by Jolie Day
I kept my eyes closed for a long time, just feeling his body against mine as his fingers lazily caressed my bare skin. The warmth of his touch caused chills to skate along the surface of my naked body. When I finally got brave enough to open my eyes and face him again, he was lying there by my side. We were face-to-face with our foreheads touching, our limbs tangled together.
He lit up with a smile as our eyes met.
“Hi.” He smirked, his voice tinged with a giddiness that melted me inside.
“Hi,” I whispered back. “That was…uh…”
“Fucking amazing. Even better than the first time.”
I laughed a little. “I was going to say unexpected. But yeah. It was pretty amazing if I’m being honest.”
He sucked in a deep breath and sat up, propping himself on his elbow. “We have to do this more often.”
“So…what…what is this thing between us?” I instinctively realigned my body, pulling back a few inches. I had no idea what was happening between us, but I knew the look in his eyes was too much for me to take.
“You tell me.”
“You’re the one who came busting in and carried me off to your bedroom.” I fumbled with the sheets between my fingers, avoiding his gaze. “These are very nice sheets by the way. What’s the thread count? Where do you even buy sheets like these?”
He cupped my cheek, pulling my gaze back to his. “Look at me. Stop trying to change the subject. You know you’re my best friend, and…well, what do you want?”
I stared into his sparkling brown eyes, wishing I could tell him exactly how I felt and what I wanted. But I knew what he was getting at. I was his best friend, and we were hooking up—so why not give ourselves a pass and just call it friends with benefits? But that was a dangerous, slippery slope—one that I knew would destroy me.
“I want to keep it the way it was, before we started sleeping with each other—like I said the last time,” I decided out loud. My heart clenched even saying it. It was easier to pretend like I didn’t want more when we talked in the harsh light of day, fully dressed, standing in the kitchen with plenty of distance between us. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship, so, I guess that means all this has to stop. We shouldn’t do this again, and I mean it this time.” It was harder to stick to my resolve while we were wrapped up together, the chiseled muscles of his perfect chest visible above the sheets.
A tight expression washed over his face, and it was even harder to process. “Are you sure about that?”
Was it disappointment, or was I just projecting? It was one of those times when I wished Lisa, or some other non-biased person could magically appear in the room to help me decipher what might be going through his head. No, I didn’t need anybody else. I had to ask him.
“What do you want, Oliver?”
He sighed as his gaze fell to my chest, and I was suddenly painfully aware of just how exposed I was. My breasts spilled over the bedding, on full display. He made no secret of drinking the sight in with longing.
“We can stop.” He nodded. “If that’s really what you want. Or—” He dropped his head, and his teeth grazed one of my nipples, sucking it against his tongue. Shivers of desire shot straight down my spine, striking me to the core. “Or we could take advantage of being here right now, like this, and not worry about what we are or what we aren’t. Just enjoy.”
His fingers danced their way down, down, down, circling me, teasing and enticing me even more. As if I needed any help. It didn’t matter what I managed to say or how confident I sounded. My body was too vulnerable to his. One look, one touch, and all my decisiveness blurred and dissipated.
24
Laney
Beautiful. I quickly double-checked my reflection in the mirror on my way out of my bedroom. The bright red of my blouse made the green in my eyes pop, and the plunging neckline displayed more of my cleavage than I’d normally show. But that was one good thing that had come out of Oliver and I crossing into uncharted sexual territory together. It had done wonders for my confidence.
Throwing my big bag over my shoulder, I shuffled through it one last time to make sure I had everything—including my work badge and cell phone charger. I was so late! Then I bolted out the door.
I could hear Oliver making coffee in the kitchen and groaned a little to myself. It’d been two weeks since we’d found ourselves in bed together again. That one time that turned into a second time…and then three and four times, just for good measure—since we weren’t supposed to be sleeping together anymore. It should have been enough to satisfy us, but somehow, it only made me that much more insatiable.
Oh, shit. I was so screwed.
“Good morning.” He grinned as he poured coffee grounds into the coffee maker.
“Hey, I’m kind of in a rush.” I exhaled, blowing a strand of hair out of my face. “But I hope you have a good day.”
“Oh, hey…wait a sec!” he called out, catching me halfway to the door.
I rolled my eyes to myself and slowly turned around. “Yeah?”
“There’s this gallery opening I’m supposed to go to tonight. I need to do some socializing with new clients we’re trying to land, but it should be a pretty good time. I thought you might like to join me? You know, since it’s not just a usual night out at a club or bar. I thought maybe an art gallery would be more your speed.”
He didn’t seem to understand that the clubs and bars were not why I kept refusing his invitations anymore. The sex was great. But inside, I was wondering. I was always wondering. I couldn’t stop. I just didn’t need a fifth night of us stumbling home and falling into the same bed by accident again. A fact that only hurt more now that I knew what kinds of things he could do to me in bed.
I sighed. “Oliver, what are we?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are we friends? Are we friends with benefits? Are we more than friends?”
“Relax, beautiful. Let’s take it one day at a time without labeling things.”
