by Amity Cross
“Tell me!” she yelled, her hands balling into fists. “What the fuck do you want from me?”
Striding across the room, I thrust my hands into her hair and caught her mouth with mine. My lips were hard against hers, and when she beat her fists against my chest, I hardly noticed. After a blistering moment, I eased the pressure of my embrace and pulled away, gasping for breath.
My chest heaved as we stood there in silence, staring at one another. I didn’t have anything else to say. That kiss had done the work for me.
Her gaze dropped to my lips, then returned to mine. Then she moved forward, her hands grasping onto my T-shirt, and it was all the encouragement I needed.
Our lips collided in a surge of heat, and she opened to me immediately. Thrusting my tongue against hers, we kissed and kissed, our hands wandering, our breath mingling, and our passion soaring.
I ran my hands down her back, caressing the curve of her waist, rubbing the swell of her ass and coaxing her closer. She tasted exactly how I remembered from that day at the water park. Sweet, forbidden, and completely fucking off the charts.
It felt right, Jade’s body against mine, her kiss, her everything… I wanted to kiss her a thousand times over. I wanted to make her come, make her smile, and give her everything. Did she see it now?
Finally, she tore her lips from mine and stumbled. If it weren’t for my arms caged around her, she would’ve collapsed to the ground.
“I…” She was trembling in my grasp, her palms against my chest. “I…”
“Jade,” I murmured, running my hands through her hair. I wanted nothing more than to go further. Sex, commitment, the whole nine yards. I wanted to give her the life she deserved.
Her entire body went rigid, and that was how I knew she didn’t want this. She regretted kissing me. She regretted it all.
This whole time, it had been one sided. What was it she’d said about her whole life being one long joke at her expense? Well, it wasn’t hers that was the punch line.
Letting her go, I edged backward, putting some distance between us. She would either fall back into my arms once the shock had worn off or she would hightail it out of here.
Her gaze lowered, and for a sickening moment, she said and did nothing. Then she snatched up her handbag and practically ran from the apartment, the door slamming behind her.
I stood there for a long time. Around me was nothing but silence and rage, my heart beating even though it felt torn in two.
I was nothing to her.
15
Jade
I don’t know what came over me.
I bolted down the stairs, pushed out onto the street, and kept running. Well, it was more of a fast walk than a full-on sprint.
My hands shook as I put distance between Ryan and myself. I was so confused. That kiss had come out of nowhere, and our argument was just as mysterious. Things had just blown up. Just like that.
I was not biding my time until I could go back to Hunter. Not this time. I was all grown up and nothing like that seventeen-year-old girl who was dying to be accepted by the in-crowd. Even as I told myself, I knew it was a lie. I was still doing it all these years later when I should know better.
Margaret was still pulling my strings, manipulating me into being a follower and pushing my accomplishments down until I thought they were nowhere good enough to feel proud of. I was still killing myself at work to be the best, and for what? So I could be thrown a tiny scrap of praise from my friends that would later be taken away from me? Because I wanted the world to think I was a well-to-do, put-together young woman who should be put up on some pointless pedestal?
Crossing the car park of the local McDonalds, I went inside, ordered a coffee and a macaroon, and sat in an isolated corner by the front windows.
Watching people navigate into the drive-through, I fought back tears. Everything was a mess. Everything. If Ryan was right, I hadn’t changed at all.
Sorting through my handbag, I pulled out my purse, compact, an old lipstick I’d forgotten about, a book I’d been reading, my phone…it all went on the table in front me. Flipping through the novel, I picked out a receipt that had worked its way between the pages.
Soothing the folded receipt over the table, I realized it was from the day after I’d found Hunter with that woman. It was the rundown of all the things I’d bought from MAC Cosmetics after brunch with Margaret, Heather, and Belinda. Thinking about our weekly meeting, I realized I’d missed today’s bitching session. Snorting, I knew I would cop it soon enough—and would’ve been the topic of choice—but I hardly cared.
All I could think about was Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.
