"Jackson, stop!" Jolene screamed at the top of her lungs and then she was there, trying to get between us. Terrified that she’d be caught by an errant punch, I tried to push her away. But she wouldn't be deterred. "Jackson, I know him! He's my boyfriend!"
If I hadn't been reeling from the most recent blow to my head, I would've probably been slack-jawed by the fact that she’d called me her boyfriend. The rest of her statement registered, and I realized the man I'd been fighting with was her ex-husband.
Which meant the kid I'd heard screaming was her son.
Luckily, her voice got through to her ex because he suddenly stopped and stared at her. He wasn't a big guy, but he’d had a decent amount of force behind his blows. I remembered what she'd said about him being protective.
So he had a good motivator too.
"What?" the guy said. He looked down at me in surprise, then back at Jolene. I glanced over to see the young boy hanging on to the other guy who'd hit me. The kid was crying, but otherwise looked unhurt.
"His name is Zander. He wasn't hurting me!" she snapped and then she was pushing at her ex. The guy climbed off and then Jolene was on her knees beside me, trying to examine my head. "Hold still," she said. "You're bleeding." She turned to look over her shoulder and yelled, "Travis, get me a towel."
The second guy looked briefly at Jackson, then went to do as Jolene said. He returned a moment later with a damp towel and handed it to Jolene. Then he looked at Jackson and said, "Are you okay?" When he made a move as if to check the bruises I'd managed to give Jackson, Jackson waved him off. He looked confused and pissed.
"He was holding you down, Jolene!" Jackson shouted.
"Cameron, honey, can you go wait in your room for me? Mommy is okay, I promise."
"’Kay," the little boy said.
"I'll take him," Travis said and then he put his arm around the boy's shoulders and led him from the kitchen.
"What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to bring him home until tomorrow!" Jolene bit out.
"Our fishing trip got rained out. The cabin had some leaks, so I figured we’d just call it a day and come home early. I told Cameron we could go to the museum in Casper, so we were stopping by to see if you wanted to come. We heard you struggling—"
"Moaning!" Jolene snapped. "I was moaning, Jackson!"
Jackson looked so taken aback, I actually felt sorry for him. "But he was holding you down—"
"Because I like it like that! Not that you’d know anything about what I like when it comes to sex," she said bitterly. I put my hand over hers to try to calm her down.
"No, you're not like—" Jackson began to say.
"What? I’m not like that? Why? Because I'm a good girl?" Jolene responded. She shook her head. "Did you ever even know me, Jackson?"
"Yes, of course. I—I loved you." I wanted to strangle the man for the less than passionate declaration. But I also heard something in his voice. Something I couldn't put my finger on.
Jolene's anger fled just like that and the disappointment was clear in her voice when she said, "Just go, Jackson. Leave Cameron here and go. Please."
Jolene's hand clung to mine. I could tell she was just seconds from losing it altogether. I was about to tell Jackson to leave when I heard Travis say from the doorway, "Jackson…" Jackson turned his head to look at Travis. Travis just gave him the tiniest shake of his head. The unspoken message was clear. I shifted my attention back to Jackson. He looked back and forth between Jolene and Travis and that was when I saw it. The thing I hadn't been able to put my finger on before.
"I'm sorry, Jolene," Jackson murmured. He no longer looked like the same man who'd attacked me. Jolene didn't look up at him as he left, but I watched both men go.
"Are you all right?" Jolene asked as she continued to dab at the blood on my temple. I took the towel from her and nodded.
"I'm fine. Go check on Cameron."
I could tell Jolene was torn, but there was really no question about it. "Go," I prodded.
"Promise me you won't go anywhere. Promise me, Zander." The desperation in her voice broke my heart. I pulled her down for a quick kiss.
"Protective ex-husbands and their cowboy friends couldn't drag me away," I joked. "I'll be here."
I used the time she was gone to clean the cut on my head and then finished making the breakfast Jolene had been working on. When she returned, I had the table set for three and was filling the glasses with orange juice.
