Had she really been gone that long?
Somehow, Jessica doubted Sharon spent the last hour sitting in her office. That girl had the attention span of a peanut. Sitting in an office for an hour doing nothing but looking at four walls would have driven her demented.
No, Jessica knew she was bluffing. She turned her head to look at her friend, whose face was plastered with guilt and something that quite scared her. She couldn’t help herself, but Sharon’s expression echoed seduction. That forbidden lust dripping from her grey eyes. And there was a lot of forbidden. She exhaled deeply as she dried her hands.
“Were you really alone?” Jessica asked, raising her eyebrows skeptically.
Sharon stood there, silent for a long moment. Her fitted purple sweatpants moved with her curves as she shifted from one foot to another.
“Okay, maybe I wasn’t in the office for long.” She gave in, rolling her eyes. “I went on a brief trip to find you and I bumped into some cute guy.”
“And which cute guy would that be?” Jessica laughed, tugging her friend out of the bathroom out into the hallway towards her office. She was thankful the subject had changed - for now. If Sharon was good at anything, it was talking about herself.
“Some guy named Sam.” She shrugged casually, and the struggle in her voice was strong. She was forgetting his name already. “His mouth hit the floor when I spoke to him. Not because it was me, but just because a girl spoke to him.”
“NO!” Jessica demanded. “Not Sam. That’s the kid that runs for everyone to get them coffee. Stay away from him, you man-eater. He is a child. He only started here a few months ago. Leave him alone,” she ranted on, sitting in the soft leather chair at her desk.
“Drama queen. He didn’t look like a child from where I was sitting.” Sharon crossed her arms and leaned back in the chair alongside Jessica.
“Only you could come into a friend’s job and flirt with the coffee guy. The poor boy is probably hyperventilating in the bathroom.”
“That, or he is doing something else in the bathroom,” Sharon laughed mischievously. Jessica threw her hands up in defeat and grunted loudly.
“Ugh, you know what? I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I have to work with him, and those mental images will not help.”
“Yes, I agree, you changed the subject there for a minute.”
Jessica felt like kicking herself. She should have continued with their conversation. Now she had no other option than to talk about where she was and why she went there.
“Where were you all this time?”
“I had to talk to Sophie about a few meetings I had lined up for next week,” she answered, keeping Sharon’s gaze. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Jessica knew her friend was searching her face for any evidence she was lying. She prayed that just this once, she could pull it off.
“And what happened with Jake? It looked pretty intense between you two,” Sharon questioned, sounding intrigued.
“Nothing happened,” Jessica assured her. “We just needed to get a few things straight.”
“Like what?” Sharon pressed, and Jessica couldn’t help but dart her eyes. Her friend’s habit of wanting to know every detail played on her last nerve.
“Like nothing. I just told him to stop fooling around with girls. He picks them up and drops them like a piece of shit, and I am sick of working with his new secretaries.”
Sharon tilted her head and glared at her crooked. She had no idea what secretaries had to do with all of this.
“He sleeps with them all,” Jessica promptly informed her, sensing her friend’s confusion. “Then they leave when they find out all he wanted was sex. I think I might put a warning sign on the notice board to say stay the hell away from him.” Jessica could feel her blood boil with anger, and her pulse quickened again.
“Are you jealous, Jess?” Sharon asked slowly, unsure if she should ask the question.
“What is it with you people and thinking I am jealous? I am not jealous. He just annoys the hell out of me,” Jessica explained, taking a deep breath to calm herself.
“Well, there is something there, because I know for a fact you weren’t talking to Sophie about your meetings. The first person I spoke to was Jake, and he said the last time he saw you; you were going into the bathroom. An hour later, that is exactly where I find you.”
“Why didn’t you come for me then?”
“I figured you might have needed some time alone,” Sharon replied, lowering her voice. “You let him in, didn’t you?”
“No. If I did, it would have shattered me.”
She was lying to herself again. She didn’t want to let in the one man she was trying her hardest to hate.
“Jake is a great guy, Jess. He won’t hurt you, and right now, you are only letting yourself get hurt. You know he wouldn’t hurt you. Well, at least everyone else knows it.” Sharon half-smiled. “He isn’t Rob, Jess.”
Jessica’s mouth went dry at hearing the mention of his name. She swallowed hard, letting the lump in her throat fade a little.
“I know he’s not Rob. Of course, he’s not…”
“You’re scared,” Sharon cut through. “I see that. I can see it in your eyes that it scares you, and I could see the same thing when you were with that mongrel. You jumped when a man touched you. You still do.”
Jessica’s face was blank; a muted hatred flickered in her dead eyes. She hated being like this, and she hated others noticed.
Sharon was right, she couldn’t bear the touch of a man; it electrocuted fear throughout her body. Rob may not have killed her, but he did a good job of deadening her emotions. She couldn’t feel. She didn’t want to.
“But for some reason,” Sharon went on, “this man that you are trying so desperately to hate; he’s the only man you will allow to feel you in some way. He’s the only one you are allowing yourself to be safe with. This past couple of months, I have watched the fear in your eyes when a guy came up to talk to you in a club. You just freeze. To think of what he must have done to make you feel that much fear and terror. I have no idea what it must have been like for you all those years you were with him.”
