light on the spot I’d left him and found nothing. It actually looked undisturbed.
Where is he and what does it mean for me?
“I don’t understand why he would do something so stupid, to disappear without an explanation. Especially since he knows that Rachel likes to worry.”
“Maybe he told her he’s going somewhere and she forgot.” I don’t know what else to say to make sense of the situation.
“But he’s not answering my calls.” Jared strokes his chin. “I hope he’s not out doing something stupid.”
“Like what?” I asked casually.
“Never mind.” Jared turns to me and pulls me close. “Hopefully, he’ll turn up.”
“Yeah,” I say, biting my lower lip. “Let’s hope so.” I want him to turn up for Rachel’s sake, but not for mine. I never want to see the man again.
Back in our bed, I don’t sleep at all. I stay awake for most hours of the night, thinking about every possible scenario that has to do with Victor’s disappearance. Many questions swirl through my mind, but I don’t find any answers.
I fall asleep an hour or so before the sun comes out.
Jared is the first one to get out of bed. I find him in the kitchen, already ready for his morning shift at the station.
“Did you hear any news about Victor?” I rub the sleep from my eyes.
“I’m afraid not,” he says, his face clouded with worry. Would he still be that worried if he knew what Victor did to his wife?
He downs his bitter coffee and rises from the kitchen table. “I’ll see you later. Don’t leave the house without telling me where you’re going.”
I nod and kiss his cheek. As soon as he steps through the door, I sink to the floor and finally break apart without anyone watching.
Chapter 4
It’s been over forty-eight hours and Victor has not turned up. The cops have been unable to locate him.
Several other women from the neighborhood and I are at Rachel’s house, trying our best to comfort her.
“I don’t understand,” she says, shredding a piece of tissue in her lap. “What if he’s hurt?”
“Don’t think like that, sweetie.” Linda reaches for Rachel’s hand. “I’m sure he’ll turn up at some point.”
“It’s been two days. He never disappears without telling me where he’s going.” She purses her lips as tears roll down her cheeks. “It’s unlike him.”
Being around them makes me uncomfortable. I was probably the last person to see Victor before he disappeared and I can’t say a word. I’m sure if I tell the cops what happened, they might be able to track him down. But then I’d have to tell them everything that happened. Everything.
I can’t.
There’s no way I can go to the cops and tell them everything without getting myself exposed. It’s too late now anyway. I’ve waited too long.
I have to continue pretending I know nothing, that I didn’t see Victor that night, that he didn’t rape me. It’s hard because I can still feel the burn of his touch on my skin.
I feel sorry for Rachel, but deep down, I can’t help feeling that Victor would have hurt her even more if he stayed. After what he did to me, I’m sure that he doesn’t love her enough.
I pull Rachel into my arms and she leans into me. “It was our fifth wedding anniversary yesterday,” she says, her warm tears sinking into my silk blouse.
“I’m so sorry, Rachel.” I wish I could tell
her the truth, but it would only make her pain worse. Hearing that her husband is a rapist would destroy her. By remaining silent I’m actually doing her a favor.
Rachel pulls away and looks into my eyes. Her brown gaze is so intense that I wonder whether she can see through me. Thankfully, she looks away again and accepts a hug from Theresa, another one of her friends. Her real friends.
“We have to remain hopeful,” Theresa says, rubbing her back. “We have to believe that he’ll come back with a good explanation.”
“Thank you.” Rachel breaks the embrace. “Thank you all for being here.”
While the others continue to fuss over her, my mind is running wild. Even though I never want to see Victor again, I need to find out what happened to him. Having him gone puts me at a great disadvantage.
Being in the dark makes me nervous. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ll never be able to relax if I don’t know where he is. He is out there and he knows my secrets.
What if he disappeared because he’s worried I might go to the cops to report him? But it doesn’t make sense. If he knows my secrets, he’d know I have as much to lose as he does. He knows I’d want to keep my past a secret from everyone, especially Jared.
We spend another hour with Rachel until she politely asks us to leave, saying she wants to take a nap. I’m relieved to finally be able to leave their house. I hate seeing photos of Victor around the house.
My relief is short-lived. When I step out of Victor and Rachel’s house, I spot a police car in front of ours.
As I put one foot in front of the other, I’m glad the other wives had left a few minutes before me or they would be asking questions.
Jared’s SUV is parked in the driveway next to the cop’s car. When I left to go to Rachel, he had still been at work.
Why is he back early?
Stay calm, I say to myself as I open our gate and enter the house, which smells of strong coffee.
I find Jared and the cop in the kitchen with coffee mugs in their hands.
“Sweetheart,” Jared calls when he sees me in the doorway. “Come in here for a second.”
I move as though I’m wading through water. The kitchen door is only a few steps from the table, but it feels as though I’m traveling the entire world to get to it.
The cop is a man with thick, completely gray hair and a forehead so shiny it looks polished. “I’m Officer Smith,” he says, standing up to shake my hand. He’s wrapped in the scent of sweat and Old Spice.
I discreetly wipe the palm of my hand on my jeans before offering it to him with a smile. “It’s good to meet you, officer.”
Jared comes to put an arm around my shoulders. “Sweetheart, Officer Smith is here to find out if we know anything about Victor’s whereabouts.”
“Oh, okay,” I say casually and sink into a nearby chair, not because I want to sit down, but because I’m not sure how long my legs would be able to hold me up. “I’m happy to help with anything.” I sound different to my own ears, but I cover my discomfort with a smile.
“Perfect,” Officer Smith says. “When was the last time you saw Mr. Hanes?”
“I think it was on the day he disappeared.” When I notice I’m fiddling with my pearl earring, I drop my hand. I wouldn’t want him to think I’m nervous. “But it was from a distance. He was getting into his car.”