Turning over the receipt, I realized I was holding my bucket list. Reading over the things I’d written down that day at lunch with Ryan, I smiled, remembering each thing we’d conquered together. Experience the world like a child. Hot air ballooning. Free Fall. Pull an all-nighter.
My fingers brushed over bucket list number five. The big question mark signifying the great unknown of my future. Where to now, Jade? But maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t about what but who. Who could help me awaken a side of myself I’d never discovered before?
Ryan Harper.
Dumping my bag into my lap, I shook out the lining. Finding a hole in the bottom corner, I cursed. This was a five-hundred-dollar handbag, and now it had a hole. Great. Talk about an epic metaphor.
Smoothing it out, I hesitated as something rattled inside against the leather. Poking my finger into the opening, I gasped. Was it…
Fishing out the mysterious object, I stared down at my palm in shock. It was my engagement ring.
I expected to feel relief, but as I studied the ring I’d once held so dear, there was nothing. All those diamonds represented was a union that had been destined for unhappiness. They were flawed, right to their core.
Ryan was wrong about one thing. I would never go back to Hunter. That part of my life was over.
Forever.
Slinking back into Ryan’s apartment, my heart beat wildly in my chest.
I’d never propositioned someone before, so I wasn’t sure how this was meant to go. I wasn’t even sure he would be happy to see me after I’d run away, let alone fall to his knees when I asked him for sex. But he was a guy, right? Guys never turned down the chance to fuck. Or at least, that was the impression I got. Ryan wasn’t like other guys, which was probably the thing that was pushing me off my axis.
He was standing in the kitchen with his back to me. He’d heard me come in because his shoulders were tense and the air… Well, it was so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was clear his pride was hurt—my reaction to his sudden burst of passion had gone down like a hole in the head.
“I’m sorry,” I said, tugging at his shirt. “I panicked.”
“Whatever,” he muttered. “It was too much.”
“No,” I whispered, my hand finding its way to his skin. “It shocked me, is all.”
He tensed before turning to face me. “I want you, Jade.”
He’d said it straight out without fear. Why did he have to be so…wise? He was like the Yoda of self-discovery, and considering how different our lives were now, he put me to shame.
Rubbing my palm over his tattooed arm, I traced the lines of the design. It rose and dipped, molding to the curve of his muscles just so. Whoever had etched his skin had been a true artist.
“What do you want, Jade?” Ryan asked, his voice low. “I’m not going to touch you again. Not unless you ask.”
I knew the words, but my throat tightened, and I couldn’t get them out. How hard was it to say I want you to fuck me, kiss me, suck me, put your cock into me? Really hard by the looks of it, and it wasn’t a euphemism. What I wanted was filthy, explicit, and oh-so-dangerous given the circumstances. I was single now, but it still had a shade of forbidden around the edges.
Biting my bottom lip, I glanced down. I couldn’t go back. Not now. Drastic times called for drastic measures.
B
efore I could chicken out, I began undoing the buttons on my blouse. I started at the bottom, working the little pearl circles out of the material. When I reached the top, I glanced up at Ryan.
He was watching me with hooded eyes, his chest heaving with shallow breaths.
“Are you asking?” he murmured.
I nodded.
Stepping closer, he reached out and pushed my blouse off my shoulders. The silk fluttered to the floor, but I didn’t care. All I could feel was the throbbing between my legs, the rising ache as my arousal grew.
Ryan’s fingertips traced the swell of my breasts, lightly following the outline of my bra. Knocking off the straps on my shoulders, he wrapped his arms around me and deftly flicked open the clasp, then tugged the last piece of material that covered my flesh.
Resting his forehead against mine, he leaned back so he could take me in. His palms covered my breasts, massaging and rubbing until I was moving with him, my breath sharp. He’d hardly touched me, and I was already prepared to beg.
