“I’m not. I like a woman who knows how to laugh. You do that so well.”
She raised the broom as if to swat him like an annoying giant housefly. He caught it and pulled her toward him. He leaned in until their faces were inches apart.
“I know it’s not a cabin in the woods, but we can joke, laugh, tease each other, even argue within these walls and never worry about losing our friendship. Agreed?”
She laid a hand on his cheek. “Agreed.”
“Welcome home, Gemma.”
“I like the sound of that.”
He gazed into her lively eyes and realized he was starting to fall for his bride-to-be. He was going to do everything within his power to see that she had a comfortable life and never regretted their marriage.
Was there a remote chance that she could someday care for him as more than a friend? If not, had he signed on for a lifetime of hiding his pain? It was wisest to remain her friend and never hope for more.
* * *
On Wednesday morning, Gemma and her mother were preparing to go into the city to start shopping for the wedding. Gemma had an OB-GYN doctor’s appointment at ten o’clock that had been made by the emergency room nurse in Cleary. The day was snowy and gray, and it suited Gemma’s mood. The doctor’s visit was a reminder that her baby’s life was always in danger.
Her mother’s mare had already been harnessed to the buggy and she stood patiently waiting at the gate. The two women started out the door and met Jesse. He tipped his hat. “Leroy has asked me to drive you. I am ready when you are.”
“That’s very kind of you. I have a lot of errands today, and Gemma is to see the doctor.”
He turned a look of concern on Gemma. “Are you ill? Is something wrong?”
She shook her head and replied meekly, “It is a simple pregnancy checkup. I’m fine.”
“I would like to hear what the doctor has to say, if you don’t mind.”
“That is a goot idea,” Mamm said as she climbed into the back of the buggy. “You can get your marriage license today too.”
“Don’t we have to get blood drawn or something before we get married?” Jesse asked.
“Not in Maine,” Gemma said. “I already asked Bethany about it.”
It took almost an hour to reach the outskirts of Presque Isle. Fortunately, the traffic wasn’t heavy. They visited the fabric store first and chose a periwinkle blue material for Gemma’s wedding dress. After that, they found a printer that could do an order of a hundred invitations that same day. They would need to get them in the mail tomorrow in order to give family members in Pennsylvania and the neighboring Maine Amish communities enough notice to attend. Weddings were the most common way that Amish young people from different districts met each other and for far-flung relatives to reconnect.
They arrived at the obstetrician’s office a few minutes before ten o’clock. Gemma filled out the paperwork required and waited nervously to see the doctor.
Dr. Thomas turned out to be a young woman with short dark curly hair who immediately put Gemma at ease. Following the examination, she had Gemma’s mother and Jesse step into the room. “I’m pleased to meet all of you. I want to congratulate you on your new family-member-to-be. As the doctor in Cleary told you, Gemma, there is a problem with your pregnancy. In your case, you have what is called a partial placenta previa.”
Gemma tried to absorb all the information the doctor gave her. She stressed the need for limited travel and bed rest as much as possible. It would mean a cesarean birth. Any labor could cause bleeding and jeopardize the life of both the mother and the baby.
“I understand you have a midwife in your community. She can manage you at home, but you will have to come here for the delivery. You are already twenty-six weeks along, and that is good. The goal is to get you as close to full term as possible and deliver you safely by C-section. I’m going to send some instructions home with you. It’s important that you follow them. I’m also going to give you a steroid injection that will help mature your baby’s lungs if it is born prematurely. Do you have any questions?”
After they left the office and reached their buggy, Jesse took Gemma’s elbow to help her in. “That was a lot to take in. How are you?”
“I’m fine.” It was a lie. She was terrified. She could lose her baby. The baby she hadn’t wanted but had grown to love in spite of everything.
“I’m scared,” he admitted.
Gemma nodded. “I am too.”
Her mother took Gemma’s hands between her own. “Our faith is in the Lord. In Isaiah 41:10, he tells us, ‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’”
“I believe in the goodness of the Lord,” Gemma said, struggling to find the faith beneath her words, but a deep sense of foreboding wouldn’t leave her in peace.
Chapter Twelve
Gemma discovered that her family and friends had taken her doctor’s instructions to heart. She wasn’t allowed to lift a finger if anyone was around to watch her. Anytime she tried to do something for herself, she was scolded by her mother as if she were still an unruly toddler.
A week after her visit to the doctor, Gemma met the midwife, Esther Hopper. Esther was a jovial plump woman in her late fifties with short gray hair, who claimed her greatest joy in life was delivering babies.
Gemma was curled up on the sofa with a blanket over her lap, at her mother’s insistence, when Esther breezed into the room. “Finally, I have a patient I don’t have to track down.”
Bethany and Anna followed the woman in bright pink scrubs beneath a red plaid coat into the room and took their places on each side of Gemma. Esther glanced at the group. “I believe I will just hold clinic here each time I need to see you ladies.”
“What exactly is wrong with Gemma?” Anna asked. “She has tried explaining it to us, but we really don’t understand.”
