by Lilly Wilder
Tremors erupted from my heart and I almost fell to my knees as she came to me.
“Mom I…how do you feel?” my words came out in a choking breath. I saw the mist shift and I could see her face. She smiled at me.
“I feel fine Trish. I feel wonderful and at peace.”
I looked around and furrowed my brow in confusion. “In this place?” I asked.
Mom, or at least the form that looked like Mom, threw her head back and laughed. A shadowy hand crossed her chest to rest against her heart, the same way Mom always laughed. “It appears different to you than it does to me. The living are not supposed to be here, but there is so much to be discovered, so much more than I ever thought! You will learn one day Trish, and you will understand just as I have come to understand. Oh Trish, it is so good to see you.”
Mom reached out. Tendrils of smoke caressed my cheek. The touch was cold and yet it was still imbued with affection.
“I sang for you,” I said. My voice trembled. I tried so hard to maintain my composure, but it was just impossible. Emotion crept into my voice and tears welled up in my eyes.
“I know. I heard. It was beautiful,” she said.
“Mom…what’s going on? What’s happening to me? Did you know about Dad?”
Her head tilted to the side in a very human way, which seemed odd coming from this shifting mass of clouds. The expression left her face in a moment of conflict, before it returned.
“I knew that something was different about him. I suppose that’s one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. As soon as we met I knew that I loved him. He was the only man that ever managed to fully capture my heart. The way he spoke…it was as though he knew that certain things were always going to happen. I couldn’t resist falling in love with him. The time we spent together was short, but it left an indelible mark on my soul. I knew I would never be the same again. He was…he was so special to me and he told me that one day our child would be special as well, that he or she would go on to great things. I suppose that’s why I pushed you so hard. I could only imagine one way in which you could be special. I’m sorry Trish. I shouldn’t have been so narrow-minded about things.”
“It’s okay Mom. I know that you were just trying to give me the best life you could imagine for me. I’m sorry for being ungrateful and not seeing things from your point of view more. I wish that I could go back now and tell you all of these things, to make up for the time we lost.”
“It’s okay little one, we had a good life and you’re telling me now.”
I sniffed and wiped a tear away from my eyes, although more came afterwards, leaving my skin glistening in the pale light. “What happened with him Mom?” I asked. “Did he ever tell you anything about all this?”
“No…not in so many words. As I said he was different and I got the impression that he looked at the world in a different way. One day he disappeared. He had been worried about something for a while, although he wouldn’t tell me what it was. Then I couldn’t get a hold of him. I tried, but I assumed that like so many other men all his promises had been empty and once he’d gotten what he wanted he left.”
“Why did you tell me he was an actor?”
“I didn’t want you to go looking for him, or if you did go looking for him I didn’t want you to find him. I wanted to spare you from that pain.”
“He didn’t leave you Mom. He was killed by these people called the Hunters, and he was different. He was…I don’t even know how to say it.”
“It’s okay,” Mom said in a reassuring tone, “I have a window into your soul Trish. I can also sense your conflict.”
“I just don’t know what to do. They kidnapped me and now they expect me to mother a new generation. But how can I give myself to them? How can I do this? I feel so lost and alone. I wish you were here to help.”
“I am always with you Trish, always,” she pointed to my heart. “You must look inside yourself and ask yourself what it is that you truly want. The world is a strange place and none of us knows our true place until we find it. I used to think that I belonged on a stage with thousands of adoring fans worshiping me, but that wasn’t what I was meant for at all. I was meant to be a mother, to be your mother. There was always so much anguish in your life Trish, so much doubt about your place in the world. I can only tell you what it felt like when I was with your father. It felt right. It felt as though I belonged. Perhaps when you gain a proper understanding of things, you might realize the same. I don’t know. But give these men a chance. They’re scared for their pack and they’re looking to you to be a mother. It is a great honor and a privilege. This aspect of the world…do you realize how few people get to see it? You have been blessed with knowledge,” she laughed softly, “some might say it was a curse. But all I’ll tell you is this; when you die you want to know that you have made a difference in life, that you have accomplished something. I was at peace when I died because I knew that no matter all the sins I had committed in the world, I had given you to it. You have been my salvation Trish and you will always choose the right path. You knew before I did that you weren’t meant to be on the stage. You were meant for something greater.”
Her head dipped and she caressed the side of my face again, before she drew her hands away. “I must go now. You have limited time here and there is another who wishes to speak to you.”
Mom receded. The mist was pulled back, drawn into the larger undulating mass of the fog. I cried out, wanting her to stay. I reached out and tried to grasp her hand, but it was only air and it spread away from my fingertips as I tried to clasp her.
“Mom…” I cried in a cracked voice. Pain flared in my heart at having to say goodbye again, at having her taken from me again. “Why…why couldn’t she stay?” I snapped at the wolf, but my words were weak and it offered nothing but a mysterious gaze in reply.
