by A. M. Kusi
“I . . .” Isa swallowed.
Harper stood, unlatching Mila and setting her over one shoulder before she hugged Isa. “Hey, I know you are scared. How are things between you guys since everything happened?”
Isa took a deep breath as she tried to push the anxiety aside. “Well, it’s been great between us for the most part. He gets angry sometimes, but I know he is working through the grief. He just lost his sister and became responsible for two little humans basically overnight. That’s a lot. I’m just doing what any girlfriend would do. I’m just helping him.”
Harper gave her a look that called bullshit, but she didn’t say anything.
“His mother hates me.”
“That I can totally relate to. She will come around . . . hopefully,” Harper teased.
“She has only seen me the day she found out her daughter died and when I called her because Joy had burned her hand because I was on the phone with you when I should have been watching her.”
“Well, give her some time to get to know you.”
“She should have the opportunity tomorrow night. Esther invited us to dinner. She said her future daughter-in-law will be there,” Isa explained.
“That sounds promising.” Harper’s face lit up.
“Except that I’m not the woman she is referring to. A girl named Sarah is coming. She said she ‘supposed’ I could come too.”
“Ouch,” Harper said, wincing.
“Yeah.” Isa sighed and shrugged. “How are things with your new book coming along?”
“It’s hard to juggle the writing and taking care of Mila with Jax at the office during the day. I do most of it after he gets home from work and on the weekends,” Harper answered.
“Ethan told me that Jax and River were reaching out to him nearly every day. He doesn’t really talk about it, but I think it’s helping him,” Isa confessed.
“I hope so. Jax was really worried about him. We’re both glad he has you.”
Isa grinned. “I’m happy to have him too.”
“How is Joy’s schooling going?” Harper asked.
“I do some workbooks with her every day when she is in the mood. On the hard days, we usually end up baking or crafting. I have been reading this interesting book by John Holt called, How Children Learn. It’s really fascinating—”
“Isa,” Harper interrupted.
“Yeah?”
“Do you hear yourself?” she asked.
Isa was silent a moment, confused.
“You are in a lot deeper than you think. I just hope you don’t freak out when you realize it,” Harper explained.
“What do you mean? I’m a girlfriend and a nanny—as his mother so eloquently put it. I should be learning about this stuff, right?” Isa asked defensively.
Harper held out her hand. “Slow your roll. I’m just making an observation. I’m happy for you if this is what you truly want.”
“It’s not forever. Ethan was talking about enrolling Joy in school in the spring.”
“Okay.”
“I’m just filling in,” Isa said, the words sounding hollow. The thought of missing out on Joy’s magical fascination with the world around her suddenly and surprisingly made her feel sad.
“How goes your art?” Harper asked, changing the subject.
“I was thinking of taking my pieces to a gallery owner to critique my work. My mom knows a guy.”
“You should totally do it!” Harper encouraged.
Isa took a deep breath. “I think I will.” The admission made excitement and anxiety swirl in her belly. She felt ready for this next step.
After all the cookies were decorated, they said their goodbyes.
Isa helped the kids get ready in their costumes after dinner. Ethan was running late. Max was dressed as a cocoon and Joy jumped up and down excitedly, waiting by the door. Her antenna headband bounced with her as she flapped her fabric wings.
Ethan opened the door and smiled at them. “Whoa! It’s the biggest butterfly I have ever seen, right here in our house.” His smile widened when he saw Max in Isa’s arms.
She didn’t miss the fact that he referred to it as our house. Her stomach twisted in knots, but she forced a smile. Was this too much too soon?
After trick-or-treating, they bathed the kids and got them into bed. Ethan sang to Joy in the room across the hall, while she rocked Max to sleep.
He met her in the living room a few minutes later, in sleep pants and a T-shirt. His feet were bare and she wasn’t sure why that added to his sexiness, but it did.
“Ready for the next episode?” he asked. He had gotten her hooked on Prison Break.
“Actually, I was going to head home,” she said, standing and rubbing her palms against her pants.
“Oh . . . why?”
“I don’t live here, Ethan. I haven’t been home in weeks except to get clothes.” She started walking towards the door, but he stopped her.
“Okay. Is that all this is though? Did I do something wrong?” he asked. His hands came to rest on her hips, and the familiar energy hummed between them, making it harder for her to walk away.
“No, you didn’t do anything. I just need to go home tonight.”
“Okay. When will I see you again? Are you still coming with me to dinner at my parents’ tomorrow?”
Like she could forget. “I don’t know. She didn’t really seem to want me there.”
Ethan cupped her face gently but firmly as he looked into her eyes. “I want you there. My mom just needs some time to get to know you. She has . . . expectations.”
“What are your expectations?” she asked, afraid of the answer.
He sighed. Instead of answering her, his lips met hers, powerfully and tenderly all at once. She reached her arms around him to hold herself up as she melted into his touch. His hungry mouth was like instant gasoline on the sparks that surged between them. She pushed his chest and pulled away, the act tearing her in two.
“I have to go,” she said.
