by Amity Cross
What a metaphor.
We’d been indulging in a great deal of sex and nothing much else. The talking part that had been so important in the beginning of our friendship had been all but forgotten, and it worried me. He hadn’t mentioned his mother or the hospital once, and when he said he was going to the gym to work out, I was left wondering if he was really spending time with her.
Hours and hours would pass, and all he’d say was that it took a lot of work to be as ripped as he was. I’m sure it did, but I wasn’t a fool. I could see the sadness behind his eyes. I just didn’t know how to approach him about it.
Then there was the fact that we’d slept together—six times in the one night and then at least twice every night since—and we hadn’t spoken once about what that meant. Were we together? Or did we just scratch an itch?
“Hey.”
I jumped, my heart thumping, and my gaze collided with the last person I was expecting to see again. Storm.
“Fuck off,” I spat before I could stop myself. I really had a problem with using the f-word too much. Four hundred and fifteen times in the space of a single shift kind of problem.
“Can’t do that,” he said, his lips curving into a smile. “Not just yet.”
He looked the worse for wear with a yellowing bruise over his left eye, and I snorted. I hoped that hurt. He leaned against the edge of the bar, and I couldn’t help cringing. It’d been a long-assed time since I looked at the man and swooned.
“Come back for another shower?” I asked, reaching for the hose under the bar. “I’ve got a choice of carbonated water, Cola, or lemonade.”
He raised an eyebrow and glanced at my hand. “You and Goblin?”
“What?” I snapped. “You think he’s too good for me or something?”
Storm snorted. “More like the other way around.”
I rolled my eyes and willed him to go away. “I could say that about you and your wandering dick.”
“C’mon, Lori. Do you think I’m here because I want to be?” He glanced over his shoulder like he was afraid Hamish would appear at any second and beat the crap out of him. “I’m risking a lot by standing right here.”
He emphasized the words ‘right here,’ and I had to stop myself from throwing up. I didn’t like the fact he was implying he’d come back to The Underground for me. After all the time that had passed… Did he think time healed all wounds? Fat chance, buddy.
“I know all about you,” I said, eyeballing him with as much confidence as I could muster. “All the gritty little details.” I held up my hands and mimicked a choke hold.
Storm shifted from foot to foot, beginning to look uncomfortable. Good.
“I can explain all of that, you know,” he began. “There are two sides to every story.”
After what he had done to me, the thought he could be innocent blew my mind. It wasn’t possible because in him, I saw the ability to manipulate. To hurt and cause pain and not feel a damn shred of regret over it.
“I don’t believe you,” I declared.
“Lori, you’ve got to let me explain. That whole story—”
“Leave it alone,” I interrupted him. “I’m with Hamish now. Even if I wasn’t, I’d still be telling you the same thing. You hurt me beyond repair, Storm. Beyond repair. I’d never take you back.”
He frowned and pushed off the bar looking hurt. So he should be.
“Whatever we had, it’s done,” I said, bringing the notion home once and for all. “Nothing you can say or do will ever change that. We were done the day I found your cheating ass in bed with three other women. All of this is pointless. Save yourself the hassle and move on, Storm.”
He glanced away and snorted. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah…”
I stared after him as he turned on his heel and disappeared through the crowd. What had happened to my uncomplicated life? The one where I’d decided flying under the radar was the way to go? It was safe and warm underneath all the chaos of every day life. Totally mundane but at least I wasn’t getting the runaround by a bunch of beefcake fighters or being felt up by slimy bar managers.
The night I’d decided to talk to Hamish McBride at the bar was when things began to spiral. It was the exact moment I’d decided it was time to come out from behind the impenetrable walls I’d built in the wake of Storm’s betrayal. I was still trying to decide if it was a good thing or not. Short-term, so far so good. Long-term, it was still playing out. Big-time.
“Lori.”
At the sound of Hamish’s voice, I turned, and the moment I saw the look on his face, I knew he’d seen Storm talking to me. Goblin made my heart flutter, especially since all I could think of was the hours and hours we’d spent naked together, but he also intimidated me when he looked like he did right now. He had his caveman aura switched on.
“Was he botherin’ you?” he asked, his eyes dark with anger.
I grabbed a cloth and started wiping down the bar for something to keep my hands occupied. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“What did he say to you?” He sounded pissed.
“Hamish, just leave it alone. It’s not worth the energy.”
His eyes narrowed, and I knew I’d have more luck talking to a brick wall.
“Hamish.”
“It’s worth it,” he said tightly. “I don’t want him comin’ near you.”
“Let’s get one thing clear, Hamish McBride,” I snapped. “I do not need you to fight all of my battles. I’m quite capable of telling that asshole where to go, which is what I just did.”
“What did he do to you?”
“Don’t.”
“What did he do to you?” he asked more firmly.
“I walked in on him having an orgy with three women,” I said, throwing my hands into the air in frustration. “I walked in, and they didn’t even stop. He didn’t even… He… Are you fucking happy?”