Jessica watched as her friend’s eyes filled with tears.
“He practically painted you black and blue for the best part, and nobody knew. I will never forget that night when you came to my house. It was raining so heavily, and you were just standing at my doorstep looking so helpless, hardly able to stand with blood running from your lip. Your whole body full of cuts and bruises.”
Jessica felt tears sting her eyes as the memories played in her mind.
“I could see you had had enough. You couldn’t take it anymore.” Sharon wiped away the light tears dusting her eyes.
“I should have been stronger. I had plenty of chances to walk away and I didn’t take them.”
“Jess, you have no idea how strong you are. And you walked away. Better late than never. But I am bringing this up to remind you that Jake was there that night. I had the get-together that you weren’t allowed to attend. Jake dropped everything and ran out. The world could have stopped, and he wouldn’t have blinked. He did everything but tuck you into bed. He was ready to go over there and beat the shit out of Rob, but you begged him not to.”
Jessica had forgotten none of this; she just decided not to remember it. And it had nothing at all to do with Jake. It was a time involving Rob and the lowest point in her life. She didn’t want to remember it.
“Remember when he used to call you up every night to see if you were safe. Then you snapped and told him to stop bothering you and stop fussing over you.” Sharon laughed, drying her face with her sleeve. “You have to start reading deeper into things, Jess. For two people that supposedly hate each other, he worries about you enough.”
Jessica bit down on her full bottom lip to stop it from trembling. “I can’t, Sharon,” she finally spoke after a few moments of silence. “I just can’t risk it. Not again.”
“That’s o
kay, sweetie. Take all the time you need. I just think I should warn you; I don’t think Jake is going anywhere. Maybe you should try talking to him. And I don’t mean blurting out your darkest secrets. That would just make him run a mile.” Sharon laughed inwardly. “But talk to him and be civil. Don’t bite his head off like you usually do.”
“I haven’t bitten his head off in a few weeks,” Jessica defended herself.
“That’s because you’ve been screwing him.” Sharon was quick to not let her forget. “Seriously, I bet it will surprise you if you do.”
Jessica thought about it for a minute.
“Nope.” She nodded her head. “Not going to happen. Me and Jake will never be. The only time we can have a civil conversation is when we are studying anatomy, and let me tell you, not much talking goes on then.”
“Too much information.”
“It’s about time you had a taste of your own medicine.” She eyed Sharon evilly, fighting the grin tugging at her lips.
With that, the two of them jumped as the phone rang loudly, echoing around the office.
“Hello,” Jessica answered.
“It’s Sophie. Mr. Williams left for the day. He wanted me to tell you there is some paperwork on his desk for you. He said they were concerning the last project you did.”
Nothing unusual. She loved her job, but it involved a lot of meaningless paperwork.
“Thanks, Sophie. Did he say why he was leaving?” Jessica questioned, hoping she would get some answers.
“No, but just between you and me, he left hand in hand with Ciara,” Sophie squealed.
Jessica felt her heart fall to her stomach.
“Okay, thank you, Sophie,” she whispered before putting the phone back on the hook.
She went numb and her fingers gripped the arms of her chair as the pain built and built, powering to her fingertips. Right then her heart tightened, and she cursed herself for asking anything at all.
Chapter Nine
Jessica stayed late at work that night, finishing up the paperwork that was left for her. Her bones ached with stress and uneasiness, and the knots cramping her shoulders felt more like boulders.
She couldn’t find an appetite ever since Sophie had told her about Ciara and Jake’s little rendezvous in the middle of the day. It made her sick to the bone to even think of it. Hating herself, she wondered where they were and what they were doing.
Scratch that thought. She knew exactly what they were doing. Where? Well, they had the entire city.
She yawned, feeling the tiredness seep through her like metal, making every inch of her feel heavy, sloppy, and downright uncomfortable. Jessica piled away her work neatly and locked it safely in her drawer. Slipping her long arms into her black coat, she keyed the door to her office before dropping the bunch of dangling metal into her handbag. The walk to the elevator felt more like a mile than a few steps, and the dim lighting of the hallway played on her struggling eyelids.
Coffee!
That’s exactly what she needed; a nice cup of hot coffee to awaken her senses. She felt as though her body was going to crash at any given minute. But as tired as she may have felt, she knew it was cruel of her to imagine she might sleep. She knew wishful thinking, and that was it. With what was swarming around her head, and would be long into the night, she knew closing her eyes to enter the dream-world was not a possibility.
She pulled her car up outside the nearest coffee shop, careful not to get her car door, or her legs slated off as she got out onto the main road.
As she walked inside, the smell of caffeine exploded through her in a wild torrent. Her mouth watered as the smell teased her tongue.
Tonight, she was going to be courageous with her choice of coffee. She felt spurred on by the thoughts of it passing her lips.
“Can I have a cappuccino to take away, please?”
A Cappuccino? It felt good to rebel.
“Jessica,” she heard her name in the crackle of a deep voice.
She knew that voice, the deep hum of his accent. She didn’t move for a moment. Maybe she was imagining things. If she ignored it, would it go away?