“Gemma, may I discuss your case with your friends? I can’t give them any information unless you allow me to. HIPAA and all that jazz. That would be the government regulations regarding patient privacy.”
Gemma folded her arms across her chest. “I want them to know that I do not have to be chained to a bed or the sofa.”
“Unfortunately, that is about the size of it. It is important that you don’t do anything strenuous. I’m going to leave a cell phone with you, Gemma. I have your bishop’s permission for you to use it in an emergency. I consider an emergency anytime you need to talk to me or anytime you have a question. My number is the first one. The only other number you should know is 911. At the first sign of labor, even if you are not sure it is labor, that is the number I want you to call. Understood?”
“Understood,” all three of them said together and giggled.
Esther smiled. “You are blessed, Gemma, to have a support group at your fingertips. I’m sure you and your baby are going to be just fine.”
After explaining Gemma’s condition and using a nursing textbook illustration to help the women understand, she completed her paperwork and her exam of Gemma and pronounced her in excellent health. She brought out a small white boxlike machine from her bag. “This is a Doppler. It will allow the mother to hear the baby’s heartbeat.”
There was a knock at the door. Anna went to answer it. She came back into the room. “It’s Jesse. May he come in?”
Gemma nodded. A few seconds later, he came in with his hat in hand. Esther introduced herself and said, “You are just in time.” She positioned a wand on Gemma’s tummy and immediately the thud-thud-thud of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room. Gemma listened in awe.
“Is that her?” Jesse’s voice cracked with emotion.
“Well, it might be a him, but yes, this is your baby’s heartbeat. Amazing, isn’t it? Every time I hear one I think how...a
mazing.”
After Esther packed up her stuff and promised to return in two weeks, Bethany and Anna left with her. Jesse remained. He sat down beside Gemma. “How are you today? Don’t say fine.”
She kept her eyes downcast. The wedding was fast approaching, yet it didn’t feel real. It would be a wedding without a courtship or a wedding trip because she would still be on bed rest in her mother’s house until her babe was born. It was also going to be a wedding without love. Maybe it would be better to call off the ceremony until after the birth. She glanced at Jesse to tell him that and couldn’t find the words. “I finished all the invitations.”
“That’s goot.”
“I wanted to ask if you... Would you like me to send one to your mother? I don’t have her address.”
“Of course.”
She handed him an envelope and he scrawled his mother’s name and address across it. “I doubt she will come, but you never know.” He handed it back.
“How have you been?” she asked.
“Busy. We have a lot of new orders. The bishop is thinking about hiring another man.”
“It’s wonderful that his business is doing well.” She smoothed her hand over the blanket on her lap. He grasped her hand and held it gently.
* * *
“Gemma, is there something wrong?” Jesse asked. Her hand remained limp in his.
She didn’t look at him. “Mamm has the wedding plans well in hand. The baby and I are doing okay.”
“You seem distant.”
“I’m right here.” She pulled away from him.
“That’s not what I meant.”
She finally looked up. “You are worrying about nothing. I’m fine. I think I would like to take a nap now.”
“Okay. I’ll see you again tomorrow.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
Her eyes filled with tears at the unexpected gesture. He took her hand again. “Tell me what’s wrong. You can trust me. We are friends, remember?”
“What if I lose this baby? I listen to the doctor and the midwife and I’m afraid. What if we marry and then lose my child? Then you will be bound to me for no reason.”
He adjusted the blanket over her shoulders. “We can’t see the road ahead. We have to trust that we are walking the path meant for us. If the worst should happen—we will endure it. I will be bound to you because that is my choice.”
“I’m just tired. Please go.”
He didn’t want to leave but had little choice. He left the Lapp farm and drove his buggy to Michael’s place. Michael had a workshop attached to the house. Jesse entered through the side door. Inside the shop, the walls were covered with clocks in various stages of repair. A workbench sat in front of the large window. A half a dozen pocket watches sitting in padded boxes, a large magnifying glass and a jeweler’s loupe were neatly arranged on it.
Across the room, Michael’s dog, Sadie, lay curled on a rag rug in a patch of sunshine. Sadie got up and came to greet Jesse with her tail wagging. He scratched her behind her ears and patted her head. Satisfied with that much attention, she went back to her rug. No one else was around. Jesse was on the point of leaving when the door opened and Michael’s brother-in-law, Ivan, walked in. He was intent on studying a beautifully etched gold pocket watch. He looked up and grinned. “Hey, Jesse, didn’t see you there.”
Jesse chuckled. “I don’t hear that very often.”
“I imagine not. What brings you here?”
“I wanted to speak to Michael.”
Ivan put down the watch and turned his stool to face Jesse. “I heard you are getting married. Congratulations. I have to say, it came as a big shock to me.”
“To me too. Sort of.” Jesse sat down and leaned back against the workbench. He was always afraid of breaking something inside Michael’s shop. He didn’t see how his friend could enjoy working with things that were so small he needed a magnifying glass to put them together.
