by Pat Henshaw
As I tried to wrap my mind around one problem, another one would push it out of the way. How could I like Jeff when I hadn’t even ever had a girlfriend before? By admitting I was gay, I wasn’t just choosing to work with gay clients, but I was one of the group who was being picked on. Would this give my homophobic relatives—especially the ones who’d quit or been fired—more ammunition to take over the company? The will stipulating I was head of the company couldn’t be overturned because I was gay, could it?
Hell, I didn’t know anything about the law, but I did know about greedy relatives, having seen other local businesses collapse under the weight of schemes and plots. I was reeling with confusion. How did the heads of other companies keep their private and public lives separated? How did they satisfy themselves personally and live by a standard of right and good publicly?
What was I going to do?
I got one of Jeff’s beers, popped off the cap, took a sip, and stopped. What the hell was I doing? Hadn’t I learned anything from my father? The answers were out there, and I had to find them. But they sure to God weren’t in the bottom of a bottle. What the fuck was I thinking?
I got out the poles and a folding chair. Only fishing could calm me enough to think. At least I could be calm when I talked to Jeff. Maybe my thoughts would have untangled by then too.
On the way to the Bottom, I stopped to text Ben and Connor to tell them where I was: At dinner with Jeff. Need to talk to you. When? They could either call or text if they wanted to. At least they were giving me time and space to get myself back together.
11
I’D MADE up my mind. The fish I’d thrown back into the lake advised me to lay it all out for Jeff and let the chips fall where they landed. The upside had two parts. One, Jeff was honest enough to tell me exactly what he thought. Two, I’d know how Jeff felt about men in general and me in particular. The downside was I was scared as shit.
I parked in Bud’s recently graded and graveled parking lot. I hadn’t talked him into paving yet, but I was getting close. As I walked up to the cafe, I could see Jeff spot me. He was sitting at a table facing the window. A guy was sitting across from him, his back to me. Jeff signaled to me, then bent to the guy across from him. I couldn’t tell if Jeff had signaled to say he was glad I’d gotten there and c’mon in, or if he was signaling for me to wait a minute. I slowed as I reached for the front door and stepped into the Bottom.
Fucking A! The guy sitting across from Jeff was Gary, my fucking cousin Gary. What was going on?
The air sucked out of my lungs, and my knees went weak. I leaned on the door and took a deep breath.
When my old man died, I hadn’t felt a thing. He’d alienated me and the rest of the family, so the day of his death was business as usual. We were behind on a project or two as I recall.
But now I felt as if someone or something had died. The old me, maybe? Whatever, I was engulfed in it. Burned with it.
I felt a hand on my arm. Junior was looking up at me, concern written in his eyes.
“You okay, boss?” he asked.
“Yeah. Just a little winded.” I straightened up. Stood tall. Gave him a tight-lipped smile.
We walked into the Bottom together. He kept giving me quick glances, but I kept it together and was my strong, resilient self.
Jeff smiled at me as I walked up and sat at their table.
“Abe!” The happiness in his voice smacked me in the face.
I grunted and nodded to each of them. Was I ready for whatever they had to tell me? Did I have a choice? I gripped onto my years of strength and clutched it like a shield. As my grandfather used to say, “This too shall pass.” All I had to do was get through it without breaking down. I gritted my teeth. Bring it on.
“Abe, Gary and I have been talking. He has something to say to you that you need to hear.” Jeff was watching me like a hawk about to strike. I met his look with a glare of my own.
I nodded and turned to Gary.
Gary’s eyes shouted fear. My balls-forward challenge probably didn’t help any. But just because he’d shown me his, I wasn’t about to let him know how scared I was of the words on the other side of his lips. Were he and Jeff together? Fuck me. What could I do about it?
Gary looked down at the table, then back up, his eyes filled with a little more courage.
“I’m sorry, Abe,” he said slowly and quietly. “I’ve done nothing but fuck up.”
My eyebrows drew together. What the hell? What now?
Before I could respond, he was talking, spewing his guts.
“From the time you were born, it was always ‘Abe’ this and ‘Abe’ that. You were big and strong and capable. You walked first, talked first, swung a hammer first, probably shit first. Then your mom left and it was ‘poor Abe,’ ‘let’s help Abe.’
“Then your dad lost it, and you took over. You kept the company going when the loons and lunatics would have taken it and drained it dry. You put food in our mouths, clothes on our backs, roofs over our head.
“And what did I do? I could have helped. I could have stepped up. Did I? No. No, I bad-mouthed you and your brothers. My sister and I thought we were funny and smart by making you look like a big, bumbling idiot.”
He stopped. Everything he said was true, so what was I supposed to say? Good job, Gary? Now what did he want from me? His job back? No way. I glanced at Jeff and saw he was still watching, waiting to pounce. What did they both want from me?
Gary ran his hands down his face. He looked tired and maybe even ill. I’d thought so little of him for so long, I didn’t care. Go home, I wanted to say. Go home, get well, and try to man up for once in your sorry life. But I waited to find out his end game.