His expression was one of disappointment, worry, and confusion, but he nodded.
Outside, cool night air ghosted over her arms. Ethan walked her to her car before opening the door for her to get in. “Let me know when you’re home safe.”
“I will,” she promised.
***
Isa spent the night in her big, empty apartment. She poured herself a few shots of coconut rum and relaxed in the bath. Candles lit the otherwise dark room as she peered through the giant windows to the city lights below. The conversation with Harper had brought a lot of things to her mind. She was in this relationship with Ethan far deeper than she’d realized.
Isa had always been one to shun attachment romantically, getting out before things went too far. Something was different about Ethan, about what they had together, and that was why she had agreed to date him. Then life happened and they were thrust into one hell of a magnitude of a storm. She had learned from her childhood that when the hard times came, you could either be ripped apart or cling to one another. Trauma would break you, but it could also make you stronger if you let it.
Ethan’s family stuck together. He’d taken on the burden of two children like it was his duty. He loved and cared for them better than Isa thought possible, like they were his own. Those kids were his priority over even himself.
The commitment he showed both terrified and attracted her to him. Ethan loved fiercely. This was where the sirens started blaring. This was when she should jump ship . . . unless . . . unless she wanted to stay. Did she want to open herself up and risk her heart for this noble man? Could she take that leap of faith and trust that he would catch her? Could she stand being second in his life, knowing the kids would always come first?
Could she be with him, knowing it would mean that she was becoming a mother figure in the kids’ lives? She w
ould be taking on not just a relationship, but a family.
If not, it was better for everyone if she got out now.
Chapter 23
Ethan got the kids dressed and ready to go. He checked his phone one more time, hoping Isa had texted him back to confirm she would be there tonight. Nothing.
His gut twisted into knots of worry. This was too much for her. Two kids and his empty hands. What did he have to offer a woman like Isa? She was used to so much more than he’d ever aspired to.
Ethan buckled the kids before jumping into the driver’s side. He plugged his phone in and started the car with a sick feeling in his stomach that the best thing in his life was over.
He put the car in reverse and turned to back up, freezing when he saw the face looking in through the passenger side window. Isa waved a tentative hand hello.
She opened the passenger door and said, “Sorry I’m late.”
“I thought you weren’t going to show.”
“I wasn’t sure I was either,” she admitted as her face blushed.
“Are you coming?” he asked.
“Do you still want me to?” she asked, almost as if she expected him to say no.
He should say no; that would be the honorable thing to do. Leave her alone and not bring her into the clusterfuck that was his life. “Yes. I want you to come with us,” he said greedily.
She smiled and climbed into the car before buckling up.
Joy exclaimed from the back seat, “Isa! You’re coming to Nana and Papa’s too? Yay!”
“I am, honey,” she answered, giving Joy a wink before she turned back to face him.
Ethan backed up and drove to his parents’ house, resting his palm on her leg. She rubbed the pad of her thumb across his hand gently, creating crackles of flames with her touch. He welcomed the burn, as always.
“Do you want to talk before we go in?” he asked as they pulled into his parents’ driveway. The bright yellow house had white shutters. A fall-themed wreath adorned the front door and there were pumpkins on either side. Empty flowerbeds lined the walkway. The hum of a leaf blower was the only other sound in the quiet suburban neighborhood.
“I don’t want to keep them waiting. Your mom doesn’t have a very good impression of me as it is,” she said, her voice shaking a little.
Ethan was happy that she cared about his mother getting to know her; that meant she still wanted to stick around. He hated that she was so nervous. Leaning across the small car, he kissed her cheek before he whispered in the shell of her ear, “It will all be fine. I know she will love you once she gets to know you. I appreciate you doing this.”
She shivered. He had been with her enough times to know her body was reacting to him. The realization brought him pride that he held as much power over her as she did for him. He was awed that such a beautiful creature had chosen him.
Isa nodded, taking a deep breath and letting out an equally long exhale. “Let’s do this.”
***
Isa stood by Ethan as he opened the front door to his parents’ house.
“Mom? We’re here,” he called.
Joy ran inside and disappeared around the corner. Ethan stepped in, waiting for Isa to enter before he closed the door behind her. He motioned to the rack for her to hang her coat and she helped him with his while he juggled the baby in his arms. She respectfully removed her shoes.
Whatever Esther was cooking made the house smell delicious. There was a bright living room to her right. The couch was well-loved with colorful pillows strewn about. An older black man sat in a large chair, reading a book. He looked up as they entered.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Son,” the man said in a heavy Ghanaian accent as he stood, seeming to take extra effort. He grabbed his cane to help him stand and hugged Ethan before taking Max from his arms.
“Hey, little guy.”
“Dad, this is Isa, my girlfriend. Isa, this is my dad, Phillip,” Ethan introduced them.
Isa held out her hand to shake Phillip’s as he smiled politely.
“You know your mother invited Sarah here for dinner,” Phillip stated, eyeing Ethan warily.
“Yeah, I know. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but you know Mom.”
“There you are,” Esther’s voice said from behind them.