His arms felt divine around me, and the taste of his lips was intoxicating as his mouth finally met mine once more. His tongue plunged against my own, twining, sucking, tangling, devouring. He kissed me deeply and so fucking thoroughly, he stole my breath. My hands snaked around his neck, my fingers rubbing through his hair, and I was completely lost to the sensation.
We’d moved across the room somehow, and the backs of my legs were pressing against the couch. Magic. When he pulled away, I gasped, the loss of his body sending a chill through me I never wanted to feel again. But…he was only getting started.
His gaze ran over my body as he tugged off his T-shirt. Throwing it over his shoulder, it landed somewhere across the room, but who the fuck cared where? My eyes were glued to his body, salivating over his ripped torso and the trail that led down to his cock. His cock… I wanted it.
Reaching for the button on my jeans, I was about to shimmy out of them when he pulled my hands away. Shoving his palms down the back between my bare skin and knickers, he pushed downward.
Falling to his knees in front of me, Ryan Harper stripped me bare.
Cool air kissed my skin, then his lips followed, trailing a line of fire down each thigh before nudging me back onto the couch. Gasping, I hardly had time to catch my breath as he spread my legs and licked the length of me, then his lips covered my clit and sucked. Hard.
Hunter had gone down on me maybe a handful of times over the years, but it had always been reluctant. Not Ryan. His tongue laved my clit in greedy circles, his teeth nipping and his fingers sliding inside me, over and over. Pulling away, he rubbed his palm up and down, spreading my arousal. When the tip of his finger circled my ass, I gasped, flinching away at the unfamiliar feeling.
“I’ve never…” I began, embarrassment flaring.
“Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I won’t go all the way. Just a little. You’ll see…”
“Just a little…” I said, allowing my head to fall back. “Just a little…”
He stroked me once more before the tip of his finger dipped inside the unknown, and my back arched off the couch as my pleasure spiked. Leaning over me, Ryan smirked, rubbing his palm against my clit as he moved back and forth.
“See?” he whispered, lowering his lips to my breast.
Laving his tongue around my nipple, he increased the pace and pressure down below until I snapped. Losing grip on reality, I speared my fingers into his hair and ground myself against his hand. Harder, faster until I was coming.
Crying out, I panted and moaned as he dipped his finger deeper, his palm circling my sensitive clit with unbearable pressure. It felt incredible. My orgasm shattering through me had my head in a complete spin. I’d never come like this. With my own hand maybe but not from a man’s touch.
When he finally tore himself from my body, I mewled in protest, wriggling on the couch. Raising my head, my lips parted as I caught my first glimpse of Ryan’s cock. He was hard, his tip shining, the entire length of him primed.
Rolling on a condom, he stroked himself as he knelt over me. One foot on the ground and the other knee on the couch, he lowered his body over mine, his lips kissing a trail over my breasts as his cock rubbed against my clit. I’d already come once, could I again? This was already so much more than I’d ever had, and I began to tremble at the thought. Was it excitement or fear? Maybe a little of both.
He slid into me slowly, filling, expanding, and entering as deep as he could. Once we’d joined completely, he held steady, his eyes closing. Then he circled his hips once, driving against my clit before pulling out. His crown never left me, forging a path as he thrust forward.
We writhed, his body claiming mine in a hard primal dance, over and over. His breath was hot against my neck, his words driving me toward the precipice. He pounded into me, the air filling with the sounds of our rough fucking. Grunting, filthy and incomprehensible words and enthusiastic moaning burst from me, the final barrier between the old Jade and the new finally crumbling and shattering into oblivion.
Another orgasm ripped through me, and I clenched around Ryan’s cock. Trembling, I dug my fingernails into his skin, grinding my hips up to meet his thrusts.
The moment he came, he gritted his teeth, his pleasure-filled grunts music to my ears. He slid out, then thrust once more, slapping into me as hard as he could as the last of his release flooded out of his body. As he shuddered over me, all I could think of was how it would feel if he’d come that hard inside me from behind.
He kissed me between heavy breaths, his lips tasting salty from the sweat that prickled over our bodies.