"Is Cameron all right?" I asked when I didn't see the boy with her.
Jolene nodded and then walked right into my arms. "He fell asleep after we talked. I'm so sorry, Zander."
"Is it weird that I like your ex even more now?" I asked.
Jolene laughed and shook her head.
"In all seriousness, he saw something he didn't understand and was just trying to protect you. He does love you, Jolene. I don't have any doubt about that."
"Doesn't matter," Jolene responded.
"I think it does," I said. "But let me ask you this first. Do you love Jackson, or are you in love with Jackson?" Admittedly, I was nervous about her response. I didn't think there was any chance she and Jackson would get back together, but if she was still in love with the man, not only was I screwed, but I suspected she was too.
"If you'd asked me that before you and I met, my answer would be very different than it is now."
My heart clenched at her words. Was she really saying what I thought she was?
"I love Jackson and I always will, but I'm not in love with him. I'm not sure I ever was."
I clasped her face with my hands and brushed my mouth over hers. "Your boyfriend is very glad to hear that," I said.
Jolene blushed prettily. "I'm sorry, I know we never talked about that, but it just came out—"
I kissed her hard to silence her. "You and your boyfriend can talk about that later," I said with a wink. "Let me just say now that I think the conversation is going to end with a replay of what was happening before Cowboy Badass and his right-hand man showed up."
Jolene laughed and put her forehead against my chest. I took the opportunity to stroke her long hair. "Joli, I think Jackson is just now realizing what he's put you through all these years. I honestly don't believe he had any idea what his distance was doing to you. He doesn't strike me as that type of guy."
Jolene lifted her head. "What do you mean?"
"You said it seemed like he was suffocating in the relationship. What if that had nothing to do with you? What if it had to do with him?"
"I don't understand," she admitted, her face pulled into a mask of confusion.
I sighed because I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing, but I didn't see an alternative. "When I looked at Jackson, I saw a man in love," I said.
"No, Zander, he's not in love with me."
"I know that. But he is in love with someone who was in this room."
"I don't—" was all she got out before she snapped her mouth shut. She looked back at the doorway. "No," she whispered. "No… No, I've known Jackson since we were kids. I would've known something like that. He would've told me. We were best friends. He—he wouldn't have done that to me. He begged me to marry him. He said he wanted to have children with me. He's not—he's not…"
"Gay," I supplied for her. She didn't know it, but this was a defining moment for our relationship, and I was terrified that it wouldn't end the way I wanted.
"His father was a minister. This town loved him just like they love Jackson…" she murmured. "Jackson can't like—" Her words dropped off suddenly and I felt her sway against me.
I led her to one of the kitchen chairs and sat her down, then crouched in front of her and took her hands.
"Oh God, he can't like men or he'll… he'll lose everything. The people in this town, they'll turn their backs on him. He could lose his job." She covered her mouth with her hand for a moment and then whispered, "They might hurt him if they find out."
I knew she wasn't talking about any o
ne person specifically. It didn't surprise me in the least that a town like Eden was behind the times. I, more than anyone, understood that. I'd seen bigotry and hatred at its finest, and while it might not have been directed at me specifically, I'd still suffered.
"What do I do, Zander? How do I help him?"
I lost the last pieces of my heart to Jolene in that moment. I knew that what Jackson had done to her bordered on unforgivable, and she had every right to hate him. And there would undoubtedly be times that her anger was front and center. But the crux of it was that she cared about her ex and not just because he was the father of her child.
"Just be there for him," I said. "I know that sounds simple, and like it's not enough, but it is. Take all the time that you need to process what he did to you, but then ask yourself what it's felt like these past few weeks where you got to be yourself. If and when you're ready to show the world who you really are, you have that right to do so. Jackson and people like him don't have that luxury yet. You'll always be seen as Jolene, whether you’re the good girl or the free spirit or whatever it is you choose to be. But you're still Jolene. The second Jackson comes out, he won't be Jackson anymore. He'll be the gay guy. He'll be the fag, the queer, the pervert, the deviant. He won't just be judged for who he is, he'll be condemned for it."
