by C. M. Lally
I reach over and pull the blanket onto me and snuggle down into it.
My phone startles me awake a short time later. Through bleary eyes, I swipe across the screen.
“Hello.”
“Jade, it’s Liam. Got your note. What’s so urgent?”
“Lou. He’s worse, and we’re with him.” My voice is groggy, and I’m exhausted. I hope I’m making sense.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you need me to come there? What do you need? Want me to bring you clothing, food, pillows, or blankets? What? You name it, and I’ll do it.”
“I need you to postpone this fight. He can’t do it with Lou’s health on his mind.”
“Fuck, Jade. I’ll do anything else, but I can’t do that. There are cancellation fees, media, vendors, etc. I’ll be so far in the hole, I won’t be able to come out of it for the rescheduled date.”
“There’s nothing you can do?”
“No, I swear. I’d have to bring on thirty new clients to the gym this month alone to recoup the loss for a late return on investment.”
“Do me a favor? Next time, in case you ever put a fight together for me, put a cancellation clause in the contract.”
“Like I haven’t thought of that already. Get him ready and get him here.”
“Let me talk to him. I’ll call you back after the sun comes up. He needs some sleep and food before I break this news to him.” He hangs up on me without another word. Jackass.
I wait an hour and Kol still hasn’t come back to the waiting room. My worst fears are getting the better of me, so I go in search of the nurse that escorted him to Lou. She’ll check on him for me.
After pacing the entire floor four times and feeling like a stalker when I pass the nurse’s station, I give up. I need something to eat to function at this point.
A group of student nurses helps direct me to the cafeteria on their way to a coffee break. Their chatter about some hot guy on the floor makes me smile. The way they’ve described Mr. Hottie, it sounds like Kol. Two of them gasp while another one tries her best to contain a squeal when they enter the food court.
I look in the direction they’re facing and to no surprise at all, yes, it’s Kol. His eyes are puffy and sleep-filled as he stares blankly into a tall cup of coffee. His dark hair is matted in a couple different directions like he woke up and didn’t bother to run his fingers through it. To be honest, the rumpled look is sexy as hell on him with the stubble growth he’s sporting.
I grab a coffee and a blueberry muffin before sitting next to him, bumping his bent elbow as I sit down. “Oh, sorry.”
“Why are you here?” his deep voice is barely awake.
“You know, you don’t get dibs on his love. I care about him too. Lots of people do.”
“That’s not what I meant, Jade.”
“That’s what it sounds like. My friend is sick and near his last days on this earth, while my other friend is hurting alone about our mutual friend’s health. Why would I not be here to support you both?”
“I needed you to contact Liam and postpone or cancel this fight tonight. I can’t do it.”
“I did that, and then I came straight here. I keep my commitments.”
He abruptly looks at me. The hurt on his face slaps me silent. His dark, sad eyes pierce my heart.
“And I don’t?” His words hiss through gritted teeth.
“That’s not what I meant, Kol.” I reach for his hand, but he pulls away from me. It’s only been a few days since he last touched me with care, but I need to feel him. “Listen, we’re both tired and anxious. Let’s calm down, talk it out, and leave the emotion elsewhere.”
“Just tell me what Liam said.” He crushes the paper coffee cup in his hand and pushes it away from him.
I swipe my fork through my muffin and bring it to my mouth, inhaling and exhaling a slow breath before taking a bite of the sugary sweetness. A small sip of my coffee puts him on edge as I watch his fist clench and unclench while waiting for the news I have to share.
“Damn it, Jade. Tell me.”
“He can’t postpone it. It costs too much, and he’s got everything in it to lose if he cancels. The fight will have to go on as scheduled, so you better get your head in the game.”
“Fuck. I knew you couldn’t make it happen.”
“What the hell does that mean? I did what you asked. He said no. I pushed back. He continued to say no and then hung up.” My volume rises, but I look around to a nearly-empty room at this hour. I swallow down the rest of my muffin. The crumbs scrape my throat like gravel doing down. I clear my throat to continue, but he stands and walks away.
