by Amelia Grey
Brina’s heartache over the earl had been so great, she’d forgotten she’d gone to the shop yesterday and had been fitted for the gown.
To wear tonight.
When she thought she’d be accepting Zane’s proposal and could put away her widow’s clothing.
Not an apology.
Anger jumped on her so fast, she was suddenly reeling. She couldn’t believe she was such an idiot. To want Zane to see her in that color again. No! No! She would remain a widow, wearing dark, drab widow’s weeds.
Why would she want to ever wear that dress? She didn’t even want to go to the ball. An apology from Lord Blacknight meant nothing to her. His word meant nothing to her or anyone else. She’d hung so much hope on him. On that gown. Now she hated it. She never wanted to see the color pink again.
Brina ripped the dress off the wardrobe, wadded and squeezed it into a tight ball. She rushed over to the window, and with amazing strength, threw it open and hurled the gown out.
“Mrs. Feld, what are you doing?” Mrs. Lawton exclaimed.
In the bright moonlight, Brina watched as the wind caught under the thin gossamer fabric and lifted it higher for a moment before slowly allowing the gown to flutter down and fall in a heap on top of the purple rhododendron bush. She stared down at discarded silk and should have felt better.
But she didn’t.
Zane’s apology wouldn’t make her feel better either. He wouldn’t mean it anyway. If he even showed up publicly to give it. Fine. She didn’t want it. It no longer mattered. All she felt was loss.
Another terrible, terrible loss.
“Mrs. Feld?”
Brina heard the housekeeper’s worried voice behind her. She straightened from the window and faced Mrs. Lawton, doing her best to act as if the woman hadn’t witnessed her display of anger.
“Yes?”
“Should I mix you a tonic of brandy and honey?”
“No.” She softly closed the widow. “But I think I will have a brandy. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I’m told it will help settle the nerves.” She turned and saw her bed, where Mrs. Lawton had laid out her shoes, stockings, and lace-trimmed stays. “I’ve decided I’m not going to the ball tonight. You can put away my jewelry and other things and lay out my robe. I’ll be back up shortly.”
She walked downstairs and was headed down the corridor for the drawing room to pour a nip of brandy when she heard a light tap on the front door. Her heart felt as if it jumped to her throat as her first thought was of Zane. Her first thought was always Zane. But then the sound came again, and she realized it sounded like Harper’s knock. She started to call up to Mrs. Lawton to answer the door but stopped. Even if it was the earl, she couldn’t be afraid to face him. What was done, was done.
Cautiously opening the door, she saw it was Harper and fell into his arms. She was so happy it wasn’t Zane. If it had been him, she might have wanted to listen to his excuses, to hear an apology.
“Brina, dearest,” he said, holding her tight. “I’m all right. Everything is fine now. Don’t be upset.”
“I’m just glad it’s you.”
“Who else would it be? Everyone else is at the ball. Where you should be dancing and having a wonderful time.” He held her for a moment longer and then set her away from him. “Why aren’t you?”
She breathed in heavily and suddenly noticed his face. His lip was swollen and there was a cut above his eye.
“I’m not going—but, Harper, by the heavens! What happened to you? Who did this? Don’t tell me you fell as Robert did. I won’t believe you.”
“No, no. I didn’t want you to see me like this. I didn’t think you would be here. I only came to return this.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a note and one of her mother’s fine porcelain figurines and placed them on the side table by her bonnet.
What had happened at her parents’ house came back to Brina, and she said, “I don’t understand. What were you doing with it?”
“I stole it from their house. That’s why I was there the afternoon you saw me. I was going to sell it to help pay my debts to Mr. Remick.”
She gasped. “Gambling debts?” She knew Zane’s cousin had been a bad influence on him. This was proof.
“In the end, I didn’t have the nerve to sell it. At first, I thought to just slip back into their house and replace it, but Lord Blacknight told us last night that when you’ve done something wrong, you should make it right.”
She tensed even more. “You saw the earl last night?”
“Not at first.”
“Did he do this to your face?” She could hardly breathe. “He will hear from me about this.” She started toward the door. “Tonight!”
“What? Brina, wait. What are you thinking? He didn’t do this. As heaven is my witness, Blacknight saved us last night. I’ll always be grateful to him.”
Brina blinked. Her mind seemed to be going faster than her ears could hear. “Us? You and Robert? Saved you from what? It looks to me as if he’s taught the two of you how to be brawling gamesters just like he is.”
“No.” Harper’s eyes narrowed in disbelief, and he shook his head. “Didn’t the earl tell you what happened? He was in such a hurry to get back to you. I’ve never seen a man so on edge about the time.”
Brina felt as if her body were going limp as Harper’s words sunk in. “No, and I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. He’s not a gentleman. He’s not a man of his word, and I hope I never see him again.”
“You really don’t know what he did last night, do you?”
“I know he gambled.” Thinking about that renewed her strength. “That’s enough.”