Opening my eyes, I stared up at him, glowing with complete and utter satisfaction.
What a rush.
16
Ryan
Jade squirmed in my arms, nestling deeper into my embrace.
Last night, I’d been ready to kick her out when she came back, but instead, she’d stripped in front of me. As each item of clothing fell revealing another slice of ivory skin, my anger had dissolved, and my lust had raged hotter and brighter until I couldn’t hold back anymore.
The swell of her breasts, the blush of her nipples, the curve of her waist, the soft lips between her legs…I’d poured everything into that moment. All of me. She was everything I’d been searching for. Not to mention, it was the best sex ever.
At some point, we’d found our way to my bed where we’d fucked once more before falling asleep. If she’d asked for a third go, I would’ve been up for anything, but her eyes had drooped before finally closing. We didn’t speak, we didn’t explain, we didn’t think about tomorrow, we just…were.
Her body moved against mine as the first rays of daylight snuck through the curtains. Her ass rubbed against my cock, and I tightened my grip around her waist.
She sighed loudly, and I knew she was awake.
“Hey,” I whispered, kissing her shoulder.
“Bucket list item five,” she muttered, her voice still heavy with sleep.
I tensed. “What?”
“Number five,” she repeated. “The question marks… I know what they mean now.”
“And what’s that?”
“I needed to experience what I’d been missing.”
“What you’d been missing?” Her words sucked all the warm feeling out of my body and replaced it with stone-cold dread.
“I’ve only ever been with Hunter,” she replied, slamming a metaphoric knife right into my chest. “Now I know…”
Everything inside me shattered. Fuck Ryan, check. A wild romp with a bad boy MMA fighter blew out all her cobwebs, gave her a glimpse at what she thought she was missing out on—which didn’t seem to be anything at all—and satisfied her morbid curiosity over my dick. Now she was free to go back to her job, find a new rich bastard to shack up with, and repair her perfect, shallow, little life.
“You thought this was…” Fucking hell. I practically vaulted out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts.
Her mouth fel
l open as she sat up, clutching the sheets to her naked chest. “You mean… This was more?”
“Fucking hell,” I cursed again. “Fucking hell.”
“Ryan?”
“All this fucking time…” I fisted my hands in my hair.
“What are you talking about?”
It was pointless keeping the truth from her now. Not after I’d come inside her and she’d told me it was nothing but a stupid item on her bucket list. I’d helped her. I’d believed in her.
“You only ever had eyes for Hunter,” I said, my lip curling. “Then all these years later, you came running to me… Once a fool, always a fool!”
“Ryan…” She was trembling, her confusion clear. She still didn’t get it.
“The graduation party…”
“In high school? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“I went to see you that night, to tell you…” I couldn’t do this anymore. This…torture.
“But you didn’t…” she argued. “You didn’t go to that party. You weren’t there.”
“You were too busy sucking Hunter’s face to see me,” I said, snarling. “How could I go in there, tell you how I felt, and fuck up everything? You looked so happy, Jade. I was just some deadshit kid with no future.”
“And you just left?”
“Of course, I left!” I bellowed. “What the fuck could I offer you? Shallow, little Jade Forsyth, who only had eyes for money. The one thing I had, my love and devotion, wasn’t enough for someone like you. It still isn’t.”
“That’s not true!”
“Pack your shit, and get out,” I demanded.
“What?”
“Pack your shit, and get out,” I repeated, this time more forcibly. “When I get out of the shower, I want you gone. For fucking good. I’m so done with this bullshit. You never gave a stuff about me. Then or now.”
“Ryan!” she pleaded. “I didn’t realize. I didn’t mean…”
“This whole time, you’ve only thought about yourself,” I said, giving her the full dose of reality she desperately needed. “Poor you, your fuckhead of a fiancé cheated on you. Poor you, all your friends are backstabbing bitches. Poor you, your job is demanding. Poor you. Guess what, Jade? None of it was forced down your throat. You were the one who swallowed.”