This is not my fault. I refuse to be blamed for the unfortunate timing of Lou’s hospitalization and Liam’s poor management skills.
I give him a few more minutes of solitude before heading back up to the waiting room to gather my things. When I enter, he’s reclining back with his eyes closed and the blanket is wrapped around him.
“I’m going home to sleep some more. You are expected at the gym at 4:00 pm. Liam has a light meal being catered for you. Please be there.”
He grunts at my words. I stop at the door of the waiting room and turn back to him. “You know, we can be done. That’s fine. I know now what I was to you— a lay at the beach, but don’t lose this fight by forfeit. Don’t throw Lou’s hard work out the window. Make him proud of you. Become the man he expects you to be because of his hard work, love, and devotion. Honor him that way in case these are his last remaining moments.”
Chapter Nineteen - Kol
I CAN VISIT WITH LOU for fifteen minutes every four hours. It’s not a whole lot of time to say your goodbyes, especially when I sit here in silence not knowing what to say. I know what I should say, but the words won’t come. There’s some small piece of me that says this isn’t really happening. “You’re the father I never knew,” was all I could choke out.
Like clockwork, the nurses come and get me when it’s time, and I rest between visits. I’m the only one here to visit. Is that a circumstance of Lou’s social life, his hidden agenda to have a procedure performed without anyone knowing, or the fact that I have a scheduled fight tonight and everything around us is off preparing? Everyone but us.
The trainer and the fighter; that’s what our relationship boils down to.
He’s more than that to me though on the inside of my brain. And heart, if I'm honest. That’s why I sit here.
This is the shittiest pre-fight prep I’ve ever completed. Usually, I’m bored out of my own skull, not wanting to exert any energy, but this worrying is making me more tired. I’ve already fallen asleep a handful of times being lulled to sleep with the rhythmic beeping in the room.
A nurse comes in to change one of the many bags hanging from the poles that surround his bed. She accidentally bumps the medicine cart into the door waking me up. A look of stunned surprise spreads across her face as our eyes meet. Her lips mouth the words “sorry” while I clear my throat and rub the sleep from my eyes.
I stand and unkink my body from the small chair I stuffed myself into as I watch her unhook the bags and connect the new tubes.
“It’s lunchtime, Mr. Porter. Don’t miss out on the Chicken Alfredo down in the cafeteria. It’s one of the best dishes they serve,” she informs me.
“Thank you, but no. I have a fight tonight. It will be a light meal for me today, or at least until I win. Then I’m shoveling down a pizza before coming back here.”
“Then good luck with your fight. Mr. Kadra here is your trainer?”
“Yeah, Lou’s my trainer...and my confidant, my wingman, and my stand-in father. He’s also the brains of our operation.” I sigh, letting those words sink in. What in the hell am I gonna do without him?
“Don’t you worry about him. We’re taking great care of him. You go and do your job like he trained you. Make him proud, and when you come back here to tell him you won, he’ll more than likely rouse out of this state of a coma. I’ve seen it happen before.”<
br />
My heart thumps against my chest hearing her words.
“Tell me honestly, how bad is this?” I wave my arm in the air indicating Lou and the machines keeping him alive.
“Mr. Porter, this is serious. He has a raging infection inside the vessel where the catheterization was performed. These antibiotics should clear it up. He’s already been fever free for a few hours. If we can keep it out of his pericardia, then he should recover and go home.”
“And if you can’t do that?”
“Then he’s not leaving here without a heart transplant or his angel wings. Prayers, Mr. Porter. He needs prayers and some good news. Now, you’re fifteen minutes were up a while ago but since I took some of that time away from you, I’ll give you a few more minutes.”
She glides the medication cart back out the door without banging it against anything this time.
I look over at him. His coloring has improved. His lips are not as flat as they were. I inch the chair closer and take his limp hand in mine.