Hamish stared at me, his eyes wide. “He did that to you?”
My lips thinned as I began wiping down the bar again.
“Did he…” He closed his mouth and bowed his head.
“I told him where to stick it, so you can just leave it alone.”
“I taught him a lesson once,” he said, glancing at me. “If he came back here, he obviously didn’t listen.”
“Hamish, please just leave it alone.”
He shook his head. “You know I can’t do that. Not now that we’re…”
“Fucking?”
He snorted and shook his head. “Together.”
Together. I’d said as much to Storm, but that was just to stop him from sniffing around where he wasn’t wanted. Hearing it from Hamish himself made everything tingle in just the right way.
“Together?” The cloth slipped from my fingers and fell to the floor.
“Why do you think I said that awful shit to you last week?”
I grimaced and shrugged. “Because you were an asshole?”
Hamish sighed and glanced around the bar. People were starting to move back toward us now that the last fight in the cage was over.
“We’ve got to talk about a lot of things,” he said. “But not here. Not like this. Later. I’ve got to talk to that asswipe first.”
“Hamish,” I said with a groan. “Don’t cause a scene.”
He winked and pushed away from the bar, leaving me to glare after him. Cocky bastard. Talk about a mixed bag of emotions all in the space of ten minutes.
As he stalked away, I knew he hadn’t listened to a word I’d said. Not about Storm. I assumed the punch-up that was about to happen out back was going to be spectacular.
It was just another night at The Underground.
21
Hamish
A few days turned into a week, which turned into a week and a half, and I still hadn’t told Lori the truth.
After the other day, Ma hadn’t been herself. She’d fallen back into the clutches of her Alzheimer’s, and it was potluck who she thought I was every time I went to visit. Someti
mes I was a volunteer keeping her company, sometimes I was a five-year-old Hamish, and sometimes I was my da. I hadn’t been the Hamish of right now since the day she’d given me her final wishes.
Since she was permanently at the hospital, I’d been able to tell Dr. Schwartz to stop administering the chemotherapy and make her as comfortable as possible. It was a horrible feeling…waiting for someone to die. Not just anyone. My mother. She’d been a huge part of my life in the wake of Da’s leaving. She’d sacrificed a lot for me when I was little, and I’d done the same for her when she’d needed it. Now we were waiting for… We were just waiting for the inevitable.
She looked a little sicker everyday. Her skin was pale, her eyes ringed with dark circles, her breathing more shallow than usual. She slept a lot, so I just sat with her as long as I could.
It was gut wrenching, but more than anything, it made me angry, so when I saw Storm talking to Lori, I could only see red. She’d fallen under the same umbrella that I held over Ma, shielding her from all the bad shit in the world. I cared that much, but I still didn’t tell her about the things that plagued me. The things that controlled my life. The things that might take me away from her one day.
Walking through The Underground, I only had one thing on my mind. Threatening Storm.
I could hear Lori calling out after me, begging me to leave it alone, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand by and let her be stuffed around by that asshole. Not now that I’d realized just how much I cared about her, and especially not after the incident with Stu out back. People weren’t nice in this place. If someone was looking to hurt her, it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. They were going to take her for everything.
Shoving through the double doors that led out back, I caught sight of Storm walking away toward the change rooms. I had to get him out here where we had little to no witnesses. In there, it’d cause a bigger scene than I wanted. Punching on in the midst of twenty fighters was a line I didn’t want to cross.
“Hey,” I shouted, powering down the hall.
Storm stopped and turned, his eyes narrowing when he saw me approaching.
“What the fuck did I tell you?” I snapped.
He rolled his eyes and held up his hands in mock defense. “You need to speak up. I can’t hear you.”
Smartass little prick.
Standing before him, I shoved his shoulder, making him stumble a step. “I protect the people I care about. She’s with me now.” He shook his head like he didn’t believe a thing I was saying. “I beat you in the cage, wasn’t that enough? You want me to have a go right here? All you have to do is look at me the wrong way and I’ll put your face into the ground again.”
Storm narrowed his eyes and turned to face me front on. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but at least I’m not standing here pretending to be a big man.”
I snarled and shoved him back against the wall.
“Careful, Goblin,” he went on, raising his hands. “You don’t want to get violent outside the cage. We all know how that turns out.”
“You don’t know shit,” I said, pushing away from him. “You need to respect her wishes, and stay the fuck away from her.”
“I know I hurt her… I know I did some things that are unforgivable…” he began and clamped his mouth shut.
I hesitated, tilting my head to the side in confusion. But she’d said he didn’t hit her… I wasn’t quite sure what he was getting at, but it all smelled like borderline abusive to me.
“Did you hit her?” I snarled, stepping into his face.
I was practically foaming at the mouth at the thought of any man laying his hand on a woman like that. An image of Lori covered in bruises came to mind, and I almost punched Storm in the face, but a pair of strong arms curled underneath my shoulders and heaved me backward.