"No," Jolene said brokenly. "No, he doesn't deserve that. No one deserves that."
"No, honey, they don't."
She fell silent for a moment and then lifted her eyes to meet mine. "You really think he's in love with Travis?"
"I do," I said.
"How do you know?"
"Because Jackson looks at Travis the way my aunt looks at her wife. The way she still looks at her even after thirty years together. It's the same way I look at you."
She let out a little gasp, but I wasn't sure which part of my statement she was reacting to. "Can you—can you repeat that, please?"
"My aunt met her wife when they were in college. They were the ones who took me in after my parents died. I know it's a lot to take in, Jolene, but—"
Jolene put her hand over my mouth and then she was sliding off the chair and straddling my lap. "I do want to hear about your aunt and her wife and growing up with them, Zander, I promise I do. But I really, really need you to say that second part again. Because right now my brain is trying to tell me I imagined it and that I'm the only one who's fallen this hard, this fast."
Her declaration had my heart swelling. I kissed the palm of her hand to remind her she was still covering my mouth with it. As soon as she removed her hand, I kissed her deeply. "I love you, my Joli. I love you."
She let out a little half sob and then said, "I love you too, Zander." She wrapped her arms around me and added, "So I get to tell everyone you're my boyfriend now, right?" I could feel her smiling against my neck.
"Only if I don't beat you to it," I responded. And as far as I was concerned, boyfriend was a very, very temporary title. If I had my way, I'd bypass fiancé altogether and go straight to husband sooner rather than later.
Much, much sooner.
Epilogue
Zander
Three weeks later
The hushed whispers around us got my attention, but for once it didn't seem like we were the subject of all the muted conversations. We were standing near the pony rides where Cameron was taking his turn on a little spotted horse ironically named Cowboy. Jolene was pressed up against my side, so I softly said, "Look, honey, I think we’re losing our celebrity status."
Obviously, we hadn't actually been celebrities when people had discovered that Jolene Doyle was dating a supposed thug from the city. Thug was what an older lady had called me at the library when I’d gone to pick up Jolene and her son a week earlier. I suspected terms like criminal and troublemaker were also used to describe me, though they were based on nothing more than my looks and the car I drove.
From the moment Jolene and I had walked hand-in-hand down Main Street after I'd met her at the diner where she waited tables, people had turned their heads to watch us pass. It’d made Jolene uncomfortable at first, but she’d gotten past that in a big way because when the old lady had called me a thug, my sweet, kind, innocent little Joli had gone off on the woman.
I suspected that I'd only been part of the reason Jolene had kind of lost it. I had a feeling that Jolene was winding herself up for the fight Jackson would face if he did, in fact, decide to come out to the residents of Eden. It turned out that my girl had a bigger backbone than any of the people in town had ever expected. While they still looked at us when we walked by, no one had dared to call me any names since that day when the crotchety old woman had faced the whirlwind of anger that was my Joli.
My relationship with Jolene had progressed quickly, and while we weren't officially living together, I spent every night at her house. Cameron had accepted my presence without too much discussion, especially after I'd plied him with questions about his father whom he absolutely idolized and wanted to be just like. Jackson had played a big role in helping Cameron understand that I wasn't replacing Jackson as his father. He’d explained to his son that what we were doing was becoming a bigger, better family. My respect and admiration for Jackson had grown with each passing day because his devotion to his son and to Jolene was obvious.
It had taken a few days for Jolene to find the courage to confront Jackson. I hadn't gone with her to the ranch, but I’d heard about the exchange that night. Jackson had denied his sexuality at first, but when Jolene had told him that she didn't care and that she only wanted him to be happy, he'd broken down and had admitted it was true. Jolene had cried in my arms as she'd talked about how Jackson had fallen apart.