“God, I’m not a praying man, so maybe this one will shock the Heavens and get to you faster, but whatever you and your team of warriors can do to keep him here with me longer, and still be as feisty and stubborn as the day I met him, I’d sure appreciate it.”
I slowly release his hand and stand, pulling the blankets up around him to keep his chest warm and his heart nestled safe and secure inside that heat. “I’m gonna go win this fight for you, because I love you, Lou. Now you do your job and get better.”
“THERE’S MY WINNER,” Liam hollers as I ride my bike through the garage doors. “What are you doing wearing yourself out on that bike. Go in the back and rest.”
“Nah, I’ve been sitting all day. I need to move around for a little bit.”
“I understand. Hospitals are exhausting places to be and wait,” he says slapping me on the back and escorting me to the new lounge area with his arm draped across my shoulders. “I had some light dinner catered in for you. It should be arriving within the half-hour.”
“That’s great. I’m not too hungry, but I’ll eat something when it gets here. What time is ‘The Bulldawg’ arriving?”
“They should get here between 5:00 and 6:00 pm. His team wasn’t too specific on time, but he’ll eat elsewhere, so you don’t have to worry about that. The food is for you and Jade. By the way, do you know when she’s coming?”
“No, I’m not sure. I thought she might be here already.”
“I haven’t seen her. I got her note this morning and called right away, but I’m sure she told you that already. I’m sorry I couldn’t cancel or postpone the fight.”
“Hey, it is what it is. I’ll win, then go tell Lou, and we’ll wait for him to pull through, and everything will be back to normal. Right, Liam?”
“Right. Sounds like a great plan. I love it. Hey, I’ll be right back. I have to go check on a few things. Wait here for the food. Turn the television on, and relax. Conserve that energy.”
I wander around the gym, filling my time with meaningless, nameless tasks— anything but sit and rest. If Lou were here...damn it, I need to erase that thought right now. He’s not gone, just busy. He’s detained.
The food arrives, and as I watch the caterer set it out, I think about Lou. This is his favorite part of fight night— the pre-meal, and that’s only because it’s usually way more food than the can of soup he heats up as dinner. That man loves soup. He eats it in the blazing hot summer, just to prove he’s stronger than the scorching sun.
“Hey, there you are,” Jade says as she strolls in and drops her gym bag on the floor, taking in the undisturbed visual display of wheat pasta and veggies piled high in serving trays. “Why aren’t you eating?”
I grunt in response while she grabs a plate and starts to pile it high. “Go ahead and have it all.”
I watch her grab another plate and load it halfway. She sets both of them down at the table, grabs two waters, napkins and utensils placing it all together for a couple to dine, and takes a seat.
“Please come and eat with me?” she says softly. She pushes the chair out across from her with her foot, motioning for me to sit. “We can forget everything that’s happened over the last few days and eat.” The hopeful look on her face guts me. I wish I could forget the last few days. They’ve been eating away at me.
I push myself up from the couch and amble over to the table, taking the seat she offers. She’s already twirling pasta around her fork, and I know she hates it. I dig in, stabbing vegetables and cutting the pasta, while she continues to spin her first bite over and over the tines of the fork. I wipe my mouth and set my fork down giving in. “Alright, what’s on your mind? Spill it.”
“Nothing. I wanted you to eat, and now that you are, I’m passing the time.”
“Bullshit, Jade.” I slam my fist onto the table, shaking the plates and silverware. My bottle of water falls over but doesn’t spill, thank God. “Something is up. You might as well tell me.” She jumps at the harshness of my words.
“Nothing. I want you to win tonight. I want to walk back into that hospital room and claim a victory to tell Lou. I owe him that.”
“You don’t owe him nothing. That’s the beauty of Lou. He does everything selflessly. There’s no bill to pay, no invoice for time and energy spent, or IOU for services rendered. He gives and loves freely. You wanna pay him back, do the same to another.”
She murmurs something under her breath that I can’t make out. “Stop mumbling and say it.”