“I’m sorry,” Gary said on a sob. “So fucking sorry. I shoulda helped. I shoulda at least been there for you all those years.” He took a gulp of air. Tears trickled down his cheeks, making me uneasy. What the fuck?
“I know you probably don’t believe me.” He was right about that. What was going on? “But I want to help you and your brothers and the company.”
What? Why? What was his hidden agenda? Why did all his tears and pallid face make me think of quicksand?
I’d had enough.
“What do you want?” I growled.
Both Jeff and Gary pulled back in surprise. Jeff laid a hand on my arm, but I shook him off.
“It’s… it’s not like that,” Gary protested.
“Like what? It’s not like you want something from me? Right.” I was disgusted with both of them. Fuck them.
“Gary came to me after the family meeting, after you let him go,” Jeff started in his low, seductive, trust-me voice. My mind shut him down. Trust him? Not on his life. They were together in this? Stab me again, why don’t you?
“Yeah, I went to Jeff to see if I could get him to join me and a few others in taking over the company.” Gary was animated now, ready to spill all. Now we were getting somewhere. They both looked at me eagerly, as if I was supposed to give them my blessing or something. Fuck that.
“I asked him why his dad, your father’s younger brother, hadn’t tried to take over years ago,” Jeff added.
“He did,” I spat. “He tried and failed.”
“No,” Gary said, leaning in toward me. It was a ploy. I held my ground. I wouldn’t back away. “I thought he had too. But when I went to talk to him after the family meeting, he told me he never wanted the company. He didn’t want to be the organizer. He only ever wanted to be a construction worker, not a boss.”
He believed his old man? I didn’t.
“So I went to my aunts and asked them. They told me everybody wanted to be the head of the company as long as they didn’t have to do scheduling, bookkeeping, contracts, anything dealing with the office and operations. Everybody wanted to be chief, but nobody wanted to lead. They all agreed Grandpa Joe had taught you how everything was organized and how the actual business was run, and he hadn’t taught anybody else.”
He took a gulp
of breath and started in again before my mind could catch up.
“So everybody wanted to be head dog, but nobody wanted to do the work. They agreed that when you fucked up, they’d have to hire somebody to come in and take over the management of the business. Only you didn’t fuck up.”
Again a gulp of air.
“You expanded the business. You made Behr Construction the go-to company when the resorts regrouped and remodeled. You were there when the Silicon Valley millionaires moved in. You brought in hot tub and spa specialists, solar energy specialists, even people who knew how to do those foundations for the cabins jutting out over the side of the mountains.”
He looked at me, his eyes tearing up again.
“You saw us through the recession when everybody else was folding up. You passed up hiring outside and stayed with family for the things we could do. You didn’t ask anybody for help, but just kept plowing ahead.”
He was mopping up now. I looked around at the half-filled cafe. Was everybody staring at us? Why was Gary getting so upset about all of this? I did what was expected of me. So? And? I didn’t get what the big deal was.
How did this make Gary so special in Jeff’s eyes? Why would Jeff prefer him over me? I didn’t get it.
“What’s your point, Gary?” Jeff glared at me, and I glared back. What’d he want me to do? Hug my cousin? Comfort the pain-in-the-ass family member who’d made my life hell in the past while he was dogging on me? Give me a break.
“The point is,” Gary said with a sniff, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there backing you up and helping you. I’m sorry I was part of the problem and not of the solution. I’m just… sorry. That’s all.”
“Okay. Whatever.” I wasn’t going to hug him. Far as I was concerned, there was nothing for him to apologize for except having a bad attitude and stealing from the company.
My bottom line was still wondering what he wanted.
He heaved a sigh that sounded like relief to me. I waited. Jeff was still staring at me as if I was supposed to do or say something. Nothing came to mind. Except dinner and pie. I’d left home hungry and I was still hungry.
“Thanks for understanding, Abe,” Gary breathed. “What can I do to help? I really want to help.”
Well, it was a no-brainer.
“You can do a bunch of things,” I said and watched him brighten up like I’d conferred a great honor on him. I snorted. Jeff frowned. Okay, get serious, I guess.
“For one, you can stop all the illegal transactions. We shut it all down, and you can make sure everyone involved understands I will prosecute if I find out anyone’s stealing stuff and reselling it. There’s no more family privilege for theft.”
Gary blanched and looked guilty. “I didn’t mean for it to be—”
I cut him off.
“That’s over. Period. The end.” I saw Lorraine looking at our table, and I realized neither Gary nor Jeff had eaten either. I nodded for her to come over.
“It’s grilled trout or tri-tip tonight, Abe. Thanks for the help. Jun—Larry’s pretty excited about working with you,” she said, standing next to me. “What can I get you?”
“The beef, Lorraine. No problem. Seems a lot of my family has decided to work elsewhere, so I’m looking for a few new people.” I glanced around at the guys who seemed to be paying our table a lot of attention. “You can spread the word. It’s all legit. No funny business. Eight hours, five days a week. No slacking off. We’re hiring.”
“And you gentlemen?” she asked turning to Jeff and Gary, who ordered in subdued voices. She tapped me on the shoulder with her order pad before she walked away and whispered, “Thanks again” before returning to the kitchen.
