Devin’s eyes shifted from Caroline to me, then back to her. If my heart rate didn’t slow down, I was seriously going to have a heart attack, and I’d get my wish for Devin to save my life.
They stopped talking and looked at the dance floor. Then suddenly Caroline leaned into me, and I realized she was attempting to whisper in my ear. “This is for you.”
Abruptly, she got up and walked off, leaving Devin one chair over from me. I half-expected Devin to follow her, but he remained in the chair. Desperately, I wanted to dance with him but wasn’t sure what I should do to make it happen.
I subconsciously picked at my cuticles some more, trying to get up the nerve to look over at Devin. I hoped he might ask me to dance first so I didn’t have to risk rejection.
Slowly, I turned my head to look at him. It surprised me to see he was already looking my way. Are you waiting for me to ask you? I thought I might’ve raised my eyebrows while we continued to awkwardly stare at each other, and I wondered why he wasn’t asking me. Then the voice in my head started telling me Devin didn’t want to dance with me.
The situation was too humiliating to sit through any longer. Instead of thinking my actions through carefully, I stood up and walked away from him. I didn’t know if I should leave the rec hall or grab a random guy to dance with so I wouldn’t look this pathetic.
And then I felt someone take my hand from behind, slip it tightly into his, and gently pull me to him. Stunned, I turned to see who was holding my hand. I gasped when I saw the only person I wanted it to be was the one clasping it.
I didn’t have time to process what was happening or get a chance to catch my breath because Devin was escorting me onto the dance floor. Once we found an open spot, he let go of my hand and gripped my waist instead. Feeling lightheaded and a little woozy, I still managed to lift my arms upward and circle his neck.
When I looked at his face to prove I wasn’t dreaming, his eyes met mine, and he smiled warmly. And while thinking it couldn’t get any better than this, he took things a step further by wrapping his arms around my lower back and pressing me into him. This wasn’t by any means a pity dance. Devin wanted to hold me, too.
The folk-sounding song’s melodic guitar drifted through the room, and for the first time, I noticed how pretty the singer’s voice was. How easy it’d be to get lost in my fantasies during this dance. Hopefully this was some rare extended version of the song so we could dance at least another thirty minutes to it. Devin’s body felt too good against mine for this to be over too soon.
My heels gave me a height advantage, enabling me to place my cheek close to his. When I inhaled, I could smell the familiar scent of pine trees. I wondered if Devin associated a particular scent with me—and if he did, how he’d describe it.
He angled his face slightly toward mine, and I could feel his warm breath against my neck. It made me think about kissing him. I imagined he was a good kisser. And the way he was holding me—his palms firmly holding my back—only made me wonder what further intimacy would be like between us.
I closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics, letting my thoughts race to impossible ideas. What would it be like to be Devin’s girlfriend? Oh, I liked how that sounded.
Devin’s breath was against my ear, and he whispered, “I don’t want you to cry.”
I wondered if he’d seen me crying earlier. Or maybe Caroline told him. Either way, he then embraced me with a stronger hold—like he wanted to make me feel safe. I let out a deep sigh, loving that he cared enough to console me.
We moved slowly in a circle, concentrating only on each other, tuning out the rest of the room. My right leg was positioned between his legs, so I bent it to the music, allowing it to brush against his thigh. His response was to tighten his grasp on my back. Something possibly sexual was occurring between us even if I wasn’t sure how innocent or deliberate it was on Devin’s part.
Feeling like the situation lent itself for me to be more physical toward him, too, I ran my fingertips under his hair and massaged along his neck like I had for the back rub. It was very subtle, but he reacted by moving his hands to squeeze my hips. Methodically, I pulled my fingers all the way through the ends of his hair and hoped no one else noticed. I wanted Devin to know I was interested in him romantically.
When I was about to take another sweep through his hair, he clutched my waist and then halted. This caused me to turn my face to look at him. His gaze met mine, but he didn’t say anything. It was hard to read his expression, but he didn’t look like he was telling me to stop. Instead, he looked perplexed, as if he didn’t know how to handle the situation.
I whispered, “I don’t want the song to end.”
I stared at him to gauge his reaction to my confession. He nodded, and I believed it meant he didn’t want our dance to end either.
Unfortunately, the song came to an end. But surprisingly, Devin didn’t let go of me. So, I held on, too. He brought his arm up and around my neck, then pulled my head to his face so he could speak into my ear. And he whispered, “You’re such a beautiful girl.”
I looked at him to show I’d heard his compliment. He smiled just slightly at me. My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn’t think straight. If only I could bottle up the moment so whenever I wanted to I could take the lid off and relive this memory.
The lights came back on, forcing me to close my eyes to adjust. Devin abruptly let go of me, and my eyes sprung back open. He pushed his hair back and walked away before anyone could see the exchange between us. If what had happened was innocent on his part, he wouldn’t have reacted in such a guilty way, would he?
Immediately, I found Lauren, who looked like she was about to burst from excitement. We left the rec hall and hurried to a spot away from the building so we could talk out of earshot.
“Did he say anything while you danced?” She wanted details.