*
The wolf turned its head back towards the fog. Another form emerged, this one bigger and taller than Mom’s. I recognized it instantly as the man from the picture. Jake. My father. I reeled back in horror, not entirely sure how to react or respond. He walked up to me and studied me. The shadows of his eyes were deep pits, and yet somehow they managed to express all kinds of emotion, mostly regret and sorrow.
“Daughter…” he said. “I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for not being there to watch you grow and offer you guidance. I have…I have been watching and I’ve seen the pain. There are so many times I’ve wanted to reach down and help, but I have been unable to do so.”
“Dad…” I said, so much emotion contained within that one small word.
“I know there is much you do not understand. I wish I could help you learn everything, but that is a journey you must take by yourself. What I can tell you is that Jack is a good man in his heart, he simply hurts and pain rules him at the moment. He can sense that the pack is dying. I sensed that same thing a long time ago… I wish I could have done more to help them.”
“I saw the photos. The year after you died they were all so sad. You meant a lot to them.”
“And they meant a lot to me. The same connection can happen with you as well, if you let it. I know they have not made the right decisions so far, but they mean well and they have done everything for the greater good. They care about the pack and they want to see it grow strong again. They want to protect innocents. These Hunters…they only want destruction and chaos. They want to spread pain and terror. The Howlers are the only thing standing in their way. Please Trish, I know that I wasn’t there to help you grow up or to teach you anything. I wish I had because I would have taught you all about this world. I would have given you everything you needed to understand…but that opportunity was taken from me because of the Hunters. They took me from you, and they’ll tear the pack apart if they have the opportunity.”
“Dad I…it’s so much. I don’t know if I can do it. There’s so much I don’t understand.”
“Look to the othe
rs. Use their strength. You can trust them. They won’t hurt you. I promise. You are my daughter and you were meant for this. This is your legacy, your heritage. It is a lot to place upon your shoulders, but I know that you can carry the weight because you are my daughter. Your blood is strong, and from blood flows life. Cast all doubt from your mind and think about what this will mean to others. I know there has been much pain and conflict in your soul about your place in the world. Always you have been searching for where you belong. This is your place Trish. It may not be what you envisioned, but it is your destiny. You must carry on the work I started. You must protect the pack. Please…for me. You and the pack are the only things I left the world. Now you must go. Your time is short.”
“No…Dad…wait! There’s so much I don’t understand. So much I want to talk to you about. There’s just…so much. Dad. Please don’t go! Not again!” I cried.
“I’m sorry Trish. I wish we had more chance to speak. One day we will. One day we will be reunited properly and we will make up for lost time. But until then you must remember that you are my daughter and that you are the one who can save the pack.”
His words reverberated in my mind and my soul, as deep as thunder and as meaningful as prophetic words that had been spoken thousands of years before. Once again I was rendered an emotional wreck as his form returned to the fog, drifting far away from me. I had barely had any time with him, certainly not enough to make up for a lifetime of pain, but I had the feeling that all the time in the world wouldn’t have been enough. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I looked at his receding form and I could see similar pain reflected in his shrouded expression. I saw his form stand by my mother’s. They linked hands and for a moment I saw them together, finally reunited after he had been so cruelly taken from her, and to see them happy like that was to see a glimpse of the life that had been denied to me. I could have had a mother and a father who loved each other rather than just a mother who was jaded by heartbreak and overwhelmed by the needs of a child.
My heart burned with hatred for the Hunters.
My parents returned to the mist and as much as I wanted to stay with them I knew that it was time for me to return to the mortal world. I looked down at the wolf, and the wolf was looking back at me. It opened its jaws and howled once again, the sweet song filling my mind and my soul. The song expanded and reached into the farthest depths of this eternal world. The fog dissipated and cleared. The silver light of the moon spread and filled my vision with radiant light. Even the wolf seemed to get bigger, and I realized that I was sinking into the watery surface, a surface that had been as hard as stone underneath the liquid. It pulled me down. As my natural instincts kicked in I struggled and writhed to break free, but there was nothing to do but surrender. The liquid filled my mouth and swept over my head, the last thing to be submerged were my fingers as I sank back to reality. I was dark and cold, and filled with longing.
Chapter Ten
I awoke with a gasp of breath. My head pounded and I rubbed my temples to try and calm the raging pain. I had collapsed to the floor. The glass had shattered as I dropped it and shards of glass surrounded me. My eyes were bleary and my heart ached. There was some sense of closure given that I had spoken to my parents, but I still yearned to speak to them more. I rubbed my lips and a black smear smudged my thumb, a leftover from what I had drunk. Now that I was sitting in my cell again it was difficult to believe the journey I had taken, but I knew in my heart that it was real. Those were my parents and that place had been a bridge between the two worlds. I had a better sense of understanding of what I needed to do now and what my place in the world was. I was ready to accept my fate but I had to speak to Jack first.