I nodded.
“So, how about tonight?” he asked.
“Uh…I really can’t tonight.” I tugged on the strap of my purse. “I’m sorry. I have a million things to do before this PhD program starts, and I’ll probably be working late on top of that.”
“Okay then. How about this weekend?” His determination was relentless. “I could finally get you out there on my bike. You did say you’d try it one day.”
“I don’t know. We’ll see.” I shrugged, barely masking the irritation in my voice before making another attempt toward the door.
I heard him turn on the coffee pot behind me, followed by the feeling of his hand wrapping around my arm. One touch sent every nerve in my body firing off with need. Having sex with him had amplified that effect to unbearable proportions.
“Laney, you’re doing it again,” he said.
I whipped around, meeting him face-to-face. “Doing what again?”
“You’re avoiding me. I thought the whole point of us refraining from…you know…was to keep things from getting weird between us. But if you’re going to avoid hanging out with me, then we might as well—”
I lifted a finger to his lips, resenting how soft they felt. “Don’t finish that sentence. Maybe the real issue here is that when I say something isn’t a good idea or that I don’t want to do something, you just keep pressuring me to do it anyway, and you never give up. I’m not one of your clients or business proposals. You can’t steamroll me into doing whatever you want.”
I winced at the mistake in my words.
He perked up, letting me know he caught it, too.
The thing was…he could steamroll me into doing whatever he wanted sometimes. Like the last time we were in bed and he proposed one or two or three more times for the road. All he had to do was plant that skillful tongue of his between my legs, and I was a goner. I would have agreed to anything he asked.
“You shouldn’t try to steamroll me into doing whatever you w
ant,” I added, feeling my chest and cheeks flush.
“Because sometimes, Laney Carter, it turns out that I’m right,” he quipped with a smug smirk. “Like the driving range. You loved it. And…” He stepped closer, skimming his finger up and down the strap of my bag that rested on my shoulder and chest. His voice grew deep and suggestive. “I can think of a few other ideas of mine that you ended up loving.”
“In the moment, maybe. But that’s the difference between us, Oliver. You’re only ever thinking about what’s right in front of you and never considering the consequences of any of it. I’m the one who has to think two steps ahead and keep my ass out of trouble, and sometimes yours, too, when you let me.”
“What’s so wrong with living in the moment?” he insisted with that adorable pleading expression in his eyes. I stared into them for too long, almost getting sucked in enough to cave into him like I always did.
“I gotta go. You’re going to make me late for work,” I huffed before bolting out the door.
I didn’t feel safe until I was tucked away into the backseat of the Uber. Every step before then threatened to turn in the opposite direction and go crashing back into Oliver. I imagined flinging off my pants, him having me bent over and doing all the beautiful things to me. He made it obvious I wouldn’t get any objections from him, but every time we were together, put me at a greater risk of being hurt more than I already was.
I felt even more secure as I walked through the entry points of the lab, scanning my badge at each door until it beeped and unlocked.
If only relationships could be that easy.
If I had the magic password to make Oliver understand how I felt: that I loved him, that I needed to know that he had feelings for me, too, and all the doors would just open right up for us.
But I knew I had to put those thoughts far from my mind as I sat down at my desk and got busy. Until my apartment was finished, work was my only refuge away from all the confusion and unsatisfied wants boiling up inside of me. Which reminded me, I needed to check in with Mr. Cruz and see how the renovations were going. I’d heard it shouldn’t be too much longer. Sooner would be better right now, at least so Oliver and I could finally get back to what we had before. Maybe some time apart would be best. Hell, what did I know? I just knew something had to give.
By lunch, it was all pushed into the back of my mind. The anxiety of being in his presence, wanting him, and not really having him, always lingered in there somewhere, but at least while I was working, it wasn’t in the driver’s seat anymore. Right after placing a delivery order for pizza, my phone started ringing. I was convinced it was Oliver, asking me about whatever he wanted me to do that night or that weekend. But I was surprised to see an unfamiliar name scrolling across the screen. I answered, hoping it might have something to do with my apartment, or maybe it was someone from NYU calling.
“Hey, Elaine! I’m glad I got a hold of you. This is Kyle.”
The man’s voice didn’t ring any bells. My brain fired off trying to place him, but I just couldn’t. Kyle…Kyle…I don’t know any Kyles. “I’m sorry?” I said.
“We met a few weeks back at the club,” he added after my painful silence. “Sorry I didn’t call sooner, but things got really crazy at my clinic. I haven’t had a night off since we met.”
I pressed my hand to the side of my face, my features softening as it all clicked into place. Tall, devastatingly handsome Dr. Kyle. The guy who so boldly approached me the first night Oliver and I ended up sleeping together. He’d been quick to remove himself when he saw Oliver approaching. It was funny to think back on it then. I’d been surprised to learn that he, too, was a doctor like Frank, just not in the same field.
“Kyle! Yes, of course. I remember you. How have you been?” I rattled off nervously. “Oh, wait. I guess you just told me how you were. Busy.” Oh, great, Laney. Real smooth.