It wasn't something I could even fathom—the idea of not having anyone to lean on. Jackson had gone his entire life hiding something that was such a big part of who he was. And his guilt for using Jolene like he had was endless. Even after Jolene had said she’d forgiven him, it was clear he wasn't ready to forgive himself. Jolene hadn't asked Jackson about his feelings for Travis, but we’d both noticed every time the pair was over for dinner or to pick up Cameron for whatever outing they were going on that nothing had changed. The very straight-acting Travis was still completely oblivious, and Jackson suffered in silence.
Jolene’s conversation with her parents about me hadn’t gone anywhere nearly as smooth. Not surprisingly, they’d threatened and criticized and judged without even taking the time to get to know me. As bad as I felt that I was the reason for the current strife between Jolene and her parents, Jolene actually seemed okay with it. I wasn’t sure if her folks would ever come around, but I knew my girl was confident enough to handle it even if they didn’t.
Jolene turned her head so she could look at what I was talking about. I felt her stiffen a little. "It's Xavier and Brooks," she said softly. I turned and followed her gaze to where a pair of men and a little girl were walking through the crowd. Except they weren't really walking through it since the crowd was parting like the Red Sea for them. The trio might as well have been some kind of freak show exhibit for all the courtesy the people around them were showing. Fortunately, the little girl who was with them didn't seem to notice the attention they were getting.
"Assholes," I muttered as I watched the people trail after Xavier and Brooks like sharks following the scent of blood. I had a relatively good view from where we were standing. I knew instantly which man was Xavier, though he looked little like the young man I'd met ten years earlier. His dark hair had been completely shaved off and he had a muscular body that he’d probably been forced to build up in prison so he could protect himself. The way he walked hinted at a man on guard. He kept looking straight ahead, presumably pretending like he didn't hear all the hushed comments that included phrases like, "murdering coward" and "bad news." The man he was with, Brooks, was about the same age but had a softer appearance to him. Unlike Xavier, Brooks struggled to ignore all the negative attention they were receiving.
"Brooks? As in Brooks
Cunningham?" I asked in disbelief. I'd heard plenty about Brooks but hadn't ever seen him in person.
"Yeah," Jolene said. She glanced at the people around us and then at me. I understood her silent message. The last thing either of us wanted to do was feed into the gossip by talking about the pair and speculating what they were doing together.
"I'm going to go say hi to him," I said after a moment. I'd been debating whether or not I wanted to try and reach out to Xavier, but suddenly having access to him seemed like a sign of sorts. I couldn't miss out on the opportunity to let the young man know he still had someone in his corner. No matter what crimes he’d been accused and ultimately found guilty of, he'd been just a child, and a tormented one at that.
Jolene put her hand on my arm and nodded. "We'll be here," she said, and then she pulled me down so she could kiss me on the mouth. I'd had a chance to tell Jolene more about my childhood and what it had been like to grow up with an abusive father. She, more than anyone, knew that I related to Xavier more than the average person and that I held a certain amount of guilt for not having been able to help him.
As I walked away, I waved to Cameron as he passed by on his pony. The little boy waved back to me. The grin on his face was priceless.
I followed the small crowd that trailed after Xavier and Brooks. When the men reached a ride and the little girl got in line for it, the crowd finally seemed to disperse a bit. Brooks and Xavier exchanged a few words and then Brooks turned and began walking back toward the fair's entrance. I turned my attention back to Xavier and was about to step forward when I saw how he was watching the departing Brooks. I swore I saw something in Xavier's expression, but if it was there, he quickly masked it and then turned back to watch the little girl as she boarded the ride.
With Brooks gone, people started to give Xavier more space. I waited a few minutes and then approached the man. Even above the noise of the ride, he seemed to hear me coming because he quickly glanced over his shoulder. He was definitely on guard, and it just made my heart ache for him even more to know that he would likely spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder.
Choosing Fate: A Love in Eden Novella Page 8
