“If I attack the Forgotten, they'll capture me, they'll—”
“Have you tried? Or have you run and hid?”
“Look what they've done to Williams?! They'll do worse to me. With me, they'll... they'll take over this galaxy. We'll all die....”
“How do you know?”
“Because I can hear them!” I almost shrieked, voice reverberating around the room and ringing in my ears. “Because I can hear them. Because they won't shut up. They won't stop reaching out to me—”
“Then fight. Fight back.”
“And what if I lose? You think I should risk condemning the Milky Way? If I stay out of this, maybe we have a chance. The Forgotten have us on the run, but they haven't beaten us yet.”
“They will. Soon. Two months,” he said calmly.
Two months. His words rang hollow in my mind.
Two goddamn months.
I wanted to tell myself we had more time, but we didn't, did we?
He could see the abject terror shaking in my gaze – there was no way I could hide it as I stood there pressed against the wall, hair a mess over my shoulders.
“We outfitted you with stronger implants, Subject Omega. You are now more powerful than you've ever been.”
“And you increased my dependency on 78,” I shot back, hands curling into fists as the anger smashed through my fear and guilt. I took a snapped step away from the wall. “I need so much we'll run out in a month. If your plan really was to use me as a weapon against the Forgotten, then why did you do this?” I brought up a hand and pointed it at him. It shook.
He glanced from my trembling fingers to my face impassively. “So that you would never turn against the galaxy.”
“What?!”
He turned, walked casually back to his small seat, sat down, leaned back, and looked at me.
“That doesn't make any sense.”
“Why not?” He clasped his hands over his middle. “Power like yours must be controlled. Without checks and balances, you could turn against the citizens of the Alliance.”
I let out a shaking burst of a laugh. It was so frustrated and sharp it sounded more like a cry.
I wanted to ball up a hand and slam it into the force field, tear the generators right from the wall. Yet at the same time I wanted to cower in the corner.
It was his goddamn impassive gaze. It was the fact he could sit there and calmly spread such lies.
Nothing he said made sense. It was all designed to undermine me.
... It was all designed to undermine me.
“With power like yours comes the temptation to do anything you like.”
“H-ow dare you say that. With power like mine? What about you? The Star Forces do whatever they want and never face the consequences. You're ruining this galaxy.”
“We're saving it. Without a strong army, we would never have had a chance against the Forgotten. We've known this for the past century. Everything we have done and will do is all in an attempt to buy the Milky Way a future, not condemn it.”
I screwed my eyes so tightly closed it felt like I would push my eyeballs through my skull. I dug a hand into my brow, too, forcing the nails to grate against the skin. “You're lying.”
“Why would I lie? I have nothing to hide.” He gestured widely with his hands.
I felt like I was going to explode. I couldn't make him see how insane his words were.
He was mad. He had to be mad. Because if he wasn't – if what he was saying was true – then... then....
Perhaps he sensed an opportunity, because he leaned forward, gaze locked on mine. “You need to reach the Star Forces Primary Outer Supply Station.”
“What?” I shook my head at his sudden change in topic.
“It's where we've kept all the Forgotten tech we've discovered over the years. It is top secret, but it won't take long for the Forgotten to find out about it.”
“What are you saying? Why would we go there?”
“Because there is the key to ending the war.”
“…What?”
“As I have said, the Star Forces have known of the Forgotten’s impending attack for over a century. For all that time, we have prepared.”
I didn’t want to believe him. I wanted to push away what he was saying. And yet I couldn’t stop listening with rapt attention.
“Now they are here, we must fight them with everything we have, or-we-will-all-die,” he slowed down, lips yanking back hard around every word.
The result was like shots to my brain.
Once more, I reeled.
For a man who was sitting down with an impassive expression, he still had as much force as a heavy cruiser.
“We have developed weapons capable of severing the Forgotten’s connection to their unique energy source at the quantum level. These weapons are being stored on the Primary Outer Supply Station.”
“If… if that’s true, then why haven’t the Star Forces used them yet?”
“Once we begin to use them and the Forgotten realize we have such weaponry, they will attack with everything they have. We need to strike first with one decisive blow.”
“Then why haven’t you done that?”
He leaned forward, hands dropping loosely to his sides, eyes locked on me. “Because we need you, Alyssa.”
It was the first time he’d used my real name, acknowledged I was more than his Subject Omega.
It riveted me to the spot.
“We need you for your original purpose – as a Battle System, to organize and command troops and weaponry on the field in a coordinated frontal assault while our weapons can be prepped. You are also the only card that will draw the Forgotten together – if we dangle you before them, they will come running.” His expression remained neutral no matter what he was saying, his gaze keen but unaffected, his stance loose and free.
I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t….
“We need you, Alyssa,” his voice dropped down low, “you’re the Milky Way’s only hope.”
Without warning, the door behind me opened.
Surprise shot through me and I lost my footing, falling towards it.
Two arms wrapped around my back and caught me before I could strike the floor.