“But it appears you don’t know why he played cards. You need to.” He took both her hands in his. “You’ll listen to me about this,” he said firmly, making sure her gaze stayed on his. “Robert and I were duped into a high stakes games with Mr. Remick, and when we couldn’t pay our debts, he forcibly took us to a crimping house. He wouldn’t accept money from the earl because Remick considers himself a master of cards. He insisted Lord Blacknight had to play him one game at a time to win our freedom. If he hadn’t done it, Robert and I would be on a ship heading to Singapore right now as payment for our debt.”
“Singapore!”
“Yes. We were crimped. It’s what Mr. Remick does. Lord Blacknight had no choice. With his skill, he finally won enough games to save us from months or years at sea.”
Brina couldn’t think straight. The only thing she could manage was to shake her head and hug Harper again. “I’m so glad he saved you from that.”
“I can’t stay any longer. Lord Blacknight thought it would be best if I stayed out of London for a while. He’s hired a coach to take me to Northumberland. It’s waiting for me. He’s sending Robert away too. I didn’t ask where. We’re both happy to still be in England, not to have been sold to a boarding master.”
Zane played to save Harper and Robert.
“Don’t be angry with the earl for gambling. He was so furious, he railed at us because he had to break his promise to you. It truly upset him greatly.”
“He saved you?” she whispered.
Harper nodded again. “I hope one day he’ll forgive me, and that you will too. And I hope you’ll forgive him for breaking his promise to you. He’s in love with you. That was clear to me and Robert. So, it’s our fault he—”
“Excuse me, Harper. I must hurry.” She turned and started rushing up the stairs. “Mrs. Lawton,” she called. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to the ball. Heat your iron. But first, run outside and get the pink gown off the rhododendron.”
Chapter 27
Zane stood near the entryway and watched for Brina. Everyone else in the ballroom watched him.
He’d purposefully arrived late. Very late. Midnight wasn’t far away. He’d scanned the crowd twice. Brina wasn’t in the room. He wondered if she just hadn’t arrived or if she were waiting out of sight in one of the alcoves. If she had arr
ived with her friends, Lady Lyonwood and Mrs. Garrett were no longer with her. He spotted them across the room with their husbands. They, like several others, were trying their best not to stare at him. Perhaps Brina was feeling the same way he was. That tonight wasn’t something she wanted to be a part of.
He could understand that. He sure as hell didn’t want to be there.
Yet, he was the one who started this with his wager, she expanded it, and he would finish it this evening.
As promised.
The hell of it was that he was a different person now. Because of Brina, he no longer saw the mischievous humor of trying to get a lady’s attention by making a wager. Brina had helped him see a lot of things differently. And he liked to think he had helped her see some things differently too.
Not that it mattered to her now.
Usually, the last ball of the Season wasn’t well attended. For various reasons. By the time it rolled around, all but an ardent few in the ton were tired of the endless parties. The young ladies and gentlemen who had already made a match were more interested in making plans for their own wedding parties. The last ball also signaled Parliament had ended its session. Once the House of Lords and House of Commons finished with their business, they were eager to forgo the last party and travel to their summer estates to escape the approaching heat in London and begin their summer house parties.
But this year’s ball was different.
It was a crush.
The orchestra played, but few danced. Most stood in little groups chatting with whomever happened to be by their side. Zane had no doubt that everyone far and wide knew he had gambled last night, and tonight at midnight, he had to give an apology to Brina.
And he would.
Whether or not she attended to receive it.
He huffed out a rueful chuckle when he saw his uncles and sister had spotted him and were heading his way. The day before he thought he’d settled into his new role in life. Earl, provider and protector of his family. Lover and soon-to-be husband of Brina. But somehow, one good deed changed all that.
He couldn’t argue with Brina that he’d had a choice whether or not to hurt her, where Stewart had not. Damn, but that pierced his heart as surely as the blade of a rapier. When she’d told Zane he had hurt her more than her husband, it had torn his heart to shreds. He knew how deeply she felt emotions. He knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t hurt her anymore. That was why he had waited at her house on and off throughout the day. He had wanted to demand she see him, force her to listen, and make her understand he’d done the right thing. Not for her, but for Robert and Harper. But in the end, he didn’t want to cause her more pain.
He’d give the apology. It was all she wanted from him.
Sins of his gambling past had finally caught up with him. He now realized what a mistake it had been to try to teach Robert to be a well-seasoned gamester when they were in Vienna. Few people ever became really good at it, but Robert was a Browning, so there was a chance. At the time, Zane needed something to take Robert’s mind off the French woman. And it had, but it gave him a far bigger problem.
The American crimp who’d held Robert and Harper in his makeshift prison had been one good card player. For a time, it looked as if Zane weren’t going to win enough money to pay their debts before time was up. He simply wasn’t winning enough games. Brina and the dinner party kept coming to his mind, causing him to lose focus in the beginning. He was doing all the things he knew not to do. Sweat, hold the cards tight, blink too rapidly, and so many little telling hints of what he held in his hand.
But those same thoughts of Brina and getting back to her eventually calmed him. His skill and intuitive nature took over, and just before the hour Remick had given him was up, Zane had won more than enough to pay for Robert and Harper’s freedom.