He chuckled graciously. “Other than being busy, I’m great. How about you?”
“Oh, you know,” I stammered, realizing that my life since meeting him had been completely devoured by all things Oliver. “Good. Everything’s good. I’m actually at work right now.”
“Then I won’t keep you. But I was curious, do you have dinner plans this evening? I’d love to see you again. And get a chance to talk when we’re not surrounded by loud music and drunk people.”
My brain froze.
First, Oliver.
Now, this ridiculously gorgeous successful doctor wanted to see me. What was happening in the universe?
“Oh, thanks, Kyle. That’s really sweet. I don’t think I…” I racked my brain for excuses not to go, but then…I stopped.
Why the hell shouldn’t I go?
This guy had the potential to be every bit as enticing as Oliver if I gave him a chance, only it wouldn’t be muddied up by years of friendship and other complicated feelings. Even if it was just a one-night stand, maybe it was exactly what I needed to detox from Oliver Humphries. It was evident that Oliver didn’t want anything serious anytime soon. Obviously, he wanted a best friend with benefits, nothing more. And as much as I loved the benefits part, I didn’t think my heart could go on like this.
“You know what, I actually don’t have any plans this evening,” I decided. “And dinner sounds lovely.”
“Great! I can pick you up around seven?”
“Perfect. I’ll text you the address,” I replied, still in disbelief at what was transpiring.
“Can’t wait to see you,” he said in that deep sexy voice that only rich men with six-pack abs and a huge package seemed to be able to master.
My body tingled with anticipation as I hung up and shot him the text. I typed it out and paused, blinking at the screen. Was it strange that he was picking me up from Oliver’s? I mean, it was my home for the time being. It was obvious that Oliver didn’t want a real relationship with me. He didn’t feel what I felt.
But I still didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Enough of that, Laney. We aren’t a couple. Theoretically, we’re both single. Super single. You can’t hurt his feelings because he doesn’t have feelings for you…at least nothing beyond you being a friend that he likes to fuck. I mean, who wouldn’t love it? You two are dynamite in bed. But! That’s beside the point. Maybe Kyle’s dynamite in bed, too, and you have every right to find out.
I shook off my doubts and pressed “Send” before getting back to work. But, to be honest, there was the relentless nagging feeling in my gut that I’d rather be with Oliver at the gallery opening…and I’d take whatever came after that, too. But going out with Kyle instead was the smart thing to do.
I had to start looking out for myself and get over this thing with Oliver once and for all.
25
Laney
Instead of working late as usual, I raced home at a decent hour to get ready for my dinner date. After taking a shower, I wrapped up in my robe and thumbed through the clothes hanging in my closet. The infamous cherry-popping evening red dress had been dry cleaned and returned to a hanger, but I’d worn that the first night I met Kyle. I didn’t want him to think I only owned that one dress.
My gaze drifted to another dress I’d bought with Lisa but hadn’t had a chance to wear yet. I tilted my head, considering it. It was a black vintage-style dress that hugged and accentuated all of my curves. In the past, I would have opted for something that hid my curves instead. But I was starting to realize that there was a lot of power in owning and flaunting my body like it was one of my best features, rather than hiding it away like a flaw.
I turned for my purse, sitting on the edge of the bed, and rifled through it to find my phone. I dialed Lisa on Facetime and waited for her smiling face to appear on the screen.
“Hello, lovely! Wait…is that your room I see in the background? Can it be? Did the geek Elaine Carter actually leave work before dinnertime?”
“Very funny,” I grumbled. “Listen, I need your help. I have a date tonight.”
“With who?”
she gasped. “Let me guess, with Oliver? I’m so happy!”
“Ah, no. This guy I met at the club a few weeks ago. He’s a dentist, and he wants to take me to dinner. So, what do you think? The black dress?”
Lisa’s face melted into a frown. “Wait, why are you going out with a dentist? Ugh.”
“Why ugh?”
“What about Oliver, girl?
“What about him?” I snapped. “I’ve told you. I can’t handle being a friend with easy benefits to him. I have to move on, and this date is a perfect way to start doing that.”
“But you never actually gave him a chance and told him what you really wanted besides some BS, or see if that’s what he wanted, too. You’re just assuming,” she argued. “And more importantly, you never told him how you’ve felt all these years, which is the real game-changer.”
“Oh, yeah, it’d change the game, all right.” I scoffed. “He’d be forced to say he doesn’t feel the same way, and I’d be humiliated and heartbroken all over again. Just like in high school when—”
“I know, I know. You gave him the letter and he laughed at it. You’ve told me the story before.”
“I know, but it’s the truth.”
“Laney, you dummy…I’m sure he doesn’t even know that letter was from you. You’ve never actually just come right out with it and confessed your feelings for him! The closest you came was telling him you wondered what it would be like to sleep with him and lose your V-card to him. And what happened? You slept together! So just think what could happen if you told him how you really feel? Men are idiots, basically. You have to tell them things straight out. They don’t get hints. They don’t understand subtleties. They don’t read between the lines.”