“Want to tell me about it?” Ivan asked.
“Actually, I was hoping for some advice from Michael.”
“If you want advice about clocks, ask Michael. If you want advice about girls, I’m your man.”
“How old are you?”
Ivan puffed up his chest, slipped his thumbs under his suspenders and stretched them out. “Almost sixteen, and the ladies love me.”
“If I want advice on being a braggart, I’ll know who to see.”
Ivan chuckled. “I thought it sounded pretty good. I over did it, huh?”
“By quite a bit. Where’s Michael?” Jesse asked.
“In the kitchen. I’ll go get him.”
After Ivan left, Jesse leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. He wasn’t sure how much of the situation to share with Michael, but he needed help. When his friend came in, Jesse sat up straight. “Your brother-in-law is getting too big for his britches.”
“You aren’t telling me anything new. What’s up?”
“I need some advice about Gemma. The closer the date of the wedding comes, the more remote Gemma seems.”
Michael folded his arms over his chest. “You think she is getting cold feet? Marriage is forever. A lot of couples have second thoughts and doubts. You two must have them doubly so.”
“Did you? Did Bethany?”
“I will admit to being nervous, but I never doubted that Bethany was the one for me. We were and still are very much in love. I don’t know how it’s possible to be much happier. Tell me something. Are you sure you don’t love Gemma?”
Jesse rubbed his damp palms on his pant legs. His friend knew the reason he was getting married. “I care about her. She’s cute and funny and her eyes light up when she sees me. She drives me crazy and makes me smile. I don’t know if that is love, but I do know she needs someone to look after her and the baby. She is troubled, but she won’t tell me about it. I thought you could ask Bethany to find out what Gemma is really thinking. If she is ready to call it off, I’ll understand.”
* * *
“Gemma, do you want to call off the wedding?”
Gemma was lying in bed in her room on the second floor of her mother’s house. She glanced sharply at Bethany, who was sitting on a chair beside the bed. “Why would you ask such a thing?”
“Because Jesse asked Michael, who asked me to ask you if you want to call this thing off.”
“Does Jesse want to?” Gemma’s heart fell as she considered what that would mean. The marriage bans were to be read at the next church service.
Did it mean Jesse had changed his mind?
She looked at Bethany. “What if this is the wrong thing to do? Suppose he falls in love with someone after we are married. He’ll resent me for denying him the chance at true love.”
Bethany shook her head. “Not the Jesse I know. He doesn’t hold a grudge. The same thing can face any couple. It is respect for God’s law and respect for their partner that keeps them from acting on an attraction to someone else.”
Gemma struggled to find something else wrong with marrying Jesse. “He’s too big and tall. He makes me feel like a gnat beside him.”
Bethany laughed out loud. “That is the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard for not marrying someone. I think you like Jesse Crump more than you’re telling me and more than you’ll admit to yourself.”
Did she? The truthful answer was, yes, she did. She liked him a lot. Not in the same way as last year. That had been a girlish crush tied up with wishful thinking as much as anything. This was something deeper. Something real. And it changed things.
The more she grew to care about him, the more determined she became to avoid hurting him.
Bethany put her hands on her hips. “Are you asking me to ask Michael to ask Jesse if that’s what he wants to do?”
“Nee, Jesse should be here after he gets off work today. I will ask him myself.”
> “That is the right answer. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Nee, I’m whining. I have vowed to do better, and already I am slipping.”
“I would be out of my mind by now. I don’t know how you can stay so calm.”
“Because I must.”
Bethany got up. “I’ll be back tomorrow after church. Jenny and Ivan say hi.”
“Bring them with you. I’d love to see them.”
“They are excited about the wedding.”
“I want all my friends in my wedding party. If there is going to be a wedding.” Had Jesse really changed his mind? She chewed on her lower lip. A sharp pain ripped across her abdomen and she doubled over, clutching the covers to keep from crying out.
Bethany was at her side immediately. “What’s wrong? Is it labor? Where is the phone?”
Gemma drew several quick breaths as the pain receded. “It’s gone.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think so. The phone is in the top drawer of my nightstand.”
Bethany pulled it out and placed it in Gemma’s hand. “Just in case.”
Gemma’s eyes filled with tears. “If I lose this baby, I don’t know what I will do.”
Bethany dropped to the bed and put her arms around Gemma. “You will do what women have done since the dawn of time. Keep on living. Have more children if God blesses you with them and know your babe is waiting for you in heaven.”
“I didn’t want it when I first found out. I wanted it to go away so I wouldn’t be shamed.”
“Which only proves that you are human. You want your babe now. You love your child, and he or she knows that.”
“I hope so. I really hope so.”
“I have to leave, but I’m going to get your mother to sit with you.”
“She has so much to do already. I’m fine.”
“Your mamm would forbid me to come again if I didn’t tell her when her daughter needs her.”
Bethany left, and a few minutes later Dinah marched into the room and up to Gemma’s bedside. “It’s the not knowing that’s the worst, isn’t it?”
Shelter from the Storm Page 13