“I said I tried,” she hisses at me. “I tried loving you in return. Instead, I became a notch on the bedpost. Just another pair of tits to fuck. I thought we were becoming something, but...” her eyes go the door, and Shawn is standing there.
“But what? Finish it.” Her eyes go back and forth between Shawn and my face. “Jade, finish the damn sentence. It’s nothing Shawn hasn’t heard before.”
“...but now I know I’m just a means to an orgasm.” She jumps up and runs out of the lounge area, sliding past Shawn as he moves out of her way.
“Hey, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were having a serious talk,” he says. “I thought you were eating and going over tonight’s strategy.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.”
“It didn’t sound like nothing. Did you fuck her?”
“No,” I breathe out in anger. “I haven’t fucked Jade.”
“It sounds like she thinks you did, especially when the word orgasm is used.”
“Shut up, Shawn. I’ve fucked many women, and Jade is not one of them. She’s the only one I haven’t.”
“Does she know this?” The look on his face reminds me that I’ve fucked up.
“Apparently not. And don’t stand there and judge me. She...uh, well, I didn’t expect her to happen. She’s my partner for God’s sake. We’ve been grabbing each other and slamming our bodies together for a few months now. When the noise of our lives quieted for a moment, she came into focus, and I saw something I’ve never seen.”
“And what the hell was that?”
I stand and move around him, throwing my trash away. “Honesty. Innocence. A genuinely kind spirit with no trace of deceit. She’s a real, honest-to-God good person. There’s no hiding with her.”
“What the fuck are you hiding?” He throws his hands up in the air when I don’t reply. “Grrr. Fucking talk to me, Kol. Don’t shut me out.” He
I flinch, and my jaw clenches at the harshness of his growl. He growls like Max used too before he hauled off and knocked the shit out of you.
“I’m about to lose everything I’ve worked for. This match. My winning streak. My chance at a real fight in the UFC. Lou. Her.” I ball my fist up to punch the wall but stop short when I remember the fight in a few short hours. “Who the fuck am I kidding. I’ve already lost her and this fight.”
“What are you talking about? Am I late to the match? Did it already occur? Has Jade quit and left you? Nothing is lost yet, but if it’s settled in y
our mind already—.” He turns and heads to the door, but before stepping through it, he turns. “Twenty years I’ve known you, and this is the first time you’ve ever disappointed me. I guess there is a first time for everything.” He walks away, but not before I hear him chanting quietly “snake...snake...snake...snake.”
I need fresh air.
The sand shifts underneath my feet as I dodge the late afternoon rising tide. The Oystercatchers screech their ‘peep-ing’ noise as they chase the waves with their bright orange beaks hoping to find their dinner washed ashore. The brine in the ocean air clears my thoughts.
Shawn’s right. Lou isn’t gone. The fight isn’t over. Jade is still here. I’ve never had so many things go so wrong before a big fight. It’s mentally defeating me. I’ve fucking turned soft with my new female partner.
“Fuck this shit!”
Chapter Twenty - Jade
MY PALMS ARE RED AND sting from gripping, slapping and slamming the contents of the first-aid bag onto the counter. Damn it. Why do I let him get me so worked up? It’s not like he’s going to walk in here and apologize. I finish counting the alcohol wipes and butterfly bandages, then shove it all back inside the bag. There, we have enough. I toss the bag a little harder than I meant too onto the shelf. I’ll grab it later before we head to the ring.
I’ve been to plenty of fights, but I never paid attention to every little thing needed during a match. I’m usually engrossed in the punches and kicks, memorizing them, that this small stuff doesn’t even process. I’m sure he’ll bleed a little, or at least I hope it’s just a little. I’ve watched his videos until I know every move he makes, but I didn’t pay attention if he’s a heavy bleeder. Why did I say I could do this? I have no idea what I’m doing.
I pull the bench out from the wall and take a seat, setting the wrist tape down before resting my head in my hands. I feel like crawling in a dark hole where no one would think to look for me, but I don’t know where that would be.