“Uh-huh.” I was grinning as I played back in my head the phrase Devin had said to me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had called me beautiful.
She listened intently while I recounted what was done and spoken during the dance. She squealed in delight, but I was still in a daze.
“He’s the one I like,” she whispered.
Her statement was out of nowhere, and I had to look around to see who she was referring to. Once I saw who it was, I shot her a confused look.
“Blake—your family group leader.”
This news was completely unexpected. “What about Chase?” What are you talking about, Lauren?
“Well, of course I like him. He’s my age and all, but he leaves on Sunday. Everyone has to have an older guy to crush on—one to teach us everything they know. You should know.” She nodded in the direction behind me, and I saw Devin exit the rec hall. “Blake just danced with me.”
“I didn’t see you with him.”
“It was the last dance. And you were preoccupied with you-know-who.”
“Oh.” True, I wouldn’t have noticed even if she’d been dancing with someone famous. I was only focused on my interaction with Devin.
“He started massaging my back during the dance. The signs were there. I just need to know if he’s interested. Would you ask him?”
“Ask him what?” I had only been partly listening to her. I was replaying the things Devin said to me again.
“Feel him out—mention my name, and see how he reacts. That’s what I did with Devin for you. If you ask about me, he’ll do the rest.”
“Why me?”
“You know why. You see him every day in your family group. You have the perfect opportunity to bring it up. I did it for you. Please?”
Lauren had done me a favor with Devin in a way, so I did owe her. “Okay. When I see a chance to ask him, I will. But I can’t do it when others are listening.”
“Thank you. You’re the bestest friend in the world,” Lauren gushed. If she only knew how much I dreaded talking to Blake.
***
Falling asleep was going to be dif
ficult tonight because I was still on cloud nine. Every detail of the dance burned into my mind. The exact placement of Devin’s hand on my back had been memorized. I still wasn’t sure how he’d known I was crying. But it didn’t really matter. I liked how he reassured me he didn’t want me to cry. Over and over I replayed him telling me he found me beautiful.
My mind raced with questions. What was the reality of our situation? Was this indeed as far as he could take it with me unless we made sure no one saw anything? Would he be willing to go further with me under the circumstances? Could we risk it and take things past a camper/counselor relationship? Would I even be able to ask him about it?
I needed to try to sleep because tomorrow would be packed full of activities. There would be the secret pal reveal. We would have a banquet dinner where the senior wills would be read. But if I didn’t go to sleep, tomorrow wouldn’t arrive soon enough. And I needed it to arrive because all I cared about now was seeing Devin.
Chapter Eight
As soon as I woke up, I hurried to get dressed. I picked out one of my more flattering halter tops along with a cute sweater. After applying mascara and lip gloss, I ran the straightening iron through my hair. Then I left the cabin to deliver candy. I’d forgotten to put the treats inside Logan’s pocket yesterday.
Once I was inside the dining hall, I slipped the candy for Logan inside his pocket. I checked mine and found a bracelet someone had made for me. My two favorite colors were used again—pink and blue. A slip of paper was with it, and it said: Because I wanted you to have this. I fastened it around my wrist.
I walked out the front door and saw Lauren in the breakfast line and joined her. Devin didn’t appear to be in line, so I kept glancing over at the craft cabin to see if I could catch a glimpse of him. Within a few minutes, I did see him come down the craft cabin’s stairs and head toward the breakfast line. He wore black sweat shorts and a navy pullover knit shirt. He looked good in navy, as the color really set off his eyes. Okay. Devin looks good in any color—any color when I’m in his arms…
We didn’t sit at the same table for breakfast. But I had one opportunity to stand next to Devin for a split second. When I saw he was getting his drink refilled, I ran over with my cup, which I’d left empty on purpose, and stood beside him to get some milk.
Devin noticed me right away. He even took my cup and filled it for me, leading me to think he’d come to the drink station in hopes I would, too. Our eyes met as he handed my drink back to me. His eyes shifted to my hair, then back to my eyes. Then he turned and went back to his seat. We wouldn’t have any more opportunities to interact until later.
***
Following the afternoon activities, we had the secret pal ceremony by the lower campfire. One person started off and named their secret pal. That person then came up and revealed who they had until everyone was known. All I cared about was finding out who had me and who Devin had.
As it turned out, a girl I’d never seen before had me. The biggest surprise was when I learned Devin had Aaron. No wonder he’d questioned me on what I was doing giving him candy to give to Aaron. Maybe I’d offended him after implying that someone wouldn’t have been good to Aaron. At least I knew Aaron hadn’t been neglected, as I felt sure Devin had done things for him.
As soon as the ceremony was done, I tried to talk to Devin but had difficulty locating him. Searching around the campfire, I finally saw him walking off toward the fishing pier. Without thinking, behaving like a groupie, I followed him.
“So, you had Aaron all along,” I said, once I’d caught up to him.
He didn’t look at me but kept walking. “Yes. Hopefully, I didn’t neglect him too much.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s supposed to be a secret. It’s called a secret pal for a reason.” He glanced over at me, then stopped walking. We were by a group of pine trees just off from the dock. No one else was around. “I’m actually glad you’re here because I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“You did?” Suddenly, I felt nervous.