I threw myself up and hammered at the door, pummeling it with my fists and yelling at the top of my lungs. I screamed and screamed until I heard footsteps approach from the other side and the lock turned. The door opened and Buck was standing there, looking down at me with a snarl.
“What do you want? It’s better if you just keep quiet,” he growled.
“I need to see Jack,” I said.
“Buck, get out of the way!” Matt said, pushing past the big man. He came into the room and pressed his hands against my head, looking into my eyes. “Are you okay Trish? How are you feeling?”
I nodded as he released me. “I’m okay. I took the drink. I saw…I saw them Matt. It worked. Can you…can you make it so that I can see them again?”
“I’m sorry Trish, but as I said the root is rare. I used it all up to make that potion. I don’t know when I’ll find any again,” he said. I nodded numbly, somehow knowing that was the case. I had broken the immutable laws of the world and I had to be satisfied with the one time of doing so.
“She looks okay,” Matt said to Buck, “I don’t think we’ll be having any problem with her now,” he said. He turned to me. I nodded. I didn’t have any plans to escape. Where would I go and what would I do? I saw now that my life was largely meaningless without these wolves. I had always been meant to be a part of the pack. It was my destiny, as my father had always meant it to be.
*
It took some convincing from Matt but, eventually, he made Buck relent and escorted me through the clubhouse to Jack’s room.
“It’s going to be okay now, you’ll see,” Matt said, offering me a reassuring smile as he opened the door to Jack’s room and showed me in, leaving me alone with the leader of the pack.
“So you had your journey to the bridge between the two worlds?” Jack asked. He was standing in the corner of the room with his back to me. His room was devoid of the personal touch. There was a bed, some clothes in a closet, and tattered books on a shelf. The window looked out on the meadow. Tools hung on the wall and he was fiddling with one of them when he turned to face me.
“Yes. Have you been on one?”
“A long time ago now,” he said, betraying nothing with the tone of his voice.
“What do you call that place?”
“There are many different names. I like to call it the garden of the moon. Sometimes I wish I could visit it more often, but there is time for that in the future. There is still much to do here first.”
“You mean the Hunters,” I said. At the mention of their name his gaze flicked up and for a moment his blue eyes flashed gold. His lip curled and shadows fell upon his face.
“Yes, the Hunters,” he said.
“My father mentioned them when I saw him,” I moved into the room. “They seem to have been a problem for some time now. What exactly is their story?”
Jack moved away from the wall and sank on the edge of his bed. I remained standing. “All through our history there have been wars between packs of wolves. It is the nature of things to ensure that only the strongest pack survives. It’s probably one of the reasons why we have had to live in the shadows. If we learned to work together we might have become even stronger, but that is not our way. Then the world started to change and people saw opportunities elsewhere. They started to leave this life behind and forge their own paths. The Hunters saw this and despised them for it. They believe that we should be eradicated, that any weakness should be culled. Sadly some members of our pack have joined theirs over the years. They believe that we should be wiped out and that they should be the only wolves left. They’ve always been brash and sought violent ends to things. So far we’ve managed to stave them off, but I fear that a great battle is coming, one that will define the future of wolves, and perhaps the future of the world.”
“What do you mean?”
When Jack looked up at me I could see the emotion held within his eyes. “They won’t stop with us. They see themselves as stronger than us and stronger than humans. To them it is a crime that they are not the dominant species and it is us weak wolves who have been holding them back. They wish to multiply and spread throughout the world, to declare war on humans and take territory for themselves. Their ambition matches their ruthlessness and I’m afraid to say that they w
ill not relent unless they are stopped.”
“Then you must stop them. They killed my father.”
“I want to, but I cannot be sure which way the battle will go. First I must secure the bloodline. I must ensure that the pack will continue. That is the most important thing.”
“My father said the same thing…”
“He was a wise man. Perhaps the best of us there has ever been.” There was sheer reverence in Jack’s voice. But there was a nagging doubt in the back of my mind, a gnawing thought that I just couldn’t shake.
“What actually happened to him Jack? How did the Hunters get him? If he was so strong then how could he let this happen?” My voice trembled with worry. I hadn’t been able to ask Jake how he died when I had been in the garden of the moon, but I had been curious.
“He didn’t seek it out. There was a meeting and he was escorting women and children. The Hunters had been growing more threatening and the pack needed to know how to defend themselves and cope with the new threat. But there were enemies from within. They attacked and Jake was the only thing standing between the rest of the pack and death. He held the Hunters off while the rest of the pack escaped. There must have been ten of them at least, maybe more, and Jake lasted far longer than he had a right to. By the time help came he had massacred most of them, but the damage had been done. As soon as he knew the pack was safe he bled out and died. His sacrifice ensured that we would continue and thrive. The rest of the Hunters were hunted, and fought and defeated. Back then there were still enough of us to have superiority, but some of them escaped and have spent all this time rebuilding their pack, while ours has grown weaker and smaller.”