“Secondly,” I said to Gary as Jeff opened his mouth to speak, “if you want me to seriously think about rehiring you, it’s eight hours, five days a week. Very little overtime. No cost of living increases for a while since we’re so far above the valley average wage. We’ve got a big pool of applicants to choose from, and we’ll give no preference to family anymore.”
Gary nodded with each provision.
“I’ve brought Jeff on as company accountant, maybe turn him into CFO if Ben and I decide to go the fancy title route.” Jeff brightened and smiled with a nod. I didn’t return his smile, but frowned.
He was a good accountant and had e-mailed me ideas about ways we could streamline the company and make it more efficient while saving money. I was hurt, but I wasn’t stupid. I also wasn’t one to hold a grudge. I took people at face value. Gary said he wanted to change. Easy enough to see if he would. I could give him a trial period like lots of companies did with new hires.
About the other, Jeff and I’d never made any promises to each other, just had a good time—or at least I’d had a good time—but we evidently weren’t anywhere near having a relationship, whatever it was. I couldn’t hold it against him that he obviously didn’t think of me like I thought of him.
We ate our meals, including the boysenberry pie for dessert to cheer me up. I half listened to talk about the company, hunting and fishing, and growing up. I let the sound of their voices wash over me as I realized just how tired and disgusted with life I really was. I was half inclined to call Ben and take next week off. It was just a week of the same old, same old except for the community meeting on Wednesday night. More I thought about it, the better a vacation sounded.
Only problem was whether I could trust the family not to attack Ben and make him suffer for my decisions. Better if I stayed in the office and visited as many of the work sites as I could, just in case.
Usually when it came time for the check and I was with family, I paid for everyone. This time, I told Lorraine we wanted separate checks.
“Good boy,” she said with a smile.
Great. Just great. What I needed was another woman who wanted to mother me. I remembered Mrs. Winter and her assumptions about me and Jeff. Guess mothers weren’t always right.
I paid, left my standard large tip, and was walking to the front door when Jeff put his hand on my arm.
“Abe,” he said softly as I shook off his hand. I wished he’d stop doing that. It was getting annoying. “We have to talk.”
I turned and he nearly ran into me. We were practically nose-to-nose.
“No, Jeff. We don’t have to talk. We’ve said pretty much everything we have to say to each other for a while. If you have any more cost-saving ideas, just e-mail them to me like you’ve been doing.” I started to turn. “If you need me for business reasons, you know where to find me.”
I nearly got to my truck before his hand was on my sleeve again. We were in the dark, our trucks and Bud’s beater the only ones on this side of the lot and way in the back.
“No, Abe.” His voice was deep, seductive, and slightly pleading. “I have some things to say.”
I sighed and turned to him. “Okay. So say them.”
He shook his head. “No, you big ox. I have things I want to say to you in private.”
Before I could answer, there in the shadows between our trucks, he grabbed me and kissed me.
12
FOR A second I was stunned. Then my body overrode my mind.
My hands went around his waist, and without any experience whatsoever, I kissed him back. Or tried my damn best.
The air thinned around us. We broke apart, gasping.
Before I could say anything—or even think of anything to say—he clutched me again, just like before, and laid into me.
Not being quite as slow as people think I am, I followed suit.
Damn. This was good. Better than it looked on TV and in the movies.
When we surfaced a second time, both of us floundering for air, Jeff started laughing. His helium spirits were catching. I started laughing too.
In between gasps and chuckles, he said, “Oh God, that was good! I’ve wanted to kiss you since I met you.”
“Me?” I gasped back, the idea making me weak in the knees. “You wanted to kiss me?”
Drive? Yeah, I thought I could drive. I hit the unlock button on the fob.
Jeff gave me a squeeze, rounded my truck, and got in before the bliss of his hand had even cooled on my dick and balls.
I slid into the cab. The drive was fast, automatic. I barely got time to stop and put the truck in park before we were out of it, kissing and pulling each other toward the door.
It took us a couple hours to move farther than the other side of the front door. A little longer to get to the bedroom. And there I learned all I needed to know about sex.
IN THE morning, I woke to Jeff’s hand running up and down the hair on my chest. I felt relaxed, good, surprised.
“Hey, there.” Jeff propped himself up on an elbow to look down at me, his hand staying on my chest. “How’re you doing this morning?”
“Fine. Why? Shouldn’t I be?” I tried to stretch, but he was in the way and I didn’t want to move him.
He leaned in for a kiss.
“So no new aches and pains?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.
“Oh yeah. Lots of those. They feel good. I feel great.” I looked at him, wondering where we were supposed to go from here. Did relationships have a pattern? Rules? Were we in a relationship? “You realize what you did, right?”
He tweaked one of my nipples and a thrill ran down me. “No. What’d I do?”
“You kissed me in the parking lot of Lorraine and Bud’s. In public. Where anyone could see,” I answered.
“Yeah. You don’t want anyone to know about us?” he asked.
“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just… I thought I should tell Ben and Connor before anyone else knows.”