Officer Smith taps his fingers against his lips. “And what time of day was that?”
“Around noon, I think.”
“And you didn’t see him anymore after that?”
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t see him or his wife.” Before I became Kelsey Bloom, I was a terrible liar. It did not come easy to me at all, but now I’m a professional. If I can lie to a cop, I can lie to anyone.
The officer asks me a few more questions and I answer them as best I can without giving myself away. He doesn’t seem suspicious at all and I’m grateful for that.
“Well,” he says finally, pushing to his feet. “Thank you for taking the time to speak to me. I have to move on to the next house. Hopefully, we can get some answers by evening.”
“Please do your best to find him, officer,” Jared says. “Victor would never disappear like that, not without telling his wife where he’s going.”
“We promise to do just that.” Officer Smith pushes his notepad into his breast pocket along with the pen. “If you come up with any information that could help with the investigation, please don’t hesitate to call.”
He hands me his business card because I’m closest to him. I don’t even look down at it. Instead, I give him my full attention. Diverting my gaze from him might make him suspicious. “We’ll do that,” I say.
Jared and I escort him out of the house and watch him get into his car.
“Where were you?” Jared asks, a thin thread of warning in his tone. Does he suspect I might lie to him? “I came home and you were not here. You know I hate it when you lie to me.” He slams the door shut.
“I didn’t lie.” I wrap my arms around me, my insides shaking. He never lays a hand on me, but sometimes his words have the power to unravel me.
“You did,” he barks. “You told me you’d be home all day.” He narrows his eyes. “Look at you, you’re a mess. Why didn’t you comb your hair?”
My hand goes to my ponytail. “I left the house in a hurry.” I inhale sharply. “The other ladies were visiting Rachel, so I decided to join them.” I didn’t want to be alone with Rachel.
Jared pins me with his gaze until I squirm with discomfort, then out of nowhere, his lips stretch into a grin. “It’s kind of you to visit her.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Just let me know next time.”
“I called you, but you didn’t answer your phone.”
“Then send me a text next time,” he barks. “I need to know where you are. I need to know you’re safe.”
I nod and keep my mouth shut. In the past I would have tried to assure him that Sanlow is safe, but now I’ve discovered the dark side to the cozy little town.
As soon as he lets me off the hook, I go to the bathroom to catch my breath. But I forget to close the door. After leaning over the basin for a while, I turn around to find Jared standing there, watching me suspiciously.
“Are you okay?” He narrows his eyes. “You look pale.”
“I’m...I’m fine. I just have a migraine. I’ll take a painkiller.”
“Fine.” He turns and walks away.
Alone again, I wonder whether he knows something. The way he looked at me was different. Or it could be that I’m being paranoid.
Chapter 5
As I walk down the fresh produce aisle of Green Grocer’s, dressed in a turquoise summer dress Jared picked out for me this morning, the hairs at the nape of my neck rise.
It’s been two weeks since Victor disappeared and I constantly feel as though I’m being watched.
Holding my breath, I scan the space around me, but everything seems normal. Aside from the locals doing their Friday evening shopping, nothing seems out of the ordinary. No one seems suspicious.
Feeling stupid, I grip the handle of my cart tighter and continue walking. The cart wheels squeak with each movement.
A few heartbeats later, I throw a look over my shoulder again in time to see a man standing about nine or ten steps away from me.
Panic grips my throat.
It’s him. Every fiber of my being recognizes his toxic presence.
The man has the same hair that tapers onto the collar and the same height and broad build as Victor. He even stands the same way, in a slouching kind of way.
Fear scorches my spine as I distance myself from him, my legs threatening to give way.
But where am I running to? Where can I hide?
The only way out of my misery would be to leave Sanlow. But I can’t do that. I’ve created this life. I put too much into it to turn my back on it. I can’t leave Jared. Despite his imperfections, he’s the only man I have ever truly loved.
With sweat trickling down my spine, I grab everything I need and rush to the checkout area.
Just as I’m handing over the money, I see the man from the fresh produce aisle again. I almost choke with relief.
I was wrong. It’s not Victor.
I’m being paranoid again.
The man smiles at me. Not only is he clean-shaven, which Victor is not, his features are softer and kinder. He’s far from being a monster.
I return his smile and finish paying for my stuff. I grab the bag and stumble out of the store, my breath coming in quick, ragged gasps.
Inside my Ford Focus, I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and draw in a few deep breaths. Even though it wasn’t Victor, he’s close. I don’t need to see him to know that.
Maybe this was his plan all along. He’s punishing me from a distance for rejecting him. He wants to drive me to the brink of madness so I can expose myself without him lifting a finger.
I’m not only afraid that he’ll reveal my secrets, I’m terrified of him period. I found out the hard way just what he’s capable of. He has left scars on my body that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Even if they’re not visible to the world, they’re visible to me. I have nightmares of the rape almost every night.
I lift my head off the steering wheel and push my shoulders back.
Pull yourself together, Kelsey.
I need to be extra careful.
Jared has already been watching me suspiciously. I caught him on several occasions observing me in silence through a hooded gaze. He never says a word, but I still worry that he knows something.
I clasp my hands in my lap, gazing out through the windshield. Holding my breath, I pick up the phone to call Rachel.
She picks up on the fifth ring.
“Hey, Rachel, how are you doing?” Even though we’re neighbors, I haven’t visited her since the time I was at her place with the ladies. I can’t face her alone. But I call her from time to time, not only to find out how she’s doing, but to see if she can shed more light on Victor’s whereabouts. The pain of guilt burns the back of my throat, but using her is the only way for me to keep myself safe.