“Let’s go sit near the pier.”
We continued walking side by side. Devin seemed deep in thought, and I figured he was going over how to tell me he couldn’t talk to me anymore.
The closer we got to the pier, the harder my heart pounded. Would I argue with him and insist that it would still be okay to talk to me if I just promised to keep my hands out of his hair?
Devin motioned for me to take a seat on the ground near the edge of the water where campers could fish. We were the only ones there because most were getting ready for dinner.
He didn’t speak right away but picked up a rock and threw it. The rock skipped across the water, forming ripples. His serious approach was killing me.
“I wanted to talk to you about what you told me last week.”
I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. “All right.”
“You’d mentioned she could’ve chosen for her info to be known, right?”
Oh, that’s what you wanted to talk about? This was easier than I thought. “Yeah. But the form had several options to choose from.” I didn’t take my eyes off of him.
Devin seemed off in another world and not really listening. “I see.” He drew in a deep breath before sighing heavily. He turned to me and looked at me with a very serious expression. “I’m going to tell you something, and I’m going to ask you to keep it between us.”
You’re going to tell me a secret? I was dying to hear it and elated he wanted to share it with me. “I promise. I won’t tell anyone.”
He stared into my eyes to be sure, so I didn’t blink. Finally, he nodded with a sigh. “I did the same thing.” He waited to see if I understood, but I didn’t. He swallowed and looked down, picked up a twig, then twiddled it between his fingers.
What was I missing here? Was Devin also adopted?
When I didn’t show that I understood, he explained further, “Dahlia… I have a daughter.”
What? Devin is a dad? Is he married? Couldn’t be. But he must have a girlfriend. He stared at me and could see how confused I was.
“Where is she? Your daughter, I mean.”
“She doesn’t live with me. She doesn’t even know me.”
I must have given him the most confused look.
He licked his lips. “She was put up for adoption right after she was born. Just like you.”
Stunned was probably an understatement for the thoughts swirling around in my head. When? How old was he? How old was his daughter? Was the birth mother still in the picture? Could I ask him any of these questions, or did I need to wait on him to give me the answers?
Devin picked up another rock and chucked it across the water.
“How old were you?” I finally managed to ask.
Devin looked off, giving me a perfect view of his profile. “Seventeen. She’ll be four in August. August 12th.”
I realized I’d never known a birth parent before. I’d met many who were adopted, like me. But I’d never heard the perspective of the birth parent and certainly not the birth dad.
This was freaking me out. But at the same time, it intrigued me to know more—to hear his story and to gain some insight.
“What were the circumstances?” My gaze was fixed on his face, but he hadn’t looked back in my direction. I wondered if he felt shame.
“I was a junior in high school and my girlfriend was a sophomore. We didn’t always use protection—because we were impulsive and stupid. Really stupid. The pull out method isn’t effective. And, well, she got pregnant. She had the baby during the summer before my senior year.”
I had an image of Devin having sex with some faceless teen girl. He wasn’t even my boyfriend, but I felt like a jealous girlfriend who had just learned she’d been cheated on. And I wanted to be the one he was being really stupid with in bed—to be the only one he’d ever done those things with. However, that subject wasn’t appropriate to bring up, and I needed to focus on Devin�
��s confession.
I cleared my throat. “Did you both want to put your baby up for adoption?”
Devin looked at me and shook his head. “No.”
Now I was scared he’d tell me he wanted the other choice, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle that.
Devin continued, “She came from a large Catholic family, which didn’t really seem to matter since we were having sex regardless. But she wanted to keep the baby. Her parents offered no help, so she was pressured by them to give her up.”
“What about your family? Did they know about the baby?”
“My mother and my brother know. My parents divorced during my freshman year. I already told you that my dad took off with a girlfriend. He doesn’t know.”
I was trying to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind. Instead, I simply nodded at him with a partial smile.
“Life was particularly hard that year. My mom had to go back to work full time to support us, so I had to take care of my brother, Liam, after school. Not sure if I told you his name before.”
Devin tossed another rock across the water before continuing. “Money was really tight without my dad’s full income. Child support didn’t do much for us. We couldn’t even stay in our house but had to move to something a lot smaller. So by the time this happened, I was already working to help pay for myself. This is why grandparents have to help us with so much.”
I swallowed before saying, “That must’ve been hard.”
Devin nodded. “My mom wanted me to keep the baby, but I wasn’t ready to be a dad. So, I convinced my girlfriend to put the baby up for adoption.” Devin forcefully pushed his hands through his hair and held it behind his ears. “I thought it was the right thing to do,” he mumbled.
“And so she was adopted?”
“Yes. I fit the stereotype, don’t I?” He tried to chuckle, but barely a sound came from his lips.
“Devin, it happens all the time. I’m sure you both were scared and not sure what to do.”
“You can say what you’re really thinking, Dahlia. Without realizing it, you confessed a lot to me the other day. I know you think I should’ve kept her.”
Edge of Eighteen: A Slow Burn Summer Camp Love Story Page 9