“Alyssa?” Nathan bent down, redoubled his grip, and pulled me to my feet. “What are you doing here?”
“S-Shepherd?”
His shock-filled face looked down at me, then snapped up towards his father.
Admiral Shepherd hadn’t moved. He watched with calm interest.
Nathan’s expression soured.
I got my balance and shifted away from him with a jerk, gaze sliding to the floor.
“What’s going on here?” Nathan demanded.
I didn’t answer.
I… couldn’t stop thinking about what Admiral Shepherd had said.
I didn’t want to believe him, knew Nathan would be disappointed in me for even coming here, but… but what if Admiral Shepherd was right?
Oh god, what if he was right?
“Alyssa?” Nathan demanded.
I would not lift my gaze.
“I’m glad you’re alive, son.” Admiral Shepherd stood and shifted towards the shield.
Though his movements were slow and weren’t threatening, Nathan snapped his head around, pupils dilated and brow drawn tight.
“I heard you fought bravely,” the Admiral continued.
“Stay out of this,” Nathan snapped.
The Admiral nodded politely, turned, and sat down, again clasping his hands neatly in his lap.
“Alyssa—” Nathan began.
I ducked under his arm and darted out the door.
It was such a childish thing to do, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Alyssa? What?” Before the door could swish closed, he sprang through it.
I wanted to run.
He got there first and lurched in front of me, head dipping low as he tried but failed to catch my attention.
I didn�
��t want to face him.
I didn’t want to face anything right now.
And that – that was the problem.
….
Lieutenant Commander Nathan Shepherd
When I’d reached the Miracle, I hadn’t expected to find her talking to my father.
What the hell had she been doing in that room?
Why in God’s name would she voluntarily chat with my father after everything he’d done?
If I’d had cause to worry about Alyssa before, I had more now.
Plus, she wouldn’t look at me. Her gaze was furtive, darting left and right, slicing from the wall to the floor to my boot, but never to my face.
I took another step forward, clenching my jaw as I did. “Alyssa, what the hell were you doing in there?” Maybe I should be trying to control my tone, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. Something close to rage was boiling up inside me. Rage at the thought of what he’d said to her. Rage that she could believe him.
She took a soft step back, clutching her now sweaty hands before her. “Just let it go, Shepherd. It doesn’t matter.”
“You can’t trust anything he says.” I rounded on her, eyes wide with impassioned fervor. She had to believe me. God, no one knew how good my father was at manipulation like I did.
She wouldn’t look at me. When I reached out for her, she twisted away, lose hair flaring over her shoulder.
“Alyssa, please, you can’t trust him. He’s a liar—”
“Even liars tell the truth sometimes,” she admitted in a hushed tone.
I recoiled. “Alyssa, no. Don’t you remember what he did to you? Everything you’ve been through? The Star Forces did that to you. He did that to you,” my voice shook.
She took another step back from me, never twisting her head up to face me.
A sick feeling descended through my gut, goading hard at my intestines like a bull.
“None of that matters. He’s right, none of that matters anymore.”
“How can you possibly say that? They kidnapped you, turned you into—”
“They did what they had to.”
“What?!”
“Shepherd, you don’t have to understand. But he’s right. They’re all right. I have to do something. I can’t hide in the shadows, not when the Forgotten are tearing through the Milky Way. Not when I can do something,” she added in the softest possible voice.
“Alyssa, no – you know the stakes. We have to keep you protected from the Forgotten.”
“At what cost?” she hissed through bared teeth. “At what cost, Shepherd?” Her eyes flashed up to meet mine, the irises rimmed with white. “You almost died,” her tone dipped down low, her voice shuddering through her throat. “You almost died on the Ra’xon. I could have done something, could have been there. We wouldn’t have as many casualties—”
“Don’t think that way,” I snapped as I jerked towards her, grabbed her shoulders, and looked into her eyes.
She let me hold her, though she wouldn’t look at me. Her gaze was still directed over my shoulder, her cheeks white and slack.
“Alyssa, you can’t trust a word that man says. Believe me. I’ve lived under his shadow my entire life. He always knows exactly what to say to get you to do what he wants. Just look at me – I was always the good loyal son, the oblivious lieutenant commander who followed orders, who ignored others’ suffering just because my old man assured me there was a point to it. You can’t let him do the same to you.”
She still wouldn’t look at me.
God dammit, why wouldn’t she look at me?
She swallowed hard, her throat pushing against the tight collar of her uniform. “And what if he’s right?”
I could barely pick up her words – they were a light whisper like wind rustling through leaves.
“He can’t—”
“Why not?” Finally she swung her gaze around and locked it on me with all the force of hands around my throat. “You hate him, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong. I can’t hang around waiting, Nathan. I won’t do it anymore. If there’s a chance we can stop the Forgotten, that I can fight them, then I have to do it.”
“You’d risk everything?”
“Yes, I’d risk everything. I don’t have anything left anymore anyway,” she spat, her eyes wild as she stared at me.