“Jessica, is that you?”
Well, that didn’t happen. The voice was persistent and caused shivers to scratch at her back. Her fingers twitched at her side, beating rhythms against her thigh.
She took a long, deep breath before turning on her heels, knowing she would dread the face she would see.
It had been a year. She could do it. She would face him, feel absolutely nothing but hate, and storm right out of that coffee shop with her head held high.
How wrong she was. His dark, blank eyes locked with hers, connecting her to him. Recognition slammed her emotions. His blond hair was tightly cut and the stubble surrounding his thin lips was kept. A crooked smile edged up into his dimpled cheek.
Once upon a time, she loved that smile. She went weak at the knees from the adoration she oozed from seeing it. Now her legs solidified from fear.
“Rob,” she breathed, feeling her heart beat faster. She had to swallow hard to get rid of the terror-soaked lump that had formed in her chest. It felt strange to feel something towards him again. All along, she had experienced nothing but a numb heart for him. Now? She didn’t know what it was, but she didn’t like it. She was feeling something for him. Even if it was hate, she didn’t want it. She didn’t want to waste emotion on him. She drained enough of that in other aspects of her life.
She had loved this man for so long and now there they were, standing face to face, no longer the happy couple they once were. He was her first love, and she had knocked her head in ways to forget him, but she couldn’t. It was impossible.
Then she remembered she had been talking about him that day. In fact, she shed tears speaking of him. What was it with her? She wondered if she got a kick out of walking into disasters. Jessica Connors was a danger magnet.
She hated coincidences.
“Your Cappuccino,” the girl’s voice interrupted the gaze which between them, had progressed to more of a staring contest.
“Thank you.” Jessica took hold of the hot cup, letting the warmth caress through her. “I have to go.”
“Wait,” he called after her, locking his fingers around her wrist.
She gasped, feeling his touch.
“Sorry,” he apologized, immediately taking away his hand, knowing he stepped a mile past the line. “Stay for a while.”
He was playing a cruel joke on her, right? Did he want to torture her with the want in his eyes?
“I... I can’t,” she stuttered, biting her tongue to halt her words. “I need to go. Sorry, Rob.” She excused herself, hoping he would drop it.
“I’ve changed, Jess. Besides, it’s only a chat. And better chatting here than in your apartment, don’t you think?”
Her chest was trembling, her lungs couldn’t produce enough air to compensate for the fear. He wanted her to know that he knew where she lived and he would talk to her whether or not she agreed to it.
She also wasn’t stupid. She knew, although he had claimed it, people like him never changed. They were always going to have it in them.
“Okay.” She nodded, unwilling to let him intimidate her in her home. “Just for a minute, Rob.”
The place was empty, but then so were the streets that were only occupied by tall streetlamps and drunks. It was raining outside; Jessica could hear the drops pelt against the windows.
“You look good.” He smiled. “Beautiful as always.”
“What? Compared to the emotional wreck I was a year ago?” She couldn’t help herself.
“I deserved that.” He blinked, nodding his head.
“And a lot more, but I’m not here for that. I’m a firm believer in what goes around, comes around and when it’s your turn, it’s going to come and bite you in the ass,” Jessica snapped. “So, you’re back? I thought you left to avoid everything?”
“I didn’t leave to avoid things, Jess. I left because I needed
to get away and realize exactly what I had done. I needed to clear my head and think about things.”
“And did the naughty step let you reflect on everything you have done?” she questioned sarcastically.
“Yes, actually it did. I loved you. I still love you and I just pushed you away.”
Jessica just rolled her eyes, taking a sip from her cup.
“You didn’t push me away. You kicked me away,” she corrected him. “So much actually, I ended up with fractured ribs,” she reminded him, taking pleasure in how he flinched when she said it. “Anyway, that’s in the past. I have moved on. Hopefully, you have too,” she told him, feeling the bitterness bubbling, settling at the top so that it could boil through her.
“How’s your family?” she queried. His family had always made her feel so welcome, and everything that went on between her and Rob had nothing to do with them. She never blamed them; not when she loved them like her own.
“They’re doing well. Michelle had a baby boy last week,” Rob informed her, and she couldn’t help the wide smile spreading across her face. Michelle was Rob’s sister, and she had been trying for a baby for a couple of years.
“That’s great. I’m happy for her.”
“She is always asking about you. You should call her sometime.”
“I’ll do that,” Jessica agreed, making a mental note to do so. They were close for the duration of her and Rob’s relationship, but when she left, she lost all contact with Michelle. Never knowing exactly why? She put it down to awkwardness, not knowing what to say to each other after everything had blown up.
She spoke to Rob for a while and had a genuine conversation with him. She even laughed a little. The laughing reminded her of the good times they once had in their relationship. She had forgotten there were so many.
And for a while, she even wanted to believe he had changed. Not for her, but for the girl that would succumb to his ways next.
Then she remembered that he always was good at pretending; he practiced for three years with Jessica.
“Oh, shit!”
His dark eyes widened, and his head lowered towards the table.
Watch Over My Life: Emotional Love Story (What Will Be Book Series) Page 7