“Let me go,” I snapped, shaking them off.
“Whatever this is,” came the sound of Rebel’s voice, “it’s not worth getting kicked out the Championship for.”
Storm shook his head, and his lip curled in distaste. It only served to piss me off more, and I had to turn away, jealousy and anger threatening to take over. I wanted to beat the hell out of him so he’d get the message. Nothing else seemed to be working, not even threats or the ass kicking I gave him in the cage, so violence outside the realm of referees was obviously the only thing he’d respond to.
“You,” Rebel snapped, jabbing a finger toward Storm. “Get out of here if you know what’s good for you.”
I felt my entire body trembling with the effort it was taking to keep myself in check.
How was I going to handle Ma passing away? How was I going to handle telling Lori I might be headed down the same road? How was I meant to handle any of it?
For so long, I’d been bottling it all up inside, and it was finally reaching critical mass. I was going to explode, and when I did, it was going to be messy.
“Start talking,” Rebel said, breaking me out of my spiraling thought pattern.
“It’s none of your business.”
“It damn well is when I have to break up a fight in the hallway. You know Max could’ve come out here and found you two going at it? You know there’s zero tolerance for this kind of shit. Why would you risk it?”
“He’s been harassin’ Lori again,” I muttered. “He needs to be told.”
He snorted and shook his head. “I’ll keep an eye out.”
I squared my jaw. “It’s not your problem.”
“If someone was messing with Charlie, I’d sure as hell want a guy like you keeping an eye out. You know as well as I do we can’t watch over our girls every second we’re in this place. Not that either of them can’t handle themselves.” He laughed. “Shit, dude. Not everyone here is like that dick Storm.”
I frowned. No, they weren’t, but they were few and far between.
“I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Rebel said after a moment of silence. “That’s worth protecting.”
I glanced at him, realizing that this thing I’d been doing with Lori was more than a simple attraction. I’d known it all along in one way or another, but I’d never actually acknowledged it. I’d never stood in front of a mirror and said the words aloud. Like everything else in my life, I’d been pushing it aside so I could be a pillar of strength.
Well, the fucking pillar was beginning to show signs of deterioration.
I snorted and glanced away, watching as two fighters emerged from the change rooms. They were ready for the next fight of the night, their hands wrapped tightly. They looked all buddy buddy now but someone was coming back with their teeth knocked out.
“Yeah,” I said to Rebel, glaring at the fighters as they passed. “If you say so.”
Rebel sighed and began moving away toward the warehouse. “You know where to find me.”
Not acknowledging his offer, I strode toward the change rooms. I had to get out of this place and think about this shit for a while.
I didn’t want to die, but I wouldn’t have a choice in the matter. If I was…I didn’t want to burden Lori with all the things I’d been shouldering with Ma. I imagined the look on her face when the truth came out, and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell her. It was a cop-out, but it was too hard.
And just like that, Ma’s final wishes became too much to handle.
22
Lori
I didn’t see Hamish again after our post-Storm conversation at the bar.
He just disappeared, and it made doubt creep into my mind. After a week of being together nonstop, his sudden absence was worrying. He’d said we were together, but my stupid female mind was mulling over the endless possibilities to the point I was making myself paranoid.
Maybe he was just with his mum. I began to fret over the fact he hadn’t told me about her, and if she was getting worse or her treatment wasn’t working or if she had to have surgery… I didn’t even know what kind of cancer she had or if Hamish had anyone to help him. His dad was gone, and he’d never men
tioned any siblings or family members who were around. Maybe they were all in Ireland?
The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize I didn’t really know Hamish McBride as well as I thought I did.
What was it about me that he couldn’t trust? Did he think I was going to ditch him the moment he confided? I’d never leave him in this on his own—I’d never leave him at all—but how was I meant to get that through his head when I wasn’t supposed to know his mum was sick in the first place?
The hospital was a hive of activity as I strode through the ward. It was visiting hours, so people were coming and going from the rooms lining each side of the hall while the nurses and orderlies were doing their rounds. A lady with a cart full of lunches rolled by, the scent of hot food mingling with the disinfectant smell making me want to hurl.
I’d hoped to confront Hamish face-to-face and force him to come clean by showing up at the hospital, but when I stood outside Mrs. McBride’s room, he wasn’t there. I stared through the door, my bag over my shoulder and my hands shoved into the pockets of my denim jacket. Now that I was standing here alone, I wasn’t sure what to do.
She was in a private room with a large window that overlooked the city beyond. She was sitting up in bed, eating her lunch, or at least, trying to. Her fork poked at the meal, but nothing was reaching her mouth. Now that I could see her clearly, I recognized a great deal of Hamish in her.
I was overstepping in a big way, but I was desperate for answers he wasn’t giving me. The feeling of helplessness that ached inside my chest was familiar, but in many ways, was it wasn’t. Hamish was going through the toughest time of his life, and he felt he couldn’t confide in me. I couldn’t help him.