I calmed. No, maybe I surrendered. This cold sensation spread through my chest and locked my limbs in place. “You don’t have anything, Alyssa – nothing at all?”
There was something about my soft, defeated tone that made her pause. “What do you mean?”
“Are you sure you don’t have me?” the words slipped out. There was nothing I could do to hold them in. They evaded every scrap of sense that begged me not to reveal my feelings.
And then they hung there. In the air. Waiting.
She didn’t react.
Not at first. Maybe she hadn’t heard me….
Then the color filtered back to her cheeks, just a touch here and a touch there, giving life to the pale shadow she’d become.
I waited, a hard knot deep in my gut.
“… What?” she managed.
Here was my opportunity to backpedal. I could explain my hasty revelation as a mistake.
Or I could let it stand.
The seconds ticked on.
I said nothing.
She took a step back from me. My heart sank as if it had sped up to beyond light speed and plummeted right through the floor.
She was rejecting me. Of course she was. Now was not the time for a relationship. And with everything else going on in her life, I was the last person she would consider.
Then she seemed to teeter back and forth on the tips of her toes until finally she took a much larger step closer.
I waited for her to make another move. She didn’t.
“Shepherd,” she began, voice soft, maybe the softest I’d ever heard it, “I….”
“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t mean to—”
“No.” She snapped her gaze up to me, her eyes wide with pleading. “I mean, if you meant what you said…. Did you mean what you said?”
Here it was again – another opportunity to deny my feelings.
It would be the easy thing to do, the sensible thing. It would be what my father would do, if, of course, he would ever be capable of feeling anything for anyone other than mild contempt.
I forced myself to nod. “I meant it.”
I waited there again in silence.
She nodded, more color returning to her cheeks. “I… like… just want… look… not now,” she finally pushed the words out. “Just not now,” she said again, voice staccato.
I pushed a hard breath through my chest. The expectation that had built was now doused as a cold regret seeped down my back. I nodded. “I understand. Look, I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be sorry. I just can’t, not now.”
I nodded, neck stiff. “I understand.” I tried to control my tone, but couldn’t stop it from dropping with regret.
“Once the war is over,” she suddenly added, her gaze slowly lifting, drawing off the floor and drifting up my body until it locked on my eyes. “If you’ll….”
“I’ll wait,” the words were out of my mouth before I could take a much needed breath.
We stood there in silence. I hadn’t expected the conversation to take this turn. Now it had, my heart thundered in my chest, pounding in my rib cage.
Before too long, her gaze slipped back towards the wall that separated the corridor from the cell beyond. And in a kick, I remembered what she’d just done. “Alyssa,” I said in a much softer voice, “you can’t believe a word he’s told you. Everything that man does is only to aid himself.”
She paused, and it took her a long time to answer. “He told me the only way I could make sense of what had happened to me was to fight.”
“That’s ridiculous. They kidnapped you, tortured you.”
“I know that, Nathan,” her tone dropped to
a whisper, “but he has a point. I can help – maybe I’m the only one who can help win this war. If I hold back my power now, then I make what happened to me even more monstrous. I can’t let others die because of this.”
“The Forgotten our after you, Alyssa. We can’t let them capture you, the risk is too great.”
“But I can fight them, Nathan,” her tone rose, now punching down the corridor. Fortunately there was no one around to hear our impassioned argument, though.
“It is—” I began.
“I don’t intend to go and take on the Death Giver on my own. I’m not that stupid. I shouldn’t have to run from the rest, though. We know I have more than enough power to stop the body drones. I did it on Moon Alpha 98. I can do it again.”
I clenched my teeth together and took a harsh hurried breath through them, air hissing through every gap in the enamel. “It’s too dangerous.”
“And it’s far, far more dangerous to do nothing. We can’t continue to run from the Forgotten as they hound us. They will pick us off one by one, and then they’ll capture me anyway. We have to fight now or never.” She brought up a hand and expressively flattened it on her chest, the fabric puckering around her stiff fingers.
“We don’t know enough about the Forgotten yet. If we draw you into the fight, they may be able to call reinforcements so quickly you’ll be overcome.”
“But my point still stands, Nathan – if we don’t fight now, we’ll never fight. We are losing. We have to do something now, or our fate and that of the Milky Way is already set in stone.”
I wanted to withdraw. I couldn’t. There was nowhere to go but back into the cell with my father, and he would offer no solace.
“I want to win this war, Alyssa, believe you me, I do. But I don’t agree with your assessment. There will be a way to stop the Forgotten without risking you.”
“Really? You want to win this war?” Now she would look nowhere but at me. Her gaze was so blazing it felt like a laser slicing right through the center of my head.
At first I couldn’t say anything. My mouth became dry, my throat like a wall of sand. “What does that mean?”
“It means, Nathan Shepherd, that if you want to win this war, you need to become more like him.” She slammed a hand to her left and pointed a stiff finger towards the wall, towards my father beyond.
The Crucible- The Complete Series Page 61