Remick reluctantly conceded and assured Zane the young men would be released. Zane wasn’t about to let the crimp out of his sight until he had the young men in his hands and they were safe from being thrown onto a ship bound for the East. That was when Zane pulled the knife Harry had slipped into his pocket and forced Remick to take him to Robert and Harper.
Only after he had the young fools with him and seen they were not too badly hurt did he let Remick go—with the warning he never peddle his skills or his crimping in London again. Zane was certain word that he’d been seen gambling at the Brass Bull had made it to his house.
News like that traveled fast.
He had been equally confident everyone would be gone by the time he made it back home. However, Brina was still there.
For one very good reason. To let him know she had won.
“It’s about time you got here,” Uncle Hector said. “Not that it’s pertinent to this evening, but I had a note from Robert this morning saying he was going to visit one of his aunt Lorraine’s son’s in Dorset. I thought it was sudden. Did you know about that?”
“Not any particulars,” Zane said. “I’m sure he’ll write once he gets there. Young men like to travel.”
“Now that we have that out of the way,” Uncle Syl said, “what happened to you last night?”
“We know what happened, Uncle,” Patricia informed him dryly and rolled her eyes toward Zane to ask her own question. “What I want to know, dear brother, is if you have spoken to Mrs. Feld today?”
“No.”
“No?” Hector said, stomping his cane. “Why not? You have some explaining to do and today was the time to do it.”
“Not to mention an apology,” Patricia added.
“Well, you can’t do it now,” Sylvester said calmly. “She’s not here. Who can blame her? She probably wouldn’t listen anyway. You didn’t make it to your own dinner last night. She obviously isn’t going to make it to your apology.”
“Well, she should,” Uncle Hector insisted. “They were almost engaged. There’s still hope this can be settled for a good outcome. She was doing such a fine job helping you be more of a gentleman. Until you strayed.”
“What I want to know is what happens between Zane and the widow,” Patricia said, keeping her eyes on his face.
The widow. Zane grimaced and gave a silent growl. How he’d come to detest that description of her.
“Maybe all is not lost,” Uncle Syl said in a placating tone. “Perhaps if you tried writing her a poem? Ladies love poetry. You know, something about flowers, moonglow, and how beautiful she is might go a long way to soothing her and help her overlook your lesser points.”
“A poem?” Patricia asked in an unbelievably indignant voice. “At this point, a poem is not going to win her hand.”
“If romantic words won’t ease her disposition,” Syl countered, “tell her in no uncertain terms that she will sit down and listen to you because you are an earl. Though we don’t know exactly what they were, I’m sure you had good reasons for your behavior with that gentleman last night, and she needs to accept them without further ado.”
“And thinking like that,” Patricia remarked sharply, “is why you never married.”
Hector stomped his cane again. “Everyone is growing restless. It’s time for you to speak. While you are apologizing, you might as well extend your regrets to your peers as well for missing your own dinner party. Most of them are here.”
When hell freezes over, Zane thought.
“I think it best he never mention it again, but go forward from here,” Patricia said, offering her bit of advice. “No matter how you decide to handle what you are about to say, we will stand with you.” She gave him a sincere smile. “We are family.”
Zane gave his sister a nod of appreciation. “My actions are my responsibility.”
There was no clock to chime the midnight hour, but Zane agreed with Hector. Every gentleman in the room was ready to go to White’s and other places they may have placed a bet to either collect their winnings or pay their debts.
It was time to end this, even though Brina wasn’t present.
He started walking toward the center of the
room. The place quieted. Everyone stepped aside, giving him plenty of space, and once he stopped, they formed a wide circle around him.
Zane had recollection of telling Brina he’d give a grand speech, but he wouldn’t. It would be two short words. He started to speak but saw her rush into the entryway. It felt as if his heart stopped beating for a few seconds and then suddenly thundered like the sound of a hundred galloping horses in his chest. She was wearing the bright pink gown they’d seen in the shop near the abbey. She looked glorious dressed in it. It shimmered with every step and so did she.
Watching her made losing her all the harder.
Some in the ballroom must have noticed her too. The quietness just moments before turned to murmurings. The whispers got louder. Her chin was demurely high, her shoulders softly confident. She was breathtaking as she walked down the three steps into the room and started toward him. His admiration for her grew. She wasn’t ducking out. She wasn’t going to stand on the other side of the room from him or cower near the door. No, damnation. Not her. She was going to come right up to him and make him look her in the eyes when he apologized.
Good.
He was glad she decided to make him pay for hurting her. The crowd parted as they had for him, and she stopped in front of him. All he could think for a moment was that she was the most beautiful person in the world, and he loved her with all his heart. If there was anything he could say or do to win back her love, he would do it.
With the same poise she always had, she curtsied before looking at him with serenity settled in her lovely features. “Permit me to go first, my lord.”
He bowed. “A gentleman always allows a lady to go first.”
How was he going to live without her?
“Thank you,” she answered softly. She turned away from him and addressed the room. “I know that all of you gentlemen here tonight are far too proper and kind to wager on anything concerning a lady. Especially something as delicate as a lady—a widow’s hand in marriage. I appreciate your restraint in that matter and your resolve not to resort to gossip about it either. You have set the standard for all gentlemen.”