Ethan and Isa turned to greet his mother. Joy held her hand and a beautiful dark-skinned woman stood by.
“Mom,” Ethan said, giving her a hug. “You remember Isa.”
“How could I forget,” she said coolly.
Isa spoke. “You have a beautiful house.”
“Thank you,” Esther said politely. Esther turned to the woman next to her and said, “This is Sarah. This is Ethan, whom Abby and I have told you about. This is his friend Isa. She helps nanny the kids.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sarah greeted them, making it apparent Isa was the only one without an accent in the room.
“You as well,” Isa said, feeling awkward and jealous at the same time.
Sarah looked between Ethan and Isa, a question in her eyes.
Ethan began to speak, “Isa is my—”
“Dinner is getting cold. Let’s go eat,” Esther interrupted her son.
They all followed her. Ethan gave Isa a sympathetic smile and kissed her cheek. She was sure he was trying to make her feel at ease, but the heat of his touch was outdone by the burn of jealousy in her belly.
She was further sickened by the white pieces of folded paper naming the assigned seating. She was to be across from Ethan, while Sarah was seated next to him.
Everyone passed the food around until their plates were full. Isa waited to make sure everyone was served and the kids had started eating before she picked up her fork. She took a bite of the rice mixed with a red sauce and cabbage. It tasted just as delicious as it smelled.
“Ethan, why don’t you say the prayer?” Esther announced, eying Isa.
Isa’s cheeked heated. How embarrassing! She had no idea his family were religious. Ethan had never said anything about it.
“Sure,” Ethan said, giving Isa a smile as if attempting to ease her discomfort.
After he’d said a quick prayer, everyone started eating.
“This is delicious,” Isa said, complimenting Ethan’s mother.
“Thank you.” Esther turned to face Sarah, speaking in Twi so that Isa couldn’t understand a word she was saying. Sarah answered before facing Ethan, who also responded in Twi. They laughed and Isa felt her whole body heat as jealousy coiled tightly in her chest, threatening to snap. On one hand, she was mesmerized by Ethan speaking in his native tongue, while on the other, she felt self-conscious, and unsure of what they were talking about.
Joy leaned over and asked for her help to cut her food, temporarily distracting her.
Phillip and Esther joined in the conversation while Isa focused on Joy.
“I wish she wasn’t in so much pain. A careless mistake and my granddaughter is scarred for life.” Over ten minutes has passed since anyone had spoken English and Esther’s harsh words were directed at her.
Isa’s stomach clenched. She was the outsider. She wanted to make a good impression. But she also wanted to cut a bitch.
“Mom,” Ethan warned. “It was an accident and J isn’t in pain anymore. Her hand is healing nicely. Right, J?”
“Yup.”
Esther turned her attention to Joy, speaking in Twi to the little girl. All except the word “Halloween.” Joy answered her grandmother in a mix of English and Twi. Isa got the gist if it.
Ethan explained, in English, “Isa and I took them last night. They did the whole street and the one next to us.”
Sarah looked curiously between them again before asking, “You nanny for them?”
Ethan answered for her, “Isa is my girlfriend. She watches the kids while I’m at
work.”
Sarah nodded, understanding flashing in her eyes.
She felt bad for the beautiful woman who’d been thrown into this minefield. Sarah was just as uncomfortable as she was.
“What is it you do, Isa, that affords you the luxury of babysitting for my son every day?” Esther asked.
Isa wasn’t sure how to answer without seeming like a spoiled princess.
“She’s an artist.” Ethan smiled at her, warming her insides. The confidence he had in her exuded through his every pore.
“Sarah, you’re going for your masters and your PhD in economics, isn’t that right?” Esther added.
“Yes. What kind of art do you do?” Sarah asked to Isa’s surprise.
“Mostly acrylics, but also watercolors.”
“I love going to galleries. Are your pieces in any that I would know of?” Sarah asked innocently.
Isa felt her stomach drop with disappointment. “No, not yet. But they will be soon.”
“Ethan, come help me bring out the dessert,” Esther said, walking away to the kitchen quickly. Ethan wiped his mouth and excused himself from the table.
Isa took a deep breath and swallowed nervously at the faces staring back at her. Max noisily ate in a high chair. Joy slurped up some of the juice in her cup and then blew bubbles.
“I’m sure it hasn’t been easy adjusting to taking on two children out of the blue. If you need any extra help, please feel free to call me. Esther has my number,” Sarah said. Her kindness made it impossible to dislike the woman.
“I appreciate your offer.” Isa turned to Phillip. “May I use the bathroom?”
“Of course. Through the hall, second door on your left.” He pointed the way Ethan had disappeared with his mother.
She set her napkin on the table and walked quickly out of the room, needing a moment to herself to regroup. Unsteady legs carried her in the direction he had motioned. Her stomach squeezed into knots and her skin was clammy from a thin sheen of sweat.
The hall was decorated with striped wallpaper and pictures of their family. She got distracted by one of Ethan and his sister when they were younger. He was a cute baby.
